Author's Note: Hello again!
Well, obviously some people think that this story is interesting enough to read and add to their alerts! Thank you so much to all who have reviewed, story alerted or story favourited! You are all officially awesome! And I do apologise profusely for taking so long! I've started my new job at my local hospital and that means I am working all sorts of hours and pretty much falling to sleep when I get home. I have had no time for anything other than work and sleep!
I've been doing some searching on to see if I can find any other fics that are like this and I am coming up empty really... Though I did find a one shot chapter in foraworldundeserving's "Kiss" fic that basically had Blaine finding the notebook (I think it was chapter 30 if any of you are interested!) If you find something similar to this would you please let me know, I'm quite curious? I promise I'm not trying to steal ideas or anything!
Oh, something I should let you know- in this story Blaine is going to be in the same year as Kurt. It seriously bugged me when they made him a year younger in the third series. Besides, I'm sure Blaine has been referred to as a junior in the second season...
WARNING: this chapter contains some swearing.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with glee. That select privilege belongs to those at FOX and the fabulous RIB.
P.S- Don't hate Blaine towards the end... we all know how oblivious he can be, even when things are right in his face! I have you all worried now, don't I? It's nothing too bad, he just... well, I'll just let you read...
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A small thump seemed to echo around the dorm room as Blaine's numb fingers closed the notebook that lay in his lap. His eyes did not move from the object as though it might decide to bite him if he looked away for even a second.
However, the book may have been closed but that didn't mean that Blaine could forget what had been written inside of it.
The words seemed to have been seared into his brain. He could clearly picture each individual letter, each curve of the red heart.
'BLAINE + KURT'.
His breathing hitched for a moment before speeding up. His heart was beating frantically in his chest. A blush slowly rose on his face though whether it was from his own mortification or a second hand emotion that his friend would be feeling if he ever knew Blaine had seen...
…Had seen the doodle Kurt had drawn in his own notebook about himself and Blaine.
'BLAINE + KURT'.
Kurt had written that. Kurt had drawn that. Kurt. Blaine's best friend. Kurt.
The curly haired Warbler really had no idea what to think...
"Honey, we're home!" Wes shouted as he burst into the room, David following a split second later. Blaine jumped as the door slammed against the wall, his gaze finally being teared away from the notebook as his eyes landed on his friends.
Wes and David had moved into the room and dropped down onto Wes' bed. Their arms were filled with chocolate bars and bags of chips that they had somehow managed to get from the kitchen staff. The grins that stretched their faces slowly dimmed as they took in the glazed look in Blaine's eyes and the somewhat blank look on his face.
"Blaine? You okay there?" David asked, concerned. Blaine's eyes seemed to focus a little on the other two boys as his mouth opened. The council members waited patiently as Blaine's mouth opened and closed several times, choked noises being the only things that seemed to want to escape his throat.
After a few minutes of waiting, Wes decided to try and help the situation along.
"Is it about Kurt and why he left?" he cautiously asked.
Blaine hesitated briefly before nodding. Wes and David waited yet again, but this time Blaine didn't even seem to attempt to speak up.
David sighed, "Blaine, if you don't tell us what went on and why Kurt left, then we can't help you figure out what you did and how you can fix the sit-"
"Does Kurt have a crush on me?"
The words tumbled out of the lead singer's mouth without his permission. As soon as he realised what he had just said, his cheeks flamed with heat and his mouth closed with a snap. His eyes flickered down to look at the book in his lap before they rose again to stare at his friends.
David's mouth still hung open from being interrupted while Wes' eyebrows seemed to have disappeared into his hairline. The two boys blinked a few times as they tried to process the question. Once they had determined that yes, Blaine actually had asked that, they turned slightly to look at one another, indecision in their eyes.
Blaine did not miss that look in his unrelenting gaze. His mind had already concluded what their hesitance meant but that did not stop the "Please?" that croaked out of his throat. He shifted slightly in his seat, restless with the information that was being thrown into his mind and the bizarrely warm feeling that was slowly spreading through his stomach. What was that?
The two Warblers shared one last short look before they turned back to the smaller boy, their expressions wary.
David coughed nervously.
"Er, yeah. Yeah, he does."
Wes closed his eyes briefly as he let out a sigh; trust David to be so articulate at a moment like this. Though, to be fair, Wes probably wouldn't have done much better than that.
It was like Blaine had been punch with an iron fist; all of the air seemed to once again rush from his lungs as he slumped forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees, his face in his hands and the notebook tucked into his stomach.
