SHIP OF FOOLS

Chapter 01

"There's one thing, sir", said Commander Riker without preamble, dropping into the chair in front of the ready room desk. Picard, behind it, put the padd he had been holding away. Riker was supposed to bring him up to date on ship's business, no doubt a lengthy task after an absence of more than two weeks – but evidently something else was taking precedence.

"Yes?" said the captain, eyebrows raised. "Disaster?"

"Well, that's... not exactly. It's just so ridiculous, I was going to tell you yesterday, but I thought – well, it seems we've misplaced Data somehow."

"Misplaced Data?" echoed Picard. "Could you explain that to me, Will?"

"Well, that's just the problem. What it amounts to is that he didn't show up for his shift yesterday, didn't answer when we tried to contact him, turned out not to be in his quarters, or anywhere else, and has been missing since. He's been taking more time off lately, of course – well, that's what we've told him to do for ages – but this... "

Picard frowned. "Wait a moment, Will. When did you notice this?"

"Yesterday, about two hours after he should have turned up. That's about an hour before your arrival. I haven't been on the bridge much all day – seems Lavelle noticed early on that he wasn't there but never thought of informing anybody. Can't say that I blame him, Captain. I mean, this is Data – you just don't expect anything to be wrong with him."

"You never told me", observed Picard.

"True. I'm sorry, sir. To be honest, I didn't take it seriously either at first. Then you were coming back, and we had Galinski going berserk on us. I tried to find out what had happened there, and frankly, Captain, by the time I was finished I fully expected Data to be back at his station with some very simple explanation. He wasn't. That's when I should have informed you, I suppose, but to tell you the truth I was feeling like an idiot, and you were asleep by then –"

"That was known to you how?" Picard interrupted, torn between concern, confusion and, in spite of himself, a growing sense of the absurdity of the situation.

Riker grimaced. "Asked Deanna. I'm sorry, sir. I just couldn't bring myself to wake you with 'My apologies, Captain, but I forgot to tell you that we're minus the ship's second officer for reasons unknown' – I was still sort of expecting that very simple explanation to pop up any moment. Damn it all, this is ridiculous!"

Picard frowned. "I take it that you conducted a search by now?"

"Course we did. We've been at it for hours."

"What about the holodecks?"

"No such luck."

"The shuttlecraft?"

"All accounted for." Riker's grin was singularly crooked. "A shipwide search, Captain. He's not here."

Picard drew a deep breath. "I am afraid I don't quite understand, Number One."

"No, Captain." The grin had disappeared. "Same here."

"Very well", the captain said after a pause. "What do you have?"

"Well, basically we've turned everything upside down, and I'm running out of ideas. Oh, and the computer just insists he is not aboard, which is absurd. Data being what he is, if he wanted to disappear he could be anywhere. Stores, Engineering, you name it – only Geordi tells me we've looked there as well, of course."

"Ridiculous", muttered Picard. "So you are suggesting that he lost his bearings, his mind and his communicator, all at the same time?"

"I'm not suggesting anything, sir. I just don't know."

Picard looked up sharply. There was a rasp of impatience in Riker's voice that was oddly out of character. A moment later the first officer had become aware of it himself. "I'm sorry, Captain. I'm... well, it's just possible we're all a bit stressed out after those two weeks. I'm worried about this, and I suppose I should have told you straight away, or at least the moment I remembered it after that Galinski guy and his welder. As I said, I was hoping it would resolve itself. I feel like an idiot about it."

"Very well," said Picard, again. "It's not a situation you would normally expect to encounter, to put it mildly. Oh, and Will, what –"

The door chimed before the captain could finish his sentence. "Come", he called with a touch of impatience.

Lieutenant Benedetto from Astrophysics came striding in with his usual disregard for social graces, acknowledging Riker with a bare nod and coming to a halt directly in front of the captain's desk. Picard craned his neck as he looked up into the square-jawed visage. "Something important, I take it, Lieutenant."

Irony of this kind was wasted on Benedetto. "Yes, sir. I thought you'd want to know about this straight away. There's been an accident."

Picard and Riker exchanged a glance. A serious accident, obviously.

"Yes?"

