Not 100% satisfied but it's 4 am and seeing as this almost doubled in length during the first edit, a third edit just could be the end of me. (I am obsessed with editing. just smile and wave. smile and wave.)

I'm actually very excited about this part because we have a couple of guest stars for this episode which serve the dual purpose of adding some much-needed fluff after yesterday's chapter and make me feel a little less bad about having jumped ship on the Kurtbastian ship (train? motorcycle? do we even have a proper vehicle?) during Klaine week, of all weeks. With special thanks to Angelica and Yoselino for being so adorable and cooperative in these wee hours of the morning.
Overall I guess the warnings of the last chapter apply. And there's talk about spiders. And reptiles. Because, you know, HIV is not nearly scary enough. Ahum.

I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to say, but I can't for the life of me remember it. So, without further ado: the next to last chapter.

-Lis xx

When Kurt woke up the next morning his head was thumping, his whole body heavy with a tiredness that was usually only associated with hangovers or sickness. It couldn't be the first - admittedly his alcohol resistance wasn't that high, but one shared bottle of wine was the only thing Sebastian and he had drunk the night befor-

Sebastian.

He jerked up in his bed, suddenly wide awake.

Sebastian had HIV.

The other side of the bed was empty, as was, Kurt discovered, the couch, and he was left with a strange feeling of disappointment in his stomach. He vaguely remembered Sebastian putting him to bed the night before, exhausted from crying and trying to put some kind of order to his thoughts, and he assumed Sebastian must have gone home after that, either because he felt uncomfortable staying or...

Kurt shook his head to get rid of the doomsday thoughts.

His feeling of uneasiness dissipated somewhat when he stumbled into the kitchen, the need for a caffeine shot even stronger than usual, and he saw the yellow post-it note stuck to the coffeepot.

Thought of making myself comfortable in your couch, but one layer of cushions just didn't suffice to soften the bump of the bag of peas you hid in there. S.

He smiled softly as he tore off the note, sticking it to the countertop instead, trailing his thumb over the writing as he stared at the words. It was a strange feeling to miss waking up with someone while never having had the experience in the first place, but as Kurt turned on the coffee machine he thought that, maybe, it was better this way. There were too many things he needed to think about first - but not now.

He settled for a simple toast breakfast, taking it with him as he made himself comfortable on the couch, a fleece blanket around his shoulders and his laptop on his knees. He logged on to his work e-mail, more out of habit than anything else - it was unlikely there would be anything important on a Sunday morning, but at least it provided him with a little distraction before the caffeine kicked in and he would no longer have an excuse not to think about the emotional roller coaster the night before had turned out to be.

As predicted, there were only about seven new messages, and he was about halfway through them when a Skype notification appeared in the upper right corner of his screen.

He looked at the clock, frowning - it seemed strange, seeing as it was barely even six in L.A., but then again the life of a young dad probably ran on a different schedule than that of a New York fashion designer. He hesitated for a moment - Sebastian had asked him not to tell anyone, but he figured it was safe to assume he had been referring more to colleagues and people within the fashion industry, where rumors defied physic laws on a daily basis if the speed they went around with was any indication. And if there was anyone he could talk to -wanted to talk to- ...

KurtHummel2705 Busy?
BForbes Just finished Angelica's bottle. Sunday morning catch-up?
KurtHummel2705 If you have time...

He'd barely pressed 'send' when he received the incoming call, and he accepted it with a smile.

"Hey!" Blaine said cheerfully, waving from the screen, a small baby girl on his lap, and he repeated the motion a little slower and more carefully holding the girl's wrist. "Say 'hi uncle Kurt'! 'Hi'!"

"Hi Angelica!" Kurt waved back, his voice even higher-pitched than usual. "How are you, little princess?"

"She's already falling asleep again," Blaine told him, smiling down as he repositioned, allowing the girl to sit a little straighter. "She's a little sleepy-head, just like her papa, isn't she? Isn't she?"

He poked the girl playfully in the side, and she stared back at him with an unimpressed look on her face, as if her father's energetic cheeriness was too much even for her this early in the morning.

"Anyway," Blaine said, turning back towards Kurt, "how are you? Everything alright with the new lover boy?"

"He's-"

"Kurt!"

A slender, handsome man appeared behind Blaine, waving as enthusiastically as Blaine just had. He was carrying yet another baby, and Kurt wiggled his fingers back at them, smiling.

"Hey Dominic! Hi Yoselino! Up early, I see?"

Dominic rolled his eyes melodramatically.

