Apparently if I quit this fanfiction I will have a massive revolt on my hands so I come bearing gifts, in the form of another chapter. I just want to point out that each comment I get helps me decide in what direction I want to take this story. I have quite a few turns that I would like to take to get to my destination but I'm not opposed to detours along the way.
Also how would you feel if I killed off one of the main characters? Now that I have your attention, review and follow please. I'm kidding I'm not going to kill off any of the characters. But I got your attention. Hahaha! :D
Seriously people, your comments are what are driving me to update so often!
Trigger warning.
Follow and Review!
Tegan P.O.V.
Sara avoided me all day, and it wasn't by my lack of trying to talk to her. I'm forced to walk home by myself. I can't believe she ditched me again. That bitch! It isn't like she's never woken up with her hand in her boxers! Granted I've never woken her up and found her with her hand down there. Fuck this is embarrassing. Why did my dream have to be about her? Why did she have to be the one to wake me up? Why did her body have to so enticing? Why were her boobs so perfect? God, I'd kill to be able to just play with one! The way she fucked me…I could live with that for the rest of my life. The lust that filled her eyes, I bet that is exactly what her eyes would look like if I ever got her to actually fuck me! TEGAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING! What she's hot? BUT SHE'S YOUR SISTER! BUT SHE'S HOT! I JUST WANT TO FUCK HER! At this thought, I realize how absolutely fucked up I am. I start to cry. I ditch my slow pace walking down the sidewalk. I break into a full on sprint and try to run off my thoughts. It is no use. I get in front of the house in no time. I pound my way down the driveway and reach the front porch. I throw open the door, throw my book bag down and slam the door shut. I race upstairs I can hear Sara playing the guitar in her room. She's playing All You Got, the song she wrote for her last girlfriend Christina. I fucking hate that song! Am I really jealous that Sara wrote a song for her girlfriend? Oh fuck I am! I rush into the bathroom as quietly as I can, I don't want Sara to hear what I'm about to the do. I walk in and lock the door. My cries are getting louder but are hushed by my attempts to muffle them. Think Tegan what can you use to suppress your cries. Shower! I turn on the shower and walk to the cabinet under the sink. I reach in and instantly feel the cold metal that I'm searching for. I grab it with my right hand as I hastily rip my shirt off with my left hand. I'm sobbing as hysterically as I dare without making much noise. With my shirt off and razor in hand I lift the blade up to the upper portion of my left arm, so that I can actually wear short sleeves seeing that it's almost summer and I slash 5 deep fast cuts in rapid secession. The razor slices and my blood spills and spews. It goes everywhere and shows no signs of stopping. I could care less, I deserve this, I should not want my sister. My eyes roll back into my head when I see what I did. I see a white light and the pain is searing. My knees buckle and I hit the floor. I hope Sara was too engrossed in that song to hear that. I make no attempt to stop the blood, like I said I just don't care. I shift the razor from my right hand to my left hand and start to carve my right shoulder just as I did my left except I do it slower, savoring the pain. I can barely see what I'm doing due to the abundance of tears that are clouding my sight. The sting only encourages me to cut deeper. I stifle a sob as the blade glides across my skin, I'm in the middle of my second line and I hear a knock at the door.
"Tegan are you okay in there?" Sara asks with a hint of concern, but mostly with frustration.
"Go away!" A booming sob racks my small frame with that statement. A few moments later I hear a click and the door knob turning.
"Tegan I'm coming in." FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK! Oh fuck what is she going to do when she sees this. I can't possibly ever explain this to her! She would never look at again, she would never understand it. I scoot my back against the door and lean on it the best I can to keep her out, but she's stronger than I am in my current state and the cold tile is wet from my blood and my tears mixing.
