Okay, guys I have to apologise for my absence but I have some personal stuff going on that doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon so I can't say that I'll be able to update consistently, but I'll definitely try.
In the mean time, I'm so grateful to everyone who read, favourited, followed and patiently waited for this chapter.
Hope you like :)
Owen:
Owen could hear shots been fired. He could feel the bullets enter his body as if he was the one being shot, not Emily. He was frozen in place, unable to do anything. Unable to move. Unable to think past the intense pain that seized him as he watch Emily fall to the ground. Fear and anguish invading his body at the sight of Emily slowly bleeding to death. The life was leeched from her as her blood slowly seeped onto the floor, her accusing eyes staring at him. You would think that her blood would fight to stay in the body that had housed it for so long. But no. It longer for escape from it confides if the the speed at which it freely flew was any indication.
Then suddenly the nightmare changed and right before his eyes Emily morphed into Alex. They were standing in an alleyway and Owen was too late. The blond women's gun went off and he couldn't move. He was still frozen. Alex went down, every movement slowed down making it feel like he was watching her die in slow motion. Eventually she hit the ground, her blood too, wishing to escape. The only way to describe what he felt in that moment was to compare it too someone ripping his insides out, but that didn't even to begin to cover it...
Owen sensed movement and everything changed again.
Alex was the floor beneath him, her body perfectly still. Owen had her hand clasped behind her back in one of his, but she wasn't fighting him. He could feel her breathing, could feel the heat of her skin. It wasn't enough though. He had to make sure she was alive. That's the only reason he could explain what he did next... His hands and lips on her skin... He was acting like some kind of animal, but he couldn't seem to stop himself... Her soft moans only spurred him on... His fingers finding their way under her leggings... The heat and wetness he found there nearly caused him to loose his mind... He wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside of her...
Owen sprang upright his heart racing a mile a minute. Imagines of the nightmare he'd been having sprang to the forefront of his mind, before being replaced with more pleasurable sights. Alex writhing underneath, her back and neck exposed to him. It was the ultimate sign of submission and Owen was surprised, even though he knew he was only dreaming, that she would allow that. He knew bits and pieces of her past so that type of act, leaving herself to his mercy, would be out of character for her. He also felt kind of dirty for where mind had taken him. She was his friend. He shouldn't be having dreams of her like that. Maybe I just want her to trust me that much? Yeah, that was it. It was his subconscious way of admitting that he wanted her to trust him with everything. Even I only partially believe that.
Running his hand down his face, Owen glanced around the room looking for Alex. He knew she'd been here when they brought here, but where was she now? It was hard to tell because the room was shrouded in darkness, but he was pretty sure he could make out the outline of someone on the couch. His shoulder tinged slightly when he moved to get out of the bed, but other than that it wasn't too bad. He was so used to injuries and physical pain that it was like a not-so-welcome friend coming back for a visit. He carefully navigated his way across the room until his eyes adjusted to the darkness and there she was.
Alex was turned on her side, her back to him. She had a light blanket over her and was using a cushion for a pillow. Owen shook his head in disapproval. The bed was plenty big enough for both of them and even if she was uncomfortable sharing with him, he would take the couch. Bending down, he braced himself against the upcoming pain and slipped his arms under her knees and her back. The pain meds must still have been working because he barely felt any sign of pain or maybe it was just that he'd become intoxicated by her scent. He couldn't help burying his head into the side of her neck and inhaling deeply. She made a sleepy, muffled noise that sounded like his name and cuddled closer to his body. Owen sighed heavily. He truly going to hell for the thoughts that were running through his head right now.
Owen carried her back to the bed and placed her down on the side he'd just vacated. She turned on her side again and nuzzled her head against the pillow. He watched her for a minute trying to figure out what to do. Should I just go back to sleep? Or will I go help Nikita and the others interrogate the woman who shot me? A past of him wanted to go all Cleaner on the blond woman who'd almost shot Alex, but a bigger part wanted to get back into the bed. In the end, that part of him won out and he found himself wrapping his arms around a soft Alex. He tugged her up against him, so she lay half on top of his chest, her head under his chin. Too restless to sleep Owen found himself turning on the news. He was hoping watching it for a while would help him drift back to sleep.
