This chapter is kinda a lot of talking so don't mind much!
Before I sign off, would it be too much to ask you lovely people to respond to a poll on my profile? Just gonna take a minute! I'm going to get super busy so I only have time for oneshots and basically my poll is asking what oneshots you all would like! If all the pairings will get a vote each, well, guess I'm going to have to write all of them XD
Proceed…
Ichigo suddenly stopped walking, his anger on the brink of bubbling over. He heard the set of footsteps stop behind him, making him grit his teeth. Will that man ever let up?!
'What do I have to say to make you stop following me?' he ground out.
He suddenly swiveled around to glare at the calm man. That only irritated Ichigo further. Why the hell was this man so fucking calm? He had just ruined Ichigo's life! What more could he possibly want now? Was he here to gloat? Was he here to rub it in Ichigo's face? What?!
'Do you want to hear it in a different language or something?' Ichigo continued to berate and before Gin could even open his mouth, Ichigo had already started his chant. 'Leave me the fuck alone! Lassen Sie mich zum Teufel allein! Watashihitori de fakku nokosu! Me dejan la joder solos!'
Gin raised in an eyebrow, impressed.
'Cultural, aren't we?' he answered dryly. Like they were talking about a particularly horribly play they had just seen together. Ichigo balled his hands into fists, willing himself to resist the urge to hit the silver-haired bastard.
'What are you trying to do?' he demanded. 'Are you trying to be nice to me? After everything that has happened you think you can mend it all by complimenting me? Are you a joke?'
The man's brows furrowed. Ichigo's jabs were finally getting to him. And Ichigo felt a surge of contentment from that. At least he was pissing this guy off as much as he was pissing Ichigo off. Now they were even. Well, not really…
'You are angry,' Gin finally replied.
Ichigo almost snorted. You don't say?
'But mostly you are upset. Which is why you do not know how to convey your emotions right now. I'm not here to apologize. Because one cannot apologize for loving someone so much that it hurts.'
Ichigo blinked in surprise, his anger ebbing as confusion flooded his senses. What did Gin mean?
Realization hit him like an oncoming truck.
'You're in love with Grimmjow,' he blurted out, dumbfounded. His heart skipped a beat and he swallowed painfully. Then, wait, did that mean…that Grimmjow was also…
'He doesn't feel the same way,' Gin said quickly, as if he knew where Ichigo's thoughts were wandering. 'And he doesn't know how I feel either. He never can. It would just…it would just hurt him. And I don't want Grimmjow hurting anymore. He's suffered enough.'
Ichigo stared at the older man, probably waiting for him to continue and also too shocked to continue insulting Gin. He still detested the man. But springing up the fact that he was in love with Grimmjow, well, for some reason Ichigo felt like maybe this man deserved a chance to be heard out. To explain himself. After all, Ichigo was the best person to know how love can make you do stupid things. Especially if the one you love is Grimmjow.
Gin took a shuddering breath before he fixed his gaze on Ichigo. Ichigo shivered a little. Was it just him but did Gin look helpless now? Almost like he was mellow and vulnerable.
'His Vater and I,' he spoke, his voice sounding strained, like he was forcing himself to talk. 'We were friends in college. He was my only friend then. Nobody…seemed to want to come near me. Even my parents…they were distant from me. All except Aizen.'
Ichigo held his tongue and crossed his arms, as if to indicate that he was listening. Someone was telling him their life story. It didn't matter it was Gin. It should but it didn't. The way Gin was talking…it was like he never told anyone his story before. For a minute, Ichigo almost pitied him. What was it like…to have no one care about you?
'When Aizen married and had children, he continued to be my friend. I even grew to love his family. His wife, Adela, Stark, Nel, Grimmjow…they became my family,' Gin proceeded. Then, he balled his hands into fists. 'And then Aizen began to show his true colors.'
Ichigo shivered, remembering vividly how that man had been. How his smile feigned innocence so easily and how his love for Grimmjow verged on madness. He dug his nails into the crook of his arms. Talking about that man always made him want to lash out in anger because of what he did to Grimmjow.
Grimmjow…what if Grimmjow was crying right now?
Ichigo shook himself out of his worried reverie and focused on Gin as he continued.
'I tried to help him. I tried to be a good friend,' Gin stressed. 'But there was nothing I could do. Deep down, Aizen was nothing but a cold, manipulative man. When I heard what he had done to Grimmjow, all of a sudden, I felt like a monster had erupted from my chest and wanted to claw Aizen to pieces. I wanted him to suffer for hurting someone with his insanity for control. Ichigo…'
Ichigo almost jumped when he heard his name. He hadn't expected that although he was listening rather intently.
'I am…' Gin began slowly. 'Eternally grateful for what you did for Grimmjow. Truly I am. When Grimmjow returned home, I took it upon myself to help him heal. To an extent, I blamed myself for what happened to him. If I had been aware of what kind of person Aizen was, I would've done something sooner. But for now, all I could offer Grimmjow was my company. In the beginning, I was doing it purely for his sake. But then…then it became something more. I wasn't just doing it for Grimmjow. I was doing it because I wanted to. I wanted to be in his presence. I wanted to be something more to him. And I wanted him to want me.'
