Greetings everyone! *Snape mutters something as he prepares the hearth* mmmm... *warms up deliciously before becoming functional again* So you want to know more?
Alrighty then. Hee hee.
Again, thank you for your reviews, ESPECIALLY the deliciously long ones, as well as the quick as a whiplash 'write soon or else' ones. I love them all, I cherish them and they indeed make me write faster! I think that much is obvious.
*Snape rhe as he swirls the brandy tumbler*
Anyhow, I'd better start before my... *looks at Snape* friend here blows up. heh.
Chapter 7. *hits play*
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Remus didn't even understand how he ran across the corridor past Gryffindor tower and barged into Harry's room, terrified of what he might see. The cry had been bloodcurdling, and could be the result of many emotions.
He was somewhat relieved when he did not see anything involving blood or severe bodily harm. Of course the way Harry was clutching at his hair, rocking back and forth in his bed was not reassuring in the least. He did not make any sign that he had heard the DADA professor come in. Remus crossed to the bed in two big strides and embraced Harry in an effort to both support the boy and stop the rocking.
"What is it Harry? What happened?"
Harry did not answer still. His breath was coming in short bursts but he was not crying. He gripped the tufts he was clutching even harder, so much that Remus was afraid he'd detach them along with his scalp.
"Why is this happening to me? Why can't I just be left alone?" Harry muttered, pronouncing the words so fast that Remus had trouble catching them all in the faint whispers.
"Who won't leave you alone Harry? Tell me, and I will help you." Remus tried to get through to him, tugging at his shoulders just a little. Indeed, the rocking stopped, but at Harry's lips played a small wry, ironic half-smile that made Remus' skin crawl. It was the kind of mirthless, bitter smile that he had seen playing on Severus Snape's lips for so many times.
"You don't know what you are saying, Remus." Harry's voice sounded metallic, hard. What could possibly be that had made this happen?
"Was it a vision, Harry?" a soothing, steady voice startled both the boy and the professor. Dumbledore walked in, warily and set a hand on Harry's brittle shoulder. The mere touch of the older wizard seemed to help Harry cope. He swallowed and exhaled shakily, while he nodded.
Remus was at a loss.
"What vision?"
Dumbledore's voice had sadness vaster than any sea as he explained, all the while holding Harry's shoulder. The boy leaned in to the touch somewhat.
"Harry has had a link with Voldemort. He can see things that Voldemort does at times, in seemingly random intervals. I was... hoping that Harry would not have to be subjected to one of the visions so soon."
Remus paled, his heart stopping at the sheer horror of what this entailed. Harry was granted a few precious seconds of sight, but sight of malice and atricities. Harry would always be reminded of what he lost, and never be able to enjoy the small intervals out of his dark world because horror would invade him.
Who in the world would be able to suffer this?
"He... has found Karkaroff. He.. just killed him." Harry's voice said, in his usual tones only breathless and hushed. In the brief pause only his erratic breath was heard. Remus made a movement as if to talk, but Dumbledore shook his head at him. Indeed, soon enough Harry spoke again.
"I could see everything... every little detail. I could see colours again... and light... and everything I desired.... or... actually no. I was forced to watch only what he wanted. I had to see every... everything. All that he did to Karkaroff, I watched. I hate him."
He said that word with such a low, menacing voice that Remus shivered. Dumbleore nodded.
"You have every right to, Harry. You shouldn't have to be obliged to feel this way. I apologise, my boy."
Harry just clenched his teeth. He wasn't sure if he was not mad at Dumbledore himself for this. Perhaps if he hadn't been with the Dursleys, perhaps if someone else had him, he wouldn't be blind now, and he wouldn't be granted his greatest wish in such a twisted, perversed way. Hell, even if Snape had been his guardian, he probably wouldn't end up blind. Twisted and in Slytherin, perhaps, but not blind, with only Voldemort's eyes as a window to the world.
"Whoever controls my life must be laughing pretty much now." Harry shrugged off Dumbledore's hand and sighed. The grim expression did not shift from his features, and Remus ached.
"Harry, you control your own life." Dumbledore said, "Because you control the way that you will handle each event. It is up to you if you will allow this terrible turn in your life break you or you will fight it and rise above it."
The was a long pause, and Remus saw that the young Gryffindor was rolling Dumbledore's words around in his head. He held Remus' forearm with a strong grip that somewhat surprised the professor. For a frail, weak and petite boy, Harry had quite a bit of strength.
"What good would that do?" he said reluctantly, broodingly.
Dumbledore smiled kindly, and gently patted Harry's back.
"Well, nobody would laugh anymore."
That cleared Harry's face, and the sharp lines smoothed out to be replaced by a determined expression and a spark in the unmoving eyes that made Remus want to worship Dumbledore. He truly was the greatest wizard.
***
Snape walke through the hearth in his room and dropped the white deatheater mask without care, glad to hear it clatter on the flagstone of the fireplace. Next he threw off his shoulders the heavy black hood and cloak with a tired, abhorrent shake of the shoulders. Then he turned to the fireplace and threw in a pinch of floo.
"Dumbledore."
The head of the elderly wizard showed almost immediately.