Wes and David could do nothing but watch Blaine struggle to breath. They both stayed quiet knowing that their friend needed a moment to collect himself. Neither boy quite knew what was going on- they had had no idea that Blaine would ask them what he did and they were unsure what made him ask it, or if that question had something to do with Kurt's sudden one night disappearing act. But what they did know was that it was best to wait for Blaine to carry on the conversation, if he wanted to at all. Both of them had found out in the past that it was never a good idea to make Blaine talk about something he didn't want to; their experiences from when the smaller boy had first transferred was enough for them to remember that particular lesson.
Blaine blew out a big gust of air before swallowing another lungful of oxygen. With a barely-heard groan he sat up and ran his hands down his face.
"Shit."
David raised one eyebrow and turned to share an incredulous look with Wes. Well, that was unexpected.
One thing the boys of Dalton had quickly learned about the soloist was this: the only time Blaine Anderson swore was when something was seriously, seriously wrong. At any other time he was the same old dapper Blaine with impeccable manners that could charm just about anyone. It was like a sign that the end was coming if a profanity escaped his lips and the Warblers generally took such an occasion as a danger sign.
The fact that he was saying such words now only caused the two Warblers to worry even more. They shared a few more glances but neither of them could quite figure out what to say or how to comfort their obviously distressed friend. They felt like they had become silent witnesses to some sort of mental breakdown.
As his friends tried to find a way to comfort him, Blaine was struggling to accept the fact that his best friend apparently had a crush on him.
When on earth had that happened? How had it happened? Blaine had thought that Kurt had only ever seen him as the mentor he had always tried to be. Ever since he had seen Kurt on that staircase and had heard what was going on with the boy at McKinley, the curly haired Warbler had tried his best to be the friend and protector that Kurt had so obviously needed. Nobody else had been there for him like that in his life- except, of course, for Burt Hummel- so Blaine had taken up that role. And he had never regretted it, not even when Karofsky had shoved him into the fencing, or when he had driven to and from Lima practically every day, or when Kurt had called him at almost two in the morning in tears. How could he regret it when he had gained his closest friend out of it?
Sure, Wes, David, Nick, Jeff and the rest of the Warblers were brilliant and he couldn't ask for better people to consider his family, but with Kurt everything just seemed so effortless. He could talk to Kurt about things he felt he couldn't mention to the other guys and he knew that Kurt never judged him (well, except for when it came to his extensive bow tie collection. Kurt claimed that Blaine must have some kind mental problem that had led to his obsession. The fashionista had not been impressed when Blaine had pointed out the numerous scarves he himself owned, however…).
But now it appeared that Kurt had been wanting more from their friendship, wanting more from him. And Blaine had absolutely no idea how to deal with it. Don't get him wrong, it wasn't like he didn't think Kurt was attractive. His heart had almost stopped when he had turned around on that staircase and seen the beyond gorgeous being that was Kurt Hummel. With his porcelain skin that almost glowed, his striking glasz eyes, and stunningly sculpted face, Blaine had had to give himself quite a few mental shakes before giving his hand to the beautiful boy and introducing himself. Even a blind man could tell that Kurt was uniquely handsome.
It wasn't even just his looks that made him attractive though- Kurt could sing like an angel one moment and defend someone to the high heavens the next. He was fiercely loyal, cutting with his words when needed, yet brilliantly smart and he was genuinely one of the nicest people Blaine had ever had the fortune of meeting. He almost ached from how lovely Kurt was sometimes and he couldn't help admire him sometimes as his stomach fluttered. Kurt was everything he wanted to be and wished he was in life. He could never match up to that.
Yes, Blaine had known how to help Kurt in the past. He had known what to say, what to do and he had learned how to deal with all things Kurt. But this…. The crush his best friend apparently had on him… he had no idea what to do.
Blaine wanted to growl in frustration. How had this happened? How on earth had he not noticed it? How had Wes and David noticed it and not him?
Blaine's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at the two opposite him.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
The slightly hysterical and accusing tone of their friend's voice caused the two Warblers to wince slightly. After minutes of silence they had lost all hope of Blaine ever speaking about it at all. The two boys had no idea what to say and the sudden change in their friend- and the glare he was drilling into their heads- scared them slightly. Not that they'd ever admit to such a thing, of course…
"W-what do you mean?" Wes spoke up. His throat was dry with nerves as Blaine's stare froze, yet scorched them further.
"Why didn't you tell me that Kurt had a crush on me? I mean, you obviously both knew about it!"
"We all thought you knew!" David hurried out. "With the way you act with one ano-"
"'We all'? What do you mean 'we all thought'?" Blaine cut across him. His face had dropped with disbelief after he had visibly blanched. David winced.
