Chapter 4.

You hurry, arms over your head, spending the few seconds from the car to the front door in the rain. Once you get into your house you don't slow down; you rush through the foyer, the pristine sitting room, and just about run up the stairs, loosening your tie and shrugging out of your school jacket as you go. You don't want to spare the time to go to your room and change out of your uniform; you just untuck your shirt and make your way to the guest bedroom. That one, that's stuffed so far at the back of the house that your parents hardly ever use it anymore.

You wrench the door open and push it shut, leaning against it, breathing heavily, feeling like you'd run a marathon.

(But what exactly are you running from?)

The room is dark, gray, and not as grand as the others. However, it's still clean and dust-free. (Kudos to the extensive staff of servants your house employs.) You throw yourself down on the bed (small – it's only queen sized), your hands behind your head, face pointed at the ceiling.

You haven't exactly chosen the best hiding place. That is, if you were actually hiding. (If you really wanted to make yourself disappear, you would, no mistake.) But you really just want a few minutes to yourself. When Hikaru comes back and finds you, you'll be glad to see him. (Even if he is just full of happy-talk about Haruhi.) But for now, you just want the world to fuck off and leave you alone.

---

Your eyes flick open at a loud and insistent banging. (It feels like you'd only let them slide closed a split-second ago.) You sit up, dazed, your hand in your hair, and you make to open the door, but it opens by itself, and you're face to face with your indignant mirror-image. Hmm. The hand slides through your hair and comes to a rest at your side.

"Kaoru! Why'd you disappear like that?! I was looking all over for you!"

(You glance at your watch again and note with some surprise that you've only been home for 10 minutes.)

So Hikaru had been spending all that time looking for you and not...?

(It's crazy, how relieved you feel. Like you'd been holding your breath all that time and had only just let it out.)

You're still annoyed, though. If anyone has the right to be angry, it's you.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hikaru. I just went ahead to the car, since you were busy talking to Haruhi," you say to him calmly.

"You could have waited for me! I..."

He appears to be losing steam, the (sexy) angry red tinge fading from his cheeks. He rubs the back of his neck with one hand in an embarrassed way. And comes over to sit down next to you.

(You stiffen. You can't control it.)

"Naa, Kaoru..."

He puts out one hand to touch you lightly on the shoulder. Not intruding. Not pressuring. Just... there. As comfortable as it always was. As it always had been. You feel yourself relenting. (You've been wanting this all day, after all.)

"Did I do something wrong?" The voice in which he asks this is urgent, low, quiet. You sigh and turn around to face him, all pretences gone.

"No, Hikaru. You didn't do anything wrong. I just went home so... you could spend some time with Haruhi-chan,"

He blinks at you, obviously confused. "But... But Kaoru! You've been disappearing like this for days now..."

You shake your head.

"Hikaru, it's just so... just so you can be with other people. Without me getting in the way," you add in a small voice, but he hears it. Of course he does.

He grips your shoulder with his other hand, frowning at you worriedly. "You've never gotten in the way. Have...have I done something to make you think that?" His voice is still quiet, low, serious. (It's making your stomach do things that it has never done before. Like backflips.)

"Why can't we be with everyone together? You don't have to go away just so we can talk to other people, Kaoru."

You close your eyes, shutting him out, shutting his intense amber gaze out, for a second, and then you open them again.

"Yes, I do."

He looks at you, trying to puzzle you out.

"I don't understand."

You look away and there's a long stretch of awkward silence. Then, (tentatively, like you're afraid of the words, afraid of what they might mean) you say,

"Hikaru... you... you really like Haruhi, don't you?"

His eyes widen as understanding flows into them, his mouth is half open in disbelief.

"Oh, Kaoru..." he breathes.

And he pulls you forward, and you fall into him (like you were meant to) and your arms go around his waist and his go around your shoulders (like a cocoon) and you fit.

"I don't like Haruhi that way," he tells you, his voice containing all the incredulity he feels at you even imagining such a thing. You sigh, (like you'd found what you'd been searching for all this time) and you press your nose close into his collar. (His voice is deep and dark like you're sharing secrets.)

"...Even if I did, I..." he pulls you even closer, and when you come out of your giddy, silly daze enough to look up at his face, you find it emotional and tight.

"Hikaru..." you whisper, but he squeezes you uncomfortably in return.

"Just... wait. I can't think straight," he mutters, and you can see that he's struggling, struggling to find some way to put those wayward emotions into words. So you nuzzle into his neck (that manages to smell so good after an entire day of sweat and rain and running) again, and listen patiently to his pulse.

"Kaoru... don't misunderstand." He begins, stroking and tugging at your hair distractedly. "I like Haruhi. I like our classmates. I like the Host Club. Kuso... even some of the customers are fun enough to talk to." A semiamused chuckle. "But Kaoru..."

He tilts your chin up and looks at you, eyes halflidded, and you feel yourself blushing, like you're playing the shy uke back at the Third Music Room.

