Part 2
Rumplestiltskin's implicit admission of his feelings for her is followed by a lengthy silence, the significance of his grave words slowly dawning on both of them.
Much as Belle hoped against all odds that he would be this honest with her, she doesn't quite know what to say now, how to react to his uneasily albeit sincerely expressed desire for her to stay with him.
He surprises her yet again by taking a deep breath and continuing to talk, all but forcing the words out of his mouth in his rare attempt to tell exactly what he is thinking.
"From now on, my home is as much yours as it is mine. You won't find any locked doors here anymore. You... you are free to leave whenever you want. All I ask of you is to consider returning when you decide to go."
She can only smile in response, displaying her happiness more fully that way than any words ever could. He returns her expression with a slight quirk of the corners of his lips, the closest she's ever seen him to an actual smile.
"Belle, you must know that I... I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I truly am. You gave me something beautiful, something I thought I could never have. And I ruined it, I hurt you, just because I didn't believe you could truly want to be with me... that you can love me."
The words are strange on his lips, simply because he has never spoken to her like this before, but his apology is an honest one. He clearly hasn't offered his excuses to anyone in a very long time and she can tell how difficult it is for him to admit his own wrongs to her, let alone in such a direct manner.
"I accept your apology," she says quietly, relieved that he isn't only aware of the impact of his actions, but has also expressed his regret. "I would like to make one myself."
"Whatever for?" he asks, looking at her with confusion, as if he can't imagine her doing anything that ought to be justified.
"For kissing you the way I did. I wanted to, but I also did it to break your curse. I shouldn't have presumed... I wanted you to be free of the curse, but it wasn't my decision to make."
"Belle, I..."
Rumplestiltskin struggles for words and it's almost painful to see him like this, all of his usual eloquence gone now that he tries to talk about something that truly matters to him.
"The only thing you were wrong about was presuming that I want the curse broken. I do, one day, but until then I need the power... it's the only way to find my son."
Her eyes widen in surprise at the revelation that his son is apparently still alive somewhere - and that his dark powers will help him find his way back to him.
"So that's why you were so upset," she mutters, more to herself than to him. "You don't only want the power for the sake of it."
"Those powers mean a lot to me," he says, shifting awkwardly on his feet, lowering his gaze again. "My boy... he found a way for me to be free of it. I didn't take that chance and I regret it every day. I broke my promise and I lost him. But my magic... it means a lot to me. I've had it for so long that I can't imagine being without it, being weak again."
He shivers a little as he speaks, which doesn't escape her notice. Just like the mention of his son, Belle memorizes this new insight into him, her interest in his life before he became the Dark One more piqued than ever before.
"But if I get my son back, if I've got you... that's what I truly want. I can hardly imagine being an ordinary man again, but with the two of you... I would try."
Her mind is reeling, his words placing everything he has said and done in a whole new light. She needs time to consider all this, time to think, but she can already tell that many things about him will make a lot more sense from now on.
"That's not all of it," he says hurriedly, an edge to his voice. It's as if he wants to tell her as much as he can now that he has finally found the courage to open up to her. "I don't want you to apologize for that kiss. I knew what could happen, but I let you do it anyway."
"Because you didn't believe that I love you and thought that I couldn't break the curse?"
"I didn't believe it, not truly. But even if I would have done... I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you. I knew that I could never have a chance with you, but after you said that you believe love to be layered..."
His expression is one of misery, as if he expects to enrage her by telling her this, by admitting some of the extent of his feelings for her. Belle is stunned at this new revelation, not expecting at all that the usually awkward and tight-lipped Rumplestiltskin she had slowly gotten to know would admit to her that he has been in love with her for far longer than she could have imagined.
"It was a moment of weakness, I suppose," he continues, focusing his gaze back firmly on the stone tiles at her feet. "I knew what could happen... but I wasn't thinking about that then. Belle, you are so lovely, and you were so close... no matter what would have happened, I wanted to be kissed by you."
The look on his face and the sound of his voice sends a tremble through her, his desire for her never having been clearer.
"That one moment of happiness... it was worth to me so much. But then you mentioned the curse and I realized that you knew, that you'd done it on purpose..."
