II
Tangled Up

Kasumi Goto woke up in a strange room, which quickly became familiar as the memories of the night before came back to her. What was certainly unfamiliar was the body upon which her head was resting. She raised herself slightly and saw an N7 emblem emblazoned on a black shirt. She had been sleeping with her head on Shepard's chest. She checked the commander, hoping that she was still asleep, which thankfully she was, and watched for a moment, taking in her face. There was an intimacy in watching someone sleep up close, so much so that Kasumi felt a little guilty. But seeing the commander like this, with the vulnerability that only sleep can display, was incredibly endearing, as well as humanising. Kasumi remembered watching the vids of Shepard becoming the first human Spectre, then seeing interviews with her just after the Battle of the Citadel and how everyone was lauding her as a hero. Kasumi thought how weird it was now to be sharing a bed with her. She could put a finger up her nose or make her pull a funny face if she wanted, but that would probably wake her up.

The thief then realised in slight horror where her legs were: braided around Shepard's, similar to how lovers' legs might find themselves of a morning. The hand that had somehow found its way to rest on Shepard's stomach beneath her shirt was the least of Kasumi's worries. Somehow, she managed to carefully extricate her limbs from the minor tangle without waking Shepard, enjoying the feeling of their bare skin brushing together even though she knew she shouldn't, and rolled away from the commander. When she felt she was safe enough to be able to stretch without interrupting Shepard's nap, she did so, and so satisfying was it she reasoned she had probably just had her best night's sleep in a fairly long time.

Kasumi sat up and looked at Shepard over her shoulder to confirm she was still in the midst of slumbering, which she was. The commander's face was tilted ever so slightly toward Kasumi, with her mouth a little open, dyed red hair splayed messily on the pillow beneath her head, with a single lock draped neatly over one of her closed eyes. Confident that the commander was still dead to the world, the thief touched Shepard lightly on the nose with a finger and said, "bonk," under her breath. Kasumi then turned her body and planted her feet on the strange rubbery floor tiling that ran through most of the ship. She took a quick look at the clock next to her side of the bed, which showed that it was still fairly early. She wondered if she should wake Shepard, but reasoned that if a professional woman like Shepard was supposed to be up at this time, she would be. In fact, seeing as Shepard had been on a particularly dangerous assignment the day before, Kasumi presumed that they were on their way to, or perhaps were already docked at, the Citadel for shore leave.

Kasumi stood up, stretching once more. She instinctively bent over to touch her feet with the palms of her hands while keeping her legs straight.

"Now that's a nice view to wake up to." Kasumi stood up straight and whipped around to see Shepard, still in bed but now awake, with a devilish grin on her face and having a little stretch of her own.

"You scared the crap out of me, Shep!" Kasumi said, hand on her chest, unconsciously trying to stop her heart from escaping.

"I'm sorry, but when when you wake up to a nice round butt in cute underwear, you feel the need to mention it," Shepard said, her diabolical grin still adorning her face. The comment made Kasumi put a hand on her backside to cover it up.

"At least I didn't get my boobs out," Kasumi returned. Shepard's face fell.

"Oh God, I did, didn't I? Did you have to remind me?" Shepard moaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Remind you? It was the highlight of my night," Kasumi said, then chuckled at the look of incredulity on Shepard's face.

"Kasumi Goto! I didn't know you were that way inclined!" Shepard said over-dramatically.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Shep."

"There's a lot no one knows about you, Goto. Before last night, the only thing I really knew about you was that you liked ramen."

"Okay then, Sheplock Holmes, what did you learn about me last night?" Kasumi sat back down on the bed for what she assumed would be an interesting answer.

"Well, I know you can handle your brandy. I know that you're pretty funny. I know that you don't hog the sheets. Oh, and I know you have a stunning body and gorgeous eyes," Shepard added, matter-of-factly. Kasumi held her arms to herself in a moment of self-consciousness.

"Hmm. Not as interesting as I expected," Kasumi lied, in spite of the slight tingling she felt in her stomach, and smiled as she stood up to retrieve her outfit from the couch.