Ichigo felt his body jerk, his inner animalistic side rearing its ugly head warily. He tried not to show it on the outside but he couldn't really hide the scowl now forming on his face.
'I don't want to hear anymore,' he interrupted before Gin could continue. He turned on his heel and began to walk away when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He instinctively flinched and wrenched away, eyes spitting fire at Gin. 'Don't you dare touch me!'
'Then you better keep listening,' Gin growled, his eyeless stare making Ichigo uncomfortable with every passing second. 'Because you need to understand. You need to understand why this is happening and how Grimmjow needs you right now.
'Need me?' Ichigo laughed mockingly right in Gin's face. 'Why the fuck does he need me? He's got you now! He doesn't need me! He probably never did! Because everything was a lie!'
They stared at each other for a while, Ichigo's chest heaving with emotion and anger. He just wished Gin would disappear. He was making his chest hurt and not from yelling but from his heart aching. Had Grimmjow truly replaced him? It hurt just to think about it.
'Grimmjow has me, yes,' Gin replied softly. 'But he doesn't want me. When we started…Grimmjow was asking for my company purely because he was feeling empty. Aizen had been…a huge part of his life. He needed someone to treat him the same away without that taboo element to it. And he missed you. Terribly. There were days I could do nothing to stop him crying because he missed you so much.'
Ichigo's heart flipped in sorrow. Grimmjow cried over him?
He rubbed his chest. It was hurting again.
'Grimmjow needed someone,' Gin pressed on, his frame a little lax when Ichigo didn't make a move to leave. 'And I was just…there. At that time, I was just developing feelings for him. And I…wasn't particularly fond of you.' He chuckled a little to himself. 'I guess I felt a bit of pleasure that Grimmjow chose me at that time. I felt like I had won over you.' His gaze slid over Ichigo's livid face. 'Only I hadn't. I never had. And it was eating me up from the inside. It only worsened when you came here. Because then, Grimmjow had to choose. And I knew I was not going to win.'
He exhaled slowly, taking a step back from Ichigo. That was when Ichigo realized that Gin was shaking. Shaking from what? Was he afraid of telling the truth? Or baring his soul to, for lack of a better word, his rival for Grimmjow's love?
'During the time Grimmjow sought me as a means for an outlet,' the silver-haired man sighed. 'I felt content. I felt like I had nothing to worry about and shouldn't even worry about anything. Everything just felt so right. But then you showed up. And everything suddenly changed. I didn't feel like myself anymore. It was like I was a different person. A horrible person who wanted Grimmjow all to himself.'
He ran a shaky hand through his hair, as if trying to calm his nerves. 'I tried to be mature. Tried to force myself to let go. I gave Grimmjow the right to decide because I only wanted him to be happy. But I was afraid. I was afraid of losing Grimmjow. Losing him to you. I just couldn't…I just couldn't bear that thought. It was driving me crazy. So when he told me he chose you I snapped. And for the first time, I hurt him. For the first time, I made him cry. Do you get it, Ichigo?'
He stared point blank at Ichigo, making the orangehead hypersensitive to the sudden intensity of the topic. Gin was no longer telling his story. He was pouring out his soul.
'It isn't Grimmjow's fault. It's mine. That's why I came instead of him. I…I needed you to know that Grimmjow is not to blame. It's me. It's all me. And so, I beg of you, please forgive Grimmjow. You don't have to forgive me. I don't care if you hate me even. I just…don't want Grimmjow to be hurt anymore…'
Ichigo swallowed harshly, trying to get a hold of his scrambled thoughts. He was feeling so many things at once; anger, sadness, pity, hatred. He felt like he was going to explode.
'Ichigo?' Gin voiced in concern. Ichigo realized he had been staring into space for quite some time. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes.
'I…' he stammered, lowering his face into his palms. 'I don't know…what to do…I can't just…I can't just go back…'
'You can!' Gin insisted, stepping forward in earnest. 'You should! Grimmjow needs you! Don't you understand that?! I thought you of all people would!'
'I do!' Ichigo suddenly snapped, now glaring at the older man. How dare he doubt that Ichigo cared any less!
'If you do then you should go to him! Why the hell are you dawdling?!'
Gin suddenly grabbed Ichigo's shoulders in a vice-like grip. The action made Ichigo jump and he tried to squirm away but Gin had a strong hold on him. Panic welled up inside him.
'What is wrong with you?!' he said startled, struggling to break free. 'Jeez, will you get a grip?! No need to get so hyped up!'
'You're no understanding the situation,' Gin said icily. His nails dug into Ichigo's arms, making the boy tense up. 'As humiliating as this is for me but I am asking for your help. And to further humiliate me, you are refusing to compromise.'
'Compromise?' Ichigo repeated in shock. 'You're not asking for my help. You're practically ordering me!'
'I will do whatever it takes to make Grimmjow happy again.'