"Crewman Myers, sir. He's been killed. In a holodeck program."

The captain looked at him a little blankly – as if Benedetto had been telling a particularly tasteless joke, perhaps. Then he stated with a slight edge to his voice: "You cannot get killed in a holodeck program, Lieutenant."

"Well, sir, you can if you fall and manage to break your neck on the floor. It's a chance of about one to ten thousand, and he took it." Somewhat belatedly, Benedetto added another "Sir."

"Oh my God", said the captain.

I don't believe this, thought Riker. First day back first thing in the morning. That's really made everybody's day now. He rose rather abruptly. "I'll have a look at this. Carry on, Lieutenant, I'll join you right away."

There was a moment's silence after the astrophysicist had left.

"Damn," Riker said finally. "Well, I'd better get going. There was something else you were going to ask?"

"What? Oh, that. It's not important. Keep me posted."

"Will do, Captain", said Riker, hesitated for another moment, and left.

- - - - - - -

Outside, on the bridge, Lieutenant Worf had been running a few checks on the tactical console. He, too, had been briefed as soon as he turned up for his shift, and on matters tactical Singh had had nothing unusual to report. Still, Worf liked to see the evidence with his own eyes. Two weeks gave everything plenty of time to go wrong (the android's disappearance being a case in point), and in his heart of hearts he felt certain that nobody did... that nobody could do his job with quite the dedication he brought to it. Not Singh, not N'Guyn, not Walser, not one among his hand-picked and carefully trained subordinates.

And there, as if he hadn't known, there it was. His eyes locked on to it with a kind of grim satisfaction. There was a spike coming up on the internal sensor power consumption display, a tiny one, but it was not supposed to be there at all – not on this of all consoles. Admittedly, if that was all that had gone unnoticed Singh had done a good job. It meant, however, that he had been right to check, and that some more checking was called for. He keyed in a few commands, and after a couple of seconds the computer came up with the results of a level-five self-diagnostic of the internal sensor system. According to this, the system was working perfectly.

Of course it was. Worf hadn't been expecting anything else. If Singh had been liable to present him with anything less than perfect results on his return he wouldn't have been his immediate subordinate.

He ordered a level-four diagnostic of the sensors next, instructing the computer to point out any irregularities of any kind, and went through the particulars step by step. It took some time, and when he was finished he had been presented with a system in virtually flawless working order. He had left nothing out, and there was no hitch, no malfunction, nothing.

There was no explanation for the little spike in the power consumption graph either.

Worf frowned, considering this; then, keeping his eyes on the readouts, he addressed the intercom.

"Computer, locate Chief Engineer La Forge."

"The chief engineer is in Cargobay II."

"Computer, locate Commander Riker."

Heads snapped round all over the bridge. "But Mr. Worf, the commander is in the read–," started Ensign Lavelle, currently occupying the command chair, and stopped at Worf's impatient gesture.

"The commander is in the ready room."

"Computer, locate Doctor Selar."

"Doctor Selar is in her quarters."

Worf thought for a moment. Then: "Worf to La Forge."

"La Forge here. What's the matter, Worf?"

"Something appears to be wrong with the internal sensors. They are working, but there is a delay that should not be there, and I am reading a small power surge every time I use them."

"I'll have a look as soon as we've sorted out this mess here. – Hey! Put that right back, okay? We don't want a gas alarm on top of everything. – Sorry, Worf. Lots of work down here. You can tell, can't you? I'll be back in a minute."

Worf frowned. "Is there a problem, Commander?"

"Oh, no. Nothing of the sort. It's all right, really, just cleaning up" – and La Forge's harassed voice stopped abruptly as the link was broken.

Ensign Lavelle twisted round in the command chair again. "I never noticed any delay just now, sir."

Worf stared down on him haughtily. "I did."

When it came to a choice between trusting a computer and trusting his senses, he would trust his senses. After all, even the main computer of Starfleet's flagship would only answer what questions were actually asked it, and check what it had been programmed to check. A machine, if a marvelous one. One could come to trust too much in machines, to give up too much control. Long before anything as specific as a question could be asked there was such a thing as sensing a deviation from the normal, an elusive quality of the mind, the sort of thing that told him of an approaching danger a moment before it became a threat to his life or the lives of those entrusted to him, the sort of thing that had made him a warrior when training had made him an officer...

