Part 9
Eventually, they reach the room where she slept during the past year, the queen-like room which he gave her after she spent a few weeks in the dungeon. Belle opens the door, fully intending to take her True Love inside, to guide him to the welcoming light of the already burning candles.
But Rumplestiltskin plants his feet firmly on the ground just before the threshold, refusing to pass it.
"No," he says firmly, shaking his head as well to emphasize the single word of refusal. "I won't go in there."
"This is still my room, is it not?" she asks, confused by his blatant refusal to proceed.
"Indeed, it is. Your room."
"All right then. So it is to me to decide who I invite in here."
The sound he makes in response is almost a wail of longing. It makes Belle realize that she hasn't exactly thought this through. After the way they just rested together on the couch before the hearth, asking him to sleep in her bed didn't seem that big of a step.
But now that he's actually here, her bed within sight, she has to admit to herself that she has no idea what he is expecting. In fact, she isn't certain any longer what she wants herself. She definitely wants him close to her, but just exactly how close she isn't sure. They have found out already that there are at least some intimacies they can share without breaking his curse, but also that things between them can get out of control really, really quickly.
Her eyelids drooping from exhaustion, this is far from the best time to surrender to the fire that all but burned them before, even if they wouldn't have determined earlier that day that neither of them is willing to take the risk of ruining anything between them by their own impatience to express their love physically.
"I thought that it might be better for both of us if we stayed in the same room tonight, and since I don't even know for sure where your room is..." she says quickly, all but stumbling over her words in her haste to explain herself to him and clear her own thoughts. "It seems pleasant to me to sleep next to you, but..."
She looks up at him. It's not an easy task, her cheeks flushing while talking like this, but she needs to know what he is thinking. She hopes that his expression might give her a clue on what he wants, on how she might proceed without making this any worse.
It was a good decision. Her blushes don't cease at all upon finding his ever intent gaze focused solely on her, but the sheer longing that his expression betrays tells Belle that she needn't have worried. His desire for her - all of her - has been undeniable throughout the day, but just being with her, sharing his space with her, is what matters to him most.
The way he gazes from her to the bed and back again is very similar to the look in his eyes when they cuddled before the fire in the main hall. Everything about him implies that he wants exactly the same as he does and that the thought of continuing their exploration of one another's bodies tonight hadn't actually occurred to him.
"Come in," she says quietly, entirely certain of herself once more. "The bed is more than large enough for two. Both of us will sleep better if we aren't alone tonight. That's all. You can split the bed, if you'd like."
She is inwardly seething at the vile rumors she heard about the two of them while she traveled. According to the rumors, he had done the most cruel and humiliating things to her, abused her in ways of which the whispered descriptions alone made her feel sick.
They really have no idea about him, truly don't know the man at all whom they curse and hate despite their frequent need of him. No matter his looks and history, his reputation, Rumplestiltskin has never harmed her. Even at this point, he is more than reluctant to cross any boundaries, respects and considers her comfort and virtue in a way very few other men would have - her former fiancé definitely not being one of them.
Still, Rumplestiltskin lingers just outside her bedroom, conflicted.
"I can't," he says, sounding pained.
"Don't you want to?" she asks, already knowing the answer but needing him to say it, hoping that it'll persuade Rumplestiltskin of his own desire to stay with her.
"I do," he breathes, an almost desperate edge to his voice. "But we can't."
"Why not?"
He all but growls in frustration, as if the mere thought of sleeping in her bed is too much for him given whatever it is that prevents him from doing just that.
"It is wrong, Belle. You are young and innocent, and I'm..."
"You worry about what people might say," she replies, cutting him off before he can voice the self-doubt and self-loathing that pains her so much, beginning to see where this is going.
"Yes... no. Yes. That too. People will talk, they'll say the most horrible things, and you don't deserve that. But it is about you, Belle. You... you don't know what you're asking, not really. You can't possibly want this... not with me."
"Rumplestiltskin..."
She smiles despite herself, wondering if he really can't see that his hesitance, his current refusal, only convinces her more that there is nothing wrong in sleeping at his side tonight... that it makes her only want him more.
"I do know what I'm asking. I'm asking you to stay with me tonight, to sleep in my bed... to hold me. Nothing more than that... not yet."
The desire that her words cause in him is unmistakable. Still, it's not the implication of more that enchants him right now... it's simply the notion of holding her throughout the night.
"Belle, your stay here with me harms your reputation enough as it is. But if something like this were to happen, if I were to be in your room, in your bed, no matter what actually does or doesn't happen..."
"People talk no matter what. It's not as if they are actually here, is it?" she says, placing her hands on his lower arms, hoping to soothe him. "They already are talking anyway. I heard them when I was still traveling back to my father's land."
He looks utterly shocked and she wonders how he possibly can not know.
"They say you've ruined me," she adds, whispering. "They say you hurt me."