"I like being with them but... Kaoru, I don't need any of them like I need you," his face is so close to yours and, seriously, you're frozen, you can't blink, you can't breathe, and so you couldn't've stopped him if you'd wanted to when he starts to plant soft kisses along your cheek. Your breath catches and you dig your fingers into his back; tense.

He kisses the - "Kaoru," side of your face, "You are..." the shell of your ear, "the most..." the nape of your neck, "important person..." your cheek, "in the world..." your jaw, "to me." You're trembling. Delicious. (It's the only word that exists for you right now.) Your brother's lips taste delicious.

Your eyes slide shut and you fidget, scrabbling to get into a better position on his lap, arms thrown around his neck now, fingers threading into his hair. You can't breathe. (Like that matters.) His hands lick down your spine and stop at the small of your back, pressing you closer, closer. So close it almost isn't possible. And you obey. You crush yourself to him, tongue curling deep in his mouth (like you're still searching). Your bodies are slithering, twining with each other.

You force yourself to pull away from his soft (symmetrical) lips and the room is silent for several minutes. You rest your forehead against his; your breath mingles. "Hikaru?" The whispered name, endearment really, becomes a tantalizing brush of lips that makes you shiver from want you didn't even know existed. You draw back (so you don't get distracted by your brother's newly-discovered tastiness) and say,

"Hikaru." You have to stop again, because of the look on his face, and you wonder if you'll manage to say anything besides his name at this point.

The look is one of lust and shock and helplessness. The lust is in his flushed cheeks and the shock is in his eyes (which seem to say 'Did I just do that?'). You suppose you look just the same. His mouth is half open, a questionmark, and you trace over it with the tips of your fingers. It is warm and springy to the touch. (You can't resist.)

"Do you mean it?" You ask. It's the only question that needs asking.

"Of course," Hikaru nods. Doesn't hesitate. His voice is husky. "No matter who else there is. Who else we let in. You, you're... shikusho, Kaoru, you're my twin," His eyes are desperate now, flashing, burning into yours, because this is hard to explain and he's willing you to get it.

You smile at him. "Wakatta."

And you do. This (the two of you) is more than friends, more than brothers, more than... anything, really. The two of you surpass everything. (You had each other before life began.)

Shock dissolves as you lean down again. You want more. (The gravity of the act weighs upon you, and how were you to fight gravity?) Your mouths find each other in the darkness (provided by cloudcover).

"Gomen, Hikaru," you murmur against his lips, loving the heady feeling it gives you. "But I want you to show me."

You didn't need to ask. Never did. You were just taking what was there, what had always been there; you just hadn't looked hard enough before now.

Hikaru pushes forward, your back hits the mattress with a squeak, and your brother settles in between your legs and kisses the breath out of you.

So warm. Hikaru's hands are frenzied, fumbling, and you feel hot and cold all at once, then realize it's because your shirt is open. Hikaru's face is at your neck and he's sucking and biting like he wants to draw blood. You're gasping. His hands explore your nakedness; teasing. Giving (miniscule amounts) and taking back that much more. You cry out (how embarrassing) when fingers pause and pinch your nipple. Your eyelids are slitted but you see Hikaru look up at you and smirk, his smile spilling languidly, looking like a demon.

His face disappears, then, leaving behind a sparkling trail from firecracker hair and you arch into his touch, because his mouth (replacing the fingers) is warm and wet and amazing. He sucks and you cry out without meaning to, stuffing your fist into your mouth, muffling, because no one else is allowed to hear. No one except him. You squeeze your eyes shut and your fingers clench in his hair. You're practically begging.

(For what?)

For him. Hikaru. Your twin. You've never wanted, needed, anyone else but him.

(Need you.)

"Hikaru!" It's too much. His hands are all over you. He stops, looks up at you wonderingly, and then crawls (body as sinuous and serpentine as his smile) until he's practically sitting on your chest, shoving the air out of your lungs. (You wonder if you're as bendable as he is.) He rests his forehead on yours and listens to you pant.

"Hikaru," you whisper, "you're..." There's an insistent pressure tapping against your stomach, and you squirm, trying to get him to move because his legs are clamping your arms to your sides and you want to touch.

"Mmm." He stretches luxuriously (a flickering, wanton flame); leaning back enough so his ass barely brushes your own clothed lust, making you gasp.

"So are you," he says, the three words containing all the clichéd smugness in the world. And you shudder (your brother is undeniably sexy) and yank his tie, pulling that smug face back down to yours, kissing him with such urgency its like you want to meld, merge the two halves of you back into one. Your body twists into weird shapes as you grind up into him, making him moan into your mouth, his erection sandwiched between you. You draw him close, chokingly, and press your tongue against his.

He breaks away suddenly and you feel like you're going to go insane.

...Until he leans back and sits on you.

You let out a breathy, turned-on sigh, and he licks his lips (loving what he's doing to you). His mouth is red and swollen, hair sticking up in all directions. He looks utterly debauched, and yet, at the same time, not nearly debauched enough.

