Music Room Three was in the Northwest corner. Bilbo pulled the door open as the clock struck eleven.

"Welcome!" a chorus greeted him.

"Ahhhh!" he screamed as he was assaulted by flying rose petals.

"Oh it's just Bilbo."

The flowers fell as the mysterious breeze that had kept them afloat had somehow halted. When he opened his eyes, which had shut instinctively, he saw that Fili and Kili were standing by the door, operating a fan. Ori stood nearby with a basket of roses.

"Is it a dwarven custom to assault someone with flying flowers when they enter your house?!" He spat a petal out of his mouth and brushed the rest off his uniform with irritation.

"We thought they would help set the mood," Ori said, looking despondently down at his basket. "I guess not."

"Flowers are romantic." Bilbo looked around for the source of the new voice and found Thorin sitting in a chair on the other end of the room, fingers steepled. His mouth was stuck in a grim line, obviously displeased at the hobbit's criticism of their tactics. Balin and Dwalin flanked him, each with a hand on either side of the throne. There was no other word for it.

"I beg to differ," Bilbo said. He was not feeling particularly fond of flowers at this moment.

"Then you know nothing of romance!" Thorin stood with force. "Flowers make a woman's heart melt! How can you be a host if you do not know such simple things?"

"I never asked to be a host! And while I'm sure flowers are lovely they are not so nice when they are thrown in your face!"

"He has a point," Balin said, "At least we got to test the idea before any of our customers arrived. Fili, Kili, why don't you put the fan away. Ori, those roses would look well in the empty vase and be just as effective on the hearts of our visiting ladies."

The three went about following the instructions.

"Come here hobbit," Thorin crooked a finger. Bilbo came to stand in front of him.

"I see Balin gave you the clothes I ordered. You look surprisingly good. Perhaps we shall make something of you yet. Now-it is your first day-are you ready to prove your worth?"

"Customers are here." Dwalin was looking at the door, where some ten to fifteen girls of all races stood. Thorin turned from Bilbo and spread his arms out to the visitors. For the second time Bilbo had seen him he smiled, but this was not the small upturn of the sides of his mouth, but a full beam. His dark eyes sparkled with an altogether different air. No longer was he the proud cynic Bilbo thought him to be. He seemed to have thrown all his cares off, at least for now, and stood confident and carefree. To Bilbo it was an unnerving change.

"Welcome, my ladies, to the Erebor Academy Host Club!"

Two girls fainted, but were quite happy to be caught by Fili and Kili who carried them to one of the numerous sofas laid throughout the room.

"Bilbo, why don't you go make tea," Thorin said, eyes not moving from the still standing girls. Some stared back, eyes wide in awe. Some hid giggles behind their hands. Others sent flirtatious glances to individual members, who did not avert their eyes, but mirrored their forthrightness back at them.

"Kitchen's to the left," Balin said.

"Of course," Bilbo said. He scurried off, to do what he knew best.

It took some time for him to make tea, considering the kitchen was unfamiliar to him and there were a lot of people to make tea for. He had to first find where everything was, then balance several kettles boiling all at once, as well as setting out six separate trays. There had been a scare when he thought there had been rats in the pantry when he heard a clanging sound behind the door, but he had been unable to find any vermin. Still, he made a mental note to obtain mousetraps if this was to be his kitchen for a year. When he finally emerged with the first tray of steaming tea, the dwarves were spread all about the room. Except for Balin, who stood in the corner, taking notes it seemed, each was entertaining their own designated girls.

"Haha, so he comes crawling into my bed, crying because of some nightmare!"

"Fili! How could you tell everyone about that!"

"I-I'm sorry, brother. It's just . . .you're so adorable when you're embarrassed."

"Fili!"

"Kili . . ."

"Oooooh, wow!"

"The brotherly love is so cute I can't take it!"

"Did anything happen when you crawled into his bed?"

"Oh, ladies we can't possibly tell you that!"

"You picked these flowers all by yourself, Ori?"

"Yes! I planted them last year so I was really excited for the blossoms. I know I should be learning to fight instead, but I can't help it."

"Well, I'm sure Dwalin will always be there to protect you. He's so very big and strong."

"Mm."

"Dwalin, here look, this one matches your eyes!"

"Ori . . ."

"Look, if we put it right behind your ear we can match!"

"Teehee, he looks so silly!"

"But he'll wear it to make Ori happy."

"Awwww!"

"This tea looks strange."

"It's the work of our new member. He's a hobbit, so I am certain he knows how to make tea well, even if it is different from how we dwarves do."

"I'm still scared to try it . . ."

"Dear princess, would you rather drink it from my lips?"

"Oh, Thorin!"

"This is ridiculous," Bilbo said as watched, resting against the wall next to Balin. "And why is Thorin so different?"

"They are merely using their talents to meet the desires of the customers. Thorin is very popular. As you may have noticed he is both confident and handsome. And he has perfected his techniques such that he is the most highly requested customer." Balin held out the book he was writing in. It was a table of reservations, with days of the week on the top and the hosts' names down the side. Every slot was filled, Thorin's row being the most crowded with names. But Bilbo's eyes fixated on the bottom of the page where his own name stood.

"This is for today?"

