I let the last note fade, and looked up, heart in my throat. There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch out for hours, and self-doubt sprang into my mind once more...Maybe it didn't matter who I was...
With a jolt, I was brought into the memory of when I had first come to the vocaloid house. As Teto, not as Suki. Stiffening, I recalled their reaction when Miku had asked me to sing then. I remembered how I had looked up, quietly hopeful, to realise that most of the people hadn't even bothered to look up. I rememered Neru's shrug, Meiko's sneer... Miku's half-hearted "That was...pretty good..."
But then someone, someone in the present, started clapping, and then someone else started clapping too, and then another, and then another. Faces from all over the room smiled at me. Everyone was clapping, clapping for me... They were clapping for me. That simple statement filled me with a mixture of shock, amazement, and a hopeful sort of happiness. I could do this.
Miku came up and punched me lightly of the shoulder "Damn Suki! Why didn't you tell us you could sing like that? That was fantastic!"
I gave a half smile half shrug, and opened my mouth to thank her, but before I could, I was swept up into a crowd of other vocaloids, all of them talking at once. It took nearly an hour before breakfast ended and the crowds dispersed, I had just started to pick me way back towards my room when Miku grabbed my by the arm and said "C'mon! I've got to take you to the studios!"
The studios... My heart leapt.
I loved the recording studio. There, I could pretend that nothing else existed, I could just get lost in the music. I remembered all the countless songs I had sung there, and how in each one I wrap myself in a new character.
The duets were slightly less pleasant, as most of them involved pretending I loved somone I didn't. But that was minor compared to the amazing feeling of just being able to sing, and to know that someone, somewhere, would hear your song and feel happy.
As Miku and I pushed open the doors to the studio, I smiled warmly at the familiar surroundings.
Everything in the entryway was modern and brightly colored, a series of comfortable looking chairs and ottomans adorned the plush carpet. A receptionist type desk stood in a corner, behind which sat Leon.
I almost waved before I remembered I wasn't supposed to know him.
Miku however, stopped cold, a blush painting her face. I had to resist a slight giggle, Miku had harbored a major crush on Leon for nearly a year.
I gave her an encouaging smile, and she laughed nervously and walked stiffly up to the desk.
"Hullo!" the familiar english-accented voice said "Are you singing today Miku?"
"Yes! Or...Well um no...I'm giving someone a tour. I mean if thats okay. Because if it's not that would be totally fine...erm..."
I realised I had unconciously stepped behind Miku like I always used to do. To spare Miku from her awkward rambling, I stepped up and gave a small wave.
"Oh hullo there! Pleasure to meet you miss! My name is Leon" he smiled kindly. Oh Leon, always so polite... Although I only saw him as a friend, I had always thought that Miku had chosen her crush well.
"Nice to meet you!" I said warmly "My name is Kikoeru Suki"
With that, Miku and I headed into the studio. I zoned out as she went over the different areas, how recording works. From elsewhere in the studio, I heard a someone singing a wisful melody, it sounded almost like...
The painful memories attatched to that melody hit me like a slap.
Daughter of evil. Or as I knew it, Fake Diva. Even though I could tell they were singing different lyrics, I only heard the other words to that tune.
Kasane Teto
She's a flower faded away in a blaze
A miserable clown doll she was
Nothing was real
Disappearing alone
An abortive flower, a fake Diva
She was doomed
And there I was, still masquerading as someone else...still a fake. My eyes prickled unpleasantly with the threat of tears. No. I would not cry. I would not.
Oh how I hated that song.
"Are you okay?" Miku's voice broke through my thoughts.
"Yeah of course!" I said with false cheerfulness "I just spaced out for a minute there"
Miku pulled me around for nearly an hour more, explaining everything in a non-stop flow of words. In my mind, they blended together until they had lost all meaning, and turned from words into a neverending stream of syllables. No meaning, just sound. It was pretty in a way.
Then a group of syllables broke out of the meaningless steam and formed words.
"You'll be singing tomorrow"
What? It had taken me nearly six months to get my first official recording as Teto... Part of me wanted to protest or say something, anything. But instead, the words that came out of my mouth were
"Oh, alright!"
I looked the picture of cheerfuness, smiling, open, happy...
The only person who wasn't fooled, was me.