I'm trying POV's this chapter. Don't hate me if it sucks, I just felt the chapter would turn out better.
-:- Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend, somewhere alone
in the bitterness -:-
There was a soft beeping coming from something on my right. It sounded continuously and as I realized I was waking up, the beeping got louder.
White. All I could see once I stretched my heavy, bloodshot eyes open, was white. White walls, white ceilings, white door. Where the hell was I?
Turning my head to my right the best I could, I winced immediately. My head had been pounding, and now I could feel the painful jaunts. Like a brick slamming into the side of my scull.
Once I realized the pain of the headache, the undeniable gash above my left eyebrow became apparent as I reached upward to brush the bangs out of my eyes. My fleshed over wound burned against the the soft pads of my fingers, but not rough enough to worsen the injury.
I drew in a heavy breath, but stopped as soon as I felt the soreness in my heaving chest. The pain neatly matched the one in my head, coincidentally.
Before I can do anything else, I hear something. Or rather, someone. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him; Caleb. He's talking with an older man in a white lab coat. Suddenly it hits me - I'm in the hospital. All I can do is lay there, still as a fly on the wall while I listen.
They're whispering, yet all I can make out is the concern that coated whatever my husband said.
Something must have happened, something bad.
I feel a rush of eagerness when Caleb finally retreats back to the chair next to my bed.
"Hi," I whisper.
He lets out a sigh of relief, noticing that I'm awake. "Hey," he breathes, reaching for my hand.
I slip my weak palm into his and he holds me tight. It's the best feeling in the world, and it's the most warmth I've felt in a while, I can tell.
"What happened?" I squeak. My throat feels like a desert, and it's all I can do not to choke on my own arid tongue.
He sighs, a little weaker this time. His eyes travel around, searching for the answer. Finally he speaks. "Baby, you… There was an accident. But you're fine."
"Accident?" I croak, trying to sit up but failing due to the soreness in my back and chest.
"Yes," he struggles. "In the car, someone sped out in front of you… And you swerved into a tree. The car was t-boned against it. You're okay, though. You're going to be just fine, thank God."
But I'm not okay. As soon as I heard the first word out of his mouth, I remembered; I was pregnant. My hand flew over my waist protectively. And then another realization hit me; Cooper.
"Oh, God," I gasp, there are tears building up in my eyes. "Where's Cooper?"
Caleb shakes his head, kissing my hand in his. "He's fine, Hanna. He's okay, just a little bruised and shaken up. But…"
"But what?" I cut him off. "What. Happened?"
"I don't know the best way to say it," he struggles with his words and composure.
"I'm still pregnant, aren't I?" I ask. My voice is just barely above a whisper. "The baby's alright…?"
He shakes his head slowly, indicating what I knew was coming, but I didn't want to believe it. My body seemed so light over the mattress and I felt empty. Numb. I could feel bile build up in my throat. This wasn't happening.
"No, no, no…" I shake my head rapidly in distress. "No, this isn't real." I choke out. The tears were like a waterfall, or a dam who's levy had crumbled apart. "It's all my fault." I cry into my hands.
He climbed in the bed beside me, settling against the pillows and holding me close.
"Its not your fault. That bastard… He isn't getting away this easily. You are so strong, but sometimes things happen that you can't control. This baby… Maybe this baby just wasn't supposed to happen now. But it's going to be okay. We will get through this." He whispers into my ear.
As I sob, he sobs with me, kissing the top of my head sporadically. We sit there for a while, just being close to each other.
-:- tears stream down your face,
when you lose something
you cannot replace -:-
The house is cold. Colder than usual. The Christmas tree glows from the corner of the den, by the window. The couch is warm, but I still feel frozen under the mass of blankets.
It's been three days. Since the accident, since the miscarriage. Three days of absolute misery, and of loneliness. Feeling as hollow as a tree, I flop into my back.
My fractured ribs ache like a mother, and my shattered ankle feels like it should just fall off. The only injuries I sustained were below my neck, besides the gash to my forehead.
It had been a long three days, filled with agony. I'd only been home one and a half, and Caleb was already nagging on me to stay comfortable and not to stress myself out.
He means well, I know this, but it gets old after the first day. And he took the whole week off to stay and take care of me. But I feel like the next time he orders me to rest or eat or anything, I'll rip his head off.
