Loki should hate Thor. He should despise him with every fibre in his body. The Golden Son of Asgard, the favourite, the one who got all the privileges. The foolish man who still believed they were brothers, who still had faith in Loki and who was stupid enough to sacrifice himself for his 'younger brother'.

Loki knew that he should hate Thor, but oddly enough, he couldn't. There was a strong dislike and frustration that he felt towards Thor, but he never felt hate. He guessed that Thor hadn't done enough to make him hate him like he hated Odin, and in a way, this irritated him.

He had found he couldn't kill Thor, only hurt him. Not being able to kill Thor made him feel weak and pathetic, and it hurt. It hurt every time that he tried and Thor just stared at him with disappointment. Oh, yes, he could definitely see the resemblance. Every time Loki screwed up, Thor would give him the same look that Odin had on the top of the Bifrost when he had told Loki that he wasn't good enough. When Thor gave him that look, he wanted to let go, to fall all over again and escape it all, scream at Thor, say how much he hated him when in the end, it was all just another one of his brilliant lies.

Walking into the library, Loki sat down at a table down the back, picking up a book. The library was left untouched, none coming into the library as Asgard was better known for its brawns rather than its brains. Sighing, Loki turned the pages, staring at them idly.

Thor had always been incredibly protective of Loki, and maybe that was why the Trickster tried so hard to prove his strength and how much better he was than Thor. Thor overshadowed him in just trying to be a good brother – which in the end, he completely failed at – and this was unbelievably infuriating. Loki had been able to protect himself through magic and more than often, Thor tended to forget that.

However, one thing that bewildered Loki was that after everything that had happened over the past year, after everything Loki did and said to Thor, the other man was willing to put his life on the line and continue being that overprotective big brother that he always had been. Loki had disowned Thor, tried killing him, hurt him, threatened those he loved and caused chaos, but Thor continued to see through that and keep reaching out to Loki, even when he was pushed away.

"Sometimes I'm envious, but never doubt that I love you." Loki didn't know whether he was telling the truth or lying when he had said these words to Thor, though part of him, deep down, screamed that it was truth. Loki did love Thor, as much as he hated to admit it. Sometimes, he was disappointed in his own self for what he put Thor through, what he said to him, what he did to him. He knew he was just pushing him further and further away, and it scared him that one day Thor might see how crooked and twisted he was and leave Loki in the shadows, truly alone.

"Envious." Loki occasionally wished that was all it could be; envy. He sometimes wished things could go back to the way that they used to be, with Loki being jealous and that was it, no anger, no rage; nothing. Things weren't that simple. Things were never that simple.

Sighing, Loki's eyes wandered around the library, the memories of his life on Asgard flooding back, remembering how he used to spend most of his time here, reading books, reciting spells and so forth. It had become a sanctuary for him, the smell of the old books providing him with some form of comfort, similar to that of Frigga's lullabies or Thor's warmth.

However, something caught his eye on one of the tables at the back of the library. Getting up, Loki walked over to it, finding a book open. Keeping the page with his thumb, Loki looked at the cover of the book, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He didn't ever remember reading this book or leaving it out. He would of just written it off as someone else, to Loki's complete surprise, had come into the library to look at it. However, when he turned back to the page they had left it on, a frown formed on his face.

"Thor you fool…" Loki snapped, taking the book and dashing out of the library, running out to the stables. After saddling his horse, Loki slid onto its back, pushing it into a full gallop.

Loki eventually reached a small village, going to the small home that was written down in the book. Getting off of the horse, Loki walked swiftly to the front door, knocking on it and waiting for an answer. If this was in fact the lady that Thor had come to, perhaps Loki could get it reversed.

The door opened, revealing a frail old woman who grinned wearily at him, leaning on a wooden cane to keep herself from toppling over.

"Loki Laufeyson. I had a feeling that you would come." She said, her voice raspy and piercing. Opening the door wider, she allowed him to step inside, still smiling her toothy grin, despite the fact that several of her teeth were missing. Once Loki had stepped inside, she closed the door behind him, walking into the house a little more.

"Now, let me guess, you have come here to try and reverse the deal that your brother- ah, 'not-brother' has made, am I right?" She asked, turning to look at him, still leaning on her cane, looking as though she might fall over at any minute yet she made no move to sit down.

"Yes, I have. He was a fool and stuck his nose where it did not belong." Loki said, sighing and folding his arms. "Please tell me you are able to reverse the spell." The old lady grinned a little wider, tutting softly at Loki.

"When will you admit it, not just to me but to yourself? You do not wish to see Thor dead." She said, eyeing him for a moment. Loki watched her, swallowing a lump down, hands curling into fists. How…How dare she! She had no right to say what he did and did not feel or think or want! Loki tried to suppress his anger, smiling smoothly at her instead.

Opening his mouth to say some sort of sarcastic retort, he closed his mouth quickly, frowning and thinking about what she had said. She did actually have a point. Loki had finally admitted that he could not kill Thor himself, but he was still lying about the fact that he wanted Thor dead. Truth was, he didn't want Thor dead, not now, not ever. Thor was really the only person who had ever held faith in him, ever tried to help him on the path to redemption. He was the only person who was really…there. He both tore Loki's confidence down and built it back up. Loki despised and loved him all at the same time and there was no simple way of going about his feelings towards Thor. Sighing softly, Loki finally nodded.

"Yes, you are right." He murmured softly.

"Good, now that you have admitted that, you can tell that to Thor and say a proper goodbye." She said in reply, a look of shock forming across Loki's face.

"Wait, you…You're not going to help? But-…I know that you can help! Don't you dare tell me that you can't!" Loki spat, pointing an accusing finger at her. "I will make you help me if you don't help right now."

However, the woman merely laughed. "I am so scared! I embrace death, Laufeyson. I have suffered under the foolish reign of the Allfather for far too long. A long sleep would do me good. Besides, what ever tortures you could concoct, I am certain I have endured it all before." With a grin she turned. "Do say hi to the Allfather for me." And with that, she disappeared into the dark depths of her home.

Horrified, Loki barely noticed that his body had begun to tremble, his eyes beginning to grow wet and his lips growing dry. Cursing loudly, he left the house, getting back onto his horse and riding back to the palace, willing the tears in his eyes not to fall, to stay back.

They never did.