"Well…. Everyone, really." The darker Warbler scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Blaine continued to stare at him as the horrible truth settled in his brain.
'Dear lord, everyone knew about this except for me…'
The soloist couldn't help but voice his confusion. "How did you all know about this but not me?"
Wes almost snorted. As much as he loved Blaine, the boy was absolutely clueless. Anyone with a brain could see how Kurt's heart shone in his eyes whenever Blaine was around. And lesser people also saw how Blaine obviously felt the exact same way, despite the fact that the boy didn't seem to notice it himself.
"Look, Blaine," he started in a slightly frustrated tone. "everyone knows about this because you two are always flirting with one another-"
"We do not!" Blaine squeaked as his cheeks once again flushed bright red. David jumped in at this point.
"-Singing lovey-dovey songs to one another-"
"We appreciate the classics-" Blaine protested.
"-Holding hands down the corridors-" Wes drawled.
"Friends can hold hands!" The blush was getting brighter.
"-Whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears-" David's lips were starting to twitch as he watched the boy across from him become more flustered by the moment.
"They are just jokes!"
"-Going on coffee dates-"
"They are not dates!" Blaine practically shouted as he leaped to his feet. Wes and David tried their best to keep their faces neutral as Blaine towered over them (as much as the small boy could, anyway).
Blaine opened and closed his mouth a few times yet again but further denials of his and Kurt's so called behaviour seemed to get lost on their way to his mouth. The two on the opposite bed waited again for a few minutes but Blaine seemed content to just glower at them. Wes sighed.
"Listen, this is getting us nowhere. Yes, Kurt has a crush on you and yes, everybody but you knew about it. Now we have that sorted out, why don't you tell us how you found out about Kurt's crush and what you did that made him storm off home?"
Blaine sat down slowly as he let out a deep breath. He couldn't tell Wes and David about the notebook. No way. That was something incredibly private and he knew that Kurt would never forgive him if he showed off the drawing. At the same time, however, he also knew that David and Wes would not be satisfied until he told them how. They would not let him just brush it off.
"Guys, I found out by seeing something Kurt had written. I'm not going to show you," he hastily added as both boys opened their mouths. "All you need to know is that I found out and that is that."
Wes and David shared a look and silently agreed not to ask any more about it. They did however decide that Blaine was not going to get away with avoiding what had happened earlier with Kurt.
"Blaine. Why did Kurt go home?"
Blaine grimaced at that question. As he had been talking with his friends some realisations had slowly been sinking into his brain.
Kurt's behaviour earlier in the library made sense now. Now that he knew Kurt liked him, the reason he had seemed so sad when Blaine was talking on and on about the Gap Attack seemed so obvious; Blaine just hadn't known enough to recognise it. And that was something that was beginning to niggle in Blaine's brain.
Kurt had simply sat there and denied the fact that he was upset even though his crush was flaunting the fact that he liked someone else in his face. Kurt was a good enough friend to stand behind Blaine in rehearsals as he tried to perfect the love song he wanted to sing to another boy. Kurt had simply encouraged him when Blaine had started to freak out and doubt himself. Kurt had stood beside him the entire time, all the while having his heart broken.
It made Blaine want to cry. He had unknowingly been hurting his best friend deeply with this whole Valentine's Day plan. And Kurt had done nothing about it but be supportive the entire time.
"Blaine." Wes' gently prodding voice broke him out of his revere. He looked up at his friends and found them patiently waiting for him to explain. Well David was being patient- Wes had his eyebrow raised and his arms folded. Blaine half expected him to whip out his gavel and call him to order.
Running his hands through his hair and completely disregarding the fact that his fingers were now coated in gel, Blaine sat back against the wall and decided he best get this all over with.
"I went to the library earlier to study and found Kurt at one of the tables. He looked a bit off and strained when he said hello to me but I decided not to ask about it. You know how he can get sometimes when he doesn't want to talk about something."
"What, you mean how he acts exactly like you do in the same situation?" Blaine smirked at him. Wes's lips twitched and Blaine was back to scowling at the older boy.
"Shut up." David simply winked at him and Blaine rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Kurt said that I looked cheerful and I told him it was because I could not wait until Monday…"
Wes winced slightly and Blaine nodded his head at him.
"Yeah. I know. It gets worse though. I just couldn't stop going on and on about how excited I was, and how great it was all going to go and how wonderful you all were for helping me with it all."
David grimaced sympathetically. "Poor Kurt."
"I feel so bad about it now. There I was, practically rubbing his face in it! And he just sat there and listened to me drone on and on about how amazing it is going to be singing to this guy. With his help!"
