"Snapshot" By RavenAK.
Apparently unconnected moments in time, about everything, about nothing, about them. Soul/Maka/Crona, because ever since their roads connected they are undividable.
Disclaimer: Soul Eater belongs to Ohkubo Atsushi, Square Enix and Shônen GanGan. Not me. No, sir. The song "Meds" belongs to Placebo.
Warning: Spoilers for the manga. They might get heavier as the story progresses.
Six: Meds
How it mattered to us,
How it mattered to me,
And the consequences.
I was confused
By the birds and the bees
Forgetting if I meant it…
"W-Who are you? What does this mean?" Maka stumbles back as she looks at her own child self.
"I am you". The little one answers. "Or maybe you are me. And this is our place".
"But… How can we both be here? You're not supposed to be here if I am here… I'm supposed to replace you".
"You're no replacement." The little girl goes on, walking around the room, and organizing some colorful papers. "You're a part of me as I am a part of you. See?"
She shows her one of the papers, a bright orange one with a drawing of herself wearing her first Shibusen uniform. She then remembers, she had drawn it a long, long time ago, when she was just a child envisioning her future as a brave and powerful Meister, just like Mama.
"I always dreamed of becoming you". The child continues. "A big girl with strength and courage. And I did."
The older girl blushes slightly, as the other continues: "And now you dreamed of becoming me: a little girl with no responsibilities, with no pain, just fantasy and happiness…"
"I… I always felt safe here". She responds, looking around the gorgeous room, the endless lines of fairy tale books and stuffed animals filling up the place. She used to love playing here and losing herself in this parallel world… It was so… soothing.
"And now you're here! You can stay in this place forever!" She opens her arms for emphasis. "We can play forever, we never have to leave!"
"I would love that…" She smiles sadly. "But I have to come back".
"No, you don't!" She pouts. "You can stay here with me, we can play together!"
"I'm sorry… Maka-chan…" It feels weird to call her own name like that. "I came here because I was too scared, but I have to face the reality sooner or later".
"You don't have to face that! The real world is just too painful". She says with tears in her eyes. "It's awful and scary… It's filled with lies and betrayal… Nobody cares for us out there, Maka! Nobody will miss us! Nobody loves us!"
"What are you talking about? Of course I will be missed, by all my friends, and Papa too!"
"Lies!" She screams, making the walls of the room crack. "They all lie, all of them! Papa says that he loves us, but he lies to us; Crona said you were her friend, but she lied, and she wants to kill us-!"
"I know that Crona has done terrible things, but… but she's still my friend". She fights the urge to cry. "I have to save her. That's why I need to leave-"
"You can't". Maka hears the door closing and locking itself. "You can't leave now. If you go back, you will have to kill her. Is that what you want?"
Her eyes now look menacing, and she spreads her wings, looking a bit more threatening.
"O-Of course that's not what I want! I'm going to save her, I'll find a way!"
The cracks on the walls start to mend themselves. Maka notices, but decides not to comment on it at the moment.
"There's no point…" The little one continues. "It is too late, we can't do anything. Let's just stay here".
The cracks open up again, deeper, and she can feel the sun rays coming through them.
"It's not too late! Please let me go back! We haven't tried everything yet… That's what Soul-" Right, Soul. "Oh my God, I left Soul alone out there, I need to get back!"
"There's no point". The little Angel shakes her head sadly. "If you go back, you will have to face all the pain in the world. The physical injuries, the open wounds, as well as the pain of killing your best friend, the lies, the loneliness…"
With each one of her words, the walls fall apart, but they don't break or crumble like they do in the real world; they fall slowly and carefully, like disembodied pieces of a puzzle. Maka is suddenly aware of how fantastic this world is, of how tiny and fragile her soul really is… And the room remains intact despite the lack of walls, the door stays locked in place, and she can actually look at the sky, so bright, yellow, and fake.
The little Angel continues her speech: "Your best friend will die, and you will fall into depression; you'll never be able to smile again, you'll never be able to wield a weapon again, and eventually, all your other friends will leave you. Soul will leave you, too, and he will move on with his life. He can't wait for you to come out of your sorrow, because you never will. He will lie, too, he will say it's not your fault, he will lie just like everyone else and then he'll turn his back on you!"
The Meister hangs her head down as she clenches her fists, small tears starting to come to life at the corners of her eyes. She doesn't want to believe what she's saying, but it makes perfect sense; after all, this person knows her better than anyone, she's her own self, her inner child, her innocence, a human representation of her Grigori soul…
"The world is painful, Maka…" The little one continues, as she looks out at the impossibly perfect sky. "Life is full of dangers and pain, lies and betrayal, you take too many blows and then you die. There is no reward, no matter how hard you try. You worked all your life to be a Death Scythe Meister, and what for? To end up bitter and alone, hating the world, hating your own gods, losing all faith, in everyone, in everything… It's not worth it".
"No, I still have reasons to fight…" She says weakly, still not looking up.
