As the ambulance pulled away and he knew Ziva was going to be safe, Tony ran... Even as Gibbs called after him, he kept going...kept running. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't want the other EMTs to help him; to bandage his bloody wounds. He didn't deserve their help. Not after what he'd done. So he ran. And at the first fire-escape ladder he came to, he started his way to the top.
Gibbs couldn't understand why his senior field agent had unexpectedly taken off. He and McGee, with Abby's help, had finally found them; saved them. And now Tony was running. As he chased after him, he saw the younger man start to climb the side of the building and knew he could catch up.
Tony was already on top of the roof when Gibbs reached the ladder. And when the older man finally reached the top, he hadn't expected to see him standing near the edge, looking down...
"DiNozzo..." he called, cautiously. Tony spun around, a bit surprised that he'd been found so quickly. "What are you doing?" Gibbs saw raw pain and anguish written on his face. Then defeat, as he broke down in front of him, thwarted from his plans to jump over the edge of the building. He wouldn't do that in front of Gibbs...
His body crumbled to sit on the on the concrete below him as he hid his face behind his hands.
"Tony... What happened?" Gibbs asked as he knelt beside him, unsure of what to say or do.
"He made me..." he squeaked as he attempted to bring his sobs to a halt. He swallowed a painful lump, "He made me rape her..." his sobs rekindled.
"What?"
"He made me rape Ziva..." he laid his head down on the concrete roof and balled up on his side.
Gibbs swiped a hand down his face, closing his eyes for a moment to absorb his distraught agent's words as he'd crumbled on the rooftop. "Tony, this isn't your fault," he said softly. But when he opened his eyes he saw Tony was standing again, looking over the edge.
"Go," he told his boss.
"I'm not gonna let you jump, Tony," he said as he stood.
"I'm not gonna jump," he said as his head lowered. "Go and make sure she's okay."
"You come with me," he started to reach his hand toward him. But Tony suddenly turned around, aiming the gun he'd taken from the henchman at Gibbs.
"Just go!" he yelled, his face red with anguish.
Gibbs took a cautious step back. "Tony, I know you're confused and hurting..."
"No... You. Don't. Know..." new tears streamed his face.
"You need to go to the hospital."
"I'm not the one who's hurt!" he yelled; his voice rasped, cracking as it gave out.
"What're you gonna do when I go?" Gibbs yelled back.
Tony blinked. "I'm gonna leave," he told him. "And you're gonna call me," his breath hitched as his sobs threatened to continue, "And tell me if she's okay." His eyes were pleading with him.
Gibbs swallowed."You got a phone?" he asked. Tony squinted in thought.
"No," he watched Gibbs reach down to his side, and Tony's other hand settled on his gun, nervously. Gibbs looked up at him as he continued and pulled out his cell, placing it on top of a metallic vent that stood next to him. Tony understood the gesture and lowered one of his hands.
Gibbs turned to walk back toward the fire escape and Tony began to lower the gun. As Gibbs lowered down the ladder, he gazed up as DiNozzo grabbed the cell phone and started toward the side of the building where there was a second fire escape.
Gibbs hurried down the ladder as fast as his feet would allow, then took off running, gun drawn, to the side of the building. But when he reached it, Tony wasn't there. Panicked, he continued to the other side, half-expecting to see his broken body lying on the ground. But he wasn't there either. He scanned the distance all around where he stood, before running around to the front of the building.
"Boss!" McGee said as he came around the corner. "I came looking for you. Where's Tony?"
Gibbs' brow furrowed as he scanned the area around them, "I don't know..."
*~.~*
"Jethro," Ducky came out of the room in the E.R and saw him pacing the hall.
"Duck, how is she?" he asked as he approached the older man.
"She's shaken. But she insists that she is fine. She's been asking for Tony. Did you find him?"
"He ran off," he said, looking down at the floor for a moment. "I need to talk Ziva." He walked past him and opened the door to her room, quietly entering and shutting the door behind him.
"Gibbs," she sat up in the bed, still in her worn clothing. "Where is Tony?" Gibbs made his way toward her, carefully sitting down on the side of the bed.
"Found him standing out on a ledge."
Her eyes grew wide. "What?"
"He told me what happened," he squinted, sympathetic to what he could only imagine had happened to her.
Her face showed hesitance; embarrassment. "What did he tell you?" she asked in a quiet voice.
He looked down, unsure of how to respond. He felt her hand take his and he looked back up at her. "Told me...what they made him do to you."
"He did not have a choice, Gibbs," she defended. "It was Tony or...or that monster. I made him do it." Tears formed in her eyes.
"Are you hurt? Did they do a rape kit?"
"No. I did not tell them," she squeezed his hand, "He did not hurt me."
"He thinks he did," he told her.
