Chapter 23: "If I ask it, will you answer?"
"Actuality is when the lighthouse is dark between flashes: it is the instant between the ticks of the watch: it is a void interval slipping forever through time: the rupture between past and future: the gap at the poles of the revolving magnetic field, infinitesimally small but ultimately real. It is the interchronic pause when nothing is happening. It is the void between events." ― George Kubler
The Doctor swallowed nervously, resisting the urge to close his eyes and brace himself. "Time to say my goodbyes, is it?" he quipped.
"Doctor," River protested, but there was nothing to do, no enemy to throw oneself against.
"I don't know what's going to happen next River, but I want your promise that you'll stay out of it," he told her firmly.
"We will ensure the safety of your wife," the Leader promised.
"No," River surged forward and was immediately restrained. Armour grated against armour as she struggled to break free, to no effect.
"I'm sorry River, for so many things, but for none more than that you have to witness this," the Doctor said gently.
"How romantic," Kovarian sneered.
"Shut up!" the Doctor and River both shouted together.
The Doctor turned back to River and sighed. "I wish I could see your face," he admitted. "If I could kiss you goodbye, you know I'd make it a good one."
"I know," River's voice was choked with emotion, his words special to them both for the memories they invoked. It was amazing that he's so quickly learned to filter past the modulation of the suit so that he could hear what was underneath. Maybe it was just his mind, substituting the artificial for what he imagined would be the reality if River were fully there with him.
"The cycle changes!" the Leader declared. As one the Kelad raised their arms to the sky in tribute, a low hum sounding from them as they gave praise for the rare event and all that it promised them.
In the tall grass, one of the Silence stirred, raising its broken body from the ground just enough to fire one blast of blue destruction before it fell back, dead.
The bolt of energy snuck past the Kelad and struck the Doctor with force. He was thrown backwards, hitting the ground with a sickening thud.
"Doctor!" River's metallic voice grated like a scream while Madam Kovarian laughed in the background.
The Doctor lay there gazing up at the sky while pain raged through his body. He'd felt it too many times in the past not to recognise the signs. This body was dying. There was no way to stop it.
"Well, it looks like the Silence wins after all," he whispered when the Leader knelt beside him.
"All is not lost," the Leader replied. "If I ask it, will you answer?"
He was being given a choice ... even without the benefit of being able to search the Leader's expression for the truth, the Doctor knew the decision was completely and wholly his. If he refused, that would be the end of it. Maybe that was why, but suddenly he understood. He knew what to do, what was right. Nodding, he agreed. "I will."
"Then tell me Doctor, what is your true name, the one bestowed on you by the Loom at the time of your weaving?"
Regeneration energy began to spark along the Doctor's limbs, and his face was cast in yellow light. Out of view he could hear River crying, although how could that be? Could someone mostly machine cry?
"Doctor?" the Leader intoned, urging him to focus.
There was no time to protect himself – and in his current state no way he could achieve any kind of mental link in any case. Motioning the Leader to lean closer, the Doctor whispered his answer before closing his eyes.
He wasn't sure what he expected but it wasn't to open them again and find himself standing in another place. It was Gallifrey and he knew immediately that he was in a moment of time frozen, that his perception was coming from within his own mind.
Before him the mists swirled, and as he watched they coalesced into a humanoid form who walked forward from the vapours, gaining in solidity as it approached. It was a man, the same man he'd seen the day he'd gazed into the vortex for the first time, the day he'd become a Time Lord in training. Then he'd been a boy who thought the man looked wise and kind and wondered if perhaps it was his older self.
Yes
The word whispered through his consciousness.
The man you saw was both you and not, just as it was me and not me, simultaneously.
"As I recall, I thought you looked old as well," the Doctor commented.
Laughter sounded in his mind and all around him. "And now?" the man asked aloud.
"Oh, I think you're about right," the Doctor quipped, aware that the man was in all likelihood younger than he was, at this point in their respective timelines. He seemed both young and old, was around the Doctor's own height and had similar colouring. In fact, they shared a likeness of appearance that only served to confirm what the Doctor had always known.
"It is the nature of the young to perceive their elders to be much older than they," the man offered.
"I suppose so," the Doctor agreed.
"Do you know who I am?"
"The Other, one of the Triumvirate who birthed the Time Lords," the Doctor replied simply.
"You are not surprised," the Other commented.
"The signs were there, they have been for a long time," the Doctor shrugged. "I have so many questions but I suppose they don't really matter anymore."
