19
Sarah POV
Silence and tension were so heavy in the air, I thought I was suffocating. My body was getting colder from Malfoy's mark, and his cold, strong hands holding my left arm to him kept me firmly in place. He stared down at it, expression shocked, then angry, then unfathomable. He noticed when my left hand started to shake, and when my skin was suddenly icy to his touch. Then his gaze rested on my face, even though I looked past him for a long time. His look alone was the first to make me feel ashamed of having the mark, as if I was letting those around me down by having it. But his gaze didn't question, label or condemn, it was gentle and curious. He was waiting, calculating my every move. His silence demanded an explanation I wasn't 100% willing to give. Finally, my body overrode my heart and mind. My arm yanked out of his grasp, unwilling to stand being so close to him any longer. I looked up at him and then quickly back down. Malfoy looked almost apologetic, as if he just realized the motivations behind my reaction. He discreetly leaned his left arm back, propping him self up but keeping it farther away from me, something I appreciated. Slowly, I brought my left arm up until my wrist was right on my heart, the heat and steady rhythm gradually adding much needed heat to it. I curled my right hand around my left wrist, feeling my pulse beat again under my fingertips, the tendons standing out angrily with the mark. "What is it?" Malfoy's silky voice, surprisingly calm, broke the silence. It took me a second to register what he asked, and I blinked, looking up at him. How could he not know? He was a Death Eater for Merlin's sake.
"That's sick, that they didn't tell you." I said strongly, and he rolled his eyes, impatient.
"What is it?" He demanded, drumming his wand on his fancy black dress shoe.
"It's a 'recruiter's mark'. They were designed by Death Eaters in the first War to mark wizards by force that they wanted to join their ranks. The mark forms a mental connection between the Death Eater and the one marked. It's specifically designed to keep wizards from hiding. It burns the one marked when Death Eaters are near, and they feel it too. It's like a guide to finding the marked." I said very softly, figuring there was no way out of the lie now. I heard Malfoy suck in a breath, but I refused to look at him.
Finally, he said, "Why would anyone mark you? You're a Mudblood." I looked up at him furiously, almost shoving the mark under his nose so that he'd see it, and never forget what it was.
"Do you think I asked for it, Malfoy? You think I like having it on me, the connection to a Death Eater, the pain, the fainting and the seizures? You're a prat." I snarled, moving to stand up, but one of his hands shot out to place itself on my shoulder, urging me to sit back down. I glared at him but plopped back down. He still had my wand behind him anyway, and the time it would take me to Summon it mentally would give him enough time to hex me.
"My Aunt marked you, didn't she?" He asked after a second, and I felt my left hand reflexively curl into a fist on my lap.
"Last year, when Harry thought his godfather was kidnapped by Voldemort-" I smirked at him when he flinched, "-in the Department of Mysteries. I tricked Bellatrix into thinking I had the prophecy they were after, even though it was only a glass sphere. We dueled, and she didn't kill me. Apparently, that makes me a 'worthy pure blood', so she marked me." I spat 'worthy pure blood', my knuckles turning white when my fist clenched tighter.
"And why haven't you told anyone about my status?" Malfoy challenged, and I threw a look at him. I'd have to tell him everything now, everything personal I swore never to tell. This would be difficult- I'd have to choose my words carefully.
"The connection between the Death Eater and the marked only gets stronger with time. Over the summer, when I was mostly alone, she got stronger, and when she does, I have dreams about what she's done or doing, and vice versa. I had several over the summer, and they all pointed to the fact that there would be a new Death Eater, one who'd go to Hogwarts for his mission. But when the Order came and got me, I was too far possessed to remember most of them. On my first day of classes when I was in that corridor…" I cut myself off, unable to continue. "Bellatrix attacked me so that I couldn't go to Dumbledore. She placed a kind of 'mind block' in my head that keeps me from speaking of it to anyone, not even you. I can't write it down, confirm or deny it by any means, not even by memory." I spoke to the carpet for most of it, only looking up when Malfoy twitched when I said 'possessed'.
"You were dreaming before you woke up." He put together, and it wasn't a question.
"You're mum is worried about you. Bellatrix was speaking with her." I edited what I'd actually seen, especially when Malfoy stiffened.
"So why the hell are you trying to help me? You know nothing about me- what if I like being what I am?" Malfoy challenged, his voice hardening over. I'd lost any compassion that was left in him when I mentioned his mother. He stood up, and I shot up with him, making sure to stare hard into his grey eyes. Mentally, I called my wand.
"Because you've already admitted some weakness. If you were true in your actions, you wouldn't have diddled around with the necklace and the poison." I snapped, and shot my hand out to pluck my wand from thin air. "Now, feel as empowered as you like, but know that others suspect you, even though I can't say a word. I'm not the only one you should worry about." I continued, taking a step back and wobbling back almost four. I'd lost all track of time, but I knew that I'd been in the Room awhile, alone with a Death Eater. My Occlumency lesson was only yesterday. Even if I hated to admit it, I was weak, and Malfoy didn't miss it. He jerked, as if to steady me, but again, like last year, thought better of it. When I'd been stumbling backward, he'd opened his mouth and closed it, as if to respond to what I'd said about him. "Remember, you can always make a change, Draco. The Order can protect you, no matter what the case." I said, rubbing my left wrist, which was aching with pain. He just looked at me, clearly torn. "Seriously, Draco, you and I are only sixteen! You've got your whole life to either plan or regret." I tried to be persuasive, but I was inching for the chair the whole time as I spoke. Deciding to forgo any act of strength, I sank back into the chair, laying my wand over my trembling knees.
