You've got a journey to make
There's your horizon to chase
So go far beyond where we stand
No matter the distance
I'm holding your hand

Chapter 5: Harbour

Despite how emotionally wearing the previous day was, Peter slept quite soundly, if only because of said emotional wearing and when he woke up, he yawned and stretched his arms over his head before getting out of bed and heading into the bathroom where he avoided looking at the mirror and felt something strange between his legs before sitting down and he sucked in a sharp breath as he stared down at what was on the toilet paper.

Blood. It was blood!

Peter felt himself choke before a strange high-pitch ringing sounded in his ears before he realized he was screaming. He shut his eyes tightly and felt his whole body lock up. Why, why was he bleeding? Did he accidently hurt himself or something when he was asleep? What was going on?

He was in shock, and he didn't think his body so was so much like a real girl's that it would be able to do…well, what girls normally went through once a month. He wasn't ready for something like this; he was still using male pronouns for crying out loud! Vaguely as his numbness receded a little he could hear the worried calls from outside the bathroom.

He felt himself flush red as he realized they would be worried since they heard him screaming. He self-consciously pulled the pajama bottoms up and unlocked the door, peering out into the worried faces of his uncle and aunts. "I…uh," he needed to think of something fast, "I saw a spider." He finished lamely.

Aunt April's face was a mix between relief and exasperation as she held a hand to her chest in relief. "Don't do that again." She chastised. "You nearly gave us all a heart attack."

Peter's flush got even redder as he looked down. "Sorry." He mumbled.

Aunt April's eye softened. "It was just really worrying." She amended.

Peter nodded before watching her leave and glanced back at his other aunt and uncle, who looked a little less willing to believe his spider excuse. "I need to talk to Aunt May," he said and needed to give an explanation for why it was only Aunt May he wanted to talk to about this, "I…uh, just found out I really am more like a girl then I first thought."

Aunt's May's features turned to recognition before placing a hand on Uncle Ben's arm. "He's right, why don't you go help April with the breakfast?"

Uncle Ben looked still gave Peter a worried look. "Are you sure you're alright though, sport?"

Peter managed a strained smile, forcing himself to give the expression because he truly was touched by his uncle's concern. "Really, aside from…this, I'm fine." He insisted.

"Well," Uncle Ben said as he turned to walk down the hall to the kitchen, "if you're sure." He paused a moment, as if waiting for Peter to contradict him, but then did make his way to the kitchen.

Aunt May brought Peter to her attention when she spoke, "Peter…"

"I'm bleeding," Peter blurted out in a terrified whisper, "I really don't know what to do."

Aunt May nodded in understanding. "I know it can be scary, but it's a completely natural," Peter flinched, but the elderly woman pressed on, "thing to occur, it doesn't diminish you in any way."

Peter felt something welling in his chest before he pulled back the door completely and threw his arms around his aunt. "I don't know how I'll be able to manage this change if I keep freaking out." He sobbed.

Aunt May patted Peter on the back. "Neither Ben or I expect you to become adjusted to this so easily; you've gone through a difficult process that has unfairly put you into this position. Really, it would be more worrying if you didn't act like this."

Despite himself, a sound that was a cross between a sob and a laugh escaped Peter as he pulled back, quickly wiping away the few tears he'd shed. "What now though?" he whispered soberly.

"Now we have to go to the store." Aunt May said softly and Peter realized what she was getting at.

"I can't go out," he replied and didn't want to be seen right now by anyone on the outside, "can't you just go get them?"

"Peter," Aunt May said reassuringly, "there is nothing to be ashamed of, you know this, right?" she asked and Peter reluctantly nodded. "I promise no one's going to look at you, you'll be fine. Trust me on this won't you?" she asked grasping Peter's hand.

Peter looked down at his lap, pursing his lips momentarily. Though he wasn't comfortable with this, he still thought he was being too harsh on everything else. And he could trust his aunt on this. "Do I have to wear the wig?"

Aunt May chuckled softly as she gave Peter another hug. "No, Peter, you don't have to wear the wig for this."

Aunt May had been right, no one looked at Peter as he while he didn't wear the wig, he still borrowed one of Aunt April's sun hats to hide his face somewhat. They had told Uncle Ben and Aunt April they were going out for an emergency run and that they would eat when they returned.

Peter thought it was ridiculous to be embarrassed by this, as he had a girl for a friend and wasn't so naïve to what girls went through; but it was different for him as it genuinely slipped his mind and thought it couldn't happen to him. This was just a whole new thing he needed to get used to, and it opened a whole other can of worms he didn't even wanna think about.

As long as he didn't have sex he'd never have to find out at least; though this was still all too raw to think about that as well.

When they reached the store and they made their way to the aisle where the pads were, Peter stared at the different types and felt confused and clueless about which one he would need. "Uh, which one...?"

"Let's stay safe with the Overnight ones; we don't know how heavy it'll be." Aunt May said sagely and Peter flushed.