"You've received quite a few requests already. We made advertisements through carefully placed plants among the females of the school, who then spread news of our club through word of mouth. We have a website where they can sign up for a time with a host. I wrote a small profile for you and by today you had enough applications to fill a week. We thought we'd let you get your bearings a bit first, observe the routine we've developed, until you're comfortable and ready, but now that you have been making and serving tea for half an hour we must not keep your guests waiting. Are you ready to begin your duties as a host Bilbo Baggins?"

"Your mother and father both died last year? I'm so sorry!"

Bilbo tried to hide his nervousness as he stared up at the three tall, broad girls. He had fervently hoped that he would only have to entertain hobbit lasses or perhaps some dwarves, at least girls more his size. He was looking forward to Berylla Took later this week, whom he knew as a childhood friend. But these daughters of men had requested him out of curiosity.

"Yes. But I do fine on my own. I enjoy housework and cooking. My mother loved to record recipes." He looked down at his hands. "And when I get one right and I can taste the same food she made, well, it makes me very happy."

There was a collective intake of breath. Bilbo looked up and straightened his neck, presenting them with the most genuine smile he could.

"I'd very much enjoy cooking for you ladies sometime."

Three out of three, bravo Bilbo. The increased beating of their hearts was almost audible. The thought of a man who was not afraid of the kitchen, who would dote on them, be polite and considerate, and was not afraid to show his emotions, such were the fantasies that Bilbo filled. Several feet away dwarven heads craned over the backs of sofas, watching the hobbit dance his way into the hearts of his customers.

"I never would have chosen dead parents as a way of chatting up girls," Kili said incredulously.

"Like I said, he's a natural," Fili said.

"It is a unique talent," Balin said, "He needs no affectation. All he has to be is himself."

Thorin was also watching Bilbo pensively, his intentional charm not turned off, but simmering in his distraction.

"Have you no time for your own guests?" the redhaired dwarf girl by his side asked.

He turned back to her with a startled look, as if he had just remembered her presence and had not realized he had been caught in a trance.

"Oh I am sorry. I am just concerned for him."

"You seem very interested in him."

"He is of some interest. He did not initially want to be a host. I wish to see whether he will be a valuable asset to our club."

"Well there must be other things you find interesting."

"Oh yes," Thorin said, turning to fully face her and taking her hand in his, "You, my jewel, are of much interest to me." With ease he slid back into the smooth form of top host.

After the two hours of collective club and lunch time were over, Bilbo found he was exhausted. His girls had been nice, albeit not very interesting. He had been coerced into talking about himself mostly, and he thought to ask about their backgrounds next time to vary the conversation. Having pitched this idea to Balin the older dwarf had agreed that would be a very good idea. It would make him seem a more engaging and down to earth romantic interest. For now the girls had gone in fluffs of skirts, pecks on the cheek and promises to come see him again.

The hallway he was currently walking down was empty. Balin had given him a map and marked out a route to his next class which he said would be the least occupied. Bilbo was grateful for he needed the rest. His next class was Geography, the easiest of his courses, for which he was thankful; even Bilbo had trouble focusing in the early afternoons. So far he was halfway to class, lost in silent meditation, when the sharp click of footsteps alerted him to another. Looking forward he saw a tall, slim figure approaching him. It was too tall to be a hobbit and Bilbo would have thought it a man, if not for an unnatural sense of dread that seemed to follow the figure. A strange tightening caught Bilbo in his chest. The person did not walk like a man, instead it slunk forward, in fluid steps, the rest of its body coiling and uncoiling in time to these beats. It filled the whole hall with a suffocating heaviness. Eventually it reached Bilbo and looked down at him, with glittering green eyes. The person wore a suit dark as night and a fiery red tie. Gleaming golden cufflinks winked out from his sleeves.

"You must be the new scholarship student."

"H-how do you know that?"

"I am the principal. I know all the students," the person extended a hand, "Mr. Smaug, at your service."

"At you and your family's," Bilbo breathed, gingerly taking the hand. Mr. Smaug held him in a vice like grip, shook with one firm motion, and then moved his hand back to his side. Bilbo understood. This was he, the sworn enemy of the Durin family, the reason for his unusual occupation as teenage host. "I understand you are under the protection of the family of Durin." It was as if Smaug had peered right into his thoughts.

"Y-yes, they have been very kind to me."

"Really . . ." Smaug drawled, "they are not known for their generosity. It is most unusual."

Bilbo felt himself tense at the insult. He would not yet call Thorin Oakenshield and Company his friends, but they had been charitable to him. He owed them his loyalty.

"They say there are many in the Durin employment who are not as generous either."

Smaug's eyes flashed. "Best you do not misunderstand Thorin Oakenshield's interest, Mr. Baggins," he growled, "You are simply a tool in his grand manipulations. He picked up the closest thing he could find to fill his needs. He fills his mind with dangerous and rebellious ideas; it would not behoove you to be associated with him."

"Thank you for that advice, sir."

"You are welcome."

The silence that stretched between them prickled and stung. Bilbo wanted to run.

"I must go to Geometry now," he flustered, making a move to pass Smaug. A bony hand caught him on the shoulder. Bilbo froze in terror. Smaug opened his mouth, thin lips deliberate and cruel, but then close it again as if he had something to say, but thought better of it. He released Bilbo.

"Yes, you should," were his last words, before slinking off down the hallway. Bilbo shivered as Smaug's overpowering aura left him feeling weak and vulnerable.

He would ask Balin to find him another route.