"If they are important to you, then they matter," the Other countered. "Ask your questions my friend."
"Is that what I am, your friend?
"Search your subconscious and you will see that we know each other very well," the Other smiled. "I have been with you for over a thousand years."
"Really?" the Doctor winced, his thoughts rapidly glossing over so many moments he would rather have kept private. "That's more than a little disturbing."
"You have nothing to apologise for," the Other said gently, "and if you search within yourself you will see that this knowledge goes both ways. In truth I could not have wished for a better man to go forth and do what I could not."
"But you did, go forth that is," the Doctor countered. "You're me, or I'm you, or … you know what I mean. How did you do it? How did you control the Loom so completely?"
"To answer I'll have to tell you the story of how the Time Lords came to be, how I saw it," the Other replied. "Rassilon, Omega and I were friends as boys, and to a man we were determined to fight Pythia, to free our people from her cult. It united us and created what I thought was an unbreakable bond. Omega was the best of us … brilliant. He understood the universe as no living being ever has or ever will. It was he who first saw that our way forward was through technology, through gaining an unmatchable understanding of time and space."
"And you and Rassilon agreed?" the Doctor asked.
"We did. Rassilon in particular encouraged Omega in his study of stellar engineering. When Omega succeeded in creating a remote stellar manipulator it was Rassilon who encouraged him to use it, despite my attempts to urge caution. Omega let himself be led by Rassilon – even though he was the expert, Rassilon was persuasive enough that he convinced Omega they could create a supernova powerful enough to fuel time travel without either of them being adversely affected."
"But instead they were ... and Omega perished," the Doctor offered. "I've seen the book - the true history of Gallifrey. It suggests that something happened that day, that the legends aren't accurate."
"Something happened all right," the Other said harshly, "and it was no accident. I refused to be a part of the experiment. It was too dangerous. We weren't ready. Rassilon agreed to wait, to let Omega do more tests before we proceeded. As soon as my back was turned he went against our agreement and helped Omega activate the manipulator. It was successful beyond our wildest expectations and at first they had control of it. I knew something wasn't right – Rassilon had agreed too easily – but it took me too long to suspect, too long to return to Omega's lab. When I did I was just in time to witness what happened next."
"Rassilon betrayed Omega," the Doctor knew it was true because a part of him had witnessed it too, the part that was the Other that existed within. He felt the knowledge sitting there, at the core of him.
"It needed both of them to control it but once the supernova was sufficiently formed to maintain itself Rassilon withdrew, giving Omega no prior warning of his intentions. With so much power directed solely at him Omega couldn't contain it and instead it consumed him."
The Doctor felt the Other's grief for his lost friend as though it were his own, and fresh like it had happened only moments before. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"I'm sorry I left instead of sticking around … I could have saved Omega," the Other's voice was hoarse with emotion. "Rassilon didn't know I was there and I knew I couldn't reveal myself. Instead I retreated and I bided my time. I stood on the sidelines as the supernova collapsed into a black hole; I let Rassilon harness it to create the Eye of Harmony."
"And the Time Lords were born," the Doctor concluded.
"They were, with Rassilon as their ruler," the Other confirmed. "At first my doubts seemed unjustified. Rassilon worked hard to free us from Pythia's influence just as we'd always dreamed – he did improve life for every Gallifreyan. It was only after, when the hard work was done, that he began to impose more and more restrictions on what we could do and how it should be done. He became more and more the dictator and less the people's representative, and our society reflected too much his beliefs, his need for structure and secrecy. I couldn't live like that and I hated to see our people doing so but there was nothing I could do, not in direct opposition. Rassilon was too powerful and he'd surrounded himself with others who shared his beliefs. Getting to him was impossible, despite our childhood friendship."
"But you tried anyway."
"I had to, for Omega," the Other agreed. "All I succeeded in doing was raising Rassilon's suspicions. Something I said or perhaps just his instincts for self-preservation set him off. He questioned me about what I knew of the day the black hole was created and when I denied knowing anything he dismissed me. He stormed off and it was no coincidence that the next day he declared that time travel to Gallifrey's past was forbidden. It galled that he used Omega's manipulator to lock every TARDIS, ensuring no one would be able to break his decree."
"You think that's when he went back himself and discovered that you'd seen the whole thing," the Doctor said.
"It must have been," the Other replied. "Not only that but he travelled into the future too. He saw me revealing his crimes and he saw himself being made powerless across all of time. From that moment on I was no longer safe ... my continuing survival would be measured in days, the smallest number needed for Rassilon to devise a means of getting rid of me without drawing suspicion upon himself."