'Forcing others is not going to do that! If you think that you can force someone to do something then you're no better than Aizen!'
Ichigo didn't know where that came from. He just said it without even thinking. However, it stunned Gin.
The older man loosened his grip, finally allowing Ichigo to wrench away. Ichigo stared in surprise at the man, heart thumping, wondering what he will do next.
'I'm not…' Gin mumbled, looking somewhere over Ichigo's shoulder, a lost look on his face. 'I am nothing like him. Don't…don't you dare say I am like him in any way…'
Ichigo swallowed, trying to gather up the courage to speak his mind now.
'It's…it's not easy…' Ichigo started slowly. 'I just had my heart broken by the one I love. And now, after what you told me, I'm confused. Does he really love me? Does he really need me? He had you so easily! For all I know, he might have already replaced me with you.'
Gin stared at him in disbelief. Then, he chuckled softly and finally forced a loud laugh.
'I've been trying to replace you,' he said forcefully, as if it pained him to say this. 'And I just can't. Because Grimmjow won't let me fill that place. It's yours. Yours. No one else's. He's not going to give it to anyone but you. He loves you, Ichigo.'
Ichigo squirmed in his place, cheeks heating up. Grimmjow…did Grimmjow love him that much? He must if it was tearing Gin up like this…
Ichigo glanced at the unusually silent man. Gin had his head bowed as if in defeat. Pity welled up inside Ichigo once more as he stepped close to the man, reaching out a hand.
'Gin?' he called gently.
'Don't,' the man murmured, shaking his head. 'Just don't. Leave. Leave me be.'
Ichigo felt like he should listen but something else inside him made him stay. He bravely placed a comforting hand on Gin's shoulder.
'Hey, it's not so bad,' he said encouragingly. 'Maybe-!'
Suddenly, Gin turned to him with fiery eyes. They screamed anger and hate. Ichigo gasped and quickly let go, like touching Gin was burning him.
'I said leave me!' Gin bellowed and as if to emphasize his point, he shoved Ichigo hard in the chest so that he went stumbling backwards. Right onto the road.
HONK! HONK!
Ichigo barely saw the truck coming. He felt his heart stop and his eyes widened.
SCREEECH!
'Shit, where can they have wondered to?' Renji mumbled as he glanced down an empty alley.
'Grimmjow is going to be so mad that I had lost them,' Shinji groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. 'I'm supposed to call him over once Ichigo and Gin have settled things.'
'Hope it worked out okay,' Renji sighed.
Shinji still seemed stressed. Renji glanced down at their hands, both swinging by their sides. He felt his cheeks heat up as he considered reaching for Shinji's hand to comfort the blonde. To his horror, he realized his hand was reaching out for Shinji's hand. He suddenly clenched it into a fist and forced it back to his side.
Sure, he had agreed to give it a shot with Shinji but he didn't think he was ready to start holding hands just yet. They just shared their first kiss today! They were moving a little too fast in Renji's opinion!
He glanced at the sky to distract himself as he spoke. 'Hey, you have an idea what that Gin guy is going to say to Ichigo?'
'Beats me,' Shinji replied, leaning his head into a shop before continuing the search. 'I just hope he doesn't scare Ichigo. That guy can be damn scary sometimes when he's overemotional.'
'Yikes. Hope Ichigo's okay then,' Renji muttered.
Suddenly, the wail of an ambulance resonated in the street. The two glanced at each other in surprise.
'Wonder what coulda happened?' Shinji wondered aloud. 'Accidents are kind of rare around here.'
The two turned a corner and stopped short when they saw the ambulance parked there. Renji raised an eyebrow.
'What're the odds of it happening so nearby-' Renji began when his eyes caught something.
His jaw dropped, eyes rounding. His heart pounded so loudly in his ears he almost didn't hear Shinji asking him what's wrong. Though he didn't have to explain when Shinji glanced at the same thing and had the same reaction.
'Shit,' Shinji cursed, stumbling back a little.
Renji swallowed harshly, wanting to look away but he couldn't. It was just so…horrifying…
'Shit, shit, shit,' Shinji chanted, his voice shaking as he started pressing buttons on his phone with trembling fingers.
He tried several times, chanting a mantra of swear words under his breath, before he finally got the number and almost smashed the phone into the side of his head he listened for the dial tone. Renji heard someone pick up on the other end, their voice sounding impatient and eager.
'G-Grimm,' Shinji stuttered, wheezing his eyes shut, leaning against a building for support. Renji realized his own legs were shaking and copied Shinji. Though his eyes were glued to the scene. 'Shit, Grimm, there's been an accident. It's…'
CLIFFHANGERRRR
Because I'm a heartless bitch. JK. Actually, might as well be true…
Two or three chapters left! Till next time!
TRANSLATIONS:
(GERMAN) Lassen Sie mich zum Teufel allein: Leave me the fuck alone
(JAPANESE) Watashihitori de fakku nokosu: Leave me the fuck alone
(SPANISH) Me dejan la joder solos: Leave me the fuck alone