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Chapter Thirty: Opening Up then Closing Down

"What's going on?" Oliver asked, coming around the corner and nearly running in to Mr. Malfoy in the process. "Was he…was he speaking to you Lana, or was that just someone else?"

I swallowed hard before wrapping my arms over my chest, "It's nothing, really. He was just being….well, you know, a Malfoy."

I tried to smirk and smile my way out of this, but I could feel Oliver's eyes boring into me. It was almost as though he could sense that I was hiding something from him, but I still didn't find this to be an appropriate time to tell him anything. In fact, I went through the rest of my career at Hogwarts avoiding this conversation with Oliver. And I would like to say that our relationship wasn't going anywhere in the first place, therefore it wasn't an issue; however, it was the opposite. The truth of the matter was that I was falling in love with him. Every year that passed, we would spend more and more time together and feel as though it were natural. One summer, my father even travelled with me to the Wood's residence and they were so naturally driven into conversation with one another that he ended up enjoying their company almost more than I did.

And there were several times each year that I would have to cover up something. Draco Malfoy would come running up to me and making snarky little comments and I would find myself coming up with equally witty remarks to cover myself.

Did I feel guilty for keeping my family's problems a secret?

Of course.

Did it bother me enough to do something more about it?

Well, not at first.

Year, after year I was more focused on getting through school itself. In fact, I think this is what everyone wanted me to do. My father certainly didn't want me to think about what could be going on with my mother, since she was too absorbed in other things, Oliver was nearly clueless, but for all I know Lord Voldemort seemed to be pleased with what I was doing. I say this only because for those eight years while I was at Hogwarts his influence upon me was only as much as I gave him. If I thought more about him, then it would be a victory for him, but there were other issues at this time that the Dark Lord was dealing with.

Everyone seemed to be raging over Harry Potter being the savior of the school after the Chamber of Secrets incident in my fifth year. He proved to be very brave and the rumors of what actually happened in the Chamber are still swirling about, but I have no doubt that Lord Voldemort was minutes away from being brought back to life in that chamber. At the time, I would have thought it was someone just playing a silly trick, but later conversations told me otherwise.

It was during this year that it was hardest to not say anything to Oliver. The conversation definitely was getting around the castle about Salzar Slytherin and who could possibly be behind the attacks. Of course, he was only conversing with me in a manner that was common gossip. However, I still couldn't help but feel a little uneasy, even when I didn't know the entire situation. I may have nodded my head and gone along with whatever theory the Quidditch Captain came up with, but there was a year coming when we would have a serious conversation about that sort of subject.

I remember the day like none other.

All of this happiness that we had built together seemed to be so much stronger than anything I would have been able to reveal about myself. It was for this reason that I felt so at ease and for that split second; I let my guard down.

It was the summer before my sixth year and the year before Oliver's last. We were sitting next the lake at his; the sky was not clear, but spotted with several clouds. Still, it was a beautiful day. We sat next to the lake, watching as his father was playing some sort of training routine on his broomstick. My fingers were interlaced with his as we went over our supplies lists one last time for the next school year.

"One more year at a Quidditch cup." He said under his breath as he leaned back, resting on his elbows as the clouds overhead passed by without a care.

"Surely you'll obtain it this year" I said with a smirk, folding over the parchment with all of our supplies on it.

"Potter will really need to step up too. We could be completely solid if he were just one hundred percent focused. It's hard for him though, I understand. All that with his parents and whatnot" He added looking up at the sky with a sigh.

"He really does have a lot going on. I can't imagine how you would deal with both parents being...well, you know…dead," I added, tenderly saying the last part. The next piece I didn't entirely mean to say, but I watched as his mother came from the little house and called out to his father. Almost immediately, the man flew down to meet his wife. "You're blessed to have such a lovely family Oliver."

I could feel his gaze on me as I watched his father kiss his mother on the cheek, "You have a great father... I think you should consider that a blessing." Muttered Oliver

I swallowed hard, trying not to think about my mother, but his parents were walking back into the house to do something. They were out of earshot, yet still within sight. I couldn't help but watch them and think of my mother. Perhaps, at one time they were like Oliver's parents, that had been quite some time ago.

"He is great. My mother on the other hand…" I trailed off, looking down to pick at my nails, realizing that I had said more than I intended.

He leaned up from his elbows to meet my gaze, face-to-face, "You know, you never have exactly told me about her. I've never even met her. We've been dating for quite a while and I've never met your mother before."