"I-I can't accept your offer. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I have to do this." Malfoy forced out, unknowingly standing up straighter, even though his face tightened, as if he expected to be hit. "Here," He offered his left arm (always a gentleman), and I stood. I wanted to shake him and argue with him some more, but I was totally drained, and he'd made it clear, no matter how painfully, that right now he couldn't accept it. He walked me through the mountains of trash and curious items until we reached the door.
"Even if you don't want the Order's help," I said as he went to open the door for me, "come and talk to me anytime." His hand froze on the knob, and he looked at me in surprise. "If I can't convince you otherwise, I should at least keep you from going mad, even if you are an arrogant Slytherin." I teased lightly, trying to at least keep up the mood. I had no intention on giving up my quest, but if he trusted me, his conscience might make him do it all on his own. As if waking from a dream, Malfoy jerked to life, sliding his arm out of mine and opening the door. With a tiny smile and a nod of my head, I stepped out of the Room. The door swung shut behind me and disappeared into the stone. For a moment, I only stood exactly where I'd stopped, pondering what had just happened. I'd done all the talking, but Malfoy gave away more information then he'd known. I started back for the Common Room at a slow pace, willing my freezing, stiff body to warm up again. Malfoy hadn't hexed me when he first saw that I was in there, and he'd listened to everything I had to say. He'd scorned me once for being Muggleborn, that was understandable, but what was surprising was the fact that he didn't do it again. Malfoy had been downright polite, minus scorching my collarbone and…shit! I stopped dead in the hallway and felt under my left sleeve. Malfoy, in his desire to see what the hell was on my left arm, had torn off my bracelet from Mrs. Weasley, and I hadn't put it back on. Cursing my forgetfulness, I started walking again. I had my Christmas gift from Hermione to wear anyway, and I could easily Transfigure anything into a new bracelet. As I walked through the castle, trying to clear my mind for Occlumency purposes, I realized that it was actually quite late, almost dinner time. I must have slept for longer than I'd thought. Hermione would be frantic, but I knew that Harry and Ron would be downright nosy to know where I'd been.
"There you are." Harry's surprisingly cold voice stopped me as soon as I stepped through the portrait hole. The Common Room was empty minus him and Ron- everyone had to be at dinner.
"Look at her. You've been with a Death Eater today, haven't you?" Ron demanded, and I lifted my chin defiantly, ready for a fight. "Sarah, enough is enough. Tell us the truth."
"I've never lied to you." I said clearly, and that wasn't a lie either. If I really thought about it, I hadn't been lying to my friends at all, I just wasn't saying anything. Harry snorted.
"Fine then, you haven't told us what's bothering you, and we know it has to do with a Death Eater. You've been following Malfoy a lot lately. That's what you were doing today, isn't it?" He accused, and I stalked closer to them, anger already rising. They had a right to be concerned. They had a right to ask me once or twice if I was alright. But then they should've let it go.
"How do you know that I was following Malfoy, Harry? Maybe I was feeling ill today and decided to go to the Hospital Wing, or to Dumbledore, huh? Maybe it's not just about your ridiculous obsession with Malfoy and it's about me?!" I almost shouted at him. As per the usual, that surprised Harry, me shouting so quickly, but not Ron.
"Because you went off the map!" He shouted right back, pointing down at the table between Harry and him. Sure enough, my traitor, the Marauders Map, was resting on it, open and functioning. "Guess who else magically disappeared, like he always does? Malfoy. You went somewhere with Malfoy, that's why you look so ill, and that's why you skipped classes." Ron charged me, throwing a look at Harry to back him up.
"We've asked McGonagall, Madam Pompfrey, and even Dumbledore for Merlin's sake if they know something-" Harry started, but I shouted right over him.
"You went to Dumbledore? Merlin, Harry, what is your problem?!" I demanded in disbelief, but he yelled right over me, furious that I'd interrupted him.
"He told me to trust you! Frankly, we've been having a hard time doing that. Tell us once and for all, WHAT IS BUGGING YOU?!" He roared, taking a step forward, getting in my face.
"I've told you before, but you won't listen to me! There are some things I can't tell you! Don't you get it?! I CAN'T!" I cried back, trying to keep my resolve and not burst into tears. It was sad that I'd had a more civilized conversation with Malfoy then with my own friends.
"No, Sarah, it's not that you 'can't'. It's that you WON'T!" Ron bellowed, and I felt my vision start to blur with tears.
"I want to; you don't know how bad it feels not being able to! Do you think I enjoy keeping things from you, not being able to tell anyone what's going to happen, what I've seen?!" I nearly shouted myself hoarse, feeling tears well over and the room began to darken. Harry started to shout something back when I barely heard myself choke, the heel of my left hand shooting to my head when it literally shook inside. Bellatrix was on the other side, pounding down the gates to my mind, feeling my anger, my mixed emotions and most importantly, my weakness. With a great, shuddering gasp, my body froze, tears still wet on my face as I put all my energy frantically into a pileup, trying to remember my Occlumency, and how to repel a mental attack.
"Sarah? Sarah?" Harry's voice was from far away, and he slowly was coming closer, looking very frightened, but I couldn't fathom why. Even though I was fighting Bellatrix hard, I could feel my eyes widening with terror- she was going to get in. Feeling my defeat already, she pushed hard and broke through, making me scream with pain and the world instantly go dark.