"I didn't realise you were expecting a psychiatric dissertation. I've got a better picture of who you are, at least. I wouldn't mind getting to know you a bit better," Shepard said, with a warm smile.

"I might be able to arrange that, Shep," Kasumi said, returning the smile. "Can I use your shower?"

"Knock yourself out," replied Shepard as she herself started climbing out of bed. "Don't take too long."

Whilst in the shower, Kasumi went over the happenings of the night before and the conversation with Shepard she'd just had. The commander had complimented her sense of humour, her eyes, her body, and her overall personality, and while Kasumi couldn't help but feel flattered and happy about the comments, they were also slightly torturous to her. Kasumi didn't know if Shepard's comments about her were anything more than idle flirting, she didn't know if this was what Shepard was like with her friends or if she was subtly trying to get an appropriate reaction from Kasumi. What was she to do? Act upon the flirtations and risk humiliation after misjudging them, or just ignore them as mere flirtations, as light banter that amuses Shepard? In this situation Kasumi would have normally asked around, but she got the distinct impression from the other ship-mates that despite Shepard getting to know her crew, no one really knew her. Well, besides Garrus, maybe. And of course Liara would have known her well.

Ah, yes. Liara. Kasumi had forgotten about her. She told herself that this was all academic now, that Shepard had openly admitted that a family with Liara was a hope for her. Shepard had said it was something to live for, to fight for, even. Kasumi shook her head to free her from her thoughts, and to let herself enjoy the first decent shower she'd had since joining the crew of the Normandy.

Kasumi was right about shore leave, but she was wrong about the Citadel – they had docked at the Nos Astra space port on Illium. Some of the crew had gone ashore, including Shepard, others stayed behind working still, while some chose to merely catch up on some sleep. Kasumi, however, was exploring the ship and chatting to some of the crew. She found herself in the medical bay, coercing Dr Chakwas to have lunch with her. They were sitting in the mess hall at a table, and once they had finished their food the doctor admitted to Kasumi that it was quite lonely work in the med bay and that she appreciated her company. She mentioned that Shepard had shared a drink with her one night, and a thought popped into Kasumi's head.

"What's Shepard like with you?"

"The commander?" Chakwas began. "How do you mean?"

"Is she flirty with you?" Kasumi asked, somewhat coyly. She felt a little bad about asking questions about Shepard, especially since she'd decided she wasn't going to act upon her feelings toward her, but she felt she needed to know either way.

"Shepard?" Chakwas barked a surprised laugh. "Good heavens, no. What ever gave you that idea?"

"Shepard and I had a drink together last night," Kasumi began, "and… oh, it's nothing, forget I asked."

"And Shepard was flirting with you, was she?" The doctor didn't seem like the type to gossip, Kasumi thought, but her eyebrows were raised and she seemed very interested and fairly surprised about this revelation.

"Yeah. It's confused the crap out of me."

"How do you mean?"

Kasumi opened up to Chakwas. She felt she could trust her, and although the thief never revealed her secrets to anyone, she was so confused and frustrated that she let it all out. She told the doctor everything, how she felt about Shepard, what happened last night, the things that Shepard had said to her, how she had woken up practically in Shepard's arms and how that made her feel, but also how she didn't want to get in-between Shepard and Liara, though she stopped short of telling Dr Chakwas about the 'little blue children.'

After Kasumi had finished, and after a moment of measured silence from the doctor, Chakwas let out a sigh. "That is quite the predicament, I admit. I think you're best off leaving it alone. For the moment, anyway. It sounds like you'd feel too guilty if you were to do anything. I mean, you seem to be beating yourself up over merely liking the woman. However, it does sound like Shepard has a thing for you, too. Though I realise that's scant consolation at this point."

Kasumi replied with a sigh of her own. "At least I know I'm not going crazy. Thanks, Doc. Sorry about the rant."

"Oh, don't be silly, it's fine. Oh and chalk this one up to doctor-patient confidentiality. My lips are sealed."

"Thanks again, Dr Chakwas." Kasumi stood up from the table they were sharing. "I'll stop by again soon."

"Make sure you do. Like I said, it's bloody lonely!"