"You didn't know though, Blaine," Wes reminded him in a soft voice.
"Still!" Blaine practically exploded from his perch on his bed as he leapt up and began to pace frantically. David and Wes watched with concern as Blaine dragged his hands through his haor yet again and looked like he was gping to burst into tears.
"Blaine-" David started to talk but Blaine simply continued to rant as though he had never heard him.
"I saw the look on his face as I was talking! He looked so devastated and upset and it was all my fault! But I didn't know why! I didn't know that I was basically stabbing him with each word about the Gap Attack! I wouldn't blame him if he never spoke to me again! And when I asked why he was upset and why he had been acting funny all week, he just tried to act like nothing was wrong! He tried to deny it and then all I could do was tell him that everything was going to be okay, that it was perfectly normally for guys to be alone on Valentine's Day and that if he just followed my example, he would find someone and that it would all work out, he wasn't going… wasn't going to…. Be a-alone forever…."
Blaine stopped in his tracks as it suddenly hit him exactly what he had done to cause Kurt to run back to Lima. He felt like someone had just dropped the whole of Dalton on top of his gelled head. His mouth dropped at his own stupidity and his eyes widened comically. He slowly turned back to his friends.
There was silence. Blaine couldn't even blink. Wes and David simply gaped up at him incredulously. None of them moved.
Then David threw his head backwards and let out a great roar of laughter as Wes slumped forwards and buried his head in his hands.
"Holy shit Blaine, you didn't!" The Asian Warbler groaned. David had fallen back and was practically convulsing on the bed as tears streamed down his face while he cackled. Blaine looked like he was about to throw up.
"D-dude!" David managed to get out through great gasps of air. "You fucking moron!"
"Oh my god," Blaine mumbled to himself as he sank back down and mirrored Wes' position. The head Warbler groaned again before lifting his head and staring disbelievingly at his friend.
"Blaine, you….. you…. Dear god, I hope he slapped the shit out of you."
David sniggered at that as he tried to regain his composure. "No wonder he left!"
"Blaine, how could you do that?" Wes asked him in a high pitched voice. He was still staring at Blaine as though he had never seen him in his life.
"I didn't know…" was all Blaine could come up with. He was still appalled by what he had done and wasn't able to comprehend much else.
"So? Do you have any idea how patronising that would have been even if Kurt didn't love you?" Blaine winced at that.
"Kurt doesn't love me…" he half-heartedly pointed out. David laughed again as Wes face palmed.
"Blaine that is so not the point! You absolute-"
The beginning of his rant was cut off by the sound of Blaine's cell phone buzzing on his night stand. Greatfull for the distraction and opportunity to delay Wes' rampage for a few moments, he quickly unlocked it, half hoping the text was from Kurt.
Hey, we still on for tonight?
No, it wasn't Kurt.
Yeah, I'm just setting off now. See you soon :) – B
"I don't blame Kurt for leaving after what you said to him! I mean, Jesus Christ Blaine- wait, where are you going?" This time Wes cut his own rant off as he watched Blaine stand up from his bed and grab his jacket and scarf.
"Meeting Jeremiah for coffee." He answered as though it was obvious as he pocketed his phone and grabbed his car keys.
David immediately sobered up. "Dude, are you serious?"
"Yeah. We arranged it earlier and I'm going to be late if I don't leave now."
Wes and David once more gaped at their friend. Blaine ignored their expressions and reached to open the door.
"Blaine!" Wes shouted out in shock. Blaine paused in the open door, one triangular eyebrow raised. "You're seriously going to meet him now? After everything we have just talked about?"
Blaine sighed. "We've been through this, yes I am going to go and meet Jeremiah."
"But what about Kurt-" David began in a shocked voice only to be cut off by Blaine.
"Look, what do you want me to do? Kurt isn't here and he probably won't answer his phone so I can't apologise. And even if I could, then what? Kurt has feelings for me, but I like Jeremiah. I can't do anything about it."
"Do you seriously think we don't know how you feel about-" Wes was the one to try and speak.
"I'm going out. See you later." Blaine hurriedly stated in a blank voice. He couldn't even look them in the eyes as he stepped out of the door and shut it behind him.
Wes and David sat in silence as they listened to the sound of Blaine's footsteps disappear down the hallway. Neither of them moved as they tried to process what had just happened.
Eventually David decided to sum up both of their thoughts out loud.
"What a fucking idiot."
-/-/-/-/-GLEE-/-/-/-/-
Author's Note 2:
Well, what did you think?
Sorry again about the long wait! I shall try to be quicker next time!
Any thoughts or ideas? Review? Pretty please?