"Urgh - do not éver follow celebrity examples. Neil and David made it look so easy, but I haven't had a decent night of sleep since we got these two over summer. One of these days you're gonna find me laying on the kitchen floor: death by exhaustion." He winked at Kurt, pressing a soft kiss against the forehead of his son to show he was only joking. "But say, Blaine tells me you've found a new man! You should bring him when you come over for Thanksgiving, meet the family and all that, you know?"

Dominic wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and despite himself Kurt started laughing. Dominic was even more ADD at 32 than Blaine had been at 17, and it was impossible not to get infected by his enthusiasm.

"I'll definitely ask," Kurt said, still grinning a little, "as long as you promise not to take him to The Zoo first thing upon arrival. I'm sure Eric still has nightmares."

Dominic, a veterinarian, kept a boa, two chameleons, and a small collection of tarantulas -affectionately referred to as his 'furry little friends'- in the attic of his and Blaine's house, aptly called 'The Zoo'. When Kurt had introduced his last boyfriend Eric to them for the first time, Dominic had immediately dragged him along to show him The Zoo and Kurt, unaware of his boyfriend's rather severe case of arachnophobia, would never forget the ear-piercing shriek that had been heard for miles around.

"Promise," Dominic winked."But I'll leave you to Blaine, gonna put these little ones back to bed. Shall I take her?"

The last comment was directed to Blaine, and Kurt watched as Dominic took over Angelica with a practiced movement, still balancing Yoselino on his other arm, and he plastered a smile on his face as Dominic lifted his chin in goodbye before disappearing from the screen.

"So back to... Sebastian, was it?" Blaine picked up the conversation where they had left off."I'm still waiting for that picture, by the way."

Blaine gave him a coy wink, and Kurt smiled weakly in return. He wasn't exactly jealous - he'd never really wanted kids, not the way Blaine had wanted them, anyway, and while he had been happy for Blaine when he and Dominic had been accepted as adoptive parents, it wasn't Kurt's dream. Still, seeing the four of them together, a perfect little family, he wished for a moment his own life could be that simple.

"Yeah, well... I, eh... ," he said, dragging his hand over his face. "I actually kinda wanted to talk to you about Sebastian, if that's alright."

"Oh god no, he didn't break up with you, did he?" Even through the webcam Kurt could see how Blaine turned a little paler. "Oh god and Nic invited- oh god, Kurt, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."

Blaine looked genuinely appalled, and Kurt hurried to reassure him.

"No, no, it's not that," he said before he remembered the night before, and he sighed, backtracking. "At least, I don't think it is, I... urgh, I don't even know where to start!"

He let his head drop in his hands, not caring that he was probably obscuring the view of his webcam.

"Did you have a fight?" he could hear Blaine ask, his voice laced with worry, and Kurt shook his head as he straightened himself, wrapping his arms around his chest.

"Not exactly, no. I mean, we didn't... there wasn't..."

He looked around the room, thinking of how to explain to Blaine what had happened exactly. There didn't seem to be any euphemism he could use to make the truth appear a little less harsh, no soft way of breaking the news, and he finally decided to just adopt Sebastian's technique.

"He's HIV positive," he said, turning back to the screen. "Sebastian's HIV positive."

Blaine's jaw dropped.

"Wow. Wow, that's... wow."

"Yeah..."

"Is he okay?"

Maybe Kurt should've been offended that Blaine's first concern was Sebastian and not Kurt, but the fact that Blaine had the same initial reaction as he had had just made him smile. Things might not have worked out between them, but that didn't mean they had nothing in common anymore.

"Yeah, he is. I mean, I don't know, I'm not a doctor or anything. But he said he was fine, at least."

"Did you find out from him?"

"Last night," Kurt nodded. "We were making out on the couch and when I tried to take things further he stopped me, said he had to tell me something and... well, broke the news."

"Well, props for him for stopping you, I suppose," Blaine said, scratching his jaw. "Did you talk about it?"

Kurt shook his head.

"Not really. Not because he didn't want to, or anything," Kurt added quickly when he saw Blaine frown. "I did ask some questions at first and he was... he was very honest and open about it, really, but then I realized that it wasn't just about him but about us, too, and I... I kind of freaked out, I guess. Just started crying and couldn't stop, it was all such a mess in my head. Still is. And then I kinda fell asleep - I think he put me to bed, but he was gone when I woke up this morning."

There was a short silence, and Kurt could see Blaine was thinking, obviously still trying to process the news.

"Are you angry?" he finally asked.

"Because he didn't tell me before?"

Blaine nodded, and Kurt shrugged.

"Not really. I mean, I guess he could've told me a little earlier, but it's not exactly first date conversation material, is it? I- I think he's had people react badly before, too, so I think I understand where he's coming from, at least. And it's not like he told me after we'd already had sex or something - he never, like, put me in danger or anything. It does clarify a thing or two, though."

