Disclaimer: I don't own any Miyazaki or studio Ghibli works.
A/N: If anyone is interested in seeing what I look like in person you can check out my youtube account. I've just started vlogging and I'm not that great or frequent at it yet but I figured I'd shamelessly plug it here anyway. =) Here's a link to my latest video; watch?v=LQdMEg-T2hA
"Come on! Leave him alone. You've done enough."
And then I was being dragged from the rec room. I was vaguely relieved to have an excuse not to have to awkwardly comfort Howl. That guilt ridden relief didn't last long though because I was soon being scolded.
"I don't know why you always have to barge in and upset people. Can't you tell when you've done enough damage?"
No, apparently not. In the spirit world I had a habit of helping situations when bad things happened, outside of this hospital I didn't really have any effect. I was beginning to wonder if this was a different world entirely, filled with bad luck and I was the cause of every hard ship.
"I was apologizing."
"Well you did a poor job of it didn't you?" Kiki was fuming. All I saw was her angry face lately; I was beginning to dislike her.
"No! He accepted my apology, and felt the need to give me a life story at that!"
My little outburst caught her off guard. She was silent for a moment. There was some sort of shock on her face and then a flicker of remorse before bitterness struck her. "Well isn't that nice for you." She said quietly.
"No. Not really."
We were both silent for a moment. I decided that if this was indeed another world, it was also a world filled with awkward silences.
"I haven't always been this mean you know." Kiki's venom had disappeared and I looked at her. She was staring at the floor with a familiar face on. This I could relate to. She was beating herself up for something that didn't have anything to do with me. She seemed to be honestly trying to apologize so I tried something to make it less awkward.
"So, uh…You can fly a broom stick?"
"Probably not anymore, I was never very good at it anyway." She answered immediately. I was slightly surprised at how quickly that came out; it didn't have malice in it, just sadness.
"So are you a witch or something?"
She laughed bitterly. She seemed just as far away as Howl had when he was telling his story and I wondered briefly if I was in for another sad tale. "I used to be, but witches aren't widely believed in anymore so…" She trailed off as if I would get her meaning.
"So…?" Of course I didn't understand.
"So I guess I'm not anymore." There was malice in this come back. This was followed by a reprimanding inward look. I could tell she was really trying not to be so angry. That was honesty and I could tell that she wasn't lying. I was beginning to see a different side to Kiki. "Besides, I've lost faith in it anyway. Nothing would work for me if I tried." There was a sad sort of laugh to it.
I hadn't noticed that we were in the hallway. I was too drawn in by the conversation I was having with Kiki, but when a nurse walked by we both shot to attention. We tried to smile innocently and could tell that the nurse didn't quite believe our expressions but she let us go without question anyway.
"Come on. Let's go to our room." Kiki muttered.
Once we got to the room I tried to start the conversation where we had left off. I had become more curious about this girl beside me than I had expected to ever be. Unfortunately she didn't seem to be the type to openly give her own backstory and she opened her mouth before I could think of another question.
"Was Howl using magic to tell his story?" She asked quickly.
"Uh, no, I don't think so." I was thoroughly confused. Was Howl using magic? Where did that come from? I knew Howl was a wizard but it didn't sound like he used his powers much anymore and I think I would have known if magic was being worked in front of me.
"Are you sure?"
"Why?"
"Well I came to the rec room because I heard a scream." She said. I was taken aback.
"Neither of us screamed."
"Well then I got there and it was just you two, but in front of you was Howl, only in rags. He had this twisted look on his face, like anger had been his only emotion for months. He was running from these guards that seemed to forever be on his tail. It was terrifying. More than that though, was that you two were sitting on the couch watching this like nothing was wrong. I mean Howl looked upset and you had this weird look of awe on your face but it didn't seem like you saw the image in front of you."
I had imagined what she was saying vividly but it wasn't in the room. "Um, I uh, hate to be redundant but are you crazy?"
"No. It was definitely there. Plain as day. Some sort of projection of the story Howl was telling you." She was looking at me intently, expectantly.
"He was saying those things but he wasn't projecting anything that I know of." I felt like I was defending myself. Like all of a sudden I was the liar in the room.
"Well, because he's told me that he can't use his magic on this side of the worlds border." She pushed past my statement without listening to it. She seemed hurt, but not at me.
I didn't know what to say. I shrugged. That didn't satisfy her.
"Well then. Are you a witch or sorceress of some kind?" She asked this bluntly as if it was the most normal question in the world.
"Um, no." That was the logical next conclusion? That I was the one behind some projection in the room? Maybe she was a liar and was trying to pin something on me. "Maybe it was you."
"No, no. I'm an old fashioned witch; I would need so much more than well…nothing to conjure something like that up."
This conversation was getting weird and I didn't like the thought she had placed in my head. Of course I wasn't responsible for those images she supposedly saw. Suddenly the room was thick and hot and I wanted more than anything to leave. Kiki was staring at me like she expected me to break down and say that I did it. I felt like I was on trial.
