Pieces 4

It's a mess. It is a far cry from the dream home I used to envision. Of course though, I used to dream was a big house on the coast, and orchard and maybe a big garden. That was of course before I went off and traveled with Xena. She is looking at the building with such pride though.

'Ummm Xena, this is…nice.' I try to look convincing.

'Look I'm gonna fix it up and it will be perfect by the time your baby comes.' She has this big grin on her face.

'Umm Xena?'

'Hmmm?' She's wandering an area that I think was a garden at some point.

'How am I going to take care of this place myself?' I'm beginning to feel a tiny bit overwhelmed. Maybe Lila will help out when the baby comes.

'You won't. I'll help you.' She says simply.

'Xena.' I sigh. 'I know you said you would stay, but I also know that you have a life you are very comfortable in, and playing house does not factor in there.' She turns towards me, a hurt look growing in her eyes.

'Why won't you believe me?' Her voice is hushed, and I nearly miss her question.

'It's not that I don't believe you, it's…..' I don't know what it is really. 'Are you seriously going to be happy going from warrior princess to….farmer?' I wave my arms, gesturing at the ramshackle house in front of us. She regards me a moment, her brow furrowing in frustration.

'I'll be happy because I'm with you.' She turns, making her way into the rickety house. I'm trying to figure out where the stoic warrior went, because she is being more open in one statement then she has the entire time I've known her.

'Xena?' I call out as I step into what Xena says is my….our new home.

'I'll work on the roof first.' She says, analyzing all the holes above her.

'Look, I'm sorry. You know, hormones.' I gesture to my stomach. Her head turns slightly, eyes narrowing because she doesn't believe me.

'There are three bedrooms, though two are more suited to storage.' She continues on, ignoring my apology. 'Just enough room for a bed really. But the kitchen is huge.' I'm sure the definition of huge in this house, isn't actually very big at all. I reach out, touching her bicep softly.

'Xena, my parents wouldn't even do this for me. Why would you?' A long sigh passes her lips. 'You feel guilty?' I know she does, I see it in her eyes every day. She turns and walks back out of the house.

'I do.' She finally answers quietly, back towards me as I stand in the doorway. 'But not for the reasons you think.' Xena finally turns and I can see she's battling her own emotions, trying to keep her mask up.

'What for then?' What could she possibly feel guilty about?

'I should have told you, I should have stopped it, I was happy when he died.' She rambles, eyes dropping to stare at the ground.

'What do you mean happy?' I'm trying to control the anger and pain until she explains. She can't possibly mean that.

'You mean more to me than just a friend.' She looks back up, her stoic mask back in place, but she swallows hard. 'When you married him, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. The moment you said yes I realized that I can't possibly…..' She pauses a moment. 'I wasn't happy that he died, no one deserves that. I was happy that it meant I got you back.' Her words are becoming strained with each passing moment.

'I'm confused.' I'm not sure how to process this confession.

'I never thought something like this could happen.' She says, seemingly to herself as her hands rubs the back of her neck. 'I'm weak. I'm weak because of you.' Tears sting at my eyes when she says this.

'Xena, I never said you had to stay.' She advances forward, her body nearly touching mine.

'Not because you're pregnant. Because you're you. I love you and that is my biggest weakness.' Her eyes gaze down at me intently, I think she's waiting for a response but I can't get my mouth to move. 'You don't need to love me that way.' She says after a while, eyes still burning into mine. 'I just needed to tell you this once.' Finally she breaks eye contact and moves away, walking towards Argo.

'Wait. What?' She doesn't stop, doesn't respond either. 'Xena?' She's ignoring me now. How can she say these things and then just walk away. I stomp my way up to her, grabbing her arm and forcing her to turn. Her cheeks are wet with tears, but she quickly wipes them away.

'I'm sorry, I should've never have said anything.'

'You love me?' I find it odd that I'm the person she chooses to love. I mean, me? 'What's so great about me?'

'I was expecting something more along the lines of disgust.' She looks at me slightly surprised.

'Xena, you've been with Gods, warlords, royalty.' I'm shaking my head in total confusion. 'And you're telling me, that you love me?' I point at myself in shock.

'What's so crazy about that?' Her posture changes as she starts to become indignant.

'Have you seriously thought this through? You probably just feel sorry for me, I completely understand...'

'What?!' She cuts me off, the anger in her voice rising. Throwing her hands up in frustration, she growls deep in her throat. 'Seriously, this is what you're stuck on?'

'Ummm yeah.' It's a legitimate question. Again she throws her arms up and begins to mutter under her breath. Without saying anything more, Xena walks back to Argo and takes the reigns. As she walks away, Xena continues to rant to herself, her arms gesturing about wildly. Am I missing something?

I follow behind Xena, but maintain a certain amount of distance. She's gone back to her quiet, stoic self but has yet to acknowledge my existence behind her. I'm not sure if saying anything right now would be a good idea or not. After about a mile of this standoff, she finally stops in the middle of the road.

'You know Gabrielle, I can't believe you think so little of me.'

'What in Zeus' name are you talking about? Being pregnant doesn't affect your mind does it, because I feel like I'm going crazy here.'

'You think that I care so little as to run off and have sex with some warrior I meet on the road, when you are having a baby?' Well when you put it that way I guess…. 'I'm trying to do what you constantly nag me about, talking about my feelings. See if I ever do it again.' She grumbles.

'Wait, I don't nag.' Her eyes narrow at me. 'Ok, I'm sorry.' I put my hands up in defense. 'I was just confused. You are Xena Warrior Princess and you never do talk about your feelings.' Xena sighs, the tension in her body lessening.

'When you were… when I brought you here and you didn't move or talk for three days, I got scared. My mother talked to me and somehow convinced me to talk to you and tell you how I feel. It was a moment of weakness on my part and apparently that was a bad idea.'

'Well you can't just say I love you to someone and expect them not to ask questions.' Like she's going to turn this around on me, ya right.

'Ok.' She nods, composing herself back into her warrior demeanor. 'Ask.'

'Well ummmm.' I should have been prepared for this. 'When?'

'When what?'

'When did you figure out you love me?

'A long time ago.' She waves her hand dismissively.

'And why didn't you tell me?' She looks at me exasperated.

'Why would I?'

'I don't know, it seems like important information.' I can get just as angry as she can.

'To who? You ogled every cute guy we came across.'

'You ogled plenty of people yourself.'

'Why does it matter!?'

'I don't know it just does!' My bard skills have abandoned me apparently.

'Well that is a stupid argument!'

'It is not!' We are spiraling down a path that is going nowhere but senseless retorts.

'I take it back. How can I love someone as aggravating as you?!' There are actually people passing us on the road who can't help but stare.

'You can't take it back, it's already out there!'

'Too bad, I just did.' She gives me a self-satisfied look.

'Yeah well I'm gonna write it down.' Ha.

'So, you're a bard, it's called fiction.'

'Hey plenty of people believe my stories.' She rolls her eyes at me. We are at a stalemate, standing in the middle of this dirt road with many gawkers. 'Just practicing lines for our play.' I give everyone a fake smile and wave apologetically. Xena mumbles to herself, walking away. Well, now I have even more things to worry over. How nice.