letters to cam

by oliviasaundersxx

"I feel alone here, And cold here, But I don't want to die" - Cut, The plumb. Two weeks after cam's death, Dallas isn't dealing with it well, He's becoming a stranger to himself. Not showing up to hockey, drinking and skipping classes. He starts writing to cam, will it help or just lead him farther down the same path that cam took?.

5. Chapter 5

11th May 2013.

dear cam,

I tried counting the number of smiles i faked today but the number got to big and i had to stop, but at least it took my mind of things for a little bit of time.

cam? did you do things to get you're mind off things? maybe you didn't because your the one that's dead.

im tired of pretending, maybe i'm just tired.

I know you pretended too, cam. I look at photos and i see it, and i think back to moments when we talked and i see it, you we're faking and nobody noticed, i don't think anybody notices me faking either.

I wish i could cry, cam. I don't anymore and I wish i did, i remember sobbing after rocky and Vanessa left and that was the last time i ever let a tear drop, my eyes water when i yawn and i pretend im crying when i know damn right i'm not.

i wonder if you would be laughing if you read these? thinking he's a pathetic loser, maybe not.

cam you will never read these, and that makes me sad.

i guess it's for the best that you never read these,

you probably wouldn't care, and i would feel extremely embarrassed, i've managed to fool myself into thinking that you still exist and can read these,

or am i fooling myself into thinking you don't when you do?

i dont know,

can you tell me, cam?