That night, I had quickly gone to my room after successfully managing to alienate everyone with some bogus story about an ex boyfriend. I was barely into the room I always slept in when here, before I burst into tears. I crumbled in on myself, it hurt so badly. The pain was still with me. I knew that if I didn't get into the shower, they'd eventually hear me. I tore off my clothes and quickly shut the door. I looked at myself in the mirror, I had bruises on my arms, my neck, my hips, my thighs, and bite marks around my breasts. I held back a sob, and looked away. How had I let this happen? Why hadn't I realized that I hadn't forgotten anything, or insisted on having Jesse drive me? Maybe it was my fault. I snapped myself out of it, stepping into the hot water. No, this wasn't my fault. I wanted so badly to tell Jesse what happened. What if he made good on his promise though? I didn't want to put everyone through that! I was a bad enough kid already. I stopped thinking about that, all I wanted to do was get was his DNA off of me. At that thought I became grateful he used a condom. I didn't want proof that this ever happened. After my shower, I got dressed in pajamas and crawled into my bed. I grabbed my old red teddy bear and began to sob into it.
I woke up the next morning, my head ached, my body ached. Most of all, my womanhood was sore and achey. I didn't even get up. I managed to climb out of my bed, and go into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, the marks on my face were pretty severe. I bit my lip, to keep tears that were pooling in my eyes from spilling over. We had to go to the mall later today, and I always had red rimmed eyes for a few hours after I stopped crying. I knew I was going to have to wear that stupid makeup aunt Becky had bought me awhile back. I hated makeup. I tried to pin point all my anger onto makeup, attempting to push back the feelings brought on from last night. Success lasted for about twelve seconds. I went into my closet, I didn't want to look at myself anymore. The reflection I saw staring back at me, made me want to vomit. I knew it was most likely hot outside, but I didn't care. I didn't want my skin showing. I wanted it to be as covered up as possible. After getting dressed I went into the bathroom again, and put on concealer on the marks on my face, as well as my neck. Then I put on a foundation. I hated the way it felt on my skin, but with it on I almost looked normal. My freckles could be seen through it, and my skin looked clear and flawless. I ran a brush through my hair, and left the bathroom. I grabbed my bag from it's spot on my bed, and shoved my earbuds into my ears. I looked at the time, 3:23. Meaning, they were all probably in the car. You see, on the weekends when I was here, with or without my dad and the rest of them, we'd all go to the mall. Since I frequently got up late, the set time for when the car/cars would leave the drive way was 3:30. I had woken up just in time. Jesse beeped the horn just as I walked out, he saw me and his eyebrows raised. I was barely able to look at those warm hazel eyes, even from this distance. Jesse and I were so close. We were very much alike in many ways, and he knew how it felt to loose someone close to him. I felt that I could talk to him more than any other family member, even my dad at times. I got into the car, sliding into the back seat. Nicki looked back at me, his eyebrows raised. "What are you looking at, Nicki?" I asked, my voice taking on a subtle tortured sound. "What are you wearing? It's hot outside." he replied. "I'm wearing what I'm wearing." I replied, looking away from him. "Damn, did you sleep on the wrong side of the bed or what?" Alex chimed in. I ignored his comment and stared out the window, Killers by Iron Maiden came on. "Archer, you ok?" Jesse asked looking at me from the rear view mirror. "Peachy." I glared at his reflection. "Is this still about that boy?" he asked, rolling his eyes with a smile. "What boy- I mean no, it's not about him." I nearly slipped. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yeah. Drop it." I replied. He sighed, and pulled out of the drive way.
Walking through the stores, I was overwhelmed by a sense of paranoia. I was not expecting that. The feeling I got when any man looked at me, made me want to vomit and jump out of my skin. One thought kept racing through my head, "What if that was him. What if that was him. What if that was him." over and over and over again. By the time three hours passed, I wanted to go into the bathroom and puke my guts out. Jesse had noticed. We were at the food court, Nicki and Alex had left, to go home and meet their friends somewhere. Leaving Jesse and I alone. "Archer, you look sick." he remarked. I nodded, "I feel a bit sick to be honest." I replied looking at the burger in front of me. "Yeah, you've hardly eaten at all too." He remarked. "Yeah i know." I replied. "Are you ok?" he asked me. "I just said I feel sick." I replied, shaking my head as if thoroughly pissed at the question. "No I mean, are you ok? You've been acting strange since last night." he replied eating a fry. "We barely spoke last night, how would know?" I asked, pretending to scroll through my phone. "I'm being serious, put the phone down…. What's wrong with you? Is this about getting in trouble?" he asked. I rolled my eyes, "I get in trouble every other day, why would I have a huge issue with it now?" I asked. "I dunno guilt, hormones, that time of the month." He chuckled. I rolled my eyes, "Kay well Im fine." I replied. He sighed, sounding hurt. "Well do you wanna go home?" He asked me, obviously not in the mood anymore. "Yeah." I replied. I picked up the burger, wrapped it up and handed it to him to put in his take home box.
Once we got into the car, he turned on the radio. He had no interest in talking to me. The song that came on, made us look at each other swiftly. "Cover my eyes, cover my ears, tell me these words are a lie. It can't be true that I'm loosing you, the sun can not fall from the sky. Can you hear heaven cry, the tears of an angel." it was Tears Of An Angel by Ryan Dan. It had been the song that came on the radio, when Jesse and I got word of my mother's death. His eyes softened, "Wanna visit her?" he asked softly. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and nodded. If there was one person I could tell this to, it was my mom. I had to talk to her. About an hour later Jesse pulled up to the cemetery. "You go on first, I'll catch up." he replied. Thankfully, that meant I had time to tell her. I got out of the car, feeling Jesse's eyes on me.