"The police have found another woman's body in the river today. That brings the number to five. Investigators refuse to comment, but this reporter can say that all the women were raped and tortured before finally being strangled. They also shared similar physical characteristics, tall, brunette and..."
Owen was distracted from the news broadcast by the brush of Alex's leg across his thighs. She cuddled closer to his body, her hand coming up to rest on his butterfly tattoo. Owen smiled faintly; if he was going to hell he ought as well enjoy it. He had never been a cuddler - at least from what he could remember - but their was something about Alex that made him want to hold her close and protect her from the nightmares of both their worlds. Owen pulled her closer, if that was even possible, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
Alex:
It was two weeks since she'd woken up in the hotel wrapped around Owen. She'd been surprised by her position, considering that she knew for sure she'd fallen asleep on the couch. Owen had blinked sleepy eyes at her when she'd questioned him on her new position and he'd smiled lightly. "You looked like you needed a bed." That's all he would say on the matter and Alex hadn't pressed. She didn't want him to think that she'd been freaked out. They'd shared a bed to often for her to be suddenly uncomfortable with the whole thing.
Alex was both relieved and saddened by the fact that he didn't seem to remember what happened between them. The sad part of her pissed her off. She wasn't supposed to what him to remember. He remained blissfully ignorant of their time together, although sometimes she's catch him giving her looks that made her insides squirm and her heart race. But then she'd start questioning herself; she could just be reading into the way he looked her too much, because he'd given her an unforgettable orgasm. Well, unforgettable for her, chemically forgettable for him. Oh for God's sake! Stop thinking about it! You're supposed to be friends! That's it.
Alex had never been so confused and sexually frustrated in all her life. Her mind kept throwing her back into her memory of Owen's touch. His body atop her, cocooning her, protecting her. She didn't understand why her body hadn't reacted the way it usually did when a man was on top of her to long. She could handle it for a while, but eventually her need to be free of their weight would arise and she'd find herself discreetly pushing them away. Her reaction then, to Owen, confounded her. Not only had she not made an attempt to remove him, but she hadn't felt, even the fluttering, of a panicked heartbeat. What had made her heart pound were the kisses and bites that Owen had peppered all over her back and the way his talented fingers had made her see stars. The drug he was given was meant to lower impulse control so what the hell had his first impulse been to touch me so intimately? That question had driven her to the punching bag more then once in the past few weeks.
Punch! Kick! Punch! Punch! Kick!
Beating the crap out of said punching bag was only serving to lessen the tension in her body for short intervals, but at least it was something. She was trying to keep things as friendly as possible between her and Owen and it was easy; far too easy. She had never taken to someone as quickly as she had to him and it unnerved her. Add to that the stuff in the hotel room and she knew she was far more vulnerable to Owen then she'd been to any other man she'd let into her life. She needed to protect herself from that sort of vulnerability.
"Alex?" She punched the bag harder at the sound of Sean calling her name. She was not in the proper frame of mind to deal with Sean right now. She would only say something that she'd immediately regret. She did not want to hurt him.
"Hey Sean," she grunted, not looking at him. Kick! Punch! Punch! Kick!
"How've you been?" He asked the question causally enough, but Alex could hear the edge under his voice. Oh you know, confused, turned on, frustrated, dirty, excited to name but a few. Not to mention that all of these emotions are aimed at my roommate. My very off limits roommate. But she wasn't about to say that to Sean, so she just shrugged her shoulders and kicked the bag again. "Look, I just wanted to say that I don't like how we left things. I mean we've been through so much; we can still be friends right?" The hopeful tone in Sean's voice gave Alex pause. She turned to face him, her hands on her hips. "We shared something Alex and I just don't want to throw that away."