He shakes his head, his disappointment still very much there. He looks at her, helpless, the pain of her apparent betrayal still hurting him so much that he can't continue talking.
"You thought I had only done it to take your powers," Belle says for him, her own voice weak because she understands now why things went so very wrong after their first kiss... but only after she mentioned the curse.
He nods slightly, confirming her words.
"I shouldn't have doubted you. I only allowed myself to believe that you hadn't lied when it was too late."
"Rumplestiltskin..."
She can think of only one way to comfort him, one way to make clear to him that she has forgiven him now that she knows why he got so very upset and threw her out. But when she steps towards him, he tenses visibly and wraps his arms around his chest, as if both to protect himself and to keep her away.
"I won't try to break the curse again," she promises, "at least, not without your permission."
"Then what do you want?"
There is no hostility in his voice, only confusion and curiosity. Belle's heart aches at seeing him like this, still incapable of fully believing that she loves him and doesn't mean him any harm.
"Will you hold me?" she asks, in a second attempt to initiate a physical nearness that will hopefully soothe him.
"Yes," he breathes, all but tripping over his own feet in his haste to get close to her after all. She is back in his arms a moment later, considerably more comfortable than last time now that he makes sure that the two of them remain standing. More importantly, it's easier to appreciate his nearness, to enjoy it, now that he has explained at least some of his motives to her.
Belle closes her eyes when her face is pressed lightly against his chest, the silk of his shirt delightfully soft against her cheek. She finds herself thinking that it would be yet better if the shirt wouldn't be there at all, but that's something to consider at another point.
Rumplestiltskin sighs deeply in appreciation, his hands resting gently on her waist. Never she could have imagined that the embrace between a man and a woman could be like this, gentle and pleasant and perfect.
Her hands are stiffly at her side. She'd like to return the embrace, but she is almost just as uncertain as how to actually do such things properly as Rumplestiltskin is himself. Belle settles for simply doing what feels right by moving her arms around his waist and placing her hands on his back.
Rumplestiltskin tenses once more at her increased touch. She withdraws her hands in response, but the noise of disappointment which he makes dissuades her.
"That was... pleasant," he says. "I didn't mean for you to stop, if you don't want to. You just surprised me... again. In a good way."
"I don't really know what I'm doing," she mutters, his unease matched by her own. Belle's cheeks color when he doesn't object to her touch. It's not that she's embarrassed about touching Rumplestiltskin like this... it's the discovery that she likes it very, very much. The outline of his body is right beneath her hands, the thin silk not preventing her from feeling the skin and muscles beneath.
"Neither do I," he replies, sighing his delight into her hair when she experimentally rubs her hands a little along his back.
The apparent fact that this is just as new to him as it is to her is yet another surprise. She briefly wonders about the wife he mentioned, whether their relationship took place so long ago that he simply doesn't remember what it was like to be with her, or that he and his wife never shared anything like this.
But Belle doesn't want to think of Rumplestiltskin in the arms of another woman right now. She dismisses the question, at least not for the time being. If the way he whispers her name is any indication, she is currently the only one on his mind as well.
Encouraged by his reaction, she increases the pressure a little, rubbing her hands more firmly against his back. The quiet, longing noise he makes in response takes her breath away. Rumplestiltskin may rarely reveal the truth with words, but his body is as honest as anything can be.
His hands are moving now too, caressing her back in much the same way as she is exploring his.
"Is this all right?" he asks, sounding so uncertain at the wonderful touch that she isn't sure whether to be sad or bemused.
"Yes. It's... it's lovely. I... I'd like you to go on."
Expressing herself so freely on such matters isn't something she ever imagined doing, but she senses that blunt and possibly inappropriate - in the eyes of the people with whom she grew up, at least - answers are the only way for them to attempt to let one another know what they are actually experiencing.
His hand falter momentarily as if in disbelief, but then he continues his movements with renewed enthusiasm. Stroking his hands from her neck to her lower back and back up, again and again, Belle shuts her eyes more tightly and doesn't repress any of the quiet sounds of appreciation which turn out to roll easily off her lips.
Almost delirious with his nearness, she moves herself more firmly against him, pressing her face more tightly against his chest. One adventures hand finds its way to his hair, caressing it lightly as she savors his groan of approval.
