I can't feel my senses
I just feel the cold
All colors seem to fade away
I can't reach my soul
I would stop running, if knew there was a chance
It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I'm forced to let go

Chapter 4: Frozen

Peter kicked the stone that he'd been kicking since he'd reached the corner on his way back to Aunt April's for who knows how many times now; it wasn't like he was keeping count after all.

No, his thoughts were wrapped up in what he was going to do next. The park had all in all been a nice little distraction for his thoughts, but they were still there, and now they were coming back with a vengeance that he couldn't shake so easily.

After all, what repercussions would come from Peter Parker dying?

Peter stopped walking altogether as he stared blankly ahead in the distance, the rock in front of his foot lying forgotten. There, he'd thought it and even though it was only a thought and therefore not spoken aloud, it still left a deeply bitter taste in his mouth. He'd know it and his aunt and uncle would know it, that he wasn't really going to 'die' anyway, but no one besides the people who already knew would know it and they'd be left thinking he was really dead.

And by that he was of course talking about his friends, who were in the 'didn't know that he'd changed and were going to think he was dead' category. Man, even thinking about it made him feel nauseous; how was he going to get through telling his aunt and uncle this conclusion that he'd reached if he couldn't get through it himself?

Well he'd just have to man up and tell them, that's all there was too it. God, could he even call it "manning up" anymore?

Moving toward the house, he paused again as he realized that when he 'died' it meant he'd have to become another person, a girl for real, and the thought terrified him still. His whole identity had been stripped away!

It wasn't fair! I was someone, I was Peter! Screaming in rage and frustration Peter kicked the stone with all his might, hurling it far down the sidewalk path until finally it could be seen no more.

Gulping in air he fell quietly on the sidewalk corner. Breath Pete, it will be alright, you're not alone.

Footsteps still feeling heavy, he got up from the corner and continued on his way and up the porch steps. Hand resting on the doorknob he pushed it open, taking off his shoes and closing the door behind him.

Listening and hearing the television in the living room he walked that way to find Uncle Ben sitting on the comfy looking couch.

"Uncle Ben? Where's Aunt May and April?" Peter questioned taking a glance around before sitting down on the couch next to him.

"They went out to catch up." Uncle Ben replied. "What's on your mind, sport?"

Peter felt a small smile curve at the corners of his mouth at the familiar nickname before he sobered up and replied. "I took the time to think about what to do next, and I think that it would be best if…I were to die."

Uncle Ben sat up and turned the television off, obviously thinking that this was a conversation in which it wasn't welcome. "Are you sure about this, sport?"

Peter took in a shaky breath before nodding. "I really am, I've tried not to think about it, but I know that I can't go back and pretend that nothing's changed." He replied and took out his cell phone before holding out to his uncle. "I listened to the messages from my friends, they're really worried about me, but I didn't call them; I want you to do it, if…if you could...please."

At Peter's expression, one mixed of seriousness and terror, Ben realized Peter thought that this really was best but he was also scared of what it meant. In the end, Uncle Ben reached out and took the phone from him. "Of course, Peter."

Peter nodded, his face starting to pale a little. "Their numbers are on speed dial, just so you know…" his voice went quiet and pained near the end. "I'll see you later, Uncle Ben. I'm really tired." And for the first time since the accident a familiar thing happened. Ben reached out and pulled Peter close.

"It'll be alright Peter." Of course it will be. Peter thought because no matter who he or she was Uncle Ben's hugs and advice felt exactly the same. After Peter left, Uncle Ben stayed on the couch for a long time.

Finally he rose walked out into the hallway and continued to the end of the house.

He couldn't have used the main phone because it was right there in the hall and Peter didn't need to hear this. He looked down at the numbers presented and decided to call the numbers as they appeared in the listings.

He hit the first number and sighed deeply as he heard the phone stop ringing as it was picked up. "Hello?"

Not knowing whether to be relieved or not that it was Gwen who picked up the phone before he decided it was probably was better since he knew the girl would want to hear this 'news' first hand. "Hello Gwen, I have some bad news…"

"What is it Mr. Parker?" Then remembering that Peter hadn't felt well before he'd seemed to disappear off the face of the earth she asked again. "Is it about Peter?"

The silence that ensued gave her the answer more than any words could have.

"Is he okay?" Gwen persisted.

"Peter…" Uncle Ben trailed off and Gwen's heart slammed in her throat. "Peter was very sick Gwen, and he didn't get better…Peter died this morning."

Gwen felt the phone drop from her fingers as she fell to her knees. In the two weeks that Peter hadn't been in school she'd assumed it was because he'd been like so many others, and decided to ditch. She'd called his phone dozens of times, always chewing him out for ignoring them, for ignoring her, and now that she knew he was dead…

"Gwen? Gwen are you still there?" Came the tiny question from the phone.