I watch out the window as the snow drifts slowly to the ground, calm as can be. Everything is still, everything is calm. And yet, I can't find quiet in my mind. Flashbacks of the accident pour into my mind slowly, images of Cooper looking at me, terrified in the rearview mirror. And of the lights of the jackass speeding out in front of my car. They're all so surreal.
And the baby. I am…well, was only five weeks along. It was too weak to withstand the blows i received to my stomach and chest. We hadn't even told Cooper about it. And that's probably a good thing; I can't imagine having to explain how a baby suddenly wasn't inside me anymore. That would break his heart.
An empty bowl of what was vegetable soup sits on the coffee table in front of me, and the television whispers of grey and black with no signal.
I fall back into the couch cushions and cuddle into a ball. I fall to sleep quickly, but wake up minutes later to see Cooper in front of me, concern painting his features.
"Momma, you ok?" He whispers, caressing my hair much like I do when he is ill.
Caleb hangs his coat on the rack by the front door. "Coop, let Mommy sleep."
I stretch out slowly, careful not to strain my injuries. "No, he's fine." Patting the spot under my feet, I welcome him up. "How was school, handsome?"
"Hanna, you need to relax. The doctor said you need to prop your foot up," Caleb continues, before Cooper can climb up.
"Babe, I am fine. Leave me alone." I bark. He shudders. Instantly, I feel guilty.
"God, I'm sorry." I tell him as I run my hand over my face roughly with frustration. Cooper cowers beneath me. "Coop, it's okay. Mommy didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay," he mumbles. Instead of joining me on the sofa, he walked to the staircase. "I have to clean up my Legos." He says as he ascends the steps to his room.
I look to Caleb, but he stays still, staring at the floor.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. I blink back tears and pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'm just so…frustrated with all of this. I have a fractured ankle, and my ribs feel like they're rattling, but I am not paralyzed."
He sighs and walks over to the couch, sitting down on the spot by my feet. "I'm smothering you," he whispers.
"You are. But I should be more accepting. And obedient." I speak into my own lap.
He hesitates. "I feel awful. I know you're fine, and I'm so thankful for that. But I just want to keep you safe."
I nudge his side playfully with my good foot and smile. "I know, and I think it's incredibly sexy of you to play doctor. But you know how independent I can be. I don't like feeling helpless."
He chuckles. "No one does."
I nod. "Promise you'll cut down?"
He nods his head and smiles. I lean over tentatively and take his hand. Before I know it, more tears descend down my face.
Caleb looks up at me, concerned. "What's wrong?"
I sigh, trying to gather enough will to speak. "We still haven't talked about…" I trailed off, unable to finish my statement. The emotions were all coming back.
"The baby." He finished for me. "I know. But you can't beat yourself up, babe. It was out of your hands."
I let him continue kissing my head, and down my temple, and over my eyes. As guilty as I may feel about losing this baby, we are really lucky that it was early on, and that I didn't have to carry it for six months before something bad happened.
As traumatic and horrific as the accident was, I guess it was sort of a blessing in disguise. I'm alive, minus the minor injuries, and Cooper survived without even ye slightest scratch.
The police had told me in the hospital, after I had woken up, that there was minor damage to my car. I was lucky enough to only have sliced the front of the car into the tree enough to damage my leg. The airbags broke my ribs, and the gash was from a piece of windshield that had flown at me in the impact. Nothing had traveled to the back seat. Cooper was a little shaken up, but we survived. And I was lucky.
"So what does this mean about the baby?" He asks after we had snuggled awhile.
I gaze up, into his eyes. The sparkle of them pierces my own, and I sigh, completely content. "Are you saying you're ready for another baby?"
He smiles dreamily and nods. "A planned one, at least."
"That sounds like the best idea I've heard in a long time." I say, reaching to bring his face and lips down to my level, and kiss him chastely, letting our lips linger.
Our kisses then slip into deeper and deeper exchanges and soon he lays me down on the cushions, careful of my sore chest. Pinning me down, he continues kissing me warmly and longingly, both of us growing in desire for more.
Just as I begin tugging at his tshirt, trying to drag it off, we hear little footsteps trailing from the stairs. Cooper takes it one stair at a time, but we ignore him until he gets down to the ground level. We roll off each other, me wincing at the abruptness and pain.
"Hey, bud." Caleb offer, hopping off the couch.
"I finished cleaning my Legos." he announced, staring at us skeptically. "Can I have lunch now?"
Caleb nodded. "Sure, kid."