"Severus, you are back. Come through, please."
As soon as Snape walked through he stated with a grim voice what he thought would shock the headmaster.
"Igor Karkaroff was found and killed."
Dumbledore nodded.
"Yes, I am aware of that."
Snape frowned and blinked. He even forgot to be angry.
"Exactly how can you be aware of that, Albus?"
Dumbledore did not seem at all content that he had a piece of information to impress Snape with, although making the Potions Master show open surprise was a great rarity. He sighed.
"Harry told me."
"Potter!?" the forgotten anger started to easily be fueled by the constant irritation even the sound of the boy's name was. Dumbledore put a hand up, as his shoulders sagged just a tiny little bit, and Snape stopped, his fertile mind already making connections.
"He has been having visions of some sort, rendering him able to look through Voldemort's eyes. That's how I know."
Snape's expression was blank, but his eyes were unusually alive as he pondered on the new piece of information. In a less angry and more contemplative voice, he commented:
"It could be extra leverage. Voldemort does not know. It could even be used as proof of my fidelity to him."
Dumbledore sighed.
"Severus, you are missing my point."
Snape clicked his tongue.
"I am definately not missing your point, Albus. I know it is yet another reason to coddle poor Harry Potter and his interesting predicaments," drawled Snape, but he didn't put in his usual irony, and he didn't hold the headmaster's gaze as he would in other occassions when the subject 'Harry Potter' would come along.
Dumbledore shook his head and popped a lemon drop in his mouth. Snape furrowed his brow, rubbing the base of his nose.
"Has the boy retreated in some kind of autistic or catatonic shell or something?" he asked irritably, waiting his luck to make it so that Harry was little more than a breathing vegetable.
"On the contrary, I think he has a driving force strong enough to match yours," Dumbledore said with a small sad smile. Snape arched an eyebrow and smirked.
"You mean anger?"
The question was left unanswered, and Snape did not comment further.
***
It was coming close to Harry's birthday, but this time the young Gryffindor did not even notice, nor did he particularly think about festivities and cheerful occasions. Harry was for the first time able to understand how Hermione felt and what motivated her: a deep, burning desire to prove to yourself and other that not only you are not inferior to others, but in many aspects you are superior to them. Nobody will laugh. Dumbledore's kind words had succeeded where Snape and Remus had failed: They gave Harry a mission, a goal that he could see far ahead and would do anything to get there.
Not that the burning desire made anything easy in itself.
From the sessions with Snape, Harry had managed beautifully to listen to and dodge two rubber balls that the potions master hurled at him. He however completely lost it when number three entered into the fray. He just could not figure out how to keep track of all three almost identical ringing sounds, which frustrated him as much as it frustrated Snape, who was now expecting far more of the boy than before.
"Really Potter, only would think you completely deaf! What is it, can't your mind focus on three objects at once? Usually the human brain can handle up to 7!"
Harry would grit his teeth and wipe the sweat and just try and try and try, but even as he tried harder he failed even more, causing even more cuastic remarks to come from the potions master.
And he still had not seen his wand. He would fantasize at solitary moments to what uses he would be able to put it in. For one thing, he wouldn't have to trace the wall to go to places. He would use a variant of the 'point me' spell to be led there, like his muggle counterparts used their walking sticks. He would also not need to dodge physically anything. Instead he would guard against it and then he'd hex his attacker (always bearing the sound of Severus Snape in his consciousness) to hell and back.
But to get back his wand, he'd have to dodge all three balls for a whole of 2 hours in that infernal classroom with Severus Snape. He groaned in extreme frustration and kicked at where he now knew that an armour was standing and relished in the loud sound it was making. When the clang subsided, he kicked it again, and again, and imagined that it was Snape and that he was helpless, begging for mercy. Hah.
"Harry? Particularly bad lesson?"
Harry stopped at the voice of Remus Lupin. He always felt somewhat ashamed of depicting the full extent of his aggressive feelings to the kind and easygoing man, because simply he felt that compared, Lupin had more to cope with. Of course he had his sight, and the hinderance of lycanthropy was only once a month, but it was more than a plight-- it was social stigma, something that deprived you of everything if people knew. In his case, the worst he could come to was cause other people's pity-- which he would prevent of course by showing he was anything but pityful...
... eventually.
"I just can't seem to be able to do it. No matter how hard I try, I just can't dodge them all. And Snape keeps saying that he will not give me my wand before I manage to dodge all three. I mean, come ON. It was murder to manage two at a time, and he didn't even praise me for that. I wonder if HE can do what he demands ME to!" Harry breathed after his tirade and swallowed, running a hand through his hair, feeling the soft, wild texture of it. Lately he found that he liked textures-- they were fascinating, from an animal's fur or plumage to the very roughness of the stones in some of the walls of Hogwarts. Harry's world was full of images again, but this time tactile ones, with high detail and dramatic reliefs. The desert he had felt a week ago was sprouting small oasis even by the day. And he was certain that that would continue as soon as he could gain more mobility than the itinerary from the room to the classroom and back, and inside his room, where he knew where everything was.
He needed his stupid wand, that's what he needed. Not dogding stupid balls.