I let the silence in the room grow. I knew it was my turn to speak but I didn't know what was expected of me. I was beginning to think that this place was going to drive me legitimately insane. I was beginning to feel like I couldn't breathe when she asked me one more question.
"Chihiro, That boy you mentioned. He is you're love interest right?"
That was a weird thing to ask, and a weird way to say boyfriend. Maybe she realized that it would be hard to be as long distance as we were. I mean cross country relationships were hard, heaven forbid people start trying Trans dimensional dating. "Why do you ask?" The question had come out of nowhere.
"Look, just answer the question." She seemed annoyed.
"I don't really know if that's any of your business. Especially since you won't tell me why you want to know." I felt like I could be unusually cheeky to Kiki, maybe it was because she felt that she could be the same with me.
"This is ridiculous; it's just a simple question." She sat back on her bed as if she was above me.
"Yeah and my question was even simpler." Now I was just being stubborn but I got up to leave in an attempt to seem more above her than she was me.
"I just don't want you..." She paused for a moment and then looked down. "Whatever."
I decided not to pursue this and instead left the room. I wandered the halls for a while cooling down from the last exchange I had with Kiki.
Of course he was my love interest! Wasn't that clear in the story I told? Why was that even a question anyway? And he has a name! He's not just 'that boy'! Thoughts like that circulated my mind until I was tired of thinking about it. Eventually I found my way into the cafeteria. It seemed to be dinner. I wasn't particularly hungry but I got food anyway.
I didn't want to sit near Howl or Kiki but public school training kicked in and my fear of being seen as the loser sitting alone overpowered my feelings of disdain and avoidance. I went to take my place at the table. San was of course missing again, leaving the three of us to stare awkwardly at each other while we ate. Howl tried to make conversation every once in a while but any attempts at verbal communication was quickly extinguished by Kiki or I.
After dinner I went back to wandering the halls and found myself in the library again. This time, instead of finding a book and a chair I found the most secluded corner of the library and holed up there. My anger had mostly subsided and in the quiet of my tired brain one thing started to nag at me.
What had Kiki seen?
I had no reason to believe that Kiki was lying about Howl not being able to use magic. And he certainly didn't seem like he was in a position to cast visual reminders of his past in the middle of a public room. So what had it been? I had seen too much in this place so far to write it off as a hallucination caused by Kiki's prescription drugs. Besides that there was a lot more to this hospital ward than everyone around me seemed to be letting on.
Kiki seemed to have had a past life as a witch, Howl was a traveling sorcerer forced into this world, and who knew what San was but she had some sort of rivalry with another patient's mother. Put my backstory into the mix and it was just improbably enough to make materialized visual story telling tools plausible.
But how?
I wasn't any kind of witch or magic doer at all. But I was the only other one in the room and Kiki's conclusion wasn't farfetched. I was willing to believe almost anything at this point. Well, almost. The trouble was that I knew myself. And I knew I wasn't capable of magic. That was Grannies department not mine. Maybe she had traveled here and did it.
I was beginning to nod off but I didn't want to go back to the room. So I fell asleep against a large bookshelf containing fantasy novels that for all I knew could have been outdated nonfiction.
Once again I was surrounded by rushing water and the feeling of liquid flight. This time I knew better than to speak when the voice called out my name.
"Chihiro."
Now I only looked around for the source of the voice. Occasionally I thought I could see the outline of a dragon but it disappeared the second I tried to swim toward it.
"I've come to find you."
My heart skipped a beat. I had been hoping that he would come find me and take me away. Maybe this was it. However I was becoming exhausted trying to get to his shadow every time it came into view.
"I don't have long."
Then show me where you are. I'll come with you, you don't need to worry about that!
"Please."
What?
Then all at once the calm water became wavy and I had trouble swimming. I was gasping for breath that wasn't coming and I felt my lungs filling up with water.
Before I knew it my eyes were open and I was staring into the stern face of San.
"You shouldn't sleep here." She said abruptly as I gasped the sweet air around me. "If they find you, you'll get in trouble."
"What about you?" I managed to choke out.
"I'm always in trouble." She shrugged and helped me to my feet. I was puzzled by the kindness she was showing me all of a sudden. It was rough, but kindness nonetheless.
We walked back to my room in silence. It was mostly an acceptable silence since we were trying to stay quiet. Every once in a while I looked over at her. San walked with a type of calm urgency that was like she was walking into battle, preparing herself for bloodshed and loss. It was almost admirable, this was a woman hardened by more than just life.
We got to my room and I turned to her to say thank you but she spoke before I could say it.
"I don't like Kiki." She said out of the blue in a hushed tone. "She's not a liar, but she likes the attention. She wants to be bitter but has no real reason to be." She said it with a finality that I felt had to be fact. But my parents voices rang in my ears telling me not to believe everything that I was told.
"Well, never being believed can be hard." I said, feebly trying to defend her.
San shook her head microscopically. "She doesn't know what suffering is." She said it simply and then walked away, Leaving me with so much more to think about than any twelve year old should.