Kasumi chuckled and walked around the corner back to her room. She'd decided she wasn't going to go ashore, nor was she going to explore the ship any more. She was just going to settle down with a good book and escape herself for a few hours.

Kasumi had dozed off on the port observation deck while reading 'Love in the Void,' and woke up looking at its back cover. It had slipped out of her hand in her sleep and she had lost the page she was on. Should have just bought the damn thing on datapad, she thought. She sat for a moment not believing she had fallen asleep; had she not slept as well as she'd thought, or was it that her body, after finally getting enough of it, craved even more sleep? She yawned widely and heard a chink of glass. She looked toward its source, and sitting with her back to Kasumi was the unmistakeable form of Shepard, hunched over with her elbows on the bar, as if deep in thought.

"Shep?" Kasumi asked.

Shepard turned her head to look over her shoulder somewhat, grunted a small 'hullo' and returned to her drink. Kasumi frowned. That was unlike Shepard. Even when she was stressed she still normally had an air of playfulness about her, professionalism with a smile, strictness with a mildly humorous touch. Shepard's greeting had been… grumpy. Kasumi stood up and, for what felt like the hundredth time that day, enjoyed a long stretch, before joining Shepard at the bar.

"There are bars on Illium, you know, Shep." Kasumi said, testing the waters. She wasn't sure how Shepard would react when she was in this state, whatever it was.

"Fucking asari everywhere, though. Even the barkeep was a damned asari," Shepard replied, displaying clearly the signs of being in a fairly bad mood.

"I don't understand. What happened to the woman who wanted 'little blue children?'" Kasumi asked, thinking of what Shepard had shared with her the night before.

"Turns out you need an asari mate to get them, and I sure as shit don't have one of those." Shepard said before finishing her drink.

"Shep, you're not making much sense. Did something happen on Illium?" Kasumi asked, worriedly.

Shepard sighed. "Liara was there. Turns out two years is a long time, even to the asari." She poured herself another drink and continued, Kasumi had hopped onto the bar and was sat cross-legged against the wall. "It was like we barely knew each other. I heard her talking to someone, threatening them. That wasn't Liara. Liara doesn't threaten people. Then we kissed, but it was like she was too busy for it, like I was distracting her from something. And then she was all, 'can you do this for me, can you do that for me?' And of course I did, like a fucking idiot, instead of calling her out. Now I don't know what to think." Shepard sighed again, and downed her glass.

"Hey, ease up on that." Kasumi said, but Shepard just waved her away with a frown on her face. "What was she so busy with?"

"Some bullshit with the Shadow Broker. Cerberus has given me intel on him to give to her, but… fucking Collectors. They've ruined everything. I'm gonna nuke the shit out of the whole lot of them." Shepard said, more to her glass than Kasumi.

"It must be quite important if it involves the Shadow Broker," Kasumi said, softly.

"I don't give a fuck about the God damn Shadow Broker, Kasumi!" Shepard said, raising her voice slightly, as she poured herself another drink.

"She might be in danger, Shep. And will you ease up on the drinking!" Kasumi added, raising her own voice as Shepard downed another shot.

Shepard turned around in a flash and pelted the glass across the room. It shattered against the wall right above Kasumi's bed and cascaded all over it, the sound of it hitting the wall louder than it had any right to be. Before Kasumi could even react Shepard was already through the door, gone in an instant.

"What the…" Kasumi said to herself as she hopped off the bar and crossed the room to look at the remnants of the shot glass that littered her bed. "Good work, Goto. You really handled that well," she added sardonically, shaking her head.

Kasumi assumed that Shepard had gone to her cabin, and gave her a few minutes to cool down before following her. Sure enough, as the doors hissed open, the commander was there, sitting on her bed, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. Kasumi made her way down to Shepard, not really knowing what she was going to do or say when she got there.

"What do you want, Kasumi?" Shepard asked, without looking up.

"I want an apology," Kasumi answered, pulling down her hood and crossing her arms.

"Yeah? And I want the last two years of my life back. If you can get me that, then you can have your fucking apology," Shepard said, finally looking at Kasumi.

"Shepard, can you not speak to me like that, please?"

"Can you not barge into my room demanding apologies, then?"