"Oh my god Tegan! What the fuck did you do?" Sara growls right before she blacks out. She lands on her face with a sickening thud at my feet in a small puddle of my blood on the cold tile. Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh fuck! Oh shit! Why can't Sara ever leave well enough alone! Why the hell did she think she needed to come in here and check on me. Fuck. Now I'm gonna have to explain this to her! She knows that I have cut in the past, especially right before I came out. But then she knew what I was going through, she said she went through the same thing except she just wouldn't eat for days on end.I sit there sobbing I have no clue what to do. I'm too scared to do anything. Oh fuck!
Sara P.O.V.
What happened? Why is my head throbbing? Why does my face hurt? I lazily move my hand to my face. Wait what is this? Why am I on the floor? Why is my hand wet? Wait Tegan! I have to get to Tegan. Blood. So much blood. I slowly lift my hazy lids. I'm barely prepared for what I'm looking at. I'm laying face down in a pool of blood. Is this mine? It can't be! I hear sobs taking over Tegan as my hearing starts to return. I slowly turn my head to the right. The sight shocks me. If I wasn't already on the ground I would have collapsed again. Tegan has her eyes closed and is shirtless with gaping wounds on both her shoulders. All of the gashes are fairly deep and spilling her precious scarlet blood. It is everywhere. Tegan's chest raises and falls as she struggles to breath, she looks like she's about to have a panic attack. Wow she has nice boobs! They are perfectly framed by her gray, bloodstained bra! Whoa she even has a faint outline of a six-pack! Wait no Sara, this is not the time for those thoughts! Come on Sara get over there and sooth her and stop the bleeding! You may not like to cuddle but she needs you now, more than ever. Do what you have to, to help her. I give myself several more pep-talks before I am able to find the strength to crawl over to the towel rack and pull down some towels. I take the towels and crawl back to Tegan who is still bawling with her eyes shut and back against the door. She looks much paler than normal. I get beside her and gently drape the towel around her torso and arms. Her eyes flutter open and I see a look I have never seen before in her eyes; mortification. I sit slightly in front of her and off to one side. I grab one of her hands and she recoils but I hold fast. I rub reassuring circles on the back of her hand. Damn she has soft hands!
"Sara….I…..I…..I…I'm so sorry." She chokes barely above a whisper. Her voice is hoarse and raspy. And sexy! She looks everywhere but my eyes. I squeeze her hand to let her know everything is okay, that everything is going to be alright.
"Tegan….no…I'm sorry," I try to look her in the eyes, hell, just to get her to look at my face instead of the blood on the ground, "I shouldn't have blown you off and I should have talked to you." With that her eyes dart to look at my face to see if I'm being sincere. Her eyes grow wide.
"Fuck Sara….you broke your nose." She looks at my face worriedly.
"It doesn't hurt." That's a bold faced lie my face is throbbing and it feels like it is on fire. I notice that blood is starting to seep through the towel. Oh fuck Tegan, why? I want to yell at her and tell her what a fucking idiot I think she is for doing this to herself. She was there for me and helped me when I was starving myself, I can't be mad at her, I just have to support her. Why didn't I take all of her razors when I had the chance? Damn Sara! It kills me to see her like this! "Tee, talk to me why did you do this?" I say as gently as I can and squeeze her hand.
"I can't….can-tell-you…." Her words slur and her head slumps forward. She passes out. We finally get to talk and you pass out on me. Smooth Tegan. With her passed out I slowly retract my hand from hers and crawl to the ledge of the counter and use it to hoist myself up. I look into the mirror that is situated behind the sink. I'm met with an unruly image. There is dried blood on my face and my nose is crooked. Well fuck! I liked my face! I hear a whimper from Tegan and I completely forget about my pain. I slowly walk to the shower and turn it off. I then make my way to another cabinet in the far corner of the small room, and find the First-Aid kit. I grab it and trudge back to the still knocked out Tegan. I kneel beside her and slowly peel the towel of her. The cuts are still bleeding but not as badly. I open the First-Aid kit and grab out a pack of alcohol wipes and open them. I pick up her left arm, it is cut more than her right.