"And that's when you hatched your plans for today, for Trenzalore," the Doctor deduced, the cunning and the level of patience required to enact such a long ranging plan for retribution staggering him. "You created the prophesy to get me here to the only known point in time offering you the means to return. The Eleventh Cycle ... the Eleventh Doctor – a naturally occuring event that others couldn't fail to link to me. Of course, that wasn't enough. You had to make sure someone would be around to get me here ... you needed someone to ask the question."
"I did," the Other denied nothing. "I needed someone to protect you too, should the prophesy be misinterpreted, spawning enemies to stop you."
"The Kelad," the Doctor declared. "You created the Kelad. But ... how? When? Rassilon already had control of every TARDIS."
"He certainly thought so," the Other smiled, "but there was one I had developed a special relationship with, one he hadn't yet succeeded in locking down completely."
The Doctor smiled too, knowing the Other was talking about his TARDIS ... his sexy lady.
"In the days while Rassilon plotted my demise, she took me where and when I needed to go - far enough forward to escape the range of Rassilon's power," the Other explained. "I took a select group of fellow Time Lord's with me, those like minded with regard to the unnatural level of control Rassilon continued to exert over Gallifrey. They created a new life, a new path, one designed to return Gallifrey to what it should be. I suggested a new name for them, one that would help to hide them should Rassilon think to search so far into the future for threats to his rule."
"You chose not to stay with them?"
"I couldn't," the Other shook his head. "Rassilon needed the visible defeat. He needed to see me perish to feel safe in the execution of his future plans. If there had been any doubt he would have searched for me without rest."
"That's why you needed me," the Doctor realised.
The Other nodded. "The Kelad lived a secular life, too secular as it turns out. I set them on the path but I couldn't be there to guide them. They maintained their connection to time and space, improved their technology and regained their ability to move through time at will, but they used those abilities for reflection. They became obsessed with the meaning and purpose of life, putting aside their original mission."
"So many thousands of years is a long time to wait to act," the Doctor pointed out.
"Far too long as it turns out," the Other agreed. "They became convinced a different level of existence was the way - they enacted The Final Sanction, or at least a small scale version of it, believing it to be the natural final step on their evolutionary path. They became ...," he trailed off with a sad sigh.
"Pure consciousness," the Doctor finished for him, everything making sense. "That's part of why I couldn't sense them – because on many levels they aren't really there. They use the suits of armour because they no longer have a physical presence. That's why they were able to deal so well with River – because she'd like them." He frowned. "They didn't know of the Time War?" he asked.
"No, and neither did Rassilon, else he would have destroyed you too, long before you could set off The Moment and ruin everything for him," the Other replied.
The Doctor wanted to ask if the Other had foreknowledge of the ultimate fate of Gallifrey – if so, would that have altered the path he'd chosen? Would he have put saving Gallifrey ahead of bringing Rassilon to justice? There was no point in asking though – regardless of his plan, what was done was done and could not be undone. Perhaps the Other had a means of returning to Gallifrey's past to get at Rassilon but he would not be able to change her future. "What I don't understand is why they thought it necessary," he said instead. "Don't they have more power as non-corporeal beings?"
"Not really. Being nothing more than a collection of thoughts and memories isn't what it's cracked up to be. Yes, it puts you beyond death and destruction by others, but that comes at a price, because it forever places an insurmountable barrier between you and everyone not like you. To engage, to truly feel, to be a part of the world around you ... all these require physical form but they no longer had that."
"Rassilon wanted the same, for all of Gallifrey," the Doctor said. "It's just as well I wasn't the only one to see how wrong it would have been."
"It didn't take the Kelad very long to regret the path they'd chosen but it was too late for them – there is no end once the sanction had been imposed. It's the ultimate time lock - while the Kelad eventually achieved a state that allows them to take advantage of time travel again, they can't go back and undo their decision."
The Other paused for a moment, and then continued. "Their only saving grace was the sub-society that grew with them, non Time Lords engaged to do the things they didn't have time for. They were called Kelad too and eventually the Gallifreyans managed to make contact again. It took many years to get to the point where the human Kelad could help their non-corporeal friends reclaim use of the ships and technology, and that was only through the suits. Scientists spent thousands of years trying to recreate a physical form before they finally conceded that it wasn't possible. That's when they decided to focus on their original mission once more."
"Wait," a thought suddenly occurred to the Doctor. "How do you know all this? You've been gone since long before any of this took place."