"Don't take all this out on me. I'm only trying to help, to be a friend. I could go right back below deck and ignore you, but I'm not going to. Just calm down and speak to me, Shep."

Shepard sighed and put her face back in her hands, and sat in silence for a few seconds. "Shit. I'm sorry, Kass. I'm just a little messed up right now."

"I get that, but drinking and getting angry about it isn't going to help." Kasumi said, as she sat down on the bed next to Shepard.

The commander huffed a sound of dry mirth. "Felt pretty good smashing that glass."

"I'm sure it did, but it broke all over my bed."

"Yeah… that was not a sound tactical decision on my part… fuck. I'll go clean it up." Shepard said as she went to stand up.

"Leave it, Shep. I'll get it. Or I'll get Gardner to do it."

Shepard huffed and sat back down on the bed. "Fine. Goodness knows Gardner could do with some actual work."

"Cooking for a ship full of hungry people is real work, Shep."

"Not if I'm the one buying all the ingredients for him."

"Christ, Shep, you even buy the food? Do you ever take a day off?" Kasumi said, disbelievingly.

"Only the more expensive food. And we spent last night getting drunk, didn't we?"

"That was nothing, a couple of hours then bed. After you'd busted your ass all day, too! And you were on Illium for hours, today. What were you doing when you weren't helping Liara? Surely that didn't take all day!"

"I was chasing leads on an assassin and an asari justicar. They're supposed to be on Illium somewhere."

"You're unbelievable." Kasumi said, shaking her head at Shepard, a look of disbelief on her face. "How long are we planning on staying on Illium?"

"It's shore leave. 48 hours," Shepard answered, as if it was obvious to all.

"Take tomorrow off, and don't do anything. Stay in bed all morning, laze around in your underwear, watch a bunch of crap movies, eat lots of chocolate ice cream, masturbate until you're blue in the face, whatever," Shepard's eyes widened while Kasumi carried on, as if she hadn't said anything that could cause such a reaction. "But above all else, get some damn rest. You're stressed. You're no good to anyone when you're breaking glass over their beds. Take a chill pill, Shep. For me."

Shepard sighed, and sat in thought for a few seconds. "That does sound quite nice, actually." Shepard gave Kasumi a pained expression, as if she was agreeing to do something she really did not want to. "All right. I think you should join me, though, seeing as it was your idea. You sleeping up here again?"

"I can do tomorrow, no probs, but I don't think I should stay tonight."

"How come?" Shepard asked, confused.

"Shep, you're practically married."

"To Liara?" Shepard said, then huffed. "If you'd have seen us today, you wouldn't think that. It was weird and awkward. She was like… a stranger in a friend's body, or something." Saying that seemed to visibly hurt Shepard. "And anyway, we're only sharing a bed. It's not that big of a deal."

"Well, my bed is covered in glass…" Kasumi agreed.

Shepard smiled. "Exactly."

"That's two nights in a row you've charmed me into your bed, Shep."

Shepard chuckled. "You're right, though. I think I need some R&R. Tomorrow should be fun."

The pair woke up together the next day, and spent a couple of hours talking and laughing in bed. Eventually their peace was interrupted by a knock on Shepard's door. Kasumi hopped out of bed and sat on the couch behind the ship display case, hiding from whoever it was. Shepard got dressed and unlocked the door, revealing Kelly Chambers.

"Kelly, what's up?" Shepard greeted the yeoman.

"Commander, sorry to disturb you, it's just that no one has seen you all day and they were wondering where you were. EDI said she couldn't contact you, either."

"Ah shit, I forgot to turn her link back on in here. I turned it off last night."

"Have you been up here all morning, Commander?" Kelly said, glancing over Shepard's shoulder to look at the room behind the commander.

"Yeah, I'm just taking a day. R&R and all that, you know. Nothing to worry about."

"Yes, ma'am. There are new messages at your private terminal, too. I don't think there's anything urgent, though."

"Thank you, Kelly."

"Also, Commander, no one has seen Kasumi since yesterday. Do you know where she might be?"

"Kasumi?" Shepard said, rubbing the back of her head. "Nope. You know what she's like, she could be standing right behind you for all you know."