"Friends. Just friends?" Alex questioned, suspicious of his intentions. Her inner spy made her scrutinise everyone's behaviour and Sean was no exception.
"Yeah, just friends." Sean nodded and smiled at her. "If we can work her way back to where we were before that would be an added bonus, but I'd be happy if we could still remain friends."
Alex took a deep breath, thinking over what he had said. Did she want to be friends? Yes, but she didn't want him to hold on to false hope of a relationship that couldn't happen. She wasn't about to tell him that they couldn't be friends, because she wanted that too. She'd just have to be careful how she acted around him for a while. His a great guy. I only wish it had worked out better.
"Okay, Sean, we can be friends, but I'm saying right now that is all we can be," Alex stated firmly, looking him directly in the eye. Miscommunication had gotten them in trouble before, so she knew she had to be clear. "Okay?"
Sean nodded again. "Okay."
"Good." Alex turned back to the punching bag, rolling her neck from side to side. She had by no means worked off any of her tension before Sean had shown up, but then he asked a question that made her turn back to him again.
"You never did tell me what the butterfly tattoo meant?" He smiled at her, obviously just curious about it, but Alex felt herself clam up. It's just a question Alex. He doesn't know what it means to you. Luckily, the bite Owen had left had healed up pretty well and it was hardly noticeable anymore; unless you were looking for it. Putting on a smile, Alex shook her head and shrugged. "Come on it just a tat, sailors get them all the time.
"It's a personal thing."
Alex whipped around to see Owen putting his bag down on one of the weight benches. He wasn't looking at her, but she could sense his protectiveness. He'd obviously interrupted, because he knew how uncomfortable she was, but where had he come from? Better yet, how the hell dose he read me so well? Owen yanked his t-shirt over his head, winching slightly. His wound was only two weeks old, but he was acting like it was healed already. Alex spun back around to face Sean, feeling utterly ridiculous. She still caught a glimpse of Owen's tattoos, making the ache inside of her flare up. Even before Owen had traced her Butterfly with his tongue and teeth, she'd been barely able to resist the urge to do the same to his and he had considerably more. Stop it Alex. You're acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. It wasn't like she hadn't seen him shirtless before or used his naked chest as a pillow, but it meant something different now. He hadn't given her an orgasm back then or reduced her body to a pile of goo.
"Yeah? You're like a walking billboard." Sean's voice drew Alex from her thoughts and she turned to face Owen again.
"I like to express myself physically since I'm not so good with the verbal." Owen was grinning as he said it, but the set of his jaw and the way he grinned – that could only be described as a baring of teeth – told another story. He was ready to beat the crap out of Sean and Alex wasn't sure why. Sean's chuckle did not help the situation. He was either oblivious to the anger Owen felt or he didn't care.
"I think we're all aware of that," Sean smirked, his stance automatically widening. "Mindlessly killing whoever gets in your way or whoever you're order to."
"Sean," Alex started, outraged on Owen's behalf.
"It's okay, Alex," Owen cut her off, his eyes engaged in an alpha male war with Sean.
"No, it's not," she huffed, grabbing her bag and hightailing it out of there. If those two wanted to get into a pissing contest she was not going to be in the middle. They could deal with it themselves. She was halfway back to the showers when she realised she'd forgotten her towel. Hoping they were finished, she made her way back only to discover both men were still there. She turned to leave again, but Owens voice caught her attention and she found herself lingering.
"I'd ease up on the tats thing," Owen commanded, lying down on the bench. "She'll tell you. If she wants too."
God damn it, Owen! Why did he have to understand her so well?
"Alex I need you to go to this address and check it out. Birkhoff did some digging and from what Avery has told us, we think Kristen might have lived there before Percy was taken out."
Alex nodded, glancing down at the piece of paper. "Knowing Percy, she probably wasn't up to anything good."