"Heavy?" he repeated.

"It's perfectly natural." Aunt May repeated reassuringly.

Still nervous but still trusting his aunt with what she was talking about, Peter nodded. "Okay then. Do I need anything else?"

Aunt May paused momentarily before she shook her head. "No; not unless you'd want something from here to take back to April's."

Thinking of breakfast and what a waste it would be to miss out on it, Peter shook his head. "No, just the pads." He said and they both made their way to the check-out lane, and as it was still early in the day there was not a large line to wait in.

Peter kept his head down as they went through the line, but the prickly feeling at the back of his head made him nervous and wondered if people were staring at him with such a weird hat on his head. He tapped his fingers against his pant leg and anxiously waited for the cashier to ring up the pads.

He stopped tapping his pant leg as they walked out of the store and down the sidewalk back to Aunt April's. Peter looked up from under the brim of the hat to peer at the surroundings as he didn't want to accidently bump into anyone. He bit his lip for a second as he was hesitant to bring up what might no doubt be a painful subject. "Aunt May," he paused again before carrying on, "when did Zoe die exactly?"

Aunt May abruptly stopped and looked back at him, her eyes meeting his and there was surprise there. "How do you know about Zoe?"

"I saw the picture on the wall." Peter replied steadily. "And I was thinking if Peter "died", then who was going to be coming back with you at the end of the summer?"

Aunt May's face softened into something like sympathy and disbelief. "Peter, you shouldn't be worrying yourself over this."

"I…I know I shouldn't, but it's a decision I'm sticking too, and this is the most practical route to take." Peter said, though that didn't mean he still had to like changing himself as he quite liked who he was, he was comfortable with who he'd been…even with the bulling and stuff.

He'd had his friends, and now he didn't even have them.

"Please, I don't want to bring it up if I'm unprepared." Peter continued.

Aunt May looked away from Peter momentarily. "Zoe died in a car crash," she said softly, "just after you came to live with Ben and me. April had already lost her husband, and Zoe caused her to become rather reclusive. I tried to reach out, and though she didn't want to see me, we still kept in touch." She looked at Peter with a serious glint in her eyes. "Please be careful when you bring this up to April; she's moved on from her grief, but it's still there underneath it all."

Peter nodded seriously. "How did you convince her to let us stay though?"

"I told her we had a niece who wanted to see her other aunt." Aunt May said.

"Oh." Peter said and this time it was him who looked away. Neither of them spoke for a moment before Peter cleared his throat. "Uh, let's keep going, I'm practically starving."

Aunt May nodded and they both continued on walking down the side walk, no doubt having looked strange for talking in the middle of the sidewalk.

After breakfast was eaten, the dishes washed and put away, Peter took a deep breath as he tried to steady his resolve to go to his Aunt April's room like the resolve to put on the pads and when he did, he knocked on the door and waited.

"Come in." Came the answer from outside.

Peter opened the door and found his Aunt April sitting on her bed and reading a book. "I, uh, need to talk to you about something…it's rather important."

Aunt April put her book down and patted the seat next to her. "Are you sure you wouldn't want to talk to May about this though?" she asked in confusion.

Peter winced as he sat down on the bed. "It's…it's about my name."

Aunt April's confusion still hadn't vanished, though there was some understanding in her eyes. "Trust me, I know all about being embarrassed by a name, people kept making fun of me and May for it when we were younger."

"Well, I'm thinking of changing my name," Peter said cautiously, "and I want to bring this up with you to make sure it's alright."

Aunt April tilted her head. "I'm…not quite sure what you're going with here."

"I…I want to change my name to…Zoe." Peter said and scooted down the bed as Aunt April's face closed off.

She didn't speak for a full minute and it left the room in tense and awkward silence. Her stare pierced through Peter right to his soul, like she trying to see if he was being serious, or if this was just some flimsy way of riling her up. She slumped her shoulders and she looked her age at that moment. "You…you look like her, you know."

"I…I noticed it, but…" Peter trailed off and looked down at his lap, "I didn't want to upset you."

"It's…it's been a long time though." Aunt April said sadly and glanced at him seriously. "But…but if you want the name, I won't stop you from using it. In a way it's like she's still living on, even if it is…just a name."

"I'm not asking to be any kind of replacement, but thank you." Peter said and cautiously put his arms around the woman and hugged her. He felt her arms wrap around him and she hugged him back.

In this moment, Peter felt several things hit him hard, this was really happening, he was really going to change his name and begin to have a new identity. There was no going back, only forward from now. His new aunt was putting so much faith in a 'niece' she barely knew, and he didn't want to disappoint her.

When they separated, Peter rose from the bed and made his way down the hall to the living room where his Aunt May and Uncle Ben were sitting. They looked at him as he entered the room and Peter stared at them grimly. "Aunt April said yes, I can use Zoe's name."

Being called by a new name was going to be difficult to get use to no doubt, but he still had to keep moving forward.