Instinct?

Instinct.

Just then Lieutenant Benedetto emerged from the ready room, lingering for a few moments by the door after it had closed and surveying the bridge, undeterred by the frosty stare he encountered from Lavelle, before he retreated towards the turbolift. There was a snicker from the Ops chair. "He again", commented Ensign Maeno as soon as the doors had closed behind the astrophysicist.

"Has he been here before?" Worf asked.

Lavelle grinned. "He just can't keep away from the bridge. Three times last week I think. He's asking for trouble."

The door of the ready room swished open again, and Lavelle almost shot out of the command chair as Riker appeared. The first officer waved him back.

"Stay where you are, Mr. Lavelle. I won't want that chair right now. Status?"

"En route to the Hellicon Cluster at warp six, sir. All systems functioning normally."

Worf caught Riker's look and nodded briefly.

"Very well," said Riker. "Carry on."

- - - - - - -

In Main Engineering, Geordi La Forge was issuing instructions to Lieutenant Barclay, his own shift nearly over, when his communicator beeped.

"Picard to La Forge. Report to the bridge, please."

"On my way, sir", Geordi replied, then switched his communicator off. "Well, well. You can tell things are back to normal, can't you."

"Sir?" Lieutenant Barclay asked in some confusion. "Normal?"

"Are you referring to Commander Data?" inquired Gomez.

"No. I bet he'll be, though", said Geordi with a slight jerk of his chin towards the ceiling. "Hey, you want to be a bit more gentle with those sliding controls, Barry, the way you're handling them you may end up with distorted readings. There, just look at that one. If that was true we'd have a real problem. Try again... like that, see... yes, that's much better. You might want to check this one as well, it looks a bit off to me... there... No, I was referring to the vacation that's just come to an end."

"Sir?" Barclay said again. There were surprised looks from a couple of crew members who happened to be within hearing. Geordi flashed Barclay a good-humored grin.

"Nothing. Forget it", he said, placed his empty coffee mug on the pad of the replicator, and sauntered towards the turbolift.

"Problems in Engineering, Mr. La Forge?" the captain asked when Geordi walked into the ready room. The chief engineer gave him a surprised look.

"Not to my knowledge, sir – why d'you ask?"

"Only because it took you an unprecedented nine minutes to get up here", Picard replied with a very slight smile.

"I'm sorry, sir. Did the mission on Mavvion go well?"

"Fairly well, thank you. I think you would have enjoyed their idea of engineering."

"Why's that, Captain?"

"They are obsessed with failsafes. They have backups for every least thing, and then some. And backups for those, of course." The captain put down the padd he had been casually looking at, and Geordi wiped the appreciative grin from his face. It was bound to come now.

"This business about Data – I confess I don't understand it. You still haven't found an answer, have you? What exactly have you done to retrieve him?"

"Well, we've been looking, of course," said Geordi. "In just about all the likely places. The computer keeps telling us he's not on this ship."

"As there seems to be no shuttlecraft missing, I assume there is some mistake. May I suggest looking in the unlikely places as well? And checking the computer for malfunctions? For my part I think it a cause for concern when my second officer – your friend, Mr. La Forge – disappears in this way."

Geordi's face grew noticeably more serious. "Of course, sir. I'll see to it. And you have my report, too – everything we have tried so far."

"Yes, yes, but this is a priority matter. I'd like to be kept informed about your progress. There was some... activity in Cargobay II earlier today I heard, but I take it it's solved."

"Well, strictly speaking it was just cleaning up left over from our last ferry assignment. Those three Ory delegates – they required a fairly high level of somium in their drinking water. We had a supply of it stored in the cargobay and lowered the temperature accordingly – it becomes unstable over twelve degrees Celsius. Well, after they had left we raised the temperature to normal, and today there was a bang, and we discovered that a cask of the stuff had been left behind. It was all over the place."

"Any danger?"

"Oh, no. In itself it's quite harmless. I wouldn't want it in my drinks, though – the smell of it is bad enough. And it did set off a gas alarm after all."