"I know I have been cruel to you, but I promise you that I would never..."
He is mortified, shocked, and she gulps, aware that he really has no idea what people are saying about her... about them.
"I know," she says, tightening her hold on him, stroking him through the material of his shirt. "But there's nothing we can do about it, not really. It doesn't matter. They don't know about us, they don't know the truth. They don't need to. I don't care what they say, not as long as I'm with you. You are better than what they say... better than them. They haven't got any idea what is really going on between us. No matter what you chose, no matter what you do, I don't want you to be influenced by whatever people may say or think of either of us."
Rumplestiltskin shakes his head, looking nauseous but also vaguely relieved.
"Come on," she says, seeing his resolve crumble. "We need to rest. Both of us... together."
She pulls playfully at his sleeve, and this time he does follow her over the threshold. The shuffle of his feet is awkward and unsure, but he enters her bedroom anyway, and that's all what matters.
There's a comfortable chair at the window, where she has spent many an evening reading peacefully. She guides Rumplestiltskin to it, aware of his lingering hesitancy and nervous glances. No matter how much he wants this, he still looks like he is going to bolt at any moment. Before anything else, Belle wants to reassure him, to make clear to him that this is truly what she wants.
"Let's just sit here for a while," she says, guiding him down.
He does as suggested, keeping their hands entwined. Belle kneels down at his feet, experimentally resting her head on his knees, angling it in such a way that she can still look at him. Physically, she isn't exactly comfortable, but she finds it very enjoyable to sit with him like this nonetheless, this kind of wonderful closeness still so very new and lovely.
His hands find their way into her hair, taking grateful advantage of the opportunity, and Belle's eyes flutter closed in delight when he caresses her messily pinned up locks with reverence. She shifts a little, making herself more comfortable, and sighs with contentedness.
"You... you were never afraid that I would really hurt you, weren't you?"
Her eyes open again, finding him looking at her with trepidation.
"Never," she promises him, wanting to make as clear to him as she can that she has indeed never feared that he would physically harm her in any way, at least not since she actually arrived at the Dark Castle. She found out soon enough that his perceived cruelty is only directed at those careless enough to agree to deals of which they would either be unable or unwilling to meet their and of the bargain.
"I... I'm glad," he says, his expression suggesting that it's quite an understatement, that he's utterly relieved to find that she has never feared him the way he grew to presume. "I don't ever want that to change."
"It won't," Belle replies, of that more certain than anything else. There are many things ahead of them, things which might be unknown and intimidating, but she knows that there is nothing to be afraid of when she shares them with this man.
He smiles at her response, not entirely convinced but certain enough for the time being.
"We'll take all necessary precautions," he says, thoughtful. "For tonight, I'll conjure a second bed for me to sleep, with plenty of space between them."
"You think that is necessary?"
She can't deny towards herself that she is disappointed. Belle already imagined herself sleeping peacefully and securely in his arms, waking up with her True Love right next to her...
"I wish that I could promise you that I wouldn't make you... uncomfortable during the night, but I can't guarantee what I will and won't do if I fall asleep."
"I don't think there is much that can go wrong if we just sleep in one bed," Belle says, blushing at her own boldness but convinced of the rightness of her wishes. She doesn't quite like that he implies that he might not sleep, but just discussing this is challenging enough as it is.
Rumplestiltskin opens his mouth to object, but she raises a hand to silence him and let her finish speaking first.
"I know you wouldn't do anything like that on purpose. And anything which you might do accidentally... would it really be that bad?"
She waggles her eyebrows in which she hopes is a suggestive manner. Judging from the way he growls and hauls her upwards, it works. He pulls her into his lap, embracing her tightly. Belle curls happily against him, her hand finding its way back to the nape of his neck, stroking it the way she has learned he likes.
"Rumplestiltskin, your touch is not unwelcome... far from it."
Her cheeks most be as red as tomatoes at that point, but she doesn't care that she is going against every rule and etiquette that she has ever been taught, not when he is looking at her like she has just personally provided him with his salvation.
He licks his lips, his eyes glued to her mouth, and she knows that they wouldn't be just looking right now if it weren't for the curse.
"I love you," she whispers, hoping that he'll understand that he has become like a husband to her - that she wants him to be, in every sense of the word. "And I want you. All of you. But not yet. I am tired and I'm sure that you are as well, and we shouldn't rush this. But we can talk about that tomorrow, or whenever we want. Now we should just sleep and I think the only way we can manage that is if we stay together."
Rumplestiltskin nods, his disbelief still very much there, but it is slowly but surely mixing with joy and hope once more. He pulls her closer to him, brushing his lips against her forehead. Never Belle has felt as loved and cherished as in that very moment, with her True Love's arms both protectively and possessively around her.
"Come on then, off to bed with you," he says, releasing her and gently urging her off his lap. Belle beams at him, knowing that she has persuaded him at last.