"Where is he?" she pleaded.
"I don't know," he shook his head.
"We must find him," she stood from the bed and stepped into her shoes.
"You should stay here, Ziva," he said, standing as well.
"I cannot stay here, Gibbs," she looked at him with glassy worried eyes, "You did not see his face when..." she didn't finish her sentence, and he detected the pain in her face. Then it changed to realization. "You left him...standing on the ledge?"
"I left him 'cause he had a gun on me," he told her, and her brow furrowed. "And because he said he wouldn't jump. He climbed down off of that building, Ziva. He didn't jump. But I lost him." She didn't know how to respond. Her eyes darted around the air between them. "He wanted me to make sure you were okay. And to call him."
"Where?"
"Gave him my phone," he said. "Maybe you should be the one to talk to him...if you think you can..."
She walked up to him and looked up into his eyes. "What Tony did...was not rape. If anything-" her breath hitched in her throat, "I...I raped him...so that monster would not rape me," she broke down in front of him, and he caught her in his arms before she could fall. He held her as she sobbed, but she quickly pulled away. "I need to find him," she said as she rushed past him and out the door.
"Ziva," he yelled after her as he came out the door. She stopped and turned without looking at his face. "Let us help you," he said softly. She looked around her. Ducky and McGee were now standing in the waiting room watching them, and ready to help. She looked at Gibbs for a moment, then nodded. "McGee, call Abby. Tell her to keep an eye out for DiNozzo if he should happen to go there. Duck...would you mind going by his apartment? See if he went there?" Ducky nodded. "And call me-" he realized he didn't have his cell, "Damnit...I need a phone."
"Boss," McGee held out two of them, "Tony and Ziva's phones; picked them up at the scene."
"They need to be run through evidence."
"Already lifted the prints, Boss."
Gibbs squinted at him in thought for just a moment, then took the phones. Tim looked at Ziva with concern. Her screams were still fresh in his mind, and he was relieved that she was okay. But as her eyes briefly met his, he saw something was somehow different...
"Tony's got my phone," Gibbs said to them. "You wanna call me, call Tony's number." He handed Ziva's phone to her. "You're with me," he told her.
*~.~*
When Tony didn't answer the phone, Gibbs sent him a text telling him that Ziva was okay.
"Tony would not go to NCIS," Ziva said as she rode in the passenger seat of his car. "If he does not want to be found, he would have gone to a motel."
"He didn't have any money on him," Gibbs reminded her. "Woulda had to stop home first. If he did, Ducky will call us and we can get Abby to run his cards." When she was silent, he glanced over at her and noticed her eyes were closed. "You okay?"
"Please pull over," she requested. He immediately complied and she threw open the door and ran out. He threw the car into park and went out after her, but she stopped; one hand holding onto the trunk of a tree as she lurched over and threw up on the ground under it.
"Ziver..." he went to her and put his hand on her back as her heaving turned into sobbing. "I'm sorry..."
"I love him," she cried and Gibbs swallowed at the open confession as she continued. "And now he will never look at me the same after what I have done."
"I think he's thinkin' the same thing, Ziva," he told her and she straightened and turned to him.
"Then he will try to end his life," she barely whispered as her eyes bore into his.
"Don't say that," he said, tears forming in his own eyes. "Please don't say that." The fear in his eyes made her flinch. She swallowed and shook her head as an apology; an affirmation, and she hugged him around his middle. The realization hit her that he was terrified, and it made her heart sink.
They stood there for just a moment like that. Then she had a thought and pulled away. "Take me to my apartment," she said. "I need to change..."
*~.~*
Ducky opened the door to Tony's apartment and switched on the light. In front of him lay a small table that had been turned over and was on its side; a broken coffee mug scattered about beside it. "Anthony?" he called and walked further into the apartment.
His eye caught a torn, blood-stained shirt lying on the floor, lit up from the glow coming from the bedroom. As he approached the room he saw a gun on the bed; the comforter stained red with blood. And he heard water running in the bathroom. As he walked up to the bathroom door, he noticed Gibbs' cell phone on the floor, and he bent down to pick it up as he pushed on the bathroom door. "Anthony?" he called again, recognizing the sound was coming from the shower. Steam came pouring out into the room.
When there was no answer, he feared the worst... He grabbed the curtain and pulled it open.
"Just...tryin' to...get warm," Tony said, teeth chattering when he looked up from where he was sitting curled up in the tub; the hot water beating down on his skin.
"Good god, Tony," he reached down and turned off the water, looking at Tony's shivering, distant expression. "You're in shock. Let's get you out of there," he reached for a towel and draped it over his back, helping him to stand. Tony allowed himself to be directed, without much awareness of it happening. Ducky wrapped him in a bathrobe and brought him to sit on the bed. "Why didn't you let them bring you to the hospital?"