He could see Blaine understood what he meant - he'd told him the whole get-together story, had even whined about not being allowed to use his teeth while kissing.

"So what are you gonna do now?" Blaine asked.

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" Kurt sighed, propping his head on his arm as he trailed the keys of his laptop with his index finger. "Buy a box of extra thick condoms, I guess?"

"You're not breaking up with him."

It wasn't a question, and even though he hadn't thought it through, exactly, hearing Blaine say the words made Kurt realize it wasn't really a question for him, either.

"No," he said. "No. I don't... I know we've only even been together for a month, we haven't even left the honeymoon phase yet. But at the same time it feels like... like we haven't even had a proper chance yet, you know? And I'm just not ready to give him up. He's... he's gorgeous and funny and a gentleman even if he is too fucking smart for his own good and he drives me up the wall sometimes but somehow he just knows me, and he's- he's just..."

"He's your Sebastian."

Kurt considered the words for a moment, and then nodded, smiling almost wistfully as he cocked his head.

"He's my Sebastian," he repeated, and for a moment everything that had happened the night before disappeared, the only thing remaining that feeling of being so completely, ridiculously in love. "And he doesn't take my bullshit like you used to back in high school."

He giggled as a memory struck him, and he looked up at the screen, amusement in his eyes.

"Which reminds me - I found out he used to be lead of his high school show choir. Three guesses as to which one it was?"

Blaine raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised by the turn of the conversation.

"I don't even know where he's from, so I'm just gonna assume it's one we're familiar with... I don't know, Vocal Adrenaline?"

"The Dalton Academy Warblers," Kurt said solemnly, but when he saw Blaine's eyes widen in shock, he started laughing. "I know it sounds crazy but I swear it's true, he showed me pictures on Facebook and everything. And eh... never tell him I told you this but eh... he rocked that fucking blazer."

He winked at Blaine, and they grinned at each other.

"You always did like the blazer," Blaine quipped. "Seems like the universe is trying to tell you something."

Kurt cocked an eyebrow.

"You mean it's a sign he's the guy for me?" he asked. "Because, you know, the last lead Warbler I dated broke up with me."

"We broke up with each other," Blaine corrected him sternly, wiggling his finger. "And we lasted over three years, not bad for a first relationship I'd say. Especially since half of that was done long distance."

"So what, second time lucky?"

Kurt sighed, sounding almost resigned. He was glad Blaine didn't question his decision not to break up, though - he was sure other people might not be so forthcoming.

His father, for example.

"Do you think I'm being stupid?"

Blaine shook his head.

"I think you're being brave. A tad naive, maybe, but mainly brave. I'm just not sure why you're talking to mé."

"Because I don't know what to do!" Kurt exclaimed, surprised this even needed to be explained. "I just... I don't wanna give him up but I don't know how to do this, either. I mean, I don't even know his prognosis, how old do HIV positive people get these days? And he said he's not taking any drugs, which seems like - a really bad idea. And is it just blood and semen I have to watch out for? I don't even remember, why can't I remember, I must've known this at some point. I must have. Or imagine we're like, cooking together and he cuts his finger? What do I do? And then there's the sex. Is that even safe? I mean, I understand cumplay is probably out of the question, and I can't say the idea of a blowjob with condom is particularly appealing. Oh god I just hope I don't have to top every time because I really don't think I could handle that."

He stopped abruptly when he heard Blaine clear his throat, realizing he had been rambling, and he quirked the corner of his mouth apologetically.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do," he repeated dully, hanging his head.

Blaine sighed, running his hands through his hair, looking at him seriously from the laptop screen.

"Kurt, I wish I could help you, I really, really do. But I don't know what to tell you, what the protocol is for something like this. I don't think there ís a protocol, to be honest. And I'm sure Google could help you with some of this stuff, but really, there is only one person who has the answer to all of that."

Kurt nodded reluctantly, and he was sure the doubts that were tightening his chest were visible on his face. Talking to Blaine was easy - there was no danger of either of them getting hurt, no dreams of a future together that could be crushed. Talking to Sebastian, on the other hand...

