Nothing Worth the Risk

In the dining room was a central large black glass dining table with four matching chairs, and the room was a rage of whites and silvers. There was a beautiful silver sequin disc pendant light shade that was twisting slightly in the small breeze from the AC.

He set both the plates down opposite each other and pulled the chair out in front of me, then faced me with a cheeky smile. So cute! I sat down, my eyes staying on his while I moved, smiling.

"Sorry if it poisons you. Never had any problems before but…" He drifted out of the sentence while he mixed his rice in with the curry.

"But what?" I asked distantly. I was stuck in my own stupid thoughts of why I wasn't into romance. Stupid boy making me think.

He grinned and flicked his eyes up to me "Well you're quite a distraction"

I bit my lip "Sorry…"

We didn't speak for a minute while we ate then John chirped up "Truth or dare Goodwin?"

"Dare" I said habitually. I wasn't going to risk a truth after his questioning.

He thought for a moment "I dare you to tell me something. Something about yourself – on a deep level – that you've never told anyone else."

I sighed. Boy's not going to quit. I thought for a moment "I'm scared. I'm scared of everything." I flicked my eyes up to see what he was thinking but he was looking down. "I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of hurting people that matter most in life. And I'm scared of getting myself into the same rut –" I cut off and carried on eating. The food was actually really good – well for human food…

John was thinking about something; his fork was just hovering above his food as he stared through it. "What happened? I'm sorry if you don't particularly want to answer but, I feel like it could help…"

"No, I don't particularly want to answer. It's hard. I've never talked about it with anyone, not even my family." Carmen and Kate know I'm damaged but they learnt not to ask after a while.

"Well, if you find a way to tell me, I'm a great listener." He said simply then carried on eating.

We had a few moments in silence, just the sound of chewing, scraping, his heartbeat and deep breaths…

"Truth or dare" I smiled a little at him and he thought for a moment.

"Truth." He answered willingly.

"What are you afraid of? Any phobia?" I took another bite of my food and mechanically chewed and swallowed.

He thought for a moment "hmm… When I was younger I was terrified of vampire movies and people on Halloween dressed as them –" I smiled wickedly "I don't know if I have any phobias now though… Clowns give me the creeps and I don't like heights." He looked up at me and I cleared my expression.

"What did you find scary about vampires?" I asked smiling slightly.

"Well, I was a kid; they had sharp teeth and drank blood. My older brother used to tell me stories about how female vampires would lour innocent men into their lair, they would seduce them into bed, and then kill them. I had so many nightmares" A laugh burst out of me but I stifled it quickly and smiled at him. "Hey, you're not supposed to laugh at me!" he said smiling.

He had his last mouthful and put his knife and fork down. I glanced up at him with a cheeky smile and I saw a slight shade of pink appearing on his face. I smiled more and carried on eating while he walked around trying to look busy.

I finished my plate in silence and when I was done John stood and took both our plates over to the kitchen, and placed them in the dish washer. He then came back over to me and held out his hands.

"Come on. We'll watch a movie or something." He smiled at me and I felt like he meant it. I smiled back and took his hand.

He fiddled around on the floor in front of the TV with the DVD player and I watched his hair, how it moved and changed colour slightly because of the light.

When he had it working he came over to the sofa and sat on the opposite side to me. I was slightly offended but he looked over at me and patted the spot right next to him. I made a tiny grin and shuffled over to him, where he put his arm around my shoulders as if it was an old habit. I rested my head on him and was comfortable in an instance.

"You feel really cold, take it the curry didn't warm you much" He chuckled as he reached over the back of the couch and grabbed a soft, thick, woolly blanket and placed it over us both up to our necks. And then I was done. I couldn't focus on the movie; the fact that I was with this human man, our bodies confined under the blanket, the heat radiating from him to me, made me hungry – and not for his blood. I tried to focus on the TV but my body was yearning for him.

Well, I lasted through the film, still lacking knowledge of what it was or about but when the credits started rolling john turned his head to look at me. Something in his lusty eyes made me think I wasn't the only one not paying attention. The corner of my mouth pulled up and I bit my bottom lip gently. I noticed our faces were coming together slowly, so I closed the gap and kissed him softly on the lips, but that seemed to awaken something in him.

I allowed him to push me down onto the sofa so I was laid under him, his waist between my legs. The kiss got heated, passionate. I twisted my fingers through his hair while he cupped a feel.

His hands moved up and down my body, leaving a trail of tingling heat all over my skin. He stopped and looked at me for a second, but I put my finger against his mouth before he came back for more.

"Now now John Tyler," I smiled "Let's not get too carried away" I could feel blood lust now. His sudden outburst made his heart pound. I could hear the blood screaming inside him. I took a small breath and it burned my throat.

He chuckled in his husky way and sat up, pulling me with him. "You're right."