"Ah, well I'm sure she'll turn up. That's all I needed, unless there was anything I could do for you, Commander?"

"Yeah, there might be. Have you been working during shore leave, Kelly?"

"Yes, Commander."

"And what did you do during the last shore leave?"

"I worked, Commander. And the time before that." Kelly said, with a hint of reticence.

"Damn it, Kel." Shepard said, then stepped into 'official mode' with her hands behind her back. "I'm relieving you of all your duties until tomorrow, Miss Chambers. Get yourself ashore and do some shopping or whatever, and have fun. That's what you can do for me. Take it as an order."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." Chambers said, saluting and smiling.

"Just don't sign anything on Illium. That'll be all, Yeoman." Shepard said, returning the salute and smiling back.

"I won't, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am." Chambers turned and stepped on the elevator with a wide smile on her face.

Kasumi was sitting cross-legged on the couch as Shepard walked down the steps. "Sounds like I've been rubbing off on you, Shep."

Shepard chuckled as she took a seat on her bed, facing Kasumi. "I wondered why my thigh was damp when I woke up," she said, with a mischievous grin on her face.

It took a while for Kasumi to stop laughing at Shepard's bawdy joke, especially with Shepard laughing back at the thief's hysterics. Eventually, Kasumi calmed down enough to talk.

"That was nice, what you did for Kelly," she said, still chuckling somewhat and wiping her eyes.

"Kelly's a sweetheart. When she's not at her workstation she's talking to the crew, which is part of her job. She doesn't stop working."

"Yeah, I like Kelly. Mind you, I think everybody does. Well, maybe not Jack."

"Jack doesn't like anyone, though."

"Hey, she likes me… I think." Kasumi sat for a while in thought, as Shepard got up to check her messages on her terminal. A mischievous grin appeared on the thief's face as she came up with a question or two to ask Shepard. "Hey, Shep. Would you have sex with Jack?"

"What? What kind of a question is that?" Shepard asked, looking away from her terminal with a confused look on her face.

"I'm curious, just answer it."

Shepard made a noise of exasperation before answering. "I don't know. She's quite pretty when she isn't snarling, but those tattoos are crazy, and that bald head. I don't know. Would you?"

"I'm the one asking the questions."

"Questions? Wait–"

"Would you have sex with Joker?"

"I'm not doing this, Kass."

"Just answer the question!" Kasumi said, in a higher tone.

Shepard huffed. "No, I wouldn't have sex with Joker."

"Would you have sex with Garrus?"

"No, he's like my best friend, it'd be weird."

"Jacob?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Booooring! Next."

"Mordin."

"I don't even know how that'd work."

"Zaeed."

"Nah. I like him, though. He's mental, but he's cool."

"Mess Sergeant Gardner?"

"Ohh yeah."

"Really?!"

"Ha! No."

"Dr Chakwas."

"No, she's like a school teacher or something."

"Engineer Donnelly?"

"Only in his dreams."

"Engineer Daniels."

"Hmm. I don't know. Yeah, I probably would, actually. Don't tell Donnelly that, though. It'd give the guy an aneurysm."

"Grunt."

"Ouch! No!"

"Kelly."

"Maybe."

"Miranda?"

"Not my type."

"Really? Beautiful, raven-haired temptresses with perfect bodies aren't your type?" Kasumi asked.

"Well, she's a bit of a bitch, isn't she? She's too severe for me."

"You're only having sex with her, you're not marrying her."

"Kasumi, shut the fuck up about Miranda, will you? Christ."

Kasumi chuckled. "So what is your type?"

Shepard stood in thought for a second, staring into the middle distance before sighing. "I dunno… playful, innocent, sweet."

"Oh, so you like to corrupt the young and the naïve, do you?" Kasumi playfully accused.

Shepard laughed. "I suppose I do. No, it's more that I see a lot of brutal shit in my line of work, and I want to leave all that crap behind. Be with someone who can make me forget what a fucked up galaxy we're in."

"I guess I can understand that."

"What's your type, Kass?"

Kasumi thought for a moment before smiling. "Red-haired, green eyed, strong-willed individuals in positions of power."

Shepard smiled. "I don't know where you're gonna find one of those. Just answer the damn question."