Picard nodded. "Now that is sorted out, you have your work cut out for you. Could you..." The voice trailed off. The captain was looking at something just over Geordi's right ear, a slight frown gathering on his face. "Mr. La Forge, what is that thing you are wearing?"

"Oh, that!" Geordi laughed. "I'm sorry. My shift's supposed to be over. It's a gadget – it's fairly popular in Engineering right now. Counselor Troi has been recommending it a lot lately. It's good for your peace of mind, she says, and after having those diplomats aboard for almost two weeks it's been in some demand."

"I see", the captain said dryly.

"In fact, it's quite amazing. I don't know about the psychological subtleties, of course, but I actually find I am enjoying things more than I used to. Work included." Geordi paused, then added with an amused shrug: "I shouldn't be at all surprised if she recommended it to you next, sir. She says it's the sort of thing that might take some work off a ship's counselor. If you ever feel like trying it out..."

"Thank you, Mr. La Forge. I may. Right now, could we get back to the matter at hand?"

"Certainly, Captain." There was a hint of disappointment in Geordi's voice. "As I said, I'll check the computer and run another sweep. Although there was no indication of anything wrong with it the first time."

"Obviously there is something wrong, though," replied Picard. It came out more sharply than he would have wished. Geordi nodded.

"Yes. I'm sorry, sir. I'll see to it immediately."

"Thank you. That'll be all for now."

Geordi nodded again and left, asking the turbolift to take him back to Engineering. Barclay turned from a console when he heard the lift doors swish open, giving his superior one of his quick, slightly nervous grins. Geordi grinned back at him and made his way aft to the warp core. The pillar was thrumming steadily, like the heartbeat of some huge living thing – which of course, in a way, it was. He never grew tired of the sound. A thing of beauty, and a joy forever – you could get lost in the sight. He started a little when a voice said just behind him: "I thought your shift was over, Commander."

"What?" said Geordi, turning rather abruptly. It was Gomez, looking at him with her head tilted to one side. "Why, yes, sure. It is. Thanks for reminding me."

"You're welcome", she said with her radiant smile.

- - - - - - -

Jean-Luc Picard, dining by himself in his quarters, was a little surprised when the door chimed – but he had a fairly clear idea who the visitor would turn out to be. "Come", he said, pushing the remainder of his sashimi, chopsticks and all, to one side. Counselor Troi walked in, tilting her head slightly at the sight of the tablet and wrinkling her nose. "Not Earl Grey tea this time, Captain."

"No. It's Japanese green tea, or the closest equivalent to it."

"Am I interrupting your dinner?"

"No, I'm finished." He indicated a chair. "What can I do for you, Counselor?"

"Well", said Troi, gracefully settling into the chair and crossing one leg over the other, "I had a feeling that you were rather... upset over something earlier this day."

"I'm relieved it took a Betazoid to sense that", he said dryly.

Troi smiled. "Also worried, somewhat confused, and rather tired. The Mavvionians took it out of you. What are they like?"

"Very tall, very thin, very pale-skinned – bluish, actually. Refined and elegant. A human adopting their manner would appear intolerably affected. Smooth-spoken and leaving you in no doubt that they are lowering their standards because of you. And very fond of their etiquette."

"They have a very strict code of honor I'm told."

"Worf wouldn't agree. He informed me that childish insistence on the minutiae of protocol has nothing to do with true honor, that arrogance and vanity don't amount to pride, that..."

Troi almost laughed outright. "Now I understand. You... clashed."

"All the way," the captain said a little ruefully. "And I don't even blame him – some of those people were insufferable. I just can't get used to being watched over twenty-four hours a day. Or even, in the case of Mavvion, twenty-nine hours a day. I couldn't push my chair back without pushing it onto Worf's toes. He made the delegates nervous, too. It was one of those occasions where I really would have needed you in two places at once. I hope you didn't have any more problems with those Federation envoys?"

"Considering how many of them there were, not more than expected", Troi replied diplomatically. "Although you may find that tension is running a little high on the ship. As for myself... well, the woman from Delb II was perhaps a little trying. Very convinced of the importance of her mission. Those ambassadors can become so full of themselves, Captain."

