A/N: Here is chapter 5. Sorry to leave you hanging. Hopefully the length (and subject matter?) will make up for it all. Time is moving along in the story. Again, all my research for this was done on the internet. I really don't know that much about mental illnesses or mental health laws. I am not a medical expert. Thank you so much for sticking with me, and I promise there are cool things to come in this story. Chapter 6 is on its way. Feel free to let me know what you are thinking, your reviews are always much appreciated.

Well, this was incredibly stupid.

There was no denying that. April cursed her drowsiness and the slow reaction she'd had as a result. Some mother she was turning out to be. Their child was in danger and she hadn't even been born yet. April knew it was her own fault. She was a little too trusting. A little too afraid. Then again, April mused, none of this was really Rita's fault. Years of mental abuse combined with an already unstable mind had made her the woman she was. And it wasn't like Alex's mom was doing anything out of hate, or with bad intentions. It just wasn't all that safe either.

"What have I gotten us into?" April murmured, sitting on a bench in the quiet bus shelter, huddling over her lap for warmth.

She yawned and her breath was clearly visible in the cold November air. Her teeth chattered, and her face felt the familiar stinging of cold chapped skin, like she'd gotten as a child in the snow in Ohio. At least it wasn't currently snowing. Small blessings. Still, April felt damned cold. When she moved her fingers, adjusting her grip on a two pronged meat thermometer, she could hear the tiny creaks in her cold bones. April's bare feet had disappeared into the throbbing numbness that came from contact icy cement. And her leg? Well, considering that the vast majority of April's leg from the knee down was actually mostly held together with metal, it was no understatement to say that it was the absolute coldest part of her body.

Her companion in the bus stop, Rita, remained standing and didn't seem to have any reaction to the cold at all, which April thought was insane. Literally. She had a slightly warmer bathrobe at least, but the older woman had only a thin night dress covering her limbs. She must be so cold.

Everything had happened so quickly.

Rita had caught April as she'd made her way back from the bathroom to the couch bed with Alex. Of course, April's route hadn't been entirely direct. She'd chosen to go via the kitchen, because she'd had an intense craving for the carrot cake she knew was sitting in the fridge next to the pumpkin pie April had made waiting for tomorrow's Thanksgiving celebration. She'd figured no one would mind if she swiped a small square, and frankly in the moment she hadn't cared. It was healthy. There were carrots. Padding into the kitchen, April had just opened the refrigerator when a hand came from behind her and covered her mouth.

Surprised, April had gasped, nearly loosing her balance on the kitchen's sleek tiled floor. She had clumsily reached over to the counter top to steady herself, causing a pan to fall to the floor in a sudden loud clatter. The noise seemed to have spooked Rita and she'd rushed closer to April, with her hand still pressed to April's mouth. She froze and her eyes darted frantically around the kitchen as she waited to see if the noise would wake anyone else. April struggled to maintain some sort of equilibrium and hissed in pain as her weight shifted to her bad knee.

When Rita pulled her hand away from April's lips and started mumbling, "H-he's not going to like it...He doesn't like company. He'll be so mad. You're the stranger...you're not safe."

Wide eyed and still slightly out of sorts, April ventured, in what she hoped was a calm tone, "You mean...Don? He's...he's not coming back...you know that? Right?"

"Shhhh!"

Rita's fear turned into a glare, and she'd lunged toward April, and it was only then that she'd even realized that the older woman, her sort of mother in law, had a white knuckled grip on a long triangular kitchen knife. April's eyes had widened and she'd inched backwards from the agitated woman, using the hand that wasn't maintaining her balance to cover her stomach. Belatedly, she'd realized that Rita had neatly placed herself between April and the door to the living room, Alex, and the rest of the house. In most other circumstances getting away would have involved a simple side step, or a call across the house to Alex. Easy.

But the knife changed things.

"P-please! Don't..."

In the moment, April had found that all she could do was watch Rita's erratic movements and the glint of the knife blade in the dark kitchen. The damn thing was probably as much a danger to Rita Karev as it was April. But she didn't try to run. She hadn't trusted that she could get away quickly enough. Hadn't trusted her finicky leg enough to risk an escape attempt. There was too much to loose.

"You don't know what he's like! What he'll do," Frantic Rita was back again, and her free hand raked through her messy graying hair. "To you...to the kids. I won't have it. Especially...there's company and Aaron's not here...you can't be here..."

The pitch of April's voice rise with her level "I-I don't r-really think-"

"You need to protect yourself!" Rita pointed the knife right at April's chest, as she angrily yanked open kitchen drawers, one after another, and gesturing for April to go through them. "Get something. You need to get something. He's gonna be so pissed. He'll hurt you."