You snap back when he begins to run his hands teasingly over your chest, and you think – that's quite enough of that. With an absurd amount of effort, you grab your brother's hands and force them behind his back. You hold them there with one hand, and proceed to (painfully slowly) divest Hikaru of his jacket and tie.

He gives you a pointed look of frustration (which you ignore), and you tantalizingly lick along the pulse point in his neck; at the underside of his jaw. Your brother tries to wriggle out of your grasp; you smile against his skin. (Payback truly does taste sweet.) But then you bite a soft, vulnerable place just below your brother's ear and he shrieks, instantly shaking your hand off and forcing you back down: frantic, hot kisses against your stomach and fumbling with your belt. (You sigh happily. Now this is more like it.)

It takes him a fair while, what with the room being dim (almost dark); but he finally gets the zip undone. He pulls both your pants and boxers down in one impatient motion and your face stains red with embarrassment (and with want). You watch him blow cool air over your heatedness, nuzzle it against his cheek. Then, without warning, he swallows.

You bite down hard on your fingers, trying to shut yourself up. You're thrillingly aware of the unlocked door; aware that, if you were to be caught like this, the world might come to an end.

A choked sound: he gags around you and you moan; hands clenched in his hair, back arched off the bed on the verge of snapping. And you're (is this wrong?) practically stuffing your hand in your mouth because you're going to scream, your brother is just… so…!... and he... he... wait, why did he –

"Why did you stop?!" you half hiss, half whimper, but Hikaru silences you, you feel yourself flushing as you taste yourself…

"Kaoru," (both your vocabularies reduced to nothing more than each other's names…) "please," urgently he pushes your legs apart, "let me…oh kami-sama…" and he doesn't sound like he knows what he's asking (but you do) –

"Hikaru. I want you to," (so much it scares you) you're so excited your skin is practically tingling, electricity… "I want you," you mutter, you're being greedy, and the past few days meander in your mind like the fog of a dream – your attempt at selflessness didn't work, so you might as well just take, god knows it feels good and – a groan, and your brother launches himself at you – Hikaru is being greedy too.

You can't hold back a cry when your brother grabs you roughly, rudely, devouring your neck and collarbone, pressing the tips of his fingers against your lips, and you open your mouth eagerly and suck, suck them. He rocks against you, you're moving to some unknown rhythm… his fingers leave your mouth and just at that moment he yanks you and you whimper… he turns your entire body into fire...

Sudden pain tears a noise from your throat. He kisses you, "Gomen Kaoru... Gomen!" and takes his finger out of you. You gasp, forcing your brain to form thoughts – "H-Hikaru... jacket... left pocket..." he kisses you again, guiltily, then flings himself off the edge of the mattress, fumbling – amusedly and arousedly you watch him wriggle. He reappears with a devilish smile on his face and a tub of lip salve in his hand.

He saves the taunts for later.

Works much better this time. You – ah – wrap your legs around his waist and – mmm – try to force yourself to relax and not come at the same time. Hikaru is blushing: it spills down his neck and clouds his chest, and you feel a stab of guilt because you haven't pleasured your brother at all, but you love the attention he's giving you...

Your brother twists, scissors his fingers, spreading you open... you writhe and Hikaru fidgets, squirming out of his pants and you're frustrated because you want to see, but – kyaa! – feeling his cock... pushing inside of you... is probably... even better... His harsh breaths fill the air. You feel him twitch hotly inside of you and you're going to explode if he doesn't do something soon – mnn – too... slow... you snap your hips up and shove against him, making him gasp – soon after that it's mindless: he pounds into you and you throw your head back and keen – you want to pull him down and smother his red, wet lips with kisses but you're too coiled to do that – Your pulses are thrumming in time with each other...

(And this can't be wrong, can't be, because you... you finally feel like a whole person - )

You're stroking frantically over his back, his ass, unthinking, when he – AH! – strikes a place in you that makes you arch and scream – he lets out a strangled yell, and floods you – murmurs "Aishiteru" in your ear, and - just before you black out, you tell him that you love him too...

---

"Kaoru?"

"...Mrr?"

"You're awake"

You wake up to the pleasant sensation of your twin cuddling up to your chest. ...And to the not so pleasant sensation of stickiness all over you. You want to say something, but your lips feel like they're cemented together. So instead you just sigh, wrap your arms around your brother, and nuzzle his hair happily. You try not to think of the prospect of figuring out how to do dirty laundry. (Maybe you could ask Haruhi to help – she should know about commoner things like this – but somehow you think it wouldn't be the best idea.)

"Ne, Kaoru... so you'll come with us?"

"Hmm?"

"A bunch of us are going to a game expo this weekend... I asked Haruhi to go today... but she wasn't interested..."

You look down at your brother's shining, hopeful eyes, and smile to yourself. Really... Kaoru, how could you be such a baka...?

"Hai. We'll go together." And Hikaru leans up, and kisses you smack on the mouth.