-:- Stuck in reverse -:-
"Spencer, she is so precious!" Emily gawked. She ran the pad of her thumb over little Avery's short wisps of hazel hair and stuck the bottle back in the infant's mouth.
Spencer smiled graciously and there was a hint of blush in her cheeks. Even she couldn't believe that such a beautiful being, such a gorgeous face could come from her. And Toby, of course.
"Wait until she opens her eyes," Emily gushes toward Hanna, her eyes wild and giddy. Emily was Avery's godmother, and Jason was her godfather.
Hanna hadn't been able to pay the new parents a visit due to her need to stay home and rest. But as soon as she had gotten the ok from her physician, she skipped right over to the Cavanaugh residence to say hello.
"They're like two elegant little pools of turquoise, a little brighter than Toby's, if that's even possible." Hanna said, also falling under the darling baby's spell.
All the women laughed, and Emily passed the bundle of blankets to Aria. "Careful," she sputtered.
"Jeez, Em," said Aria as she secured Avery in her own arms. "Are you sure you're not Ave's mother?"
"Am I not allowed to love my goddaughter?" She asked defensively, but blushed soon after when she figured Ari was only teasing.
"I think it's sweet," commented Spencer. "Makes me glad we picked her."
"Speaking of godparents, when do I get to be one?" Hanna asked light-heartedly.
Everyone sent her crude stares, and Emily stuck up her nose. "Maybe you should name your son's first."
"Excuse me?" Hanna retorted. "We did!"
"A seven-year-old doesn't count."
Her mouth stood agape at this, but she instead closed it and waved it off. "We were going to pick all of you, but maybe we won't. You'll just have to wait for my next child."
"You're pregnant?" They asked in unison.
Hanna sighed, wondering how to explain herself. "No, not right now."
"But you're trying," Spencer led her on.
"I dunno, I guess. I've never really 'tried' for a baby before. You know how the first one happened…" She gazed down.
"Han, I think that's awesome." Emily confessed happily. Hanna looked up, and smiled back.
"Yeah," Spencer agreed. "Cooper would love to be a big brother. Remember how gentle he was when he held Avery for the first time?"
Hanna recounted back to the last month, when Cooper met Avery. She was only three days old, and he got to hold her. Hanna was curious, because Cooper had never held a newborn before. Much to her surprise, he adored Avery. It was obvious how much he enjoyed babies, too.
"All he could talk about for the next two weeks was going back to see her." She replied.
"Why aren't you more eager about this, Han?" Aria asked, burping the baby girl. "This is exciting, and the timing couldn't be more perfect!"
Spencer and Emily nodded along with their raven-haired friend.
Despite wanting to get it off her chest, and to someone less dramatic and more understanding than her mother, Hanna just shrugged it off and changed the subject.
"I just…need some time to sort some stuff out. I'm not saying Caleb and I aren't ready, or don't want one. But we're just not going to try very hard right now."
The girls hesitated, but agreed and went on with their conversation.
An hour later, Hanna got up to leave, bidding everyone goodbye, telling them she had to pick Cooper up from preschool.
Aria followed her out, saying something about grocery shopping and cleaning the house for the Christmas guests.
"Hanna, wait up." She called after the speedy blonde who was walking half a block ahead.
Hanna adjusted her purse and turned around. "Ari, it's literally a three block walk, no talking time."
"Still, I'd like the company." The woman's heels scraped against the pavement as she caught up to her friend.
"Whatever," Hanna kept walking.
Aria got to a pace next to her and caught her breath before speaking. "Why did you get so defensive when we talked about you and Caleb having more kids?"
"I wasn't acting defensive." Hanna said quickly, trying to brush it off.
"Yes, you were. You basically said you were going to, then got all crazy and gave a lame excuse. Did something happen?"
Hanna turned onto their street and sighed. "Nothing happened, Ari."
"Hanna," she caught up to her again.
The blonde turned on her heels, abruptly, facing Aria. "Leave it."
"Just tell me."
"Why does something always have to been a big deal to you? Why?" Hanna pleaded.
"Because I care." Said Aria, quietly. "But if you don't want to tell me, then I guess that's ok."
Aria turned and crossed the street, stepping onto the other sidewalk across from Hanna. As she kept walking, Hanna stopped and followed her to her driveway.
"Are you going to tell me?" Aria asked.
Hanna nodded, drawing in a deep breath. "Caleb thought I had been acting differently, you know, moody and weird and all… So he made me take a pregnancy test. I did, just to appease him."
"And?"
"And, unbelievably it came out positive." Hanna replied.