At that very moment, April had been more concerned with the idea that Rita might hurt her, though she'd kept her mouth shut. Alex had told her that Aaron had tried to kill Amber once, so April didn't think it was out of the realm of possibility for Rita's sort of altruistic mission to 'save' April from Don, turned into something much more sinister. Which was why April had chosen to play along as best she could. Try to stay on Rita's good side. Even though April was shaking like a leaf. Maybe she was a coward. But April knew one thing. Death by grandmother, no matter how accidental, was not something she was willing to accept for her baby. So, she'd gone with Rita's request.

She'd pulled a two pronged meat thermometer from the drawer, without much thought. It was something. She wasn't 100% vulnerable right? At least she wasn't disadvantaged in terms of weapons. Kind of. Then Rita had pointed the knife again and ushered April out in to the bleak Davenport night. They'd wandered the alleyways for a bit, and ended up at a bus stop that April remembered seeing on the drive in to Alex's childhood home. It was only 2 or 3 blocks away.

Everything had happened so fast.

The truth was that out of the two of them, April was pretty certain she was the one who wouldn't be able to use force. Not on a woman as damaged as this. April knew she'd hesitate. She didn't think the same could be said of Rita. So if it did come down to something...April figured she really was the one who was at a disadvantage.

April wrapped her arms around herself as her teeth chattered. She was so cold. And so sorry. If her stupid leg wasn't swollen she could probably have made it into the living room and woken up Alex. Or if she'd just gone straight to bed after her trip to the bathroom instead of bowing to her craving for cake. Or if she was just smarter, more awake, and knew what to do instead of freaking out and going along with things. Her baby was in danger and it was entirely April's fault.

She was scared. She was freezing. Sleepy. Guild-ridden. She still, inexplicably, kind of wanted carrot cake.

April sniffed and bit her lip, trying to hold back her tears.

"You're cold," Rita said matter of factly. She almost sounded normal. Kind. Concerned. Normal. Almost. If not for the knife. But April didn't trust it. She couldn't.

She was really beginning to understand now. Alex and Amber's nearly impenetrable defensiveness. Their leeriness to let other's in. Growing up like this? With the constant threat of danger from your own family? From someone you loved. Or from watching someone you loved get hurt, by someone who should love them. It made sense to never let your guard down. The minute you did, eveything could fall apart. All the trust issues and attitudes made so much more sense.

"Y-es," April replied guardedly. "Very cold."

Rita chewed on a lose strand of her hair and rocked herself slowly from side to side, using the knife to carve small circles on the side of the bus shelter. April couldn't help but feel sorry for this woman, despite her fear. Not just because she was Alex's mother. She felt bad that anyone so fragile mentally, could have been treated as badly by her husband as Rita had. Alex and Amber had told her that their father had been gone for nearly fifteen years. Fifteen years later and Don Karev still haunted his wife. It was terrible.

"Maybe...maybe we should lea-Um, I mean, do...do you feel cold?" April said cautiously after Rita made no response to her last words. Maybe a moment of lucidity would give her the chance to reason with the woman. Or something.

Rita still rocked forward and back, wide eyed, "I don't feel anything."

Not knowing how to reply to that, April's pity increased. She shivered and ran her hands up and down her arms trying to keep warm. Maybe there was no reasoning with madness. Whatever mental issues Rita had where obviously magnified from her abuse at the hands of her husband to the point where she only felt numb. Well, that combined with her medications. The result was the same. April's teeth chattered and she knew she needed to get warm soon. She frowned and gripped the meat thermometer, trying to think of some sort of plan. She didn't like to think that she might have to take drastic choices.

"You're having a baby."

The softly spoken words pulled April from her thoughts. She blinked and shivered again, hoping a detailed response might have some sort of affect on the older woman, "Yes. I am...she'll-she'll be your grandchild...Alex wants to call her May."

"You love Alex," Rita continued in the same calm matter of fact way, as though she hadn't taken in April's reply at all.

"So do you."

Rita pursed her lips and tilted her head, continuing her simple rocking motions, gesturing to April with her knife free hand, "He grew up. He's a man. It'll happen to you too. You'll go to sleep and the next time you see them, your babies will be all grown up...I know...I-I got confused and then...I missed them...they grew up and I missed them. "

"I'm s-sorry." It was all April could really think to say. She shivered again.

"So am I."

Rita frowned and looked so devastated and mournful. It didn't escape April's notice that the hand that held the knife now hung relaxed by Rita's side, and that her grip on the utensil was much less tense. Maybe she was starting to come back into herself. Maybe this was an opportunity.

Taking a risk April carefully whispered, "Don's not coming, Rita. He's not coming back. You-you don't have to worry. He's not going to hurt me. Or Alex and Amber. He won't hurt you anymore."