JESSE'S POV
I watched as Archer walked into the cemetery slowly. What had gotten into her? I mean I knew she was upset about that boy, but this was ridiculous. Her eyes were like daggers, her words like bullets. She was vindictive and mean. I didn't like it. I knew that this had to be more than a boy. Archer wasn't that type of girl. Maybe it was her mom. She had been pretty messed up a few weeks ago. She had gotten caught with some alcohol, obviously trying to numb the pain. I knew all to well that it didn't work, no matter how much you drank. No matter how long you drank it, the pain would always come back and it'd be ten times stronger than the last wave. I sighed, and looked out the window. The weather had taken a turn for the worst. It looked like it was about to rain. I knew Archer wouldn't care, she was probably just happy to get to see her mom. Might as well bring her the umbrella though. I rummaged around in my glove compartment, and pulled out the little white umbrella. I got out of the car, and began making my way to find Archer. When I saw her, she was sitting right on the head stone, her back towards me. I could see her shoulders shaking with sobs. As I got closer what I heard stopped me dead in my tracks, "I wish I had insisted on Jesse driving me mom, because then he wouldn't have gotten far in his attempt to rape me. If I had just said, No Uncle Jesse you need to drive me then none of this would've happened….. I feel so dirty mommy, I feel so awful and disgusting. Is that how its supposed to feel? I mean I don't think sex is supposed to feel that way afterwards, but rape is right? Rape is supposed to make you feel this way, even though your not the one who did it? You didn't even want it." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, was she really confessing to her mom that she had been raped. It couldn't be possible, I had been with her this entire weekend, except for-….. Except for when I let her drive to the store alone, to get the thing she had forgotten. "He did things to me, that I didn't want done…. I know I sound so pathetic but I was raped mom. I was raped. I can't tell anyone either, he said he'd kill everyone but dad. So dad could suffer. Even dead, I couldn't live with dad suffering, he suffers enough everyday without you." she fell silent again. "Archer." I spoke finally. She turned, her eyes wide and her mouth open. "Archer, why didn't you….. Why didn't you say anything." I stammered, my eyes foggy with tears. "Say anything about what Uncle Jesse?" she sniffled, acting like I hadn't just heard everything. I became engrossed with rage, "You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about, why didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you tell anyone?!" I was yelling now, I threw the umbrella down. Her mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. "Why didn't you say anything." I said getting closer to her. "I…. I" and she took off running. "Archer!" I yelled, taking off after her. My anger had caused her to run, I ran after her. She was pretty fast, always had been. She was on the track team two years in a row. I didn't understand how I was catching up to her. I grabbed the back of her hoodie, she screamed. "Uncle Jesse, let me go! Let me go now!" she said punching my chest. She had quite a punch but I wasn't letting go. She fell into my arms, sobbing heavily. "I'm so sorry Uncle Jesse, I'm so sorry!" she sobbed. I felt tears pouring down my cheeks, "It's not your fault, Archer please don't think this is your fault." I said my voice cracking. "I knew I hadn't forgotten anything! I knew it!" she sobbed. "That doesn't make it your fault, sweetie it doesn't!" I said attempting to soothe her. I just riled myself up. I hugged her while she sobbed, my tears wetting her soft hair. How had I let this happen? Why had I not just drove her? It was my responsibility after all. Why couldn't I have thought about her safety? I stood up straighter, I couldn't protect her from what already happened. No matter how much I wished I could, I couldn't. I had to start now, though. If there was anything I could do to make this easier for Archer. "We need to go to the police, honey." I said slowly. She tensed up, "No we can't he said he'd kill us. He said he'd kill us!" She said, pulling away and shaking her head back and forth. I was about to say something when I noticed that her tears had taken away what looked to be cover up. Exposing a large purplish mark on the side of her face. I knew something was wrong with it, I thought it looked swollen all day. "What happened to your face Archer?" I asked, leaning in closer. Her lip quivered. He must've hit her. She was a tough kid, I knew she would not have gone down without a fight. "We need to go to the police." I repeated. "No! Jesse please don't do this. I'm sorry, please, I swear it won't happen again!" She began hyperventilating. Her words scared me more than anything, I couldn't even form a coherent response besides pulling her to the car. She shook with sobs, the entire way to the police station. "Stay here, for just a moment ok honey?" I asked her. She was still in broken sobs, but she nodded, and began biting her nails. I jogged into the police station and walked up to the desk. "I need to report a rape now." I said, my breathe picking up. "A rape? On you?" the women asked. I shook my head, "No my niece, she's in the car." I said tossing my head back towards the car. The women looked over the side of me, her eyes softened at the sight of Archer. "Oh my, ok, fill this out, bring her in and we'll get an officer to you." she said handing me a clip board. Taking it, I turned around and walked outside. "Archer, we need to both go in there…. Are you willing to do that?" I asked. The sight of her, curled up onto the seat, tears pouring down her gorgeous face, the bruise becoming more and more apparent made me want to break down in tears myself. I knew though, that if I was going to help her I had to stay strong. I had to be her rock right now. She nodded, "I don't have much of a choice do I?" she asked rhetorically.