Gwen scrambled to reach for it and put it back to her ear. "Y-yes, I'm still here." She stuttered. "Couldn't there have been some way to save Peter though?"

Uncle Ben sighed heavily. "No, it was a blood infection. The doctors say it was caught too late. There was nothing we could do about it but…make Peter comfortable."

"I-I-see." She said quietly and felt the stinging behind her eyes. "Thank-thank you for telling me." She said choking out a sob and let the call be disconnected.

Peter would always be her first love, and to know he was dead just made everything worse. All that time she was being angry at Peter for ignoring her…he was dying.

Not really feeling anything at the moment Gwen went to bed.

Riing-Rinng-Ringg!

"I'll get it!" Harry called out before reaching for the phone and held it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, Harry," Uncle Ben's voice came through the speaker, "this is Ben Parker, Peter's uncle."

"Oh, hello Mr. Parker, is this about Peter?" The teen questioned, because what other reason would there be for the man to call his home?

"Uh, yes, it is," Uncle Ben began and his voice took on a pained edge, "Peter…Peter had been ill Harry, it was an infection and we caught it too late…" his voice trailed off and Harry realized what was being said.

"Pete's dead?" he questioned not believing this was happening. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." Uncle Ben replied somewhat tersely and Harry winced at how that sounded.

"And…and nothing could be done?" The redhead questioned.

"No, it was too late." The man replied.

"I…I see." Harry said, and had his father not been in his study, just outside the main hall, then he might have shown a stronger outward reaction to his friend's death.

But unfortunately he was forced to push the emotion back with all his other unresolved ones.

"Is…is there going to be a funeral for him?" Harry pressed on as calmly as he could.

Uncle Ben paused, either from the fact the redhead was sounding too calm by this or if he was struggling for an answer, Harry didn't know. "No, I don't think so. May and I drove down here to her sister's house in Hartford. She's not taking it well; I think it will be just close family."

"That's…" Harry figured saying 'good to hear' wouldn't be the right thing to say, but what was? "It's just…"

"Peter was you friend, Harry." Uncle Ben said and for Harry that was it.

"I…should probably hang up now." Harry said awkwardly and after a quick goodbye, he hung up the phone and made his way to his room.

Just a few more steps and hopefully the walls would be able to block out the sounds, Osborn's don't cry and his Dad would tell him that.

Riiing! Riiing! Riiing! Riiing-

"Hello?"

"Hi, Eddie, this is Ben, how are you?" Uncle Ben questioned.

"I'm doing alright Ben, how's everything on your end?"

"Peter…died this morning Eddie."

Eddie felt his eyes widen and his mouth drop open at the news. "W-What?" he asked in disbelief. "How did this even happen?" Eddie questioned.

"The doctors are pretty sure it was a blood infection, Sepsis." Uncle Ben explained.

The blond let out a sigh of his own for giving him the third degree. "Is there going to be a funeral for him?"

Uncle Ben paused before replying. "Yes, but we're out here in Hartford. May isn't doing too well; I think this will be a private ceremony."

"That's good; Pete would have wanted it like that, wouldn't he?"

"I think so Ed."

"R-Right."

Uncle Ben walked down the hall to Peter's room and saw him sitting in place on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. "It's done."

"I understand." Peter said faintly. "It's for the best." It sounded more like he was trying to reassure himself than anything else.

"Peter, were staying in Hartford for the summer, you can take all the time you need." The elderly man started and Peter nodded as he glanced back at his uncle, his eyes moving past the man and to the pictures in the hall.

"Okay then."

The front door opened a moment later and Aunt April's voice rang out, "We're back!"

"Hello, Aunt May, April." Peter said getting up from his bed and walked out of his room to hug them both, though Aunt May kept a hold on Peter's arm.

"I need to borrow Peter for a moment." She said gently tugging Peter further down the hall; one bag clutched in her other hand. "Now Peter, I want you to remember that you can talk with me about anything." She said seriously and Peter nodded.

"Okay."

Aunt May opened the bag and held it out for Peter to grab. "And I just want you to know that this will always be for you to use if you want."

Peter pulled out a mass of an auburn wig and a contact case. He felt his throat constrict as he realized these were going to be needed to hide who he was. There was no 'if' about it. "I…I will remember that." He whispered and hugged his aunt.

"Just remember too that you just need to only wear the wig until you're hair grows out." She said and Peter cringed in her arms about his hair growing longer. He just found his short hair more manageable and the thought of having to be looking at another sign of how different he was now was going to be another thing to get used to.

"I…alright then." He replied and to his mortification, his voice choked up, but he kept the stinging behind his eyes back.

If he was gonna cry, he wasn't going to let anyone see the tears just yet. It still felt awkward to let anyone see him as it was.