"That's the thing," Nikita said, with a sigh, her forehead scrunched in contemplation. "It doesn't seem like Kristen was trained as a field agent or as anything really. Avery said that the most she could get out of her sister was that Percy was using her to protect something or to keep something in line, but in what capacity or what the something is we have no idea." Nikita leaned back against the wall, her head following back lightly to rest against it. "We are hoping that this house will give us some clues as to what he was up to."
"Nothing good, that's fore sure," Alex muttered, distracted by the sight of Owen. He was heading down the corridor towards them, a faint smile on his face as he spoke to Birkhoff. "What are we going to do about Sonya?" Alex spoke softly, tracking the movement of both men with here eyes. She didn't want Birkhoff to overhear what they were talking about. He was already stressed enough about it. He had told Nikita about Sonya and the other mole when they'd returned from England.
"For now we use her to feed Amanda false information, but we're going to need to come up with a long term solution soon. Very soon," Nikita trailed off, straightening from the wall as the two men reached them.
"Hey Nikki. Hey Princess." Birkhoff smiled as Alex as she glared at him. "Would you prefer Your Highness? Or maybe You Most Queenly?" Alex almost had him, but he moved around Owen at the last minute so she was forced to stop short or collide with an amused looking Owen. Birkhoff ended up behind her, a huge grin on his face. "I was a Ninja King in another life."
Alex turned around and childishly stuck her tongue out at him. "Don't you mean in a video game? Besides if I really wanted to, you'd be on the floor right now begging for mercy."
"Oh, I'm so scared of the Princess Warrior," he said sarcastically, but still backed up a few steps. Alex narrowed her eyes at him and was about to show Birkhoff just how scared he should be when Owen threw his arm around her shoulders and dragged her into his side, effectively cutting short the bickering.
"It could be worse Princess," Owen said, chuckling. "He calls me the Terminator." Alex had been momentarily thrown off balance by Owen unexpected closeness, but she still managed to glare up at him for calling her Princess.
Nikita was laughing at their antics, some of the stress Alex had seen earlier evaporating from her face. She bumped her shoulder against Birkhoff's. "Terminator?"
"I stand by my statements," Birkhoff attested, shrugging slightly.
"Whatever, nerd," Alex said, stealing Nikita's pet name for Birkhoff. Alex really did love Birkhoff like that annoying older brother that you never wanted. He gave her a one finger salute and both he and Nikita headed off in the direction of Ops.
"You ready to go, then?" Owen asked, prompting Alex to look up at him once again, her eyebrows drawn together.
"Go? Go where?" Alex wasn't aware that she and Owen had made any plans for today. She certainly would have remembered considering that he invaded her thought more often than not.
"Didn't Nikita tell you that we're going to go check out Kristen's possible location?"
"She told me to check it out, but she forgot to tell me you were my partner." Owen grinned down at her and she found herself smiling back at him. It was only then she realised just how close they were standing, his warmth surrounding her. His mouth was only a few inches away from hers; all she had to do was reach up and...
"Okay cowboy, let's go," she announced loudly, almost leaping out from under his arm. He shot her a bemused look, but she choose to ignore it. Instead she tried to get herself back under control. And now I have to spend three hours in a inclosed space with him... She had just turned around to walk - flee - to the garage, but Owen caught her elbow before she could move - get - away.
"Alex, about before - " Owen's hesitant tone had her mouth turning down in a worried frown. She turned to face him and the uncertain look on his face made her earlier discomfort vanish. He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes not quite meeting hers. Oh God! Did he remember what happened? Was he about to let her down gently? Alex was torn; she wanted to run from this conversation, but hearing him tell her it was a mistake might give her the closure she needed to move past it. Because that was she wanted. To move past it.
"What's wrong, Owen?" She reached out without thinking and brushed her fingers along the back of his hand. His eyes tracked her movements, his gaze so intense it almost felt like a caress. Her first urge was to pull her hand back, but that would make it seem like it meant more to her then just a gesture between friends, so she forced herself to give his hand a light squeeze before drawing back. "You know you can talk to me."
