Disclaimer- I used to at least have my shame, but I lost it when I joined tumblr.
Warning- this chapter falls proudly into the M rating.
"I made us steak," Laura says brightly and I grin tentatively back at her. She is acting really different than the first time I met her. I clearly remember lots of teasing and sex jokes that day. Now she's acting like, well, in Derek's terms, she's trying to be my 'BFF'.
"Cool. Um, it's not going to be raw is it?" I ask cautiously. Derek rolls his eyes and Laura laughs like I'm joking. Which I'm not.
"Nope. Unless that's how you like it?" I assure her with a head shake that medium-rare is so perfectly fine by me.
The last time I was in the Hale House, I didn't really have time to look around. All those times I- or me and Scott- had come by here, always staying just far enough away, I don't know what I imagined the inside to look like. Maybe some kind of medieval torture theme. Or just a big cave. But, in actuality, it isn't that bad.
Sure, a lot of their stuff got ruined in the infamous Hale fire, but it looks like they've done a pretty good job of replacing most of it. There are just enough destroyed remains to make you feel unsettled, but not totally uncomfortable.
Derek strides into the kitchen and pulls out a paper plate, only to have it smacked out of his hands by Laura.
"Derek!" She scolds, shaking her head at him. "We have a guest. We're using our nice plates." Derek scowls at her, but places it back, grumbling only slightly.
The whole exchange is so family sitcom, so domestic, I can't help but smile. I get a glare from Derek. Is it just me or is he doing that a lot more than usual tonight?
"So, Stiles, do you have any questions?" Laura asks me when we're all sitting at the table. The table that is way too large for two people.
"Um, not any that are really important," I mumble, wondering if my skin is turning red. I do have questions, but most of them are things like Do werewolves go into heat? And Do werewolves have a knot? And Would the one of you with the most Y chromosomes please demonstrate the answers to my previous questions?
And, hey, it isn't my fault. Really, it's the Internet's. Anything you look up turns sexual and makes you look like you have a really fucked up phillia.
"Anything is fine. Shoot," Laura is smiling again, but she keeps glancing at Derek with a smirk and what the hell is going on? Do I smell bad? Oh, my God, did I get aroused thinking of my perfectly reasonable questions?
"How about you just tell me about it and I'll ask anything that comes to mind," I suggest weakly, staring down at my plate.
So, she does. And, let me tell you, it is long. But not boring, thankfully. I don't see how two werewolves giving you the entire history of their species could in any way be boring.
Laura is talking about mates at the moment. "Some werewolves prefer to date around and just have flings, but they will never be truly happy or in love until they find their mate. Mates are special. Everything is heightened around them. They get you easier than most people, but, unfortunately, they also get to you easier than most. Derek, stop eating with your hands, you barbarian. Some weres can just tell when they've found their mate, but others aren't as intuitive about that sort of thing." Another pointed look at Derek, which he ignores in favor of death-glaring at the remains of his steak. "Some people will try and fool themselves into thinking they have found their mate, but you can always tell that it isn't really."
The angst is getting too much for me, so I decide to speak up. "Have either of you found your mates?"
Laura's features soften. "Not yet. Until I do, I am fine with dating humans. They're usually fun." I don't know what expression I have on, but it's enough to make her laugh.
I try to subtly look at Derek, but he's already staring at me. As soon as my eyes connect with his, he turns away, leaving me confused.
What the fuck is happening tonight?
"I don't really date. Not anymore," he says quietly and you know what? I am not going to ask. Nope. No matter how infuriatingly vague and mysterious that answer is, no matter how it is obviously weighted with something, I will not ask.
"Not anymore?"
I forgot how my mouth is always five steps behind my brain.
"Yeah," he replies and shoves some more food in his mouth. All too aware of the sudden turn to awkward-town this conversation just took, I swallow loudly.
"So, that's it?" I ask and Laura nods. "Wow. A lot to take in. Um, I guess you want me to keep this a secret from everyone?" Another nod. "Cool. Okay, I can do that. I am so good at keeping secrets. Well, other people's secrets. Not my own. During awkward silences, I kind of just blurt out my deepest, darkest secrets. Like, duh, Stiles, that creates more awkward silences. But, um, yeah, I'm good with keeping yours."
Laura gives me an amused grin. "So, Stiles, what about you? Do you have anyone special in your life right now?" Derek's knife scrapes against his plate loudly and unpleasantly.
"Everyone is special in their own way?" I try, only to be met with some pretty terrifying looks. And not just because they're given by a group of werewolves. "Um, no, nobody worth mentioning. Not anybody who requites it."
"Lydia Martin, right?" Derek grunts and I look at him incredulously. He shrugs. "You always smell, er, sexually excited around her." And, nope, I did not just start internally sobbing. Thank you, Derek, for helping me make such a wonderful and memorable impression on your sister. "And, I overheard you and Scott talking about it. It isn't like it's a secret, right?"