"Don't I know it. Remind me of that should I ever be tempted to try it myself."

"I promise I will." She gave him a warm smile. "Now for you, sir."

"What is it about me?"

"You are quite exhausted. You didn't eat much, and you slept even less – yes, Captain, I can tell. It's not just empathy; I have been with you on similar occasions. The Mavvionians got on your nerves, and you were worried that the mission would be a complete failure. And now there are some unanswered questions, and there has been a death, and it is troubling you deeply. Even more than it would normally, in fact. You really could do with some rest."

"I'll be fine as soon as I get over the shore lag. Anyway, we have a charting assignment we have barely started on. That should be restful enough." His smile faded, slowly to be replaced by a frown. "Although I confess that I dread contacting Myers' relatives. And I would feel happier if I had any idea what happened to Data."

"You won't find out. Not tonight. If it was any use I would tell you to stop worrying about Data. It's almost impossible for anything to happen to him, after all."

"Of course. Oh, there was something else I would like to know. That man in the shuttlebay – Galinski, I believe –"

"Who went berserk with a laser welder? Beverly told me about it. I haven't been able to talk to him so far, but I certainly will." She got to her feet. "I'll stop getting in the way of my own advice and let you get some rest. But I would like to be told more about the things I missed on Mavvion, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Tomorrow?"

She smiled. "Tomorrow. Sleep well, Captain."

Picard waited until the door had slid close behind her; then he went over to his private terminal. "Computer, call up service record of Myers, Wayne, Crewman First Class."

The computer chirped and complied, and Picard sat down and swiveled the terminal to a convenient reading position.

It was a worry not to know where Data was, and to be powerless to do anything about it. It was bad enough never to know all the people serving on the Enterprise. It felt worse not to have known the man who had just died aboard her.

- - - - - - -

Lieutenant Worf in the meantime was making his way to a holodeck. His shift over, he had time to do something about the feeling of restless frustration that had been growing in him for almost two weeks now. He knew only too well what it was that had been missing of late.

"Calisthenics time?" asked Lieutenant Rickett, coming the other way just as Worf was calling up the holodeck menu. The Klingon gave a curt nod.

"Some people", remarked Rickett, "would take it easy after a two-week away mission."

"That is what I am going to do." Worf rather liked the stellar cartographer, one reason being that Rickett was a formidable opponent with a singlestick. "I have been looking forward to it."

Rickett had been about to move on, but now he stopped again. "You actually missed those exercises?"

"I missed an opponent worth the effort," growled Worf. "I cannot fight gibberish!"

"Oh – I see," said Rickett rather quickly, and went his ways. Worf heaved a sigh of relief. For him, the Mavvion mission had been a nerve-racking combination of constant alertness and forced inactivity. Having to endure the local functionaries dancing attendance on their own superiority while depending on the Federation envoy to settle their disputes for them had been bad enough. It made him want desperately to give them something to worry about. They were asking for it. Uncooperative, haughty, condescending even towards the captain, who never appeared to notice – although he hadn't quite fooled Worf, who knew from long experience what to look out for. But there had been that attempt on the captain's life as well, and from then onwards Worf had been hovering over Picard's chair, glowering at the representatives and longing for a decent fight, for some opportunity to pay them back for their supercilious holier-than-thouness in a manner that wouldn't allow them to hide behind their cheap excuses of polish and sophistication. Sophistication indeed. Worf had an inbred loathing for decadence.

The opportunity hadn't presented itself, of course, but Worf knew he would be feeling better for some make-believe in combination with very real physical exertion. In fact when the holodeck door opened upon his combat scenario, dank mist swirling around some half-ruined structures, he considered for a moment programming in Mavvionian adversaries. Then he dismissed the idea. The surroundings were inappropriate, and he had a feeling that Mavvionians probably preferred things like poisoned darts or bioengineered viruses – methods below a warrior's contempt, although Worf was dedicated professional enough to have made a thorough study of them. No. He preferred his scenarios to bear some resemblance to some reality, somewhere. After all, this was serious work, and his warrior skills and instincts much too valuable to be trifled with.

He took a deep breath, and went in.

- - - - - - -