He got up then and started moving things around – I wasn't sure if this was normal behaviour but I sat quietly waiting, thinking. He took the DVD out of the TV and flicked on a random music channel then came and sat back next to me I shuffled over a little, away from him and didn't breathe for a while.

I gazed at the ceiling lost in my own head and he nudged his shoulder against mine gently. I brought my head down slowly and took a careful breath; I felt better.

"John… I want to talk to you about something," I took another steady breath "That I've never talked about before."
He looked at me silently waiting while I searched for words.
"Okay… When I was younger my parents were – Urm… I don't know, blinded by how much love they had for each other." I felt myself drift off to another time, I saw my Blonde haired, blue eyed mother smiling at my 13 year old self. I saw my father, lost in a moment looking at her, taking in how beautiful she was. "It was as though, when they saw each other, it was only them in the world, like nothing else mattered."

I saw him smile a little at the thought of it and I couldn't help but sigh.
"But, my dad, he changed. He didn't know he was changing, he thought everything was right, but it was killing my mum inside." I saw myself curled up crying against my closed bedroom door, as I listened to my mother and father screaming at each other in the kitchen. I heard a slap on skin and my father apologising. I cried harder. "I was confused, I didn't understand how they could go from being so in love to having a passionate hate for each other… But it wasn't hate."

I frowned and paused for a moment. "They separated but didn't divorce, they just lived separately and I had to go from one to the other. But they were both so sad, I couldn't understand. My dad just drank his tears away and my mum distanced herself from everything including me because I reminded her of him." I took a deep breath, picturing the dark rainy night, my dad stumbling home, not even knowing where he was through the veil of alcohol. I trailed behind him not wanting to get close to him. "One night I was walking to my dad's house with him when he was so drunk he barely knew who I was and he stumbled into the road when a huge truck was coming towards him too fast and" I breathed in deeply again "He died. He bled out in the middle of the road, and just died. I didn't believe it – I didn't want to believe it." My face was crumpling in pain, but I wasn't in the room anymore, I was there, in the road with my dying father, forgetting john and my world. "My mum spent the rest of her life in depression. She left flowers on his grave every Sunday, because he used to bring her flowers every Sunday. And she died two years later. So I decided, nothing was ever going to be worth the risk – That love wasn't worth all the torturous heart ache that would follow for years." I blinked a few times and sat back on the sofa, remembering where I was. "I was on my own for a few years, got a job and a little place to live, then I found Kate. My sister for all intent and purposes. We made our own family with Eleazar, Carmen, Irina, Sasha and Vasilii. Now Kate's with Garrett and Irina, Sasha and Vasilii have moved on with their own separate lives." 'That was easier to explain than the fact that they had pissed off the all mighty god vampires and had their heads ripped off'. I looked up at him and I could see my sadness in his own eyes. "I guess I feel kinda lonely at home with two of the sweetest couples ever but… I've never had that." I lifted my shoulders and attempted a smile.

To my surprise he came closer to me and held his hand out for mine. I took it hesitantly. He looked into my eyes as though he was reading into them. "Do you really believe that love isn't worth the risk?" He looked sad as he asked "I'd risk everything to fall deeply in love with someone, who I could spend forever with."

Forever.

It rang in my head. Vampires are forever. They fall in love and stay that way for the rest of eternity. Not this vampire. I've had over a century and not fallen in love.

"John, I've been with a lot of guys – probably too many – and the most I've felt is the heat of the morning. I don't see what there is to love. What does it even mean? Intense desire and attraction? Well I've had desires and been attracted to people, and I'm a very intense person but there's no one that I could point out and say 'I've loved him' and if love's forever why is there a past term for it?" I spoke quickly sounding annoyed. "And really, if I see another person throw their heart at someone so they can chew it up and spit it back out on the floor again –" I couldn't finish my sentence as there appeared to be a one John Tyler locking his lips with mine. I kissed him back fiercely, the annoyance of my little rant coming through. I locked my fingers in the back of his ruffled hair and pulled him closer to me, so his chest was crushing against mine (in a non-painful way). We pulled apart slowly and he put his forehead against mine. I kept my eyes closed and whispered weakly "So why do I feel differently with you John? I've never felt anything with a man – not a single heartbeat (literally) – but I smile when I see you or speak to you. It makes me happy to be with you. Like you literally brighten up my day. Why is that John?"

He kissed me again softly and whispered back "Guess we just wait and see."

We sat silently for a while just thinking. He kept my cold and in his and would occasionally squeeze my fingers a little.

"Tan," I whipped my head around to look at him just before he spoke. He blinked as if confused and continued "Would you like to spend the night with me? Perhaps we could finish our little game." He smiled a little and I could hardly say no to that angel face – although I probably should. I wasn't comfortable. But I was more comfortable than ever.