21
Draco POV
As soon as she'd stepped over the threshold and the door had shut, I picked up the nearest object and threw it. Stalking angrily through the room, I swept my arm through piles of trash, knocking objects aside. No one had ever been truly nice to me, they'd always wanted something in return, favor, power, something. But Sarah had shown up here at her own risk, at her own pain to try and save me. She didn't even know what my reaction would have been! I couldn't even see her as a Mudblood anymore, despite all the rumors and lies my parents had told me about them. They said they leeched magic off of others, had thicker blood, used their wands backwards, anything to get me to believe them and hate them like all other purebloods. Sarah was the glaringly obvious contradiction that woke me up from the lies- she was selfless, strong, and most importantly, patient. When I'd turned down her offer, she'd gotten up and left when I'd asked her to, just like that. Jerking to a halt in front of the Vanishing Cabinet, I noticed the hand-knitted bracelet she always wore to cover the mark was still lying on the floor. I'd ripped it in half in my haste, and looking at it made me burn with shame. I was such an idiot, I was letting myself be played, letting my life be decided for me. Stooping, I picked it up and sat heavily in the chair she'd occupied, turning the broken band over and over in my fingers.
I wanted to rebel, to wrench my life back from my parents and their choices and be free. Sarah's simple actions had disabused me from all I'd ever known; a shocker, it was true, but once the initial shock faded, it only made sense. Take her offer. My heart seemed to say, speeding up slightly at the thought of it. No one would ever accept me or trust me, maybe not even her. It would put me in a totally isolated position; no family, no support, nothing. But would it be worth it, I'd be free.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I knew it wasn't just about me. If I was to break away from the Death Eaters, my family would be punished for it. The mission I'd been assigned was their lifeline, and it would either doom or save the Malfoy family. Even if I'd been lied to and misled, I couldn't let my family get the rap for what I wanted to do. You know you can't do it. My head said in a condescending tone. You have no choice; you must remain loyal to the Dark Lord. Could I swallow my pride and have the courage to go in a new direction, contrary to what everyone thought of me, of the Malfoy family? Closing my fist around her bracelet, I stood, glaring halfheartedly at the Vanishing Cabinet. I couldn't make this decision, not when I was furiously angry and sad for what had happened to Sarah, a girl I didn't even know. Her strange behavior and appearance all made sense now, but it was sick. She couldn't sleep comfortably; she'd lost a lot of weight, and being at school made her feel ill all the time. Strange protectiveness rose in me- she shouldn't have to live like that, at the mercy of a deranged Death Eater. It was shocking, how much damage that mark was doing, and how Bellatrix could do it. Why would anyone feel joy hurting someone that much? I opened my hand and looked at the bracelet. Couldn't I do both? Couldn't I protect her and my family at the same time? She'd shared to me, now I had to share back about how even if I didn't want to do this, it was my duty.
I hated to admit it, but I needed help. The only person who could help me in Hogwarts was Snape. I left the Room then and started out for Snape's office. As I passed through the hallways, I slipped Sarah's bracelet into my pocket- I'd have to give it back to her. Arriving at Snape's door, I knocked.
"Come in," he called peevishly, as usual. As I walked in and closed the door, I didn't miss the mingled look of surprise on his face before he banished it for a slightly bored look. I'd told him to stay away from me ever since he made the mistake of mentioning my father at Slughorn's Christmas Party. He was locked away in Azkaban for failing the Dark Lord. The only way to get him out was to get Voldemort back in power. "Draco," He greeted me coolly, going back to grading the papers on his desk.
"She knows," I tried to say it just as calmly, but I sounded slightly hoarse, something I hated. Snape always treated me like a child- too emotionally compromised and fragile to be a Death Eater. Maybe he was right. Snape's quill stopped. "You know who I'm talking about."
"You're still here, aren't you? She obviously can't do anything about it, Draco. She's just trying to intimidate you." Snape said, starting to write again, not even looking up.
"She got into the Room of Requirement. She's offered—things." I caught myself quickly, but Snape missed nothing. He laid down his quill and looked at me carefully. For a second, we only stared at each other, his eyes narrowing slightly. Then Snape seemed to take a deep breath.
"Draco, I've seen your reluctance, and it's completely alright, completely natural. If you wished to leave the Dark Lord's service—I could aid you in that regard." He offered quietly, not breaking eye contact with me, and I blinked. What?! Snape, the Dark Lord's most trusted servant was offering me a way out? Snape was committing perfidy? Seconds later, I realized it was a trick- I was being tested for loyalty. The Dark Lord had probably set him up to this.
"If you think I would break with the Death Eaters, you are obviously mistaken." I said coldly, through gritted teeth. This would cost me, thinking that I could trust Snape again. He'd speak of this to the Dark Lord; my suspicious behavior, my reluctance, my hesitation. "It's because you think I'm weak, isn't it? You think I'm a child!" I accused him blindly, displaced anger making me speak harshly.
"No, Draco, that wasn't my point. However, if you don't want my help, then fine. You've made it clear that you certainly are not a child." Snape snapped, snatching up his quill again.
"What protection could you give me? No one is above the Dark Lord; no one can or should go against his wishes, against his power." I shot back, and he tensed for a second, I'd hit a soft spot. But I was curious, if Snape was actually serious, not acting on someone's orders, what could he do for me? It was very suspicious of him to tense up when I'd questioned him, and it made me wonder if this wasn't all a test after all. Snape looked up- eyes cold again. I must have imagined him in a moment of weakness- Snape would always be loyal to the Dark Lord, it was his nature.
"Very wise of you, to remember what you've been taught. However, if you were willing to listen—where are you going?" He demanded irritably as I turned and started for the door. I didn't want to listen, not to his lies, his tricks. Snape was devious as hell, and I couldn't trust him not to turn on me. That moment when I thought that maybe, just maybe he was disloyal had been a figment of my overly hopeful imagination. Besides, if he was going to try to trick a Malfoy, then I didn't want to speak to him anyway. I wanted to approach Sarah again, to give back her bracelet and then to try and gain her trust. I needed a reason to trust her, and maybe she'd offer that again.
"To talk to Wimkil." I snapped, glaring back at him. Like it was any of his business.
"I'm afraid that will be impossible." Snape said loftily, starting to grade papers again.
"Why?" I demanded, thrown completely off course. I wondered what the hell his problem was. "Because you don't want me to?"
"No, Draco, she's in the Hospital Wing. Apparently your Aunt provoked a round of seizures." Snape smirked at his paper as I froze. "I'm afraid she is… unavailable." Panic slammed into my mind, but I didn't let it show. Was my only link to freedom about to be crushed? Had my Aunt destroyed my only hope? He looked up, raising an eyebrow at me, considering I was still standing frozen in his office. I blinked then scowled, trying to cover up yet another one of my mistakes.
"That'll only make it easier," I snapped, storming out of his office, starting to panic once I was out of Snape's sight. He was useless now, and the only person who was willing and could help me now was Sarah. Now I didn't even know if she was alright, if she'd been hurt, if Bellatrix had violated her mind, nothing. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I needed her, and I couldn't lose her now.
I needed to see her and talk to her as soon as possible.