Pieces 3

I rub my hand over my growing stomach. Right now it just looks like I've been eating a bit too much, but soon I will explode. I'm going to need something different to wear. I'm not sure my current outfit would look particularly good on me when I'm months into the pregnancy.

I'm surprised by Xena's reaction to all this. Her face lights up when she sees me and she's always reaching out to touch my belly. She seems excited, as if this was her child. Still I'm not sure how long this will last before she needs to leave for something exciting. I can't dwell on this right now, I'll just have to deal with it when it comes.

I still can't figure out how to tell my parents without them locking me up in their house. Once they find out I'm carrying their grandchild, they'll want me to abandon Xena and find a man to settle down with. I've got too much to think about to worry about them right now.

'So, do you want to settle somewhere?' Xena asks as we sit in front of the fireplace, basking in its warmth.

'I don't know.' I sigh. 'I mean can I really continue on the road with you? '

'I'm sure we could figure something out.' She offers softly, giving me a small smile. I know the reality is that I still rely on Xena to keep me safe, I can't expect her to worry about a child that isn't hers as well.

'No, it would be too big a distraction for you.'

'Maybe you should settle with the Amazons.'

'And if it's a boy, then what?' She frowns at me.

'You know, you're usually the optimistic one.' Her hand comes to rest lightly on my thigh. I stare at her hand for a moment.

'I think want to stay here.' She looks at me confused.

'Wouldn't you rather be by your family then?'

Sigh.

'Xena if I go back home, I'll only end up being exactly what I was running away from.'

'How would it be different here?'

'It just would.' I turn away, but she takes my hand and squeezes it gently. When my eyes meet hers again I see nothing but patience and caring. 'I could tell stories in your mom's tavern, help her out around here.' I sweep my hand out.

'No other reason?' She asks gently.

'Because you're here right now and it feels like home.' I lean over, resting my head on her shoulder.

'So you want to stay in the tavern?' hmmm.

'No, I'd like my own place, but only if you stay with me.' I'm not sure why I feel I need her so badly, why I fear the day she'll leave and never come back.

'Not sure that would help you in finding a new husband.' She chuckles. I hook my arm through hers, pulling myself closer.

'I'm not interested in that.'

'But one day you will.' She insists.

'No Xena…I just want you.' I whisper the last part. Her body stiffens slightly as she contemplates my words.

'You don't need me to survive Gabrielle.' I pull away from her, anger is bubbling just under my skin.

'No Xena, you don't need me. I do need you, not just to protect me, but because you are my best friend and we've been through too much together for you too just disappear on me because you think I need a man.' I finally breathe as my rant stops. Her eyes have gone wide, shock all over her face.

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying I need you.' I lean back against her, hoping to avoid her questioning eyes. After a while she sighs, her muscles ease slightly.

'First thing tomorrow I'll go to the council and see what's available.'

'I'm sorry, I just feel alone. You don't need to do that.' Her chins comes to rest on the top of my head.

'I told you I won't leave until you tell me to.'

'That might be never.' I whisper.

'Never is perfect for me.' I can't decide if she's trying to pacify me or if she really means what she is saying.

'DO you know why I married Perdicus?' I ask after a while.

'You loved him.' She answers simply.

'Because he was safe. Someone my parents wanted, someone I've known my whole life so he understands me better than most men. Weird thing is, I didn't feel that kind of love I've always dreamed about.'

'What kind is that?'

'The head over heels, other half of your soul kind. I mean I loved him, but I guess that other kind is just a story.' I feel guilty. If I had turned him down, he would still be alive.

'Well there are all kinds of love Gabrielle. You still have time to find what you're looking for.' I'm sure she doesn't believe in the kind of love I dream about, but she's my friend and tells me what I want to hear.

'Don't you want that too?' She lets out a long sigh before answering.

'I don't think it's for me. Besides I don't deserve it.' Her muscles are tensing again, I can tell she wants to get up; get away from this conversation.

'Of course you do.' I pull away, trying to look into her eyes. There's sadness there; I can see it no matter how hard she tries to mask it. There's no point in arguing with her about it now. While I can persuade other people, Xena is never easily swayed by my arguments. I lean up, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaning back against her shoulder.

'One of these days I'll make you believe me.' I mumble into her arm.

'Soon, you'll be too busy with a kid to worry about me.' She chuckles softly.

'I'll always worry about you.' We sit in companionable silence for another hour or so before retreating back to the bed. I don't even have to ask; Xena just crawls in and lets me curl up against her. I don't think I want to sleep by myself ever again.