Warning: The following chapter contains explicit lyrics from nine inch nails' "Closer." Nothing within the dialogue, however.
After walking a block from Mulder's apartment building, a "Don't Walk" sign detained him and Melissa. "We're gonna run into every one of these on the way there, and in this weather," Mulder commented, the chill wind blowing against him and Melissa.
A distant rhythmic thumping noise emerged from a few blocks away.
"I thought FBI agents were supposed to be tougher than that."
"Yeah, when we have to be. But right now, it's just borrowing trouble."
A faint mechanistic sound accompanied the thumping. It sounded like a sharp machine component that had gotten stuck in a dangerous repetitive mode, poised to pierce the flesh of anyone standing nearby whenever it exploded. A guttural, almost organic melody emerged alongside the rest. Mulder and Melissa turned around to see the source, a large Oldsmobile approaching the corner with its windows down.
Mulder looked back in the direction he and Melissa were walking. "Speaking of borrowing trouble, let's just pretend we don't see or hear this guy." As Melissa nodded, Mulder realized that she would be closer to the car. "Get to my right..." he started suddenly.
"I'll be fine here."
Mulder's voice started to betray panic. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"I won't," Melissa replied. Nodding slightly to the car, she added, "But he already is."
Mulder subtly turned to see a pale young man with dyed long black hair. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes possibly glazed over.
The sound of another man's tortured voice appeared, accompanied by an ethereal synthesized chorus:
You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything
The man noticed Mulder and Melissa, and turned to look at them. A distant chorus chanting "Help me" preceded each of the following three lines:
You tear down my reason
It's your sex I can smell
You make me perfect
Melissa turned to look at the car. She noticed tears flowing down the driver's cheeks.
Help me think I'm somebody else
I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
The light turned green for Mulder, Melissa, and the Oldsmobile, which sped away from them.
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
The thumping Mulder and Melissa heard initially reappeared, but began to fade as the car progressed down the block. "That could have been close," Mulder said as they started crossing the street.
"He was crying."
Mulder turned to Melissa, surprised. "You actually looked at him? He could have hurt you. Or both of us."
"What, because he was listening to that music? Hitler listened to opera, supposedly the most civilized form of music, and he killed millions."
"And Charles Manson thought that the Beatles predicted a race war. I'd take my chances with someone listening to 'Helter Skelter' over... that."
Melissa smiled at him. "Maybe you're just getting old."
"I'm not getting old."
"It's a state of mind, anyway. Besides, what did you listen to when you were a teenager?"
"Alice Cooper, Ozzy. But that was before I matured and got into Punk. And I didn't blast it from my car stereo."
"Remember how it was all supposedly music of the Devil? And see how you turned out." Melissa paused. "Besides, as you know from your work at the FBI, the real evils of this world are well-hidden... behind the teenagers and 'devil music' they use as scapegoats."
"What has your sister told you?"
"Dana just came out of a coma, and we have been too busy catching up on the past few years. All I know is that someone wanted to hurt both of you."
"I could have easily sought justice for what they did to Scully."
"As an FBI agent, you should know the difference between justice and vengeance." They arrived at another street corner, detained by a new "Don't Walk" sign. Instead of stopping, Melissa turned the corner. "Namasté is just down here."
Following Melissa, Mulder turned the corner as well. "I know the difference between justice and vengeance. More so than they do."
"With your relativistic rationalization, you don't give yourself enough credit. I saw the caring Fox Mulder at the hospital when Dana returned to us. The one Dana has told me about. Not the angry and desperate man who was seeking revenge just a few days ago. I can only hope that what happened has made those differences clear to you, especially if they ever try harming you or Dana again. That you have learned the essential futility of playing some petty game of vengeance, rather than doing what you really need to do."
Mulder remembered his encounter earlier in the week with the shadowy "Cancer Man," sitting in his dingy apartment with a half-empty bottle of beer and an old movie with its antiseptic rendition of war. The words Cancer Man spoke in his mellifluous, smoke-hued voice returned to the agent's mind.
I have more respect for you, Mulder. You're becoming a player.
Contemplating the state in which he found his seemingly omnipotent nemesis, as well as how close he came to putting a hole in the Cancer Man's forehead, Mulder shook his head. "I don't want to become like them, Melissa. I can't become like them."
Sensing the fear in Mulder's voice, Melissa turned to him and clasped both his hands. "Then please remember, if you end up dealing with these people again, forget about seeking revenge. Instead, think about all the other the people you care about. Think of how you feel about Dana."
With some surprise, Mulder asked, "What's all that supposed to mean?"
"Probably not what you think."