Totally meant to have this out sooner. Apologies.

+I'll also be posting another Fic after I hammer out the next chapter. Just sayin'

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware.

Garrus startled awake into an empty room, taking the briefest of moments to register that his mate wasn't with him. His mouth hung open, mandibles trembling with every labored gasp, sweat damp between his plating. In his dreams, they took her. There was no chance meeting with Ferox, no one to protect Shepard. The mercenaries had been successful, and this time, instead of watching the images of Sayn on the newsfeeds—his broken, tortured body a product of Jona Sederis' wrath—it was Shepard he was seeing.

A shudder escaped him. He loosened his grip on the sheets, his joints sore from having grasped them for so long. He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, trying to clear his thoughts. Nightmares had always been consistent in his dreams, hardly surprising, given the things he had seen. It was only when they were about Shepard that they became far too vivid, too unsettling to think nothing of.

But they all told him one thing-Losing Shepard again wasn't an option.

The door to his cabin opened just then, and Varia sauntered in, reading from a datapad. She looked up at him with inquiry when she noticed he was awake. "I thought you would never rise. I was going to call the medic in another hour."

He gave a small, almost humorless chuckle, "I'm fine, just a little worn-out."

She set the datapad on his desk, "I can't imagine it was from the party, if anything it should be from all the pacing you did after we left."

He turned away from her prying gaze, reaching for his uniform. She sat on the edge of the bed.

"You care for her a great deal," she noted. "Perhaps I should be concerned?"

His eyes flickered to hers, "No. Of course not."

"Really?" she asked skeptically. "Even after you've invited her to your ship?"

"That information was classified," he scolded, making a note to increase the security on his terminal.

"I won't tell anyone," she promised, "but I'm not leaving the subject. Garrus, you are making a mistake bringing her here."

"I owe her this."

Varia shook her head, "You don't owe her anything, even if you feel like you do." She went to him, her hands stroking the fabric of his uniform. Her violet eyes met his, calm and regal. "You can't keep letting this drag you down forever."

He folded his fingers over her hands, "I know," he replied, feeling a tinge of guilt that she could read from his face. She nuzzled him endearingly.

"I love you, Garrus, and I would never reproach you for helping her. But her mind, her feelings for you still call back to five years ago. You're asking too much of her…too much of yourself." She paused, going over her words. "I'm afraid that she'll pull you back," she confessed, pressing her forehead to his chest, "and you'll let her."

Garrus exhaled, "I wouldn't hurt you like that, Varia, and Shepard… she isn't like that. But I need to keep her safe, you must understand that."

Varia stiffened in his arms, "I wish you would allow the Council handle it."

"Shepard was never the type of person to hide, even under the pretense of civilian life—that is all the Council would have to offer," he told her, "at least here she would have a chance to make progress on her training." He paused, dipping his face so that they were level. "The Sapphrax will protect her; keep her out of sight. I just need you to trust me on this."

Varia nodded, though the doubt in her eyes lingered.

Shepard wasn't surprised to find Garrus waiting for her outside of her apartment. Security had since been sent away and it was just the two of them in the long hallway.

"Vakarian." Shepard greeted him with a curt nod. It was how she regarded the most unlikeable official, not with open hostility but with cold distance and just a little effort to mask her distaste.

"Glad to see you're alright," he said, ignoring her tone.

"Yeah," she replied coolly. "Long night."

"So I hear," he mumbled, averting his gaze as Ferox's smug grin flashed across his vision.

She paused by the door as it slid open, "Is there something you need?" she asked impatiently. "I'd like to pack."

Garrus studied her face, the way she kept her features from showing anything besides her cold disposition. "I just received notice. I'm…glad you decided to join me."

Shepard gave him a long look, "So why'd you do it?" she asked, entering the apartment. "I can't imagine it was easy to convince the Council to put a recovering soldier on a ship."

Garrus followed her into the balcony, watching her lean against the railing, her back to the sprawling Presidium. "You're not just any soldier, Shepard, the Council knows that. But we need to keep you safe without drawing too much notice, the Council has agreed to send out false information regarding your location."

"And all I have to do is stay cooped up on your ship," she muttered, almost distastefully.

"You have a choice," Garrus reminded. "The Council did give you other options."

"One other option," she corrected. "And I'm not about to retire." She gave him a quick side-glance, noting his disheartened features, hating the way her heart pulsed in longing. Under any other circumstances she would have been grateful for the opportunity. Should be grateful now, regardless of what had broken between them, if she was truly set on putting this whole mess behind her.

She changed the subject. "So how bad are things out there?"

Blue-gray eyes stared out into the scenery below them, hands loose around the railing. "Bad," he said. "Every time we take down one mercenary faction, another one appears. Their numbers are increasing on the Terminus systems, and they've been crossing over into Council space more often."

"And the bounty on my head?" she asked.

"Jona Sederis—do you remember her?"

Shepard gave an affirmative nod. "Yeah—Wait, don't tell me she made it out alive."

Garrus managed a bitter chuckle, "All the good people we lost inside the Citadel and that crazed lunatic makes it out alive."

Shepard shook her head. "Guess I didn't exactly make a good impression on her when I left her in that cell. Explains why I'm suddenly worth money."

"Jona has one of the largest mercenary groups in the galaxy," he informed. "Now that she knows you're alive she'll turn her attention to finding you."

She lifted her brows, "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Garrus looked at her with quieted amusement, "We're not putting you in any danger, Shepard, as a matter of fact, we're using your sudden reappearance to give out false information on your whereabouts. We're biding our time before the final push."

"Sounds fun," she gave a crooked smile. "I'm in."

"Good to have you onboard, Shepard," he said, extending a hand. It was a gesture not unfamiliar to them, one that had been exacted at a time when Shepard was Commander of the Normandy and Garrus was just a C-sec officer asking to join her.

Shepard shook his hand, "Good to be onboard."

Their arms dropped to their sides, and for a moment, they stood there in silence. Garrus exhaled, mandibles fluttering slightly. "Look, Shepard, about…us."

She looked at him indifferently, "There is no us, Garrus. Not anymore."

"I wish things were different," he said, the self-loathing in his voice palpable. He lowered his eyes, his penetrating stare filled with lament. "Not a day goes by that I don't regret leaving you."

"But you did," she said pointedly, despite her better judgment, "and then you were too much of a coward to let me know in person."

"You're right. You didn't deserve that," he sighed. "I won't make excuses. I can only apologize for the way things turned out."

"There's no sense in holding grudges," she said quickly, recovering her resolve. "As far as I'm concerned, you and I are as good as strangers."

Something stirred in his chest, caustic and aching. He had to ask, "Is that really all we are now?"

She ignored the muted disappointment in his eyes, the way his voice wavered. Her words were final, resolute.

"You moved on, Garrus. It's time I move on too."

He nodded, somehow managed to part his mandibles in a smile. "I understand, Shepard. And thank you, for not shutting me out. I know I deserve worse."

Garrus excused himself and left her to pack, informing her of their imminent departure. She had an hour's time to get everything together, which was far more than she even needed—her things were packed in less than ten minutes. She headed into the bathroom and undressed while the faucet ran.

Under the steady stream of hot water, she collapsed on the tiled floor and wept.

At first, it was for Garrus, for the promised future that had been lost in the blink of an eye. And then for everything else that had accumulated to this—from Anderson to the friends that were no longer with her, names and faces etched into memory forever. This was the first time she had cried for them—truly mourned for them—and it now came at a time when she felt so worn, so old and tired that every sob felt like it would swallow her completely.