"I know," Kurt said, "I know. But I... he was terrified, Blaine, you should've seen him, he looked so small, so scared, and I just... I don't want to say anything wrong. Or offensive. Or stupid. I want to be there for him. I just want to hold him and tell him he'll be alright and take care of him. But I'm not sure if I can do that because there seems to be so much... stuff... attached to all this. And I want to be sure I can handle it, you know? Because first it was like - ok, so my boyfriend has a chronic illness, ok, that's heavy, but, you know, at least it's treatable, in a way. And then I think about the blood and I just feel queasy but, I mean, if I just stay away if he hurts himself and let him take care of it, not much can go wrong, right? So I think, ok, that's not- that's not all that terrifying. And then I think about the sex and... I think what I'm trying to say is that every time I think I'm ok with it I remember something else that sends me in a frenzy again. And I don't... I don't want to give him false hope. Does that make sense?"

"You don't want to be with him thinking you can handle it and then later discover there is something you didn't think about or hadn't foreseen," Blaine nodded. "Makes perfect sense to me. But Kurt, the only way you're going to get the whole picture is by talking to hím. Nobody will know better what this means for your relationship and for yóu, personally. I mean, he sounds like an honest guy, and you said he seemed open to talk about it so... ask him. Go to his house and ásk."

"I don't know where he lives," Kurt admitted, even if that was hardly the point at all.

"Then call him, go to his work place, I don't know - just... tálk to hím."

"I'm scared."

The words sounded ridiculous, not even close to describe what Kurt was feeling, but in the turmoil of feelings that was plaguing him, fear was the one that popped out the most.

"I'm scared I won't be able to look at him the same way anymore. I'm scared something might go wrong and I'll end up sick, too. I'm scared..." Kurt paused, taking a deep breath as he looked away. "I'm so, so scared of losing him."

"Kurt..."

Blaine's voice was insistent, but Kurt barely paid it attention, focused on the keyboard of his laptop as he tried to control his breathing, tried to swallow down the tears that were welling up once again.

"I can't lose him, Blaine. I can't. I don't know how. I've only just found him and I... I can't lose him. I just can't."

"You're not going to lose him," Blaine assured him, but despite the calm and confident tone the words just sounded hollow to Kurt.

"I could," Kurt said stubbornly, wiping angrily at the tears that seemed to have a will of their own, pushing through his resolve and running down his cheeks. "He could die. We'd gonna be happy for a bit and then he'd die and it would be worse than before because I'd know how happy we had been and I'd never be able to get it back. Or he could make some excuse about not wanting me to get hurt like that and he'd break up with me and he'd be gone all the same."

"You're not going to lose him!" Blaine insisted again, hushing Kurt when he tried to protest. "Look, I'm not an expert here, but with all the drugs available these days I'm pretty sure HIV positive people have the same life expectancy as anyone else. And do you really think he would have started dating you, would have trusted you enough to tell you about this if he didn't want to stick with you? You're not. gonna. lose him. And will it be hard? Well, yeah, probably! But that doesn't mean you can't make it work, does it?"

But Kurt shook his head fervently, suddenly caught up in his own fear.

"You don't know that! You can't know that!"

"Kurt, have you even been lístening to yourself?" Blaine asked, leaning a bit closer to the camera. "You're not acting like your boyfriend of one month has HIV. You're acting like your husband has developed a chronic illness and you're trying to reshape your future together. I know you said you were taking things a day at a time, but whether or not you realize it - you're in this for the long haul. And I think thát's what's scaring you. Now, I don't know Sebastian, but I know you, and you can do anything you set your mind to. Other people have made it work, and so will you."

Kurt leaned back in the couch, biting his lower lip as he let the words sink in.

Blaine was right, he realized - this wasn't just a matter of figuring out whether or not he could deal with Sebastian's HIV. It was too big, there were too many sides and complications to be considered for it to be a let's-try-and-see-where-we-end-up type of relationship: if they were gonna do this, they would have to do it right and proper.

The scariest part of that was that it didn't scare Kurt at all.

"You... you really don't think I'm crazy for wanting to do this?" he asked, voice quavering. "Because it feels kind of crazy."

"There's nothing crazy about going after what you want," Blaine told him, looking straight into the camera. "And if there's anyone who can do this, it's you. But Kurt... take care, alright? I don't want to see you hurt. In any way."

Kurt nodded, instinctively knowing Blaine wasn't just talking about the emotional side of things.

"Thank you," he said, and he didn't think he'd ever meant those two words as much as he did now, "for everything. I'm just gonna... I need to- I need to figure out some stuff, now. I need to... think."

Blaine gave him an encouraging smile, and he returned it - even if it was a bit shakily.

They said their goodbyes soon after that, and Kurt let out a sigh as he clicked the red button, closing the call. He wasn't any closer to knowing how he was going to do any of this, but at least he had a plan, now. He would educate himself, and then he would talk to Sebastian. And they'd figure it out. Together.

He took a bite of his toast -long gone cold-, and opened his internet browser.