"He used to..." the tone of Rita's voice drifted into the range of a whine, and despite the whole situation, the pure sadness of it all made April's heart ache. She'd always known that Alex's home life and childhood had been miles apart from her own upbringing. Joe Kepner had never and would never lay a hand on her mother, or any of them. That was a fact. Hearing and seeing Rita like this made April even more grateful that she'd had the childhood she'd had. And she vowed never to let her child have anything less than her own experience.

"I..I know," she continued sympathetically, leaning closer to Rita. "But that's over now..."

And then the moment shifted. Rita took a deep breath, shoulders rising, and for a split second in the darkness, April thought it was all going to go badly. She gasped and shifted the meat thermometer so that it rested on her leg, ready. But Rita only let out a small sob.

"It is isn't it?" she held her head with one hand and glanced up to April shaking her head and looking at her with a pleading gaze. "It is over...and I am...I get confused..."

Rita began to shiver in the cold, and seemed suddenly completely aware of everything, "I didn't mean...Scaring you...you're pregnant...I'm so sorry."

This was it, April realized. Her chance. A moment of true lucidity and realization. She held out her hand for the knife.

"It's...it's okay. I know you're sorry. Why don't...what if we just go back to the house?"

"What the hell is Alex going to think?" Rita asked in a panic as she slipped the handle of the sharp object into April's open palm. She curled her hand into a fist and started knocking it against her head, and the sharpness of the sound made April wince. "He's going to think I'm freaking psycho...maybe I am..."

April closed her freezing fingers around the metal knife handle, wincing as the joints clicked in the cold. She didn't really have any answers. None that were good anyway. If Alex had figured out something was wrong, she knew he'd be pissed. And underneath all that, terrified. She didn't know what she could say that would make Rita feel any better. She didn't know how to make any of it better. April wished she could.

"Let's just go," she transferred both kitchen utensil's to one hand and used the sides of the bus shelter to carefully pull herself into a standing position. Last thing she needed right now was to slip and fall. The cold numbness of her right leg made her wince. It had gotten to the point of being so cold it was painful. She panted, leaning against the structure's metal frame.

Rita watched blankly, shivering, as she chewed her hair, "Are we going back now?"

"Y-Yeah..."

April was startled by how vacant the older woman looked. Alex's mother. She felt sick, suddenly wondering if this whole episode was some terrifying sneak peak into her own future. If 'May' ended up inheriting her grandmother's mental issues. Could April handle it? Could Alex handle it? She squared her shoulders, and took deep breaths. They'd have to handle it. She would. She'd find a way. Make a plan. For better or worse. Her baby was worth it.

"Come on," April said, taking a tentative limping step on the icy cement, and wincing at the cold on her bare toes. Rita turned to face April, and she held out her arm. "Can you help me?"

"Okay..."Alex's mother let April rest her hand on one shoulder and they began to hobble their way down the chilly streets. To be quite perfectly honest, April didn't really know exactly how to get back to the house, and Rita had retreated into this strange blank space so she was no help. So, she did her best to retrace the panicked steps she'd been forced to take moments earlier. Of course, that was easier said than done.

As April squinted up at a dimly lit street sign, she was startled at the sound of a car door slamming. Across the street she could see a police car. The doors were flung open and two police officers moved around the front of the car. Alex seemed to fly out of the other side of the car, quickly making his way across the street.

"Mom! What the hell are you doing? April, are you okay? Jesus freakin- Christ."

"Hold it, sir. Stay back," the cop moved in front of Alex and held up a flashlight shining it in April's eyes. "Ladies, can you identify yourselves?"

"That's them. It's my freaking family!" Alex rolled his eyes and tried to push forward, but the other policeman held him back.

"I am going to have to ask you to hold your hands up! Keep them where we can see them..."

"Oh!" April gasped and let the kitchen utensils fall from her fingers, clattering to the sidewalk. "I-I'm April...K-Kepner...a-and this is Rita K-Karev."

Rita listed to one side and stared at the police. Raising her shaking hands, April quickly added, "She's pretty...out of it and...probably not going to...she doesn't have anything sharp, I swear..."

"For crying out loud..." Alex broke free of the policeman's arms, slipping slightly on the icy street and running up to April, placing his hands on her cheeks. "Are you okay? Damn it. God, you're a freakin' Popsicle."

"I'm...a little cold, yeah," she mumbled as Alex wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her close, and allowing her to stand on his shoes, which gave her bare feet some relief from the relentlessly cold pavement. Heaven. April wasn't sure if she was the one shaking or if Alex was. Maybe they both were. She let herself get lost in the warmth of his embrace. She'd known she was cold before, but feeling the heat of Alex's body made April realize just how cold she'd gotten. And how incredibly tired she was.

