Hidan glared at the room of whispering, giggling fangirls.

"Shut the fuck up!" He yelled. "I'm fucking trying to teach a fucking class here!"

The class fell dead silent. Hidan smirked.

"Alright, bitches. Today, I'm gonna teach you morons about the basics of proper grammar. Let me make one thing perfectly clear: if you mother fuckers can't string together a coherent sentence, you have no business writing."

A girl in the back of the class raised her hand.

"Yeah, what the hell is it?" Hidan snapped.

"Um, I was wondering…does Kakuzu ever, like, do anything to you with those tentacle things of his?"

Hidan's face bypassed all shades of pink and turned a bright maroon.

"…What."

"You know, does he ever, like, tie you up and screw you with his tentacle things?"

"Hell no!" Hidan yelled, the furious blush spreading down his face and onto his neck. "Why the hell would Kakuzu ever fuck me?"

"Because he loves you."

Hidan felt like he was about to vomit.

"I'm gonna ignore that comment and move on to the lesson."

Hidan took a whiteboard marker and began to write.

"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)."

"You all should know where this piece of shit comes from," Hidan told the class. "This little pile of absolute shit comes from a little fanfic called My Immortal. It is the most infamous example of shitty fanfiction, but it is also one of the most useful. It might as well be a guide for how not to write a fanfic."

He pinched the bridge of his nose to regain his composure before speaking again.

"For one, this is a fucking run-on sentence, you got me? As in, the sentence runs on way too fucking long. Any questions?"

No hands went up.

"Good. Now listen; you don't use more than one 'and' in a fucking sentence, unless it somehow adds to the impact of said fucking sentence. Got me? Good. Now, I'm gonna show you how to correct this monstrosity."

He took the marker and began to make corrections.

"Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back. My icy blue eyes are like limpid tears, and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee.

"See how much better it looks?" Hidan said, in a baby-talk voice. "I put cute widdle periods wite where they need to go, and the widdle commas, too. See how nice and pwetty it looks?"

He looked out at the class, eyes narrowed.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's still a piece of shit. But it's a readable piece of shit."

He tapped his finger against the desk in a rhythmic sort of way.

"Notice how I removed the author's note," Hidan pointed out. "Not only is posting author's notes in the story itself against the guidelines for that fanfiction website you probably all post on, but it is really damn annoying."

"But what if someone has something really important to say in the middle of the story?" A blonde girl asked.

"Then you stop being a pussy and stick it at either the beginning or the end of the chapter. There is nothing that you can say that is so goddamned important that it can't wait until you've finished the story. Trust me, nobody wants to read your random little blurbs when they're trying to read a story."

Hidan turned back to face the whiteboard, tapping the end of the marker against his lips.

"Now, I'm gonna let you girls in on a little secret," he said, grinning. "You can actually get rid of this whole sentence altogether."

Whispers swept through the crowd. Hidan took a marker and erased the whole thing.

"Nobody wants to waste time reading about what your shitty character looks like. There; that is the secret."

"But where else will we be able to tell people what they look like?"

"Blondie again, huh? I guess blondes really are stupid. There is a rule called 'Show, Don't Tell.' If you can't find some other creative way to tell people how your character looks, then you shouldn't be writing shit in the first place."

The girl looked down, tears sparkling in her eyes.

"Alrighty then, I'm just gonna move along."

He began to write some more.

"OMG!1!11!" Character X screamed. "That is so fucking awesome!11!11!1!1!"

"For the love of Jashin, do not do this!" Hidan moaned. "In no circumstances do you need to have more than one exclamation point. One. Got it, fuckers?"

"But-"

"Okay, bitch, if you open your mouth to speak one more time, I swear I will fucking kill you!"

The blonde girl fell silent, biting back a sob.

"Then, there's this:"

He wrote on the board again.

Character X...Action Y

"No. Just no. Only one set of three periods for the fucking ellipses. No more, and no less. So it should read a little something like this:"

He took out the eraser and rewrote the sentence.

Character X…Action Y.

"Got it?"

Half the class had been reduced to sobbing. The other half seemed torn between confusion and anger.

"Good. Now, we're gonna move on to proper spelling."

Once again, he picked up the marker and began to write.

"Lyke, OMG, ur gonna get klled doin tat!1!1!1!111!1!" Rsndim Mry Su screamd.

"I assume most of you use Microsoft Word. It's called spell check. It shows up when you press the F7 key. Fucking use it. And for the love of Jashin, do not use text lingo in a story or I will find you cunts and kill you in your sleep."

He wrote another sentence underneath the first.

"You're gonna get killed doing that!" Random Mary Sue screamed.

"That's better."

Hidan mulled some things over in his mind.

"I think that just about covers everything for this lesson…no, wait, there's one more thing! Hold on a second…"

(FLASHBACK)

Random actions and descriptions. Lots of fucking words.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

"If you feel the need to signify flashbacks, then you're a retard. Any questions?"

Nobody dared to move.

"Oh yeah! And remember to capitalize the first word in a sentence. I'm out, bitches. I'll see ya later!"