Owen's eyes remained on his hand for a second longer, before his head snapped back up and to meet her stare. He slowly nodded and rubbed his neck again. "What Sean said about me being mindless - "
"Owen, you're not - "
"Wait, let me finish." Alex nodded and clamped her mouth shut. "I know what they all think of me. That I'm like a bull. I see red, charge and don't care about the consequences. I'm used to it. I am, was, just a mindless robot for so long that I don't know how to be around people anymore. I don't even know if I ever did. All I do know is that Amanda created me; turned me into a mindless killer and that's all anybody is going to see when they look at me. I just hope that you know that I'm trying to be better."
Alex heart tripped over itself. Owen looked so resigned to his fate, so sad, that Alex wanted to throw herself into his arms. He had such a low opinion of his worth. Just like she herself had. Despite all the good she'd done, despite the people that she loved and loved her back, there were times when Alex questioned wether she was worthy of it. She felt dirty, used, degraded whenever she thought of her past and it made her want to self-destruct, but somehow she always found a way to drag herself out of the void. She wasn't going to let her past define her. She wanted the same for him.
"Owen, don't let them define you. Don't let anyone or anything define you." She reached out again, this time on purpose and took his hand. "You are not a mindless robot. I don't see you like that. You are my friend and considering how hard I find it to make friends, that is a big deal." Alex smiled hesitantly, not sure how Owen would respond, but she needn't have worried. He used the hold she had on his hand to pull her forward into the hug she had wanted to give him moments before. His arms wrapped around her waist and her shoulders, his cheek resting against her hair. She sank into his embrace far to easily, but couldn't bring herself to break contact until he did.
They'd been driving for over an hour and Alex wasn't sure how she'd managed to keep her composure. Her time with Nikita and even in Division had helped her gain some control over her turbulent emotions, but being this close to Owen, inhaling his scent was proving to be an exercise of all that she'd been thought. Her mind kept trying to drag her back to the feel of Owen's body, his lips, his fingers, the way he'd caused her blood to catch fire. And we haven't even kissed. Nor are we going to. Ever. We are friends. Just friends. Besides, Owen's never showed any interest in me. Not like that. His always treated me like a friend, who just happen to cuddle. Even as those thoughts crossed her mind, her body was betraying her, her head shaking side to side slightly, as if rejecting her perfectly logical line of thinking.
"Thanks," Owen said, finally breaking the silence, distracting her from what was going on in her head. She turned her head toward and raised a questioning eyebrow. "For what you said back there. Emily used to say stuff like that all the time. That I could change. That's why I got my butterfly," he patted his chest and glanced over at her. "She said it was proof that - "
" - people can have a second life." Alex couldn't help the smile that graced her face. Here was something else the two of them shared. They both wanted that chance at a second life.
"Yeah," he agreed, his own smile answering hers.
"Someone I knew used to say the same thing all the time." Alex looked out the window, her eyes full of the past.
"Is that why you got your ink?" Alex was glad Owen was driving. She wouldn't be able to tell this story if she had watch his reaction. Not that she thought that he'd judge her, but because it already put her on the verge of tears to talk it about. Never mind seeing someone empathise with her. She was sure she'd start blubbering like a baby and that could not happen now. They were on a mission. That came before emotional outbursts.
"She was a girl. In the place -" Alex swallowed a lump and forced the word from her mouth. "Brothel. That's where they put when I first came here. We shared a room. She said she would dream some nights about escaping by climbing to the roof and flying away on butterfly wings. One night she got high. She made it up there. To the roof. And... She decided to try and fly." Alex could still remember the shock and numbness that had accompanied the news of her death. Her only companion dead. She vowed never to get close again; the pain to much to bare. "She was innocent." Like I was.
"I'm sorry," Owen said, genuine warmth and empathy lacing his voice. She turned to find him watching her and she smiled softly, before he turned his eyes back to the road.
So am I.