He meant nothing by it and it was genuine curiosity, on his part.

"You wouldn't want to Oliver. That's the short story. In fact, I myself haven't seen her for a while, she is probably living her life however it pleases her. She is no longer my worry." I said to him, trying to stay vague for as long as I could.

"Surely you are concerned for her. She is your mother after all" He said meekly, trying to get a little more out of me.

"Yes, but-"

I couldn't find the right words because what Oliver said was absolutely true, but I couldn't tell him everything…could I?

This internal conflict went back and forth many times before I came to the conclusion that I owed him something. Every summer I came to his house with my father, but not with a mother. I never even mentioned her. It was natural that he would want to know really.

"Oliver, there are some very, very serious topics related to my mother. If I tell you, then you mustn't tell anyone else. It truly is a deep secret that hardly anyone out of my family knows about" I said quietly, avoiding his eye as I felt his hand on top of mine.

He didn't say anything, but I reluctantly turned my head to meet his brown eyes for just a moment before I let out a sigh and starting speaking, realizing that he needn't say any more.

"My mother is…estranged to say the least. To keep from telling you an extremely long and dark story, I will sum it up in as few as I can. She is currently what you and I would consider a…"

I couldn't say the word. It physically would not leave my lips. I bit down hard on my lip before turning to look straight into his eye once more, "She's a Deatheater Oliver."

He stared into my eyes for several seconds, blinking slowly as he swallowed hard, trying to digest the information. It seemed that he immediately realized why I had never mentioned my mother before. He nodded his head slowly, trying not to show much of a reaction.

"But she didn't have a say in it, you see. I-I just don't even know how to tell you everything. You probably are going to be in complete and total shock." I said slowly, trying to process my own words, but finding there to be no easy way of saying it.

"You can tell me anything Lana." He whispered, placing his hand top of mine.

I was silent for several seconds, waiting for this moment to feel right, but I finally realized that it would just have to come out.

"My grandma was friends with a boy named Tom when she was in school. I don't know if she realized that when she was falling in love with him that he would someday become the world's most feared wizard. I don't think she knew that the man she loved for a while would turn out to be He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. She never would have known that his name would make even the greatest of wizards stumble.

"But the truth of the matter is that…she did. She fell in love with the boy who would become the Dark Lord and besides who's to deny what the heart wants? It doesn't mean that I'm not furious with her, but apparently she loved him enough to convince my mother to join him. Now, my mother has split from my father to make up for my grandmother and me…well, I'm just trying to avoid it all, I guess."

He had absolutely nothing to say back to that.

And, honestly who could blame him?

He ran his fingers through his hair, "Could you give me a moment? That was quite a lot."

"In all fairness, I did warn you."

"That you did," He answered before swallowing hard again and looking up at the sky. "So, you're telling me that your mother is a Death Eater? Correct?"

"Yes." I answered simply.

"Your grandmother was in love with You-Know-Who?" He said the words slowly as if they were paining him to come out.

"Yes."

"But you aren't in any way involved with this?" He asked, turning his eyes to me for a brief moment. "Right? This is just their battle to fight and you are just avoiding it?"

This is where I wanted to crawl into a hole and not bother with any of it. If I told him yes, then I risked losing him. I should have known that he would have rather been told than lied to, but I couldn't master up any more courage to tell him the whole truth. If there were any moment in my life that I could live over, it would have been this one.

"No," I said shortly. "I'm staying out of it."

"Good. Then, if you are not comfortable speaking of your mother, then we shan't speak of her. However, if you ever want to-"

He was opening the door for me to chip in and say more.

"No, I truly don't." I said finally, trying to put an end to the conversation instantly.

The look he gave me told me that he was still a little suspicious about all of this, but he didn't have the words to respond. I watched as he stood up and smoothed out his clothes. He took a couple steps back and said to me, "I'm going to go for a little walk. Alone, if you don't mind."

I bit down on my lip and nodded, "Of course, it was a lot to process."

With that, he walked away and I knew that I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't afford to put him through any of my trouble. As he turned to go on his walk, I knew that he was mentally walking away. Or rather, I was mentally pushing him away. In reality, I don't think that Oliver ever meant to seem that way, but I gave him that impression in my head. I overthought everything and as I watched him walk away, I starting planning how I would end my relationship with Oliver before either of us got hurt.

A/N: Thanks for reading and shout out to littlegreeneyes for proofreading! Let me know what you think