"I want her to be my girlfriend." Misha closes her eyes, like a condemned criminal confessing the last of their sins in front of the executioner. It only makes it harder for me to think of a response, and I know I have to give one.
"I see. I never knew."
"I didn't really want to come to this school, Hicchan~. But it sounded interesting and even if everybody hated me, at least it felt like they would leave me alone. I was learning sign language, but I wasn't very good at it~. Shicchan was trying to get people to join the Student Council, because it was only her and Lilly. Then she came up to me. I couldn't understand her at all~. But~! Shicchan wouldn't use her pen and paper. She knew that I was taking sign language classes. I was exposed quickly, I didn't know any~ … That only made her try harder. I hated Shicchan and thought she was making fun of me. That wasn't the reason though~ … So~! I slowly fell in love with Shicchan, and I told her … that I loved her.
It was in the Student Council room, you know. When it was just the two of us. I had these fantasies of Shicchan staying alone in the office, trying to put everything together all by herself. It seemed so lonely to me, and so sad~. I think I wanted it to be that way~. That way, I could be there for Shicchan, and maybe Shicchan would like me. Even though there was no reason for me to believe it, I did anyway. I wanted it to be true, so I was ok with letting myself believe it, even though I think I knew. That day was really, really~ beautiful too, Hicchan~. We were done with everything, and I was looking out through the window. Even through the window, the light was so warm~ … I wanted to stay like that forever, next to Shicchan."
There was a time when I would have said I know the feeling. Perhaps if I felt differently, I still would have. But instead, I had something else to say.
"You would never have been able to stay like that. She's push you aside eventually. Like she's doing to both of us now."
"I know Hicchan. But at that time, that would have been fine for me. She'd be doing what she always wanted to. She'd just be doing it without me."
"'At that time?' You mean you're not fine with it now?"
"She's not just hurting me Hicchan. She's hurting you too. And I know she cares more about you than she ever would have about me."
"She is hurting me. But she's also giving me an opportunity to see things I never would have seen if I was blindly chasing after her."
"And what things are those Hicchan?"
"Well, for one thing, you."