Chapter 16: "My continuing survival isn't the selling point it used to be"
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein
"I can't believe I let this happen again," River commented irritably.
"It's only been a few minutes," Anita pointed out.
"I know, but I promised myself that if I ever saw the Doctor again I wouldn't let him just waltz in and get his way," River explained, "and yet here we are, forced to wait on him, with no way of knowing what's going on in the library."
"On the contrary," another voice intruded. "I can tell you exactly what's happening right now."
River spun, even in her current form something seizing her stomach at the sight of the woman in front of her. She had nothing to fear really – she was already dead, mostly – and yet the business-suited-one-eye-covered-hair-in-a-bun-red-lip-sticked form never failed to tap into her darkest places. She might be a fully grown accomplished woman, but she was also, always, that little girl living in fear, alone in an alleyway regenerating to survive.
"Madam Kovarian," she said as calmly as she could manage.
"River Song," Kovarian smirked, gloating. "Look at you. Look at how low you've sunk, and all for the sake of people too stupid to appreciate what you've given them."
"As always, you understand so little about me," River shot back.
"You're a tool my dear, nothing more. I don't need to understand you any more than I need to understand a laser pistol or an eye drive. I use them for my own purposes and then cast them aside when they are no longer useful."
"And yet, here you are again, on my door step," River pointed out. "It seems you can't do without me."
"An illusion, just as you are," Madam Kovarian smirked again. "You should have stuck with us my dear. If you'd gone along with our programming instead of throwing everything away for a man incapable of appreciating you, you'd still be out there instead of trapped in here. What do you think of your precious Doctor now?"
"I think he's going to be your downfall, in ways you can't begin to understand," River threatened with a mocking smile of her own.
"You're mistaken," Kovarian laughed. "You forget that I've already defeated him … it is simply a matter of time before he runs out of days and we are no longer subjected to his prior self popping up when and where he's not wanted."
"Why are you here?" River was suddenly tired of the same dance, the same battle of words.
"To finish the job," Kovarian raised her right hand, the one clutching a pistol River hadn't seen, which she proceeded to fire.
River's body jerked repeatedly as the bullets pierced her stomach and chest. In the background Anita screamed but she could do nothing to reassure her friend. The pain was intense – it felt real because the experience itself was so sudden, so unexpected - because Charlotte's world was designed to be as real as possible.
Madam Kovarian grinned evilly … until River smiled smugly, closing her eyes as she blacked out.
When she opened them she was back in her own home and Madam Kovarian was nowhere to be seen. The wounds she's sustained were gone too, as though they'd never been, which of course, they hadn't.
It was a failsafe of the Library system, to ensure that its occupants couldn't take on a tragic role in one of the books and end up deleted for good. River knew, because in her bleakest days she'd done just that in an effort to make what passed for her existence stop. When she'd discovered that she couldn't she'd been so angry at the Doctor but now that knowledge had played to her advantage.
It wouldn't take Kovarian long to work out what happened. She'd follow of course but with any luck River could keep her guessing for long enough to provide a real distraction for events unfolding out in the real world. She couldn't do anything else, everything resting on the Doctor and his actions.
"A pretty home I suppose, if you like this kind of thing," Madam Kovarian appeared suddenly, picking up a trinket and eyeing it distastefully. "Personally I think it's all just a bit boring. Is this make believe world really enough for you?"
"Blimey, that didn't take long," River ignored the woman's comments. "Tell me, was it as good for you as it was for me?"
"Mock me if you must but remember this. Your life is here and here alone. Mine is back at the Library and beyond, where right now my minions are working to remove you from the system, permanently."
"I know, but it's going to take time and you're not alone with the books," River smiled. "Do you have any idea who's there with you? I hope they find you soon and crush you like the cockroach you are."
"This for the woman who raised you," Kovarian pouted dramatically. "And after all I've done for you over the years."
"To me," River corrected grimly. "After all you've done to me."
It was petty and sadly, not permanent, but she did it anyway, drawing her blaster and firing it repeatedly into Madam Kovarian until it ran out of charge. Blowing the smoke from the tip she eyed the still form of her ex jailer with satisfaction. "If only that would last," she murmured, giving the body a good kick as she stepped over it and headed for the door.
"Where to now," she mused once outside. "What kind of adventure would Kovarian least appreciate?"
She thought for a moment and then grinned, imagining herself back in her pyramid with Madam Kovarian tied to a chair, counting on the systems to be smart enough to deliver her nemesis to her instead of synthesizing a fake.
"This is more like it," River commented as the other woman opened her eyes. "Welcome to my world," she said with a smirk of her own.
Kovarian tugged at the restraints, her expression all pinched and ugly when she realised that the world might not be real but that once you were inside it, it might as well be except for the fact that you couldn't die.
"I should have told him to disable the fail safes," River realised. That way she could finish Kovarian off once and for all, with no aborted time line to rewrite the whole thing.
"It's not much fun being on the receiving end, is it?" River mused. "And you, so used to being in control." She watched Kovarian close her eyes, clearly trying to imagine the scene rewritten to her advantage and chuckled. "Forget it. I've had years to master the intricacies of what's possible here. You're not the one in the driver's seat now."
"Stop this and I might let you live," Kovarian offered, her expression turning to calculating self-preservation.
"You pointed out yourself that this is hardly living," River replied. "My continuing survival isn't the selling point it used to be."
"We have technology," Kovarian said more forcefully, still trying to escape with no success. She must have thought her minions would have already returned her to the Library by now. The fact that they hadn't, coupled with River's confidence that there were others in the Library, had her worried.
"Not here," River smiled. "Here, you're just like me. I must admit I'm surprised you'd make yourself this vulnerable. If something happens to the transport systems your physical form will just vanish into the core. You always were over confident and now it's coming back to bite you. I'm glad I'm here to witness it."
"We can give you a new body!" Kovarian shouted.
"Can you?" River feigned disinterest. "After so many years, and so many lies, what makes you think I'd ever believe anything you say?"
Kovarian opened her mouth to reply but then stopped, breaking into a smile. "It seems you were wrong my dear. My minions are coming."
River turned to look where Madam Kovarian was looking. There, much closer now, was that same distortion she and Anita had first seen at the green. As River watched, it seemed the middle began to protrude, searching for something. It waved back and forth and then abruptly landed with her in its sights – if it had sights. She was helpless to do anything but stay routed in place as the distortion rushed towards her.
"Goodbye River Song," Kovarian crowed.
"You're mistaken," River managed to gather herself enough to glance back to the other woman. "That's not your minions. That's whoever else is in the Library. If I were you, I'd start worrying."
Before Kovarian could speak, the distortion reached River, touching lightly against her forehead.
Her eyes closed involuntarily. There was noise and brightness and the feeling of being pulled in every direction. She couldn't keep her focus and found herself drifting. When she came too, it was like returning from a daydream when you didn't know you'd been daydreaming until you stopped.
She opened her eyes cautiously, not sure what to expect. She was in a room, plain, white all over, with a single chair and table. On the table was a book … the chair was partially away from the edge, as if inviting her to sit down. She couldn't resist, taking that seat and then looking at the book's cover. When she did, she gasped. There were only two people alive – well one alive, the other not quite dead - who would be able to read it, for the language it was written in could not be translated.
"The Lost History of Gallifrey," she read out loud, her fingers moving involuntarily to run reverently over the ornate symbols.
Turning the cover over, she began to read.