"Ah, yes," the Other smiled. "The day before my ... 'interaction' with the Loom, the Leader came to me. And before you comment, I know - the potential for paradox was incredible ... a future being travelling to the past when the events leading to his creation were still uncertain."
"Then why risk it?"
"Because he needed to warn us," the Other offered. "It was no accident that you weren't alone in your beliefs about the Final Sanction. I knew there wasn't much time left and the Leader insisted that I use it to ensure their choices wouldn't be replicated on Gallifrey. Their hope of undoing what they'd become lay in following the plan to ensure it never happened in the first place."
"And they believe that will occur if Rassilon is exposed because time will be in flux – it will be up to us, well, up to you because I'll be gone, to decide what stays and what goes."
"There will be a small window linking back through the Loom where I'll be able to both reveal his crimes and minimise the consequences of Rassilon's exposure," the Other agreed. "I've had a long time to plan exactly what needs to be done and exactly when and how to do it. Rest assured, life as creation knows it will not change significantly."
"All you need is a body of your own and a time machine and you're all set," the Doctor quipped.
"That was the idea, when I decided on this path," the Other shook his head. "Rassilon thought me weak – to throw myself into the Loom in a last act of defiance was pathetic as far as he was concerned. He's smart, there's no doubt about that, but he's no Omega. I planted myself in the Loom and I waited until it was the right time to re-emerge, holding back my genetic material until I could be weaved into a single individual. Like I said, I've been with you a very long time and I find now, when it's crunch time, I don't want to lose you."
"There's no choice," the Doctor said simply. "As we speak my body is dying. Regeneration energy is building up and if you don't take control of it to emerge as my twelfth incarnation, there won't be another chance. Another fields of Trenzalore, when the twelfth cycle transitions from consolidation back into renewal … it's eons away. I won't survive that long – we none of us have infinite regenerations."
"No," the Other agreed, "but there are always ways to cheat fate."
"Are there?" the Doctor felt a wave of anger flowing through him as the full extent of what the Other had accomplished ... and what he'd done to do so settled in his mind. "And did it matter, the innocent lives you derailed to make your master plan a reality?"
"You mean River," the Other acknowledged.
"Yes!" the Doctor all but growled. "I could have saved her that day but you intervened, didn't you? Somewhere deep inside my mind you took away every other option until all that was left was to contain her consciousness inside my screwdriver. You know, I wondered why – why did I choose that option when so many others would have led to River still being alive. Now I know – I didn't choose. You did!"
"I did," the Other said without remorse. "There was nothing else that would convince you to follow where I needed you to go, no one else you would risk the destruction of all life itself for. In any other form it would have been too easy for the Silence to get to River first. As pure consciousness she was protected. I know what she means to you – I've felt what you feel for her. I'm sorry, but I had no choice but to use those feelings. It was the only way to get you here."
"You're sorry," the Doctor turned away, struggling to contain his emotions, even in this non-existent world they occupied. "When I think of everything River went through, everything Amy and Rory suffered, all for the sake of your revenge … suddenly I'm finding it very hard to be generous."
"Not revenge - justice!" the Other exclaimed. "She would have perished," he argued. "Not in the Library, but later, at the hands of Madam Kovarian. She was too vulnerable. You would have saved her only to lose her later, with no hope of ever getting her back."
"And that's different from now, how exactly?" the Doctor questioned sarcastically.
"All that makes River who she is still exists," the Other reminded him, urging him to feel hope.
"Yes, but within a pretend world. If I wasn't already dying River would kill me herself for condemning her back to that again, for eternity this time." The Doctor frowned. "Besides, if your plan works River won't survive. No Kelad - no suit of armour."
"True, and yet, maybe not," the Other said, hesitating before continuing. "I do have one idea but it's risky ... very risky. I think I can make it happen though, with your agreement."
"Tell me," the Doctor urged.
Author's Note:
Thank you to those who've reviewed the last few chapters - always nice to hear people are enjoying the story! I've relied heavily on the Doctor Who wiki for this chapter but I've also gone AU on some of the details of old Doctor Who to serve the story so if you know old Doctor Who really well and see things that look 'wrong' that would be why. Although I didn't deliberately set out to incorporate this, at the back of my mind elements from Mass Effect, Star Trek: TNG (the Sherlock Holmes/Morriarty last episode) and a couple of episodes of Stargate Atlantis (the Asgard ones) must have been lurking to inspire me, kind of influencing some of the elements in this story.
Only a couple more chapters to go now ... thanks for reading.