Chapter 4

I couldn't help but blush at what Ginny had said. My breath caught in my throat when I looked her in the eye. "Hi, Gin" I said and sounded weak.

She looked at me, muttered a "hey" and then stood there and proceeded to ignore me. Mrs. Weasley was trying to make polite conversation but I was barely keeping up. I was trying to think of something to say to Ginny that would make her talk to me. I felt incredibly guilty that I caused her hatred toward me.

One by one the rest of the Weasleys all came down the stairs. Fred was already downstairs smiling at his Mother in triumph and he smiled when George, Charlie, his wife, Mr. Weasley, Bill, his wife and Harry came down. They came down slowly with a pause between each one. I don't know if it was me being paranoid but it seemed like they were trying to tease me. Was Ron at the end of this massive line of people? George, Charlie, Mr. Weasley, Bill, and Harry gave me bear hugs like Fred. The two new wives were polite handshakes and Ginny continued to ignore me.

The topic was on Quidditch and politics until Mr. Weasley decided to shift the conversation to me. He started asking me all sorts of questions about what I did and all sorts of questions on muggle contraptions. Nothing had seemed to change from when we were in school. I started to believe that I was going to have a relaxing weekend filled with nothing but catching up with the people I loved. I hardly noticed when the door opened because I was smiling at the debate that had sparked up between Bill and George. Then Mrs. Weasley shouted, "Ronald! I can't believe you made it! You said you would be away for weeks!"

I froze and the smile vanished from my face. I felt myself heat up when everyone got up from where they were sitting at the dining room table to greet Ron. I looked around and I saw Ginny staring at me with her head cocked to the side as if to say What are you going to do now? My eyes filled up with tears and I got up as quickly and quietly as I could from the table. Ron was only on Weasley number two and making his way towards the kitchen. I ran outside to the backyard of the Burrow. I had every intention of running until I couldn't run anymore when I heard, "Hermione!" I stopped. Ginny had followed me out and was running after me. I was out of breath and felt as though I was having an asthma attack.

"Why are you running?" Ginny had resumed her cold stance of crossed arms and a completely awful look.

"Gin, I need to leave. It was wonderful to see you. Can you help me get back?"

"No. I will not." I just stared at her. "Not until you tell me why you are leaving."

"No…" the tears began to fall from my eyes.

"Hermione? Why are you crying?"

"So much has happened, Gin. I can't face anyone in there. I am just not ready for any of this, ok?" I saw her demeanor change. She uncrossed her arms and put them on her hips. A slightly less hostile posture but still defensive.

"Face anyone? You faced my entire family just fine and then run off when Ron comes through the door? I'd say someone still has guiltly conscience…"

"Oh, Gin. You have no idea. None. Nothing is as it seems, alright?" I can't tell you anything—I. Need. To Leave."

"What are you talking about? Come on Hermione, why can't you talk to Ron?"

I looked into her face and suddenly I was tired. Tired of holding in everything. Tired of feeling guilty and hated. And I wanted to tell someone about this… and maybe Ginny was the person who I needed in my corner.

So I told her. The entire story with Voldemort, the awful things he did to me, and why I can't face Ron. When I finished, she had a look on her face that I couldn't read. I didn't know if she was angry, scared, or unaffected by the entire thing.

"Say something, Gin."

"I thought you had cheated on Ron this whole time and was too selfish to admit it. Oh. My. God. Hermione, are you kidding me?! Are you okay? I will..." and a few choice swear words exited her mouth that were quite creative "…kill him. You have to tell Ron!"

"No! Gin,I can't. He will try to break the curse somehow and the only way is to defeat Voldemort. He will tell Harry and then Harry will try to defeat him. Someone will end up hurt and everyone is at peace right now Ginny. I don't want to ruin that. I'd rather live with this pain forever than hurt Ron or Harry."

"Everyone is at peace? What about you Hermione? Are you at peace?"

"It doesn't matter about me…"

"Yes it does! Hermione, you have to tell them. It's only fair!"

"Ginny. I just can't. Please. You have to promise me that you won't tell!"

"Oh, alright. I won't tell. But you should tell them!" and with that she walked towards the burrow. As I watched her walk away, angry at me again but for completely different reasons than before, I couldn't help but feel like this weight had been lifted from my body. Emotionally, I was lighter. Not much, but a baby step.

As Ginny went back inside the burrow, Fred stuck his head out.

"Hey Hermione! Whatcha doin' out here?"

"Fred Weasley, I am going to kill you!"

"Well, that settles that question. Anything else I can get you?"

"Why didn't you tell me Ron was coming?"

"I didn't know." and seeing the look of disbelief on my face he added, "Honestly! Even Mum knew that you two are still on non-speaking terms and didn't invite him!"

"Then why did he come?"

"I just asked him. He heard you were here and he wanted to see you. He hasn't seen in you forever"

"What!? Fred! I can't see him!"

"Oh, come on Hermione! The argument couldn't have been that bad to last all these years!"

"Oh Fred, it's not the argument." He looked confused. And I hate seeing people confused so I said," Look, there was not an argument. Something happened and I can't ever see him again."

"What happened?" he said with a joking manner.

"You wouldn't believe it if I told you. Will you do me a favor?"

"Depends…"

"Will you distract Ron for me while I go upstairs?"

"I am nobody's servant! But for you, okay. You will tell me eventually won't you?"

"Ha! Good luck with that. Hurry up and distract him!"

"I will find out eventually, you know that don't you?! All right, All right! I'll go. I'll get him out the front door." And with that I crept up to Ginny's room and started to unpack. I stayed in the room the rest of the evening while I heard the entire family laughing and joking with one another. I strained to hear Ron's voice but decided that I did not want to even allow myself that. While I was listening to the merry making that was going on all I kept hearing inside my head was See? They're happier without you in their lives. They are happy and safe while you are away.

I forced myself to lay down and try to get some sleep. I was hoping that things would look better in the morning. One thing is for certain, I needed to get back to the muggle world as soon as possible.

I had the weirdest dream when sleep finally came. I was running from Voldemort. Nothing unusual, since I had the dream before but then an unknown figure came at me from the other way. My first instinct was to stop and run back towards Voldemort. But I kept running towards the figure once I saw that it was glowing. I couldn't see the figure's face and I couldn't swerve from the figure's path. All of a sudden a golden light surrounded the figure. The figure tunneled the light and cast it at me. I jumped out of the way. It hit Lord Voldemort but the figure exploded as Voodemort perished.

Then I woke up. Was the figure aiming the light at me? Is Voldemort gone? Hold on here Hermione. Dreams aren't real, dreams aren't real. But what about Harry? He had dreams about Mr. Weasley! Stop it! You are just going to get yourself worked up.

I looked at my watch on my wrist. It said 2:32. Great. I am wide-awake and the world has another 5 hours to sleep. Nothing unusual there!

I decided to walk down the stairs to the kitchen. I figured some food might help me get back to sleep. The refrigerator door was open and the light from it was surrounding a figure rummaging through it. My breath caught in my throat. The figure from my dream?Don'tbe silly, Hermione, dreams aren't real!

I backed away slowly. Who was it?

The figure stood up suddenly as if it knew it was being watched. They closed the refrigerator and set down some juice on the table. "Fred? George? Is that you?" My voice was high and scared.

I squinted as much as I could and when my eyes finally adjusted to the dark I saw who it was. It was Ron! My mouth fell open in shock and I just stood there. What am I going to do? Oh, no! Back away Hermione. Go back upstairs now!But I wasn't listening to myself. I was staying exactly where I was looking at him search in the darkness. "Come on oooout whoever you aaaare" he sang in a tune.

He then put down the juice he was pouring into a glass and slowly started towards me. My breath quickened and my eyes opened as wide as they could. I started to shake since all I could see was Voldemort coming towards me. It was then I realized I was scared of Ron. I was scared of Ron turning back into Voldemort again.

Ron kept coming towards me. He was squinting his eyes trying to see who was the intruder on his midnight meal.

He stopped and his eyes flew open when he saw that it was me. "Hermione? Is that you?"

His voice sounded great. I wanted to run to him and have him tell me it would be okay but I was paralyzed. You can't touch him! You'll hurt him!

"Hermione?" he asked again. "Are you okay?"

I slowly came back into myself. "Hi, Ron." I barely said it above a whisper. But he heard it.

"How have you been?" and he immediately stepped towards me to go in for a hug.

I dodged his hug and quickly said "I have to go."

"Wait a second." His voice turned angry. "Why are you running away from me? You ran out this afternoon before I could say hi and now you can't even give me a hug?"

I hesitated. This was the moment of truth. Do I tell him? Of course not, why would you? But I need to get this off my chest! You're being selfish! It's not always about you!

"Please, Ron. I have to go."

"No!" Then he marched right over to me and tried to wrap his arms around me in a bear hug. For the first few milliseconds I felt his warm embrace and his strong arms tightly squeeze me. It was paradise and I never wanted to leave this moment. Suddenly, I felt him squeeze me too tight. Ron started to thrash and clench his teeth as the Cruciatus Curse hit him. I watched in horror as he was forced to lay on the ground squirming. He didn't scream though. As the curse tore through him, he stared straight into my eyes. When I finally had my hands off of him he lay still and spoke."What happened?"

I burst into tears and sobbed "This is why I can't see you Ron! This will happen every time you touch me!"

"I don't get it. I tried to give you a hug and you put the Cruciatus Curse on me? Hell, Hermione I was just glad to see you!"

"No! I didn't cast it, Ron! It was… was…" what am I going to say? "I can't tell you."

"You're not making any sense. If it wasn't you, who was it?" He was starting to get up off of the floor and I could tell he was more emotionally hurt than anything else.

"Ron, please don't make me tell you. I know you deserve to know but…"

"Hermione… I…" He stared at me again and my insides completely melted. "What's going on?" I was completely terrified and completely head over heels in love with him and I had no idea which emotion I wanted to give in to.

"Ron I want to tell you more than anything in the world but you have to understand that it would be the end of everything. I should have never come here and I am so sorry for hurting you!"

Ron swore. "Alright, 'Mione, alright. Can you at least give me a hint?"

My fear subsided for a brief moment and I looked his slumped body from the curse. His nickname for me, the guilt I felt, and the desire I had for him loosened my resolve.

"Ron… Do you remember the night in 7th year when I told you I cheated on you?"

"Jesus, that was awful. Yes, I remember, Hermione. Why bring it up?"

"Ron, I didn't cheat on you."

The look on his face could have stopped a Dragon in its path.

And with that, I turned and walked up the stairs. I locked the door, crawled into bed and tried to drift into an uneasy sleep. All I kept dreaming was Ron's face as he stared into mine.