Alright, I got enough feedback that I have decided to continue. This will most likely end up being a very long story. How long it is will be determined by the about of feedback I get. For reference, Tegan and Sara are teens still living at home. I have also decided to do the duel P.O.V.s.
I hope you enjoy this chapter but I'm going to warn you it may have some triggers so keep that in mind, I'm not sure when the next update will be, so be patient.
Review and Follow please.
Sara P.O.V.
What the fuck, why the hell was her hand in her boxers? Why couldn't I just mind my own damn business and just let her continue to whimper and moan? What was she dreaming about? But it was so loud I needed to do something about it and it's almost time for school. But how am I going to be able to look at her again? She's not making this easy for me is she? I feel kind of bad for slamming her door, oh well.
I continue walking to my room; I don't want to talk to anyone at the moment. I need a few minutes alone before I have to go to school. I get to my room and shut my door then I go to my dresser. What time is it? Only 7 am I don't have to be to school until 8:45, awesome I have some time; it is never too early to get stoned. I open my sock drawer and reach underneath it and find my prize taped to the bottom. Before I do this though I need to at least put on some clothing. I go to my closet and pick out a Bruce Springsteen t-shirt. Shirt down, pants to go. Damn it! I forgot to do my laundry; I have to do that when I get home, don't forget. Well these look decent. I pick up a pair of blue jeans that are slightly dirty and they barely fit my small frame. Maybe I should wear clothing that actually fits me? Nah, where is the fun in that? I quickly get dressed and run to the bathroom to brush my teeth and make sure that my hair is not too messy. I look in the mirror and I look great. I bump into Tegan when I'm leaving.
"Sara… can we talk?" Tegan asks as I try to disappear before she speaks.
"There is nothing to talk about." With that I retreat down the hall before she can respond, no doubt leaving her standing dumbfounded watching me. I don't care though. It's her business, it has nothing to do with me. Does it? Her voice suggested she needed to talk, no Sara, not your business. God I need to relax, where's my weed? That'll make everything more tolerable for the time being. I get back into my room and shut the door, I can hear the faint hum of the shower. I go grab my lighter out of my desk and find my pipe under my bed, I lay back and light up. That's it not a care in the world.
Tegan P.O.V.
I just want to talk to her, I need to tell her about that dream. But if I do she'll never want to talk to me again! I won't tell her about it. I will just deal with it. But how? God I hate myself for this, that stupid dream! I can't get her perfect breasts out of my mind! I'm sure as hell not into incest! I've never thought of her like this before but now that's all I can think about, how it would feel to have her actually dominate me. Hell I've never thought about anyone like that. Why was she my first? Why am I crying, I don't care she won't talk to me. Where is my razor? I turn on the water to the shower then walk to the bathroom cabinet and find my stash of hidden razor blades. I grab one. The tears are hot against my face. I can't believe I'm about to do this, but I need to punish myself right? A normal person wouldn't even think of these things, much less want to act upon them. I walk back to the shower, and I strip before I get in. The water is cold against my smooth skin. I make no attempt change the water temperature. I deserve this. I involuntarily shiver. I lay the razor on the soap ledge. I start washing my body and my hair. When I'm done with that I reach out for the razor. The metal is thin, but it can relieve so much pain. I look at the barely noticeable scars on my left wrist. I lift the razor and slowly slash a line into my wrist. This hurts, but I need more, I deserve more. I cry harder at that thought. I carve another two lines into my skin and watch as the scarlet droplets cascade down my hand and into the drain. Still not enough- There is banging on the door.
"Tegan! Get your ass out of the shower or I'm leaving without you!" Sara yells.
"Fuck," I mumble, "I'll be out in a few minutes." I yell out. It took everything I had to keep from crying out the last part.
"Good."
Fuck does she have to use that word? I have bigger issues though, my wrist is still bleeding and I have to get to my room. Alright just get out wrap a towel around yourself and keep your wrist close to it and walk calmly. As if nothing has happened. I do exactly that. I get out, hide my razor back in the cabinet and dry off and slowly open the door and look out. No one is out there. Thank god! As calmly as I can I retreat to my room keeping pressure on my wrist as best I can. I get in my room and shut the door and let the towel fall to the floor. The bleeding has stopped but I have no time to relish in that victory. I go to my closet and rummage around until I find a long sleeve button up and carefully pull it on. Wow, this shirt actually fits. I should wear it more often. Now where are my jeans? Ah these are clean. I pick up a pair of baggy jeans off the floor and look in the mirror on my closet door. Perfect no one will ever notice. My hair's still wet, where's that towel? I towel dry my hair and it's almost dry when mum knocks on my door.