Remus thought about it and smiled.
"Let's walk together." he said and put Harry's hand on his elbow lighly. Harry was hesitant.
"Snape will be livid if he discovers you leading me anywhere."
Remus smirked, so that Harry would hear it and know what his expression was.
"I'll deal with Severus, this once, if the need arrives. Let me tell you a story as we walk."
Harry nodded and felt himself less tense than usually after a session when he was obliged to find his way back even counting the number of steps back to his room. Remus' cool, calm voice was refreshing, coming in sharp contrast with the unharbouring one that was coaching him.
"When we were around your age, Lily discovered my lycanthropy-- or rather guessed it, because she was always good in putting two and two together, and watched me to doublecheck before she confronted me with it. Despite my infinite pleas not to tell the rest of the Marauders, she did, starting with James who, she'd told me then, she was positive would not cast me away. Your mother was always an excellent judge of character as well as a quick study." Remus grinned at the memory. Harry smiled, feeling the positivism permeating both him and Remus.
"People rarely talk about mom." he offered as a sign of his thanks. Remus continued
"Lily found the way that I would be helped and would not be alone when the wolf took over. She managed to get us a book on animagi."
Harry was amazed.
"It was mom's idea? Was she an animagus too?"
"Not to my knowledge, but Lily wanted to be an Unspeakable-- and so perhaps she did not want to reveal her status as one, if she'd been so. She was always there when James and Sirius and Peter practiced, but she never practiced with them. Anyway, there was this one evening I remember pretty well, when I woke up because James was down in the common room and beating up the couch in frustration. See, he just would not transfigure past his tail and antlers no matter how hard he tried. The transformation would just not complete. It was at that stage Sirius came up with the name 'Prongs' for him."
Harry chuckled, highly interested. It was the first time he was hearing a story about his father NOT being a hotshot in something, and he oddly enough found he liked this more humanized version of his father much more than the one on the pedestal.
"So what happened?"
"Lily came down and offered him a cup of hot cocoa-- your dad had always been a sucker for it. And when he calmed down, and had told her how much he was trying and could not get it right, she merely told him 'perhaps you are trying too hard'."
Harry sighed, his shoulder slightly slumping.
"And in the next 20 minutes he became the stag?"
Remus laughed, and patted Harry's hand.
"Oh goodness no. It took him about 2 more days to completely unwind, relax and let his senses guide him to his animagus form. But he did it." Remus opened the door to Harry's room and ruffled Harry's hair affectionately.
"As will you."
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Thassit! In the next chapter: Ron, Hermione, Wands and Birthdays! And, if he is a good boy and eats his porridge, perhaps a little more Voldie too.
For those still wondering about the Dursleys, they are.... *low voice, music* very close....
*Snape rhe yet again and thinks of trying some Amaretto before he gets stoned with brandy* heh.
As for my wonderful reviewers:
Lady Lunar Phoenix: *L* on the contrary, I see him grabbing Colin's camera... hehe.
white owl: hm.. exactly how does that work?
Angel Baby: Awww thanks! And I don't need to tell you that unwittingly, Severus is creating a prototype of stealth and speed. heh.
Kimmy: thanks!
phoenbixfeather: Yes, I do think that dumbledore as JK depicts him is not entirely a ruthless stretegist-- whereas I can easily see Snape as being one. You can see his changes!! weeeee! I was thinking they were far too subtle, which they are, but you know... it's good to have readers pick them out.
shitsumon: somehow, even in the books I think McGonagall is not entirely into the spotlight. But in this one, she will add her own two cents, or knuts, rest assured. As for Filch, he is at the moment keeping away from where Harry is by DUmbledore's request-- later on... we'll see.
Kateri: nope, definately not good, but Harry in inherently good, and he has Dumbledore to help him with his frame of reference.
Mikee: Let's hope that I have been of satisfactory performance :)
Lady Phoenix Gryffindor: You know what they say-- you can't find it, you can make it. *grin*
Jaimynsfire: thank you, mylady :)
Kaat Shadow Lover: Impossible as it may sound, I do not have easy access to comics-- they are too far away and I am far too busy to commute. Also I do not want to read something about a blind person while I am writing something about a blind person which I have rather plotted out in stages... and I am afraid of marvel comics-- they tend to grasp your mind with their plot bunnies and never let you go. I don't want Harry to be DD. It would be too... presumptious. Snape wont allow it. hehe. But if I come across it, I will read it. My theory as to what Voldie is trying to prove can be found in Snape's ruminations in 'In the End'. heh.
venus 4280: WOW WHAT A GREAT REVIEW! I love the big ones! It was funny, about Remus, I agree. I bet he's been peeking at times during sessions. hehe. And I like your idea (had one such in my head as an incentive for something that will need to be done later). So look for it in upcoming chapters :) I am glad you like my story!
Zardiphillian Beryllix: well, welcome aboard! As for originality, I think that it has been done before. It is just loaded with slash, and well... *shrugs* I am doing the slash-free version. hehe.
candledot: well, isn't that what he's supposed to be? *ducks Snape from a blow with a candlestick
Koneko Toshi: Ooooo bribe cookies! How can I resist?