"Even Mama gave up on you. She left you behind, not caring about what happened to you… She knew you would end up just like her, as a lonely Meister, disappointed in her own Weapon, in her own god, in her own city. She ran away so she could leave it behind… And you were left behind as well, because you're just a big mistake…"
"Shut up".
"She should have never stayed with Papa, she would have been much happier if she had stayed alone, not having to put up with his lies and his empty promises…"
Maka bites her bottom lip, clenching her fists tighter, her nails digging into her palms.
"And you, on top of that… Born out of a marriage without love, out of another lie; you, who kept reminding her of the mistake she made the day she joined her life with his; you, who have only been cherished by your father because of the guilt he feels over losing her; you, who are just a tool for a Death God's institution; you, who try to save your friend but can't even fix your own life; you, on top of that, chose to repeat her history… Living up to her, doing everything exactly the way she did it… Even making the same mistake of falling in love with a man who could never love you back, even if you forced him to".
The tears now start running down freely, as she tries to keep her sobbing as quiet as possible. It's true, it's all true. All of the things that the Little Angel just said are things that she has feared during most of her life, things that she has tried to deny and forget, pushing them to the depths of her unconsciousness, things that constantly resurface in the form of doubts, overcompensation, rage, frustration, stubbornness… Things that scare her more than any kishin or witch ever could.
And then she understands it all: The real reason to why she's here, with her own child self, to why she's trying to keep her here, to why this imaginary world is falling apart while luring her in…
It's the madness. Not the dark, nightmare-looking madness that she's used to face constantly, it's the inner madness that comes from cowardice and childishness, the one that attempts to lock you away from the world in order to protect you from it, while hurting you even more; the madness born out of fear.
She let her fear eat her away and she almost gave in to it. Almost.
"You know, Maka-chan…" She says, now keeping her head high, not bothering to hide the tears from her own self anymore. "I think you're probably right".
The child has a puzzled look on her face, as her older self continues. "Mama left a long time ago… she's probably not coming back…"
The tears keep falling, but she doesn't stop talking. "But I know that she has her reasons for that, she's been working since she was very young, and she always wanted much more than being a wife and a mom. She deserves to do whatever she wants, to make her dreams come true, and I'll support her, even if I miss her so much!"
One of the fallen walls is suddenly back in place, as she expected. She smiles a bit and continues. "I know that Papa has made mistakes, lots of them, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love me, it just means that he's a stupid ass who can't think with his head! Even so… I love him just as much as he loves me".
Another wall returns to its place. This time her voice is louder. "Shinigami-sama is very mysterious when it comes to his plans and goals, but Shibusen has always been like my own home, it has given me so much pride and satisfaction, and even if I'm being used… it doesn't matter, because I know that I was born to be a Meister, and I will be one until the day I die!"
As another wall returns, the Angel looks frightened. Suddenly the older girl fills herself with courage and goes on: "Crona has gone too far… I can't even recognize her anymore, but I know that the one I know, the one who is my friend, is there somewhere, and I'm willing to find her".
The last of the walls puts itself back into place. The Angel looks around, terrified. It's her courage which gave her a hold on reality; despite how tempting this wonderland is, she has to leave it behind, along with her childish fears.
However, the door is still locked, and she knows why: If she can't open it up, she will stay here anyway, locking herself inside. Eventually her fears will start to taunt her again and she'll let her walls fall once again, revealing the fantastic but lonely world where she used to live, leaving her trapped inside of her own mind, losing all contact with the real world she longs to return to.
She takes one final deep breath: "And Soul… I… I know that there's a chance that he will never love me back… and when the time comes for him to break my heart… I'm not sure if I'll be able to take it, but…"
"But?" The Angel looks curious.
"But…" She smiles ever so sweetly. "What I feel for him, is so strong, that I'm willing to take any pain that comes with it".
She hears the door unlocking and twisting. The Angel is speechless, and has a mortified expression on her round face. Maka bends down to be at eye level with her and takes one of her small hands. "It's okay. I know you've been hurt time and time again, but not everyone out there is going to damage you. You should let other people in from time to time".
Tears start building up in the child's eyes. "But they keep on lying…"
"Sometimes they lie, and sometimes they tell the truth, but you won't know until you let them in. You're a brave girl, so you don't have to be afraid anymore!" Maka smiles cheerfully. "And if they try to hurt you, they'll have to defeat me first".
The little one nods and wipes away the tears, as Maka gets up and walks to the door, stopping to take one last look at the child.
"You'll be fine…"
"You, too".
Smiling confidently, she opens the door which leads her to a sea of black, where she can't see anything for a few seconds, but after she blinks a couple of times, she wakes up in the real world.
The first thing she hears is the clash of metal against metal, and the first thing she sees is the silhouettes of two battled-crazed individuals fighting to death in the distance.
As soon as her eyes adjust to her new location, they quickly open up in horror, because Soul is fighting Crona by himself, and they're both wearing that frightening trademark Black Blood grin while trying to slice each other in half.
She wants to scream, but can't even pick which name to cry.
Author's Note: I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore, lol. But I still like how this chapter came out. Oh, well.