Dimly, she could hear one the police talking to Rita, "Ma'am? Mrs. Karev?"

"Sir," the other officer said. "Do you want us to go ahead with the..."

Tensing, Alex still didn't let go of April, "Yes."

"You know that that entails a-"

"I know what it freakin' entails! I've done this before."

"You're sure?"

"Whatever! You think I would have called your asses if I wasn't sure?"

"Alright, sir. Ma'am? Your son, as per Iowa State Mental Health statute 5889, is invoking an emergency involuntary commitment..."

April lifted her head, trying to protest. Yeah, it was bad. Pulling a knife on someone in the middle of the night and forcing them out of the house, but somehow it just seemed so sad to commit Rita. And she understood how difficult it had been to do for Aaron. Now, Alex was doing it again with his Mom? Too hard. "Alex, you don't have to-"

"I do." Maybe that was true. Maybe it was for the best. April didn't know.

The police continued speaking to Rita, gently grabbing hold of her elbow and walking her toward the car. She didn't make attempt to resist. She didn't even act like she could hear them, "Your son has provided sufficient evidence to us that you are a clear and present danger to yourself and others, Mrs. Karev. We are going to take you to the Davenport Treatment Center where you will be evaluated by a professional, and held for a minimum period of 48 hours for observation at which point in time, the psychologist will make recommendations about your future..."

April shivered again as she watched the police numbly load Alex's mother into their squad car. Alex tightened his grip around her shoulders and whispered, "Hey? April? We gotta get you checked out, okay? Warmed up too."

Warmed up. It seemed like an impossible luxury. April really just wanted to sleep. Which wasn't exactly the best of symptoms, she knew. She certainly wanted to get out of the cold, so if it meant she had to go be warm in an ER somewhere, she was willing to go with it. Especially for the peace of mind of finding out if the baby was still alright. April needed some peace of mind tonight.

"Okay..."

Alex sniffed and ran his hand through his hair as he quickly exited the peds ward and hurriedly walked toward OB. If he didn't hurry, he'd be late to April's ultrasound. And after everything that had happened, or almost happened, he found it unacceptable to miss. It had been a hell of a few weeks. More than hell really. His mom had freakin' tweaked out Thanksgiving. Pulled an Aaron and tried to take April somewhere at knife point. Alex didn't care what April said trying to explain it or downplay it or whatever. He'd been able to connect the dots. His mom had gotten spooked with him and Amber and April visiting for the holiday. She been petrified out of her mind, and she'd thought his Dad was gonna come and whale on them. Because when he'd lived with them he'd isolated them so much. Never had any company. Rita's meds couldn't overcome the fear that Don had burdened her with. Alex hated him for that.

He should have freakin' known. He should have. But Alex had let his guard down. He hated himself for that.

They could have lost everything. Everything. Alex could have lost everything. April had done the right thing by playing along, and things had turned out okay. She ended up being really cold was all. Nothing warm IVs, blankets, and a cup of hot chocolate couldn't cure. And the ER docs in Davenport had given her a thorough exam, and little May was okay too. But it could all have gone so badly. Alex had vivid memories of going back to Iowa when Aaron had gone after Amber. He couldn't get the images out of his head. His little sister all laid up in the hospital with hand shaped bruises around her throat. Amber obviously thought back to that night too, because upon her arrival to the ER, she'd only flung her arms around April and cried. Amber never cried. Alex could count on his hand the number of times he'd seen her cry. And most of those were when the whole thing with Aaron went down. He supposed it was impossible for both of them not to link this new situation with their mom to Aaron.

And what if his mom had done something worse? Would he have seen April laid up and bloody...? It was too freaking terrible to give a complete thought. It made his chest feel tight, like someone had him in a choke hold.

Alex had let his guard down. And he would never forgive himself.

Even if April seemed to. She acted like it wasn't his fault. He didn't get why she wasn't more bothered really. She'd practically gotten frostbite. But no. April was all sympathy, hope, and cheerful bullshit like the flick of a switch. Bouncing back the next day, like she hadn't spent half the night in the cold and half in the hospital. Still insisting they have at least eat the turkey, and pie and everything. Eating carrot cake. Claiming it wasn't quite a kidnapping, and rambling on about what different kidnapping definitions meant. Didn't April get how dangerous it had been? When they got home, she'd started researching, and yammering on about things they could try to help his mom. Didn't she get that that ship had sailed? Alex knew his father had sunk the damn thing. You can't fix everything that's broken. You just can't. But April didn't understand. She didn't understand that he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't even want to think about it.

And so, things had been tense between them lately. Plenty of slammed doors, subtle glares, and nights spent facing away from each other in bed. Hell of