"I did."

"All right, then. What exactly is stopping us?"

"W- what do you mean?" Kasumi asked, as Shepard reappeared from the behind the display case and leaned on it.

"What the fuck is stopping us? What's stopping you from jumping my bones, or vice versa?"

"Erm…" Kasumi hesitated, suddenly lost for words as her heart started pounding. "Li- Liara. You're with Liara."

Shepard shook her head and frowned. "Doesn't fucking feel like it. I asked her to talk to me, but she just gave me some lame excuse about everything being recorded."

"I've heard stories about Illium. Maybe it wasn't an excuse."

"I only wanted to talk about us. Who's gonna care that we're supposed to be seeing each other?"

"That's the kind of information someone can use against you. They'd get to you through Liara."

"But it doesn't make any sense. We kissed, right there in her office, with big windows that anyone could have been looking through. That was enough to tell that we cared for each other." Shepard started pacing the room in front of her bed, slightly agitated. "Not only that, her secretary, Nyxeris, it turns out she was a Shadow Broker agent, and Liara's supposed to be going after the Shadow Broker. That was what I was helping her with. I did a little detective work for her, and when I told Liara who she was, she killed her. She killed her secretary. By the time I got back, it was all over, the body was gone, it looked like nothing had happened, and she acted like she was pleased with herself. It freaked me out." Shepard sat down on the couch next to Kasumi. She was hunched forward, looking at floor, dejected. "That wasn't the girl I fell in love with."

"We all kill people, Shep. It comes with the work."

"I know, and it's not like I haven't seen her kill people before, either, but the way she seemed happy that she'd just had to kill someone she knew, it was… I've never had to do that, and I'm not happy about a single one of those I have killed."

"Are you're sure you're not just reading too much into her… her mannerisms or whatever?" Kasumi asked.

Shepard thought for a few seconds. "I don't know. It's all a mess, anyway. I just… I got the distinct impression that she's moved on, and I was thinking that maybe I should, too." Shepard said, looking at Kasumi with a half-smile.

"But you said you loved her. 'Little blue children.' Where did that go?"

"That was just sentimental bullshit… or something, I dunno. I'm just not the type of person to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Well, not for too long, anyway. And I'm no sucker for unrequited love." Shepard scooted closer to Kasumi on the seat and grabbed her hand. "Listen, I like you, Kasumi, and I know you like me."

"But isn't it a bit too soon?"

"It's been two years."

"Yeah, but not for you."

"It obviously doesn't matter to anyone else how long it's been for me," Shepard said, referring to Liara, Kasumi thought.

"And you wouldn't be doing this to get back at Liara?"

"Liara's never going to know if she doesn't need to. I'm not doing this to hurt her, I'd never do anything to hurt her, but… I think I've got someone else I care for more, now," said Shepard, while raising her hand to Kasumi's face, holding her cheek.

"Are you sure?"

"Kasumi, the fact that you care enough to ask makes me know I am. You're amazing. Being with you is amazing, and I think we can make it even better," Shepard said, sitting on the edge of the couch, turning her body towards Kasumi.

"But, Shep. I'm not… I'm straight," Kasumi said. Shepard sat in front of the thief with her mouth open, looking both horrified and confused at the same time. "Ha! Got ya!"

Shepard breathed in deeply and then exhaled loudly, clutching her chest. "What… the fuck…"

"Oh, shut up and kiss me, Commander," Kasumi said, as she leant in towards Shepard.

A couple of hours later, the pair were lying in bed together, both a little out of breath and slightly sweaty. Kasumi noted the significance of how she was lying with Shepard, how it was exactly the same way she had found herself the morning before, the only differences now being her, and Shepard's, complete lack of clothing and the fact that Shepard was awake. Kasumi raised her head off the commander's chest and turned to look at her new lover, and Shepard looked down back at Kasumi and smiled. Kasumi then grabbed Shepard's cheeks and squeezed them, making the woman's lips pout stupidly. The thief made a quack noise, let go and put her head back on Shepard's chest, leaving Shepard quite confused.

"I think that's the weirdest 'thank you' I've ever received," Shepard said.