"This is going to hurt, a lot." I murmur to Tegan, she's still out cold. I drag the wipe gently across the five fresh wounds and she winces. "I'm so sorry Tegan. I should have been there for you." I apply disinfectant to the gashes and use butterfly strips to close them up. They are still bleeding but just barely. I would love to wrap them but they are too high up to be wrapped properly. I find some gauze and medical tap and tape it over the wounds to give them another layer of support in case they open again. It will also keep her shirt from ripping the strips off. I gently lay her arm back in her lap. She may be unconscious but she still wears a pained expression. I shift my attention to her right arm. What appears to be the first gash worries me, it's really deep. "This one really needs stitches, but you'd kill me if I told anyone. I promise I'll do what I can to protect you." I feel stupid for talking to her when she can't hear me, but it brings me comfort. I do the exact same thing for her right arm as I did to her left. I stand up and leave her slumped against the door as I go to look and see what I can do about my nose. I look in the mirror and wash the dried blood off my face. Fuck this is going to hurt! I lift my right hand, grab my nose, and twist sharply, I hear a pop and I'm blinded by tears. "FUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!" I scream. When I remove my hand and gaze back into the mirror my nose is perfectly straight, the way it was this morning. Damn I should be a doctor! Wait that means more school. Nevermind. With my scream Tegan is roused from her sleep.
"What happened Sara?" She growls. She makes an attempt to stand up.
"Stay sitting Tee. You passed out, and I just set my nose. I'm okay though." I say through the tears running down my face and give a shaky smile. "You hang tight for a few minutes I'm gonna clean up this mess and then I'll help you to your room."
"Okay." Her head lolls back and I think she's going to pass out again but she doesn't. I take to cleaning up the bathroom. The fact that the room is tile makes for a quick clean up using the same bloody towel that I used to wrap Tegan in. The room is clean in a few minutes. I leave the bloody towel and Tegan's blood stained shirt in a pile by the door. I go over to Tegan and motion for her to sit forward and bend her knees up. She looks at me like I'm crazy. Regardless of her stare I kneel down, carefully drape her left arm over my shoulder and pick her up.
"You alright?" I ask.
"Never been better." She gives me a very weak version of her gummy smile.
She clings to me as I open the door and walk down to her room. Why did she question me when I wanted to pick her up? What did she think I was going to do? Wow she's lighter than expected. I reach her room and lay her on her bed. I go over to her dressed and grab out a pair of shorts and a huge short sleeve t-shirt. She's sitting on the edge of her bed watching me. I walk over and pull the shirt over her head and silently reach my hand underneath the shirt lightly tracing my fingers over her spine and reach to unclasp her bra. She shivers.
"Sara what the fuck are you doing?" She inquires coolly with a hint of bitterness pushing away slightly. What the fuck Tegan, I'm doing what I can to help you!
"It's got blood all over it. I was going to do some laundry tonight anyway, and I was going to add it to the load. I will also need your pants." I place in her lap the shorts that I retrieved for her.
Relief flashes over her eyes. "Okay." She murmurs. She lets me finish my actions and hands me her bra. I turn around to allow her some privacy as she replaces her dirty pants with the clean ones. She hands the dirty ones and I start to walk to the door.
"Try to take a nap, I'll check on you in a little while." I say as I turn around in the doorframe to look at her one last time before I shut the door. She's climbing into bed and she gives me a nod as I shut the door. I make my way to my room and strip off my own blood stained garments then grab all my dirty laundry that is piled up in my room. On my way to the laundry room I stop and collect the pile of bloody articles from the bathroom floor. God, that's a lot of blood. I'm so sorry Tegan, I'll do whatever it takes to get you better. I walk downstairs to the laundry room and start the wash. I take special care to ensure that I get the bloodstains out. I load the laundry and make my way back upstairs to check on Tegan. I crack open her door and notice she's in a restless sleep chewing relentlessly on her labret piercing. I let myself in and walk up to her. I lower my head and whisper to her, "tell me what I can do to make you better. I love you Tegan, I'll do anything. You're the world to me." Dare I do it? I hesitantly place a soft kiss on her lips and walk out of her room and silently shut her door.