"No," I groan. "I don't even… Not anymore. I just, me and her, this year- we're friends. We just became friends-ish. I'm not going to mess that up." Laura is still grinning brightly and Derek is still shoving handfuls of meat in his face.
"Excuse him," Laura says, her eyes twinkling. "He usually has very good table manners. He actually yells at me if I chew with my mouth open, just to get the freaking food in. When he gets nervous, he acts like he was, well, raised by wolves." She winks at me and I can't help the laugh that comes bubbling up. Yes, I believe I could become very good friends with this woman.
Derek doesn't look as amused, however. "I'm not nervous," he grumbles. "Why would I be nervous? There's nothing to be nervous about." He shoves more food in and God, what is up with him lately? He's been acting like a huge grumpy potato. I mean, I haven't known him for that long really and he is usually all moody and broody but never this bad. And he usually has his redeeming moments, at least.
I want to ask him, but I don't for two reasons. One- his sister is right here and we are all having a very nice and not at all awkward meal. And two- the last time I very calmly asked him about his mood, he turned furry and tried to kill me.
But, unfortunately, I know I'm going to have to eventually.
"If anyone should be nervous, it would be me," I say lightly. "I'm the one surrounded by freaking werewolves." Unfortunately, my sentence seemed to just deepen Derek's frown lines. I shoot him my 'what the fuck' face and he responds with what I suspect to be an 'I'm just a big grumpy lump of Sourwolf. Ignore me' look. Or at least that's what I get out of it.
"Don't worry, Stiles, there will definitely not be a repeat of what happened the other night," Laura says calmly, like that's what I'm worried about. "Which, by the way, I'm very sorry about. If there are any medical costs, Derek will definitely pay them." She narrows her eyes and shoots him a death glare. This whole family is so freaking bipolar, I can't even.
"Nope, no medical anythings. Just a flesh wound. I took care of it myself and didn't even leave any suspicious bloodstains behind. Go Stiles." Derek still has those lines on his forehead and around his mouth and a grumpy look on his face and for some reason that is really bothering me. Why has he been acting even crankier than usual? If I don't find out soon- especially if it is related to me- my head might just implode.
I try to ask him through carefully crafted facial expressions, but since I don't speak Eyebrow, he doesn't understand. But he does look at me like I'm an idiot. Which I so totally am.
"Are you okay?" Laura asks with a very amused expression and I stop midway with my 'Just tell me what's wrong' face- a narrowing of one eye, raise of the lip, and scrunch of the nose, complete with a little headshake- to look at her.
"Fine," I squeak out, turning to my plate.
"Well, I'm going to go to the bathroom," Laura excuses herself, still giving me a strange look. "Don't ravage each other on the table while I'm gone." She starts to walk off and then pauses. "Or at least be quick." With one last smirk, she's gone.
I turn to roll my eyes at Derek in amusement, but he's just glowering at his plate again. "Are we back to this?" I ask him with an exaggerated sigh.
"To what," he rumbles and how does he make his questions sound like his usual grumpy statements?
"To you being a sack of Sourwolf again? I swear, I get whiplash trying to keep up with you and your mood swings!" No, Stiles, do not get mad again. Nothing goes well when you get mad. Last time you got mad- about the same freaking thing!- you got bitten. Twice.
Derek shrugs and eats some more steak.
"Is it something I did? Are you mad at me?" A horrible thought comes to me. What if that night, he had meant to kill me? Am I not supposed to be alive right now? Is that why he's mad?
"No, no, I'm not mad at you," he says, looking frustrated. I wait. "I shouldn't have lost control that night, Stiles." I open my mouth to reply, but he beats me to it. "No, Stiles, don't. I've never felt that out of control, that weak, before. I've hurt people before. Mostly in my wolf form, sure, but still. But I've never felt so guilty and terrible about it. I could have killed you! You're so innocent and you could be dead right now. Because of me. I don't think I would have been able to take it. It's so different around you. I lose control more easily, I get angrier quicker, happier quicker. And I just feel so… protective over you."
Wow. I just… wow. I've never heard Derek say so much. And I guess my theory was wrong.
"For once, I don't know what to say," I confess finally, clearing my throat. "I mean, I usually get on people's nerves, so I guess it isn't really that surprising, but I've never made anyone try to kill me before." I think about it. "Well, I've never made someone turn into a wolf and try to kill me before," I amend.
"Huh," Derek grunts and I shoot him a look. "Well, what do you want me to say? I'm not you, Stiles. I don't just say everything that comes to mind. I can't do that. I like to think my things out before I say them and, usually, by the time I'm done thinking, the conversation has moved on."
