A/N: No work till Friday. Expect more updates.

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. The angst, as usual, is mine.

Now, I'm not saying G will show up in the next chapter, but maybe G will show up. In the next chapter.

"Anderson," she mumbles in bed, as Liara is packing things around her. She pauses, looks back at Shepard, and shakes her head, "I'm sorry Shepard, he didn't make it."

Her head swells painfully as she glances in Liara's direction, averse to the sunlight drifting in from the open window behind her, "I…figured." She tried to ignore the pang in her heart, tried to push it to another day, another time when she could mourn for the loss of the only father she had ever known.

"What about the rest of my squad?" she asked groggily, still under the effect of the medicine.

"They made it out alright, all of us did," Liara sat on the edge of the bed, "they all just want to see you get better."

"I'm trying," she whispers, eyelids suddenly too heavy. She drifts off again into dreamless slumber.

They would be taking the Normandy to the Citadel. Spectre Alenko had cleared up an otherwise busy schedule to transport his old commander. Shepard was thankful that their trip to the shuttle had been relatively uneventful; Liara had informed her that news of her return were being withheld until her appearance on the Citadel, but it was difficult to ignore the way her face flashed across the holo-signs on municipal buildings in between newsfeeds and other information, as if ensuring that they, to some extent, remembered who it was that fought for them.

It was good to be back on the Normandy, even if she didn't recognize most of the faces onboard. At least those in engineering were familiar enough, and Chakwas was still managing the medbay. Upon arrival, Liara had excused herself to find an itinerary with Joker—she'd be taking another ship to Hagalaz after they docked at the Citadel—and Shepard had wandered the vessel for old time's sake.

"Commander, glad to see you on your feet." Chakwas commented, as she entered the medbay. Whatever the Normandy was to her now, it had been home. And as David Anderson had been father, Karin Chakwas had been mother.

Shepard grinned, "Glad to be up and about, I didn't think it would take so long."

"It's quite normal," she told her. "You were in a coma for five years; it will be a while before you're at optimal capacity."

Shepard leaned on one of the counters, "You're kind of bumming me out here, Karin."

Chakwas patted her shoulder, "It wasn't my intention, Commander. But you should consider the fact that your body has its limits," Shepard gave her a glum look, to which she reassured, "lucky for you, your extensive cybernetics will be invaluable in helping you recover faster, but for the sake of your friends and the people that care about you, try to avoid any stress."

"Fine," Shepard relented, though before she could say more, Chakwas abruptly pulled her into an embrace. "I will be retiring soon," she said softly, as they parted, "it would have been an honor to have seen you in action once again, but I fear I'll have to be hearing about your exploits from somewhere more…terrestrial."

"Retiring?" Shepard shook her head, as if the thought was amiss. It was hard to picture the Normandy sailing on without her; she had been a constant presence since the very beginning, had seen both its demise and its reincarnation. Realizing that she had missed those last years with her on the Normandy made her eyes sting.

"I'm afraid I'm not as young as I used to be," she said, her voice filled with resolve, "I have no regrets, Shepard. The years I spent on this ship have been the best years of my life."

"I understand," Shepard finally said, finding it impossible to muster up the smile she so wanted to convey. "The Normandy won't be the same without you," she managed.

"Goodness nothing's been the same around here," she declared, "I will admit no preference between you and Alenko, but things are certainly not as lively around here. Anyway, Dr. Michel is just as capable of taking care of things around here."

"The Citadel doctor?"

"Yes," Chakwas settled on her chair, "in the grand scheme of things, she and Alenko became involved. It will be much easier on both of them now; I imagine he will be visiting the medbay much more often."

She watched Shepard for a moment, before adding, "I recall you were quite fond of the main battery."

Shepard grimaced, "That…didn't turn out the way I'd hoped."

"I always thought you two made a great pair," she said, smiling affably, "in the end, even if it feels like it, something built out of so much trust and support can't possibly fall apart in the span of a few years."

Shepard nodded quietly, the doctor's words comforting. "I can only hope."

"Or, if hope fails, you could always change his mind."

Shepard gave a small chuckle, "I never knew this side of you, Karin."

"At my age it doesn't hurt to be direct," she replied, "and sometimes, matters of the heart require as much courage as any battlefield."

Joker turned out to be a dead end. By the time she made it to the cockpit after speaking with Chakwas, his orders were clearly to avoid any topic relating to the last five years.

"You're being ridiculous," she told him, crossing her arms.

"He's not being ridiculous," Kaidan said, coming up behind her.

She threw her arms up, "Then you're all being ridiculous. I have never kept anything from any of you."

She turned to Kaidan, "I never hid that I was working with Cerberus, even if it meant losing your trust. And Joker," she turned to the pilot, who held his hands up defensively, "you've been with me since the very beginning; I thought you'd be on my side."

"Commander," EDI chimed.

"What?" Shepard demanded, exasperated. They all turned to see EDI stand from the copilot seat in that graceful, efficient way of hers.

"Your posture suggests fatigue, care to have a seat?"

"Oh," Shepard sighed and uttered a word of thanks as she sat, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Look, I understand what you're all trying to do here, but I'm fine."

Kaidan seemed to consider her words, "It's just, with all you've been through, can we really be sure you'll be alright?"

"I'm a soldier, Kaidan," she said simply. "I can handle it."

Kaidan and Joker exchanged doubtful glances, but Kaidan ultimately relented.

He began by explaining the first peril Earth had faced after the reapers. The Citadel, though largely intact, was apparently beginning to drift towards Earth. Turian and quarian ships had hauled it back into the Serpent nebula without much incident.

In the weeks that followed, however, mercenary groups decided to raid the surviving vessels—due to staggering losses, this turned out to be an easy feat. A month passed before they retreated back into the Terminus systems. Five years later, however, they were still dealing with them in scattered droves along Citadel and Allied space. Something about the staggering loss of military resources across so many homeworlds made them especially vulnerable to attacks, easier to plunder. The worst was the ransoming of refugees and other evacuees.

"You'd think by the time we won the war we'd all be holding hands singing kumbaya," Joker added, with a shake of his head, "some things never change."

"This is all my fault," she rubbed her forehead, "I'm the one that brought them in to fight the Reapers, if I had known…"

"It's more complicated than that, they're opportunistic," Kaidan quickly said, "they would have come either way, using the chaos. You made a call, and I think for the most part it was the right one."

"I can only hope that I had enough foresight to make the right calls," she said, staring out at the window overhead, watching blue tendrils of energy dancing across the panel. Too much had been at stake.

They were docking at the Citadel. Liara had gone ahead to secure passage and Shepard had stayed behind to say goodbye to the rest of the crew.

"Take care of her, Kaidan," Shepard said, as they waited for the doors to open. "The Normandy is yours now."

"I will, Shepard. I promise." They embraced, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from tearing up. Her goodbye to Joker had been a brief nod and a handshake, anything more and she was certain she would have turned into a babbling, sobbing mess. Jeff knew her well enough to sense that she was trying to keep her composure and had offered a passing remark about staying in touch via extranet.

"Be careful," she said, mustering up the authority, "keep your six covered and trust your instincts, never go into anything alone."

"Yes ma'am." He saluted her, and she returned the gesture.

Behind her the doors opened and she turned to meet the C-sec officers in charge of escorting duty. She gave one last glance at Kaidan, one last look at the Normandy through the glass panes on the docking area.

For the first time in a long while, she felt she had nothing.