Aria jumped up and down. "Oh, my god. You're pregnant right now?"
Hanna looked at her feet, shaking her head slightly. "No,"
"Oh, Han, oh I am so sorry!" She cried, squeezing her hand. Then she realized. "Oh no, was it in the accident?"
The blonde nodded solemnly, letting the new tears fall freely down her cheeks. Her mascara smudged under her eyes and she could feel her face reddening from holding her breath so long. "We didn't want to tell anyone, it's still feeling like a fresh wound to me."
"And I'm only adding salt to it, aren't I?" Aria frowned, feeling guilt rise from her core. She hated seeing anyone cry, especially her friends. And the fact that it was her fault, because she couldn't mind her own business for two seconds, only made it all the more terrible. "Oh God, I'm a monster. Han, I am so sorry!" She cried softly, lip quivering.
"It's not your fault." Hanna replied, shaking her head. "It was going to come up some way…please don't feel bad. I needed this, trust me."
Aria looked at her with a look of disbelief. "But how can you be so ok with all of this? I feel like I just stabbed and tore off a sore limb of your life."
"The doctor said that letting people know would further the healing process, and I feel like he was right."
"So are you mad at me?"
"No, of course I'm not. I actually think you've really helped me just now." She gushed. "You know, I feel a weight's been lifted off my chest. Like I'm not harboring a burden any longer."
"Oh, okay. You're welcome…" The petite beauty said in a confused tone.
-:- Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you -:-
"You look beautiful, babe." Caleb said as he walked up behind his wife. He rested his hands on her hips and pulled her into him.
Hanna could feel his heartbeat through her shoulder blade. She blushed at his comment and looked at him through the mirror. "What a sweet thing to say, honey. What brought that on?"
Caleb sighed and kissed the top of her head, and proceeded to top off her shoulders with soft kisses as well. "You're just gorgeous. Especially in that dress, I mean good lord…"
Smiling, she adjusted the cherry red body con dress that clung to her body and pushed her boobs up. "Just trying to look sexy for the Christmas party." She whispered.
The couple had been invited to Noel Kahn's annual holiday party being held the night before Christmas Eve. It was a tradition Noel and his wife, Tessa started in college. As much as the liars and their men despised the man, they couldn't pass up an invite to the hottest, most festive party of the year.
"Damn," he murmured. "I don't know if I can make it all night at this party without ripping this off of you. It'd be so easy." He purred and plucked at the stretchy fabric around her waist. When he let it go, it snapped back against her skin like a rubber band.
She smacked his hand playfully and continued to apply makeup in the mirror. When she had finally finished, they walked out to the hallway, and downstairs to the den.
Ashley and Cooper were on the floor, engaged in a heated game of Candy Land. Cooper noticed his parents' entrance immediately and looked up, smiling. "Mommy, you look so pretty! Just like Elastic Girl!" He told her, referencing the Pixar film.
Caleb stifled a laugh at his son's comment and Hanna blushed. "Thanks, Buddy." She got to the bottom of the stairs and unhooked her coat from the rack by the door. "Are you going to be good for Nana? Who am I kidding, of course you will."
Cooper scampered over to her and hugged his arms around her legs. "Mommy, I love you."
She felt her heart flutter at the notion and she ran her hands through his fluffy brown hair. "I love you too, Boo." Hanna crouched down to Cooper's level and kissed his on the nose, then wiped off the lip gloss that stuck.
Cooper turned to Caleb and raised his arms. His dad took him up in his arms and squeezed him tight. Before setting him back down, he stopped to tickle him a bit.
"Daddy, quit ticklin' me!" He giggled furiously. "No tickles!"
Hanna laughed along with her son, watching and savoring the pure joy on his face as he was attacked by her husband. Finally she caught her breath and pulled Cooper out of Caleb's arms. She set him on the floor and grabbed Caleb's arm. "C'mon, Daddy-O. We have a party to get to."
"Have fun, you two!" Ashley said as she walked them out.
"Thanks, Mom." Hanna hugged her goodbye. "Don't wait up, we will be back by two."
I know this is probably the worst end to a chapter, but I wanted to get this up and at least it ended happily, am I right? This chapter was all over the place, and I'm not so proud of it... but I couldn't let it sit idle any longer.
PS: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE check out my newest Haleb/Spoby story, "You're the Get Away Car" which is on my page. Currently, it's a one-shot, but if I could get more feedback, I might consider making it a two-shot.