"There's a middle ground," I point out but only half-heartedly, because this is happening. He's talking to me. He's opening up to me. Kind of. He's not exactly sharing his deepest darkest secrets- like anything could trump his 'I sprout fur and teeth' card- but he is talking to me. Which is a start.
"I'll wait for you. I'll remember next time," I say, shrugging. "I can't expect everyone's brain to go a mile a minute like mine. I guess, sometimes I forget. But next time, next time I'll wait for you." I try a smile, but Derek is back to the creepy staring. Except, this time it isn't creepy. It's almost… nice.
"Well, I see by the massive eyesex still going on that you two didn't work out your problems while I was gone," Laura's voice floats in as she makes her appearance. Please. Like she didn't hear every word.
"Actually," I start, a small smile on my face. "I think we did."
xXx
The ride home is silent. Deadly. I hate silence, but I can't think of anything to say. I can't find it in me to joke around after that big heartfelt moment, but I don't really want to continue that conversation. I've had enough angst for the night, thank you.
"Dinner was… nice," I say finally, when we get to my door and wow. That's exactly what someone would say after going on a date. Which this wasn't, because no. Nothing about it was remotely datelike. Other than the dinner. And the talking. But, his sister was there! The whole time! Okay, except for her extended bathroom trip. But, most of the time. Totally not a date.
Except that now we're standing on my porch, facing each other and of all things, I just said that dinner was nice. Ugh. Next, I'm going to say 'let's do it again sometime!' or hand him a paper that says 'do you like me? check yes or no'.
"Nice?" Derek raises a critical eyebrow at my word choice.
"Totally nice. In an awkward, 'we're here to discuss your wolflihood' way. But, nice."
"Nice," Derek agrees and oh, my God, we're just standing here and what is going on and he isn't going to kiss me because this wasn't a date, but could he do something, please?
He does something.
He disappears.
And, okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, because all he does is flash me a teeny grin and walk down my porch stairs. Okay. Totally anti-climactic.
I kick off my shoes, yell an '"I'm back!" to my dad, and take off upstairs. And, shit, my hands are down my pants before I even hit the bed.
One thing I feel I need to make sure- I'm not thinking about Derek. I have never thought about Derek while jerking off. Never. And I'm not going to start now.
So, okay, maybe I've thought about Danny once or twice. And I may have thought about Scott one time when I was thirteen and first discovering the joys of masturbating and my inner gay- bi?- ness.
But, no. Not Derek. Because Derek just got here this month and I have grown able to control my raging hormones since The Scott Situation of 2009.
So, instead, I think about Lydia. Who looked amazing today, as usual. She had been wearing this deep purple sweater with a plunging neckline that drew my eyes straight to her marvelous breasts.
And, yeah, it may be a little weird to think about her like this now that she is my kinda-friend. But until I find someone else to think of, she is doing just fine.
I'm already hard and it has never taken much for me to finish- hello teenage hormones, how are you doing? - so I just start thinking of Lydia's full brightly colored lips in a perfect 'o'.
I lick a stripe on my palm and start pumping slowly, thinking about lowering myself into the lips and oh.
Oh. Wait a second. Why are Lydia's cheeks so rough? Is that… stubble? I look to the imaginary redhead and holy shit, it's Derek. Of course.
Well, what did you expect? I ask myself, still running my fist up and down my dick. Jerking off right after seeing him. You should know better.
But I don't stop touching. And I don't force myself to stop imagining someone with one less X chromosome than usual.
I imagine Derek's hands coming up to my hips, his hold bruising. His breath hot on my cheek. His lips coming to my neck, kissing and licking and sucking and biting. He catches my skin in between his teeth and nibbles gently before soothing the area with his hot tongue.
Fuck. My hand goes faster, squeezing gently as I pump steadily up and down. Imaginary!Derek lets me out of his mouth to snake up my body and grind up against me, the friction and heat of our cocks burning me pleasantly. A moan slips through my lips and I shove my other fist in my mouth.
I think of what Derek's moans would sound like, hot and grumbly in my ears. My dick erupts in my hands, spraying its load onto my sheets and my body. I choke down the cry of Derek as I come suddenly.
Looking at the creamy white substance all over my room, I groan quietly.
How the hell am I going to look Derek in the eye tomorrow?
AN- And here is some extra porn for you! I've written smut before- in Seven Devils, every other chapter was literally straight (actually, it was gay ahah) porn- but I have never written a masturbating scene. Also, seeing as I am definitely not a male, so tell me if this is too bad.
I don't know, I feel like I may have let some of you down with the dinner scene- I got some messages on tumblr saying you guys were looking forward to it- but hopefully you like it. I'm almost as insecure about my Laura as I am about my Derek.
So, I hope you guys like it! Reviews make my day, if you have the time. Thanks for reading!