"Tegan you need to get going. Sara already left. She seemed kind of out of it, you guys didn't get in a fight did you?" She asks from the hallway.
"Okay. No we didn't get into a fight. I'll make sure she's fine." I say with the most cheerful voice I can manage. I have no intent on checking on Sara. I walk out of my room and close the door and mum is still standing there.
"You okay hunny?" She asks worriedly.
"I'm fine mum. Just tired."
She eyes me, but accepts my excuse and walks away. I follow behind her until we make it down stairs. I go and grab my book bags and a granola bar from the kitchen. I head out the front door. It's a about a 20 minute walk to my high school that's about 10 blocks away. I eat my granola bar along the way. Usually it seems much shorter, of course then again I usually am walking with Sara.
Sara P.O.V.
I left Tegan. I just couldn't wait for her, and I really didn't want to see her anyway. Though when I was pounding on the door to try to get her to hurry up in the shower I couldn't help but hear what sounded like very hushed sobs. Oh well, her problems not mine. I'm just chilling in first period with my friend Emy. I can't help but notice she kind of reminds me of Tegan. What the fuck Sara, why would you even think that?
"You ready to sneak into that rave this weekend?" Emy's voice cut's through my thoughts.
"Oh…uh… yeah." I stumble over my words, I blame the weed.
"You okay Sar? You seem out of it." She asks putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Just had a rough morning, dipped into the weed that I'd been saving. I'm fine though." She gives me a worried look and pulls her hand away.
"Alright Sara, but if you need me, I'm here for you. You know that right."
I nod my head. The bell rings right as Tegan walks into the class room. Why is she wearing a long sleeve shirt it's summer? I'm so glad this is the only class I have with her today. I don't need the distraction.
I avoid her all day. Even though I wasn't around her at all I couldn't help but think of her. I rush home after school I didn't want to wait for her. When I get home I go lay my book bag down in the kitchen. I can do my homework in study hall. Besides mum won't be home for a while so I have time to kill and Tegan should be home soon and she'll do the exact same thing. I walk to the cabinet and grab out a box of gold fish and pour some into a bowl and I take it up to my room. Shit, do laundry. I judge that I can do my laundry in a little while. Right now all I want to do is play some guitar, and as much as I want to get high, I'm saving the rest for this weekend. I enter my room and shut my door. I make my way over and pick up my well worn acoustic and bring it to my bed. I strum it once. Perfectly in tune, wow, I love this guitar! I place my hands in the ever so familiar chords and start strumming. Then I start to sing-
Here the lights fall just as hard
A bit softer in the stall
It's not really wrong-
the front door slams shut.
It's not really right
I'm wide awake
She's upfront upshot
Upstart up in every case
The kind of girl that whispers
Thank god for you
Oh yeah all you got is me
Oh yeah all you need is me
Her confusion is in the night that I stumbled
It's in the morning that I that I struggled–
I hear the hum of the shower. That must be Tegan.
Because I start to forget
But she will always remember
The kind of girl who laughs and says
Get up off your knees-
There is a loud sickening crash that comes from down the hall. WHAT THE FUCK? I jump up and quickly put my guitar safely on the stand and exit my room. I hurriedly walk down the hallway and stop outside of the only other closed door, the bathroom. I can hear stifled sobs. Tegan, she's crying? I know she's the crier but what does she have to be crying about? I should just leave her alone, I don't want a repeat of this morning. The sobs become a little louder. Well fuck, I guess I should check on her, I may not want to see her but she is my sister and I need to make sure she's alright. I hesitantly knock on the door.
"Tegan are you okay in there?" Please don't say go away. Please don't say go away.
"Go away!" She screeches. Her sobs become more hysterical. I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't leave her like this! I jiggle the doorknob but it is locked. I stand on my toes, reach to the top of the doorframe, and run my fingers on the lip searching for the key that I know is hidden there. I find it and pull it down. I jam it into the keyhole and unlock the door.
"Tegan I'm coming in." I state as I start pushing the door open.
"GO THE FUCK AWAY!" She yells. You're yells, Tegan, may say 'go away' but you're sobs say 'help me'. That's what I'm going to- I get into the room even though she is baring the door with her body in an attempt to keep me out-
"Oh my god Tegan! What the fuck did you do?" That's all I manage to say before I blacked out.