Tony seemed confused at Ducky's words and his eyes darted around the air between them. Ducky pulled out his phone and dialed Tony's number. "He's here, Jethro," he said into the phone after the other line picked up, "And he's not well."
"Keep him there, Duck. We're on our way." The call ended and Ducky turned back around to Tony, who was putting on pants.
"Anthony, you need to keep warm," he said, pulling a throw blanket from the end of the bed and wrapping it around him as he sat back down.
"Needed pants, Duck," he said quietly. Ducky sat down next to him.
"Tony, do you remember what happened after you got into the taxi?" Tony looked at him, confused. He looked down at the floor, then closed his eyes. Suddenly, the memories came flooding back into his mind...
His hands went to his head as the information caused physical pain as it reset itself in his brain. "Oh god...oh god..." he began to sob in horror...
"Tony?" Ducky put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Will you talk to me?"
*~.~*
"Ziva!" Gibbs knocked on the bathroom door when he got the call from Ducky. She had gotten into the shower. "Duck found Tony at his apartment," he said. He heard the water turn off.
"Go!" she called, "My car is outside. I'll be right behind you," she hurriedly threw her clothes on without bothering to dry herself off, and she tore out of the house, grabbing her keys as she went...
*~.~*
Gibbs screeched up to Tony's apartment and put the car in park. As he approached the door, he heard yelling. He drew his weapon when he heard Ducky...
"Tony, put down the gun!" Ducky said, distraught at the situation. Gibbs entered the room and Ducky backed away. Tony was standing at the foot of the bed with his gun in his hands; his face soaked with tears, and pinched with anguish.
"Tony," Gibbs said softly and Tony looked up at him.
"You shoulda let me jump, Boss," he said. "You shoulda let me die!"
"Couldn't let you do that," Gibbs said. "Put down the gun."
"No...no I won't do that," he said.
"Don't make me shoot you, DiNozzo."
"You should!" he shouted as more tears spilled from his red, swollen eyes. "You should kill me for what I've done! For what I did to her..." he crumbled. Ducky's heart was breaking as he listened to the broken man before them. They watched, horrified as Tony began to raise the gun to his temple.
"Tony!" Gibbs yelled. "Ziva does not want you to do this!"
Tony looked at him. "What do you know about what she wants?"
"I know she loves you," he said. Tony's brow furrowed at his words; new tears glassing his eyes. "She told me."
Tony shook his head. "How could she love me after what I've done?" he asked through gritted teeth.
"Tony," Ziva said as she stepped into the room.
"Ziva?" Tony's voice was suddenly small and weak as his face lost every hint of anger.
"Put down the gun, Tony," she said softly as she stepped closer. Defeated, he began to lower the weapon. His eyes became distant again, jotting around the air in front of him. The gun fell to the floor and he dropped to his knees in front of her. Gibbs lowered his gun.
Ziva knelt down in front of him, taking his face gently in her hands.
He looked into her eyes, lost and sad. "Ziva, I'm so sorry," he cried. Gibbs took Ducky's arm and motioned for him to follow him out of the room to let them talk.
"No...no, Tony. You have done nothing wrong," tears fell to her cheeks.
"I love you...so much...and I've ruined everything," he pulled his face away, hiding it in his hands.
Her eyes darted around his hidden face as new tears pooled her eyes from his words. "You have ruined nothing," she said, pulling his hands away. "I forced you to do it. It is my fault."
"No...no, I couldn't let him hurt you. This isn't your fault," his hands went to her face, and he was overwhelmed when she didn't flinch away from him.
"You saved me," she said, placing her hands on his.
"I...I hurt you, Zee..."
She shook her head. "You did not hurt me," she stroked his face, giving him a small smile.
"I know I did..."
"You are wrong."
"I felt your hands...tense at my back..." he squeezed his eyes closed at the memory. She thought for a moment about what he could be referring to. Then she blushed.
"I was not in any pain," she said, and he opened his eyes and saw her blushing cheek.
His brow furrowed as his eyes darted back and forth between hers. "What?" he asked for confirmation. She bit down on her bottom lip to stifle the blushing smile, then ducked her head, a bit embarrassed. Suddenly he could feel his heart beating again. "Are you serious?" he asked. She looked up at him again, and he saw no deception in her eyes.
She put her arms around him, cradling his head next to hers. His eyes closed as his arms wrapped around her. "Never run away from me again," she whispered through tears. He felt her squeeze him tighter. "Promise me," she pulled away slightly and rested her forehead against his. "Promise me, Tony."
"I promise," he said, his hands going up to her face again. She brushed away the tears from his face, then kissed him.
"I love you," she said. He pulled her back into an embrace, joy overwhelming him beyond words. His tears flowed anew...
tbc...