16th May 2013.

dear cam,

they are talking about you, the hockey guys. they think i can't hear because im writing and have my headphones in, but i can, and what they're saying hurts.

they said they think that you jumped off the catwalk and broke you're arm on purpose, did you cam?

i know you we're capable of it, you did jump off the school.. but i just thought, if it was happening, if you were so sad even before spring break.. why didn't you tell somebody, cam?

I would've got you help, I would've helped you.

i'm trying to ignore them cam, but it's really hard, the seed is already planted, cam, I called you clumsy when we we're at the clinic, i made fun of you and yelled at you! i put you through all of my anger from you doing exactly what i had just told the rest of the guys not to do, when you we're doing it on purpose.

I feel sick, cam, my stomach is hurting.

i'm at home now, i threw up all of my lunch into a toilet in the boys bathroom, and drew drove me home. He asked me if i was okay because he heard some rumors around that i'd been skipping and i came to school drunk, i nodded and said it was a joke.

he didn't suspect a thing, am i that good of a actor cam? i know you were but i didn't think it would be so easy.

Luke came over, he brought my homework, but i knew he knew that i wasn't going to do it.

he talked to me, we played my xbox, but it started getting dark and becky called him, he went home.

I'm alone now, well i think i am, i don't believe in ghost but if you're staring at me right now then it wouldn't be that bad, at least i'm wouldn't be alone.

cam, i started crying at dinner, we we're sitting at the table, eating pasta or something like that, adam was beside me and drew was across from me, audra was beside drew. at first my eyes we're just watering and then i felt them, the tears, they we're trickling down my face, i tried wiping them off without anybody noticing- there are so many, and i think its because the whole in my heart got bigger, really fast.

Adam, notice first, he nudged me and i looked up trying to hide it, he asked me what was wrong and I got up and tried to run out,

drew chased me down to my room and just yelled at me asking me to tell him what was wrong, I just slammed the door, so, i'm hiding in my bedroom now, its completely dark except for the small table lamp beside me.

i just want to be happy cam.

I'll stop now, i dont want to ruin the paper with my tears.