He nuzzles her neck, quickening her pulse as his nose and lips brush against her suddenly sensitive skin. He must like touching her like that, for he rests his head on her shoulder, guided by her hand in his hair to enable him better access.
They remain standing like that for a long while, slowly getting used to this whole new way of being together now that they are closer to one another than they have ever been, in every sense of the word.
Rumplestiltskin holds on to her like he expects her to disappear into thin air at any moment, which reminds her of the way she found him clinging to her dress just a short while ago.
"What were you doing with my dress?" she asks almost thoughtlessly, unable to get that particular image out of her head and not sure what exactly the purpose was of burying his face in it like he did.
He clears his throat, not at ease with either the question or the answer. She doesn't need to look at him to be aware of the color rising to his cheeks.
"It smells of you," he admits, just before she has the chance to say that she doesn't require an answer if it makes him so uncomfortable. "I enchanted it to keep your scent forever. If I fooled myself like that long enough, it was sometimes almost like you were still there."
The lump in her throat returns as it fully begins to dawn on her just how much he has missed her.
"What about the cabinet and the tea set?"
"When I thought you had tried to trick me, when I thought I had lost you, I was... upset."
He gently breaks away from her, leaving her bereft, but it turns out that he doesn't move away from her entirely.
"I am a difficult man," he says, regretful. "For you, I'll do the best I can, but..."
"Don't talk like that," she replies, hushing him. "I won't pretend to know you, truly know you... not yet, at least. I know that you have done bad things and I don't doubt that there are many more things that you have done that I don't know of."
His expression of guilt and shame tells her that she is right. Rumplestiltskin bows his head, as if being able to make at least some of those things undone that way, but she isn't finished yet.
"But there's also good in you. You've treated me better than many other masters would have done. Even when you thought I had betrayed you... you didn't hurt me, not truly. You threw me out and you shouldn't have, at least not without listening to me first, but... I think you can be a better man if only you could believe that someone can love you."
His eyes are moist again and he swallows with difficulty as he regards her, drinking in her every syllable.
"I want to believe that," he gasps, reaching for her again. "I want to be able to believe that you truly... care for me."
"I do," she breathes, taking his hands in his own and stepping closer to him. "And I'll show you, if you give me the chance."
He nods vigorously at her words, pulling her against his chest with careful hands once more. He holds her like he is still afraid that she'll bolt at any moment, but Belle is more than happy to be in his arms like this.
"I'll do anything in my power to give us that chance. Just... try to be patient with an old man who is trying to change his ways after a very long time."
"I will," she promises, knowing what he is asking of her - and that it indeed won't be easy for either of them to find a way to make a relationship between them work. But she is hopeful, not in the least because he still refrains from referring to himself as a monster, something that seemed so very difficult to achieve just a few days ago.
He smiles at her, a real, honest smile, and his expression brings hope to her heart. Indeed, the fact that they are here now, together, is already a huge improvement compared to anything that seemed possible in the past.
She steps back slightly from him, not missing his badly concealed disappointment when she does so. But she remains smiling at him, reassuring him, while she reaches for his face.
Ever so careful, still finding it somewhat difficult to believe that she can actually do this now, she caresses his cheek, finding his discolored skin softer than it looks like. Rumplestiltskin trembles at her touch, tilting his head to lean into her hand, and Belle shivers pleasantly at the sight.
"I love you, Rumplestiltskin," she breathes, the words she dared not say out loud for too long coming easily now that things between them have changed so much for the better.
He goes completely still, her words clearly taken him off guard. For just a second she wonders whether she shouldn't have spoken, but the way something inside of her flutters at his shocked yet delighted expression tells her that she couldn't have chosen a better moment to confirm her feelings for him.
Her love for him can't be new to him, if only because it almost broke his curse. But judging from the unconcealed joy that is written on his face, it might as well be. It reminds her to say those three words very, very often to him in the future.
"And I love you, Belle," he says, smiling with still lingering disbelief and growing hope. It reminds her that no matter how wonderful it is to express her love for him, it's so much better when the confirmation is returned.
To be continued soon.