I floated around underwater for a while, getting used to my surroundings and the sensation of feeling like I should be drowning but not actually drowning. After that it was actually quite peaceful and I felt at home in the water slowly floating downstream. Vaguely I remembered this place; it was the river that Kohaku had saved me from when I was a kid. Now why was I dreaming about that?

"Chihiro."

The voice was startling, it was his alright, I would recognize it anywhere. I looked around for him but I couldn't see him anywhere. Trying to speak was a fruitless effort, the water rushed into my mouth the moment I opened it and stopped my voice.

"Please."

What? Please what? I want to help you but I can't even talk back! I can't see you! Where are you?

"listen."

"I am!"

My bed and clothes were drenched with sweat when I woke up. I was sitting up straight in my bed having made my exclamation trying to convey to Kohaku that I could hear him. I looked over to Kiki and she was staring at me in silence.

"You okay?" She asked sounding less than enthusiastic about being woken up.

"Yeah. Sorry, just dreaming."

"Hey, we all dream. Some of us just seem to be louder than others." With that she turned over and left me more than a little annoyed at her in the dark.

It wasn't my fault that I wasn't able to speak in my dream. I shouted out of frustration. Sorry.

I turned over to stare at the, oh so interesting blank wall and tried to go back to sleep, perhaps recreate the dream and maybe I would be able to talk in it.

I had no such luck; morning came in silence and darkness. The lights came on and I woke up instantly still staring at the lovely white wall.

Agitation set in and stayed with me throughout most of the morning. I'd forgotten about talking to Howl until after lunch. Sundays were also free and I hadn't seen him at all.

I made up my mind to go looking for him, since I wanted to apologize for whatever it was I did. I had since come to the conclusion that it probably was a bad idea to poke a sleeping bear. Whatever it was that made Howl upset clearly put others in danger. So I found him in the rec room reading and decided to approach.

"uh, hey Howl." I felt unsurprisingly awkward about this approach.

"oh. Hello." Howl seemed nervous as well, also unsurprising.

"listen, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I said the other day. I didn't think that it would matter I guess." Yes Chihiro, not thinking it would matter makes it better.

"No, it's fine. You couldn't have known I would react that way." I could tell he wanted to get the conversation over with, but of course awkward me couldn't leave it alone.

"Well, I mean, sorry anyway." Howl nodded followed by an awkward silence. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I sit next to him? Walk away and reflect on how awkward the encounter was? Stand there like an idiot waiting for him to say something? I settled on option four. Turn the knife that I had jammed into my side. "So, uh, who's Sophie?"

Howl seemed surprised and I instantly regretted asking. "How'd you…?"

"Uh…Jenkins talked about her?" I shouldn't have said anything.

"Oh." He was quiet for a while, struggling against something I couldn't really see. I hoped that I hadn't sent him off again. "She was…well…"

"You really don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, you deserve an explanation."

He seemed determined to tell me so I sat down next to him and listened.

"I guess I have to begin by telling you that I come from a world that is much different than this one. Through a long series of events Sophie and I came to know and love one another."

He told me the story of how he and Sophie met. At first I couldn't believe what he was saying. But when I thought about it, I also had a pretty unbelievable story to tell. It was completely possible that his world existed.

His was one of magic and demons. Mine wasn't too different. He had been a powerful wizard and his Sophie had helped him get his heart back. It was a sweet story.

"But how did you get here?"

"All that happened after everything settled down. You see, we thought we had escaped Solomon's wrath so we went to living a peaceful life. We traveled around, I taught Markl magic, Sophie made hats, it was bliss." Howl was smiling as he remembered this. It was tinged with sadness but I hadn't seen that face on him before. When I met him he was pleasant but guarded. I only realized it now, but a lot of people I had met were guarded.

"Like all things though, it didn't last long. You see, we thought that Solomon had left us alone now that my heart was my own again. We were very wrong. I should have talked to her after the ordeal was over and cleared things up, of course I didn't. Solomon was lying in wait for me. She purposefully let us forget about her threat." Howl had escaped into himself as he told the story. I could tell he was seeing it all over again.

"We were in the Royal city one day visiting." He paused for a moment and stared forward uneasily.

"Look, if you're uncomfortable-"

"It was a stupid idea. I knew we shouldn't have been there, I was just being reckless like usual. Sophie didn't realize the mistake I had made until it was too late. She thought everything had cleared up. We got to the middle of the city before the guards surrounded us. I managed to get out but I couldn't get Sophie…I couldn't…" He stopped for a moment; I saw tears forming in his eyes.

I began to see his story playing out. An ornate city, eerily uniform guards surrounding Howl and his beautiful Sophie. Chaos as they tried to escape the men trying to pin them down. Sophie in Howl's protecting arms as he barreled through the guards. Terror surged through the two innocents as the crowds around the square shouted and murmured. Almost out of the huddle Sophie was grabbed by one of the uniformed men and pulled away from Howl. The Guards were at once satisfied with the captivity of one and quickly disappeared into nowhere with the help of Solomon's magic. Howl left in the dust shouted after Sophie and ran forward to try to find the disappeared guards but had no luck.

"I was defeated. They were gone. I knew they were after me but I didn't know what they were planning to do with Sophie. I was terrified for her. I stayed in the city trying to find a way to get into the palace without being noticed. There were more guards than ever before and I was out of practice with my magic so there was no way for me to get into the palace that way. I resolved to just go in the front door."

I saw an Image of Howl walking up large stairs, a hard determined look on his face. No one stopped him as he went and he was let right in when he approached the doors.

"I met with Solomon first and it was like the old days. I felt this paralyzing fear race through me and I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. Sophie appeared from behind her and I couldn't help but run toward her."

The old woman, Solomon, held up a contented finger, the hollow smile never left her face.

"It was a trap. I should have known it would be. Light sprang up all around me and at once I felt my powers draining out of me. I was about to accept my fate when Sophie was at my side hugging me."

A circle of light swirled around the two of them and paper children sang and popped up and down as they laughed mockingly. Eventually one grew bigger than the rest. It loomed over Howl and Sophie ominously as it grew brighter.

"I knew what was about to happen. I tried to step in front of Sophie, to protect her, but she's unpredictable, always has been." He let out a little laugh. "At the last moment she pushed me out of the way."

The towering paper figure sent out a ray of light that engulfed Sophie in a terror ridden brilliance. I heard a piercing scream that wasn't in the rec room at all but in the circle of light, where Howl's mind was.

"She wasn't a witch so the magic just took what made up her source of life. I-it killed her. My Sophie is dead and I didn't save her."

There he was, on the couch sobbing but at the same time on the floor of this beautiful room with the dead Sophie in his arms. Solomon stood by with that paper smile spread across her face clicking her tongue because her spell had gone awry. I could see the pieces of Howl forming, his different aliases becoming different parts of who he was.

"I split up because I had to." He had composed himself, and I was a little startled when he started speaking. "I needed to get out so I put all of the rage I had into Pendragon and I got out. I don't even remember doing it. My magic was rusty so I wasn't in complete control of my different sides. When I came back to myself I was one hundred miles away, alone. When I realized what I had been through Jenkins took over for a while and I let him, he was a storage unit of all my misery. Calcifer finally found me and snapped me back into myself. He told me that they were still looking for me, so I had to run."

I had an image of Howl, borderline destitute, wandering through mountains and marsh lands to evade the identical guards that pursued him. I tried to imagine how he must have felt during that time and came up empty. I had never been through that sort of thing.

"I relied heavily on Pendragon, which is why he comes out most when I lose control. They ran me straight to the border of my realm. They thought I was cornered but Pendragon had grown strong through all of that running, he broke through the border and landed on this side. In your world. They found me as Pendragon and put me in jail before realizing what I was and sending me here."

It was silent for a moment as I took in this story. Howl seemed physically drained of energy; he was quietly weeping and doing a poor job of hiding it. I didn't know what to say to all that. His break down made a lot more sense now but I wasn't sure what to do with it. Vaguely I heard a door open and shut in the background but I didn't notice until Kiki's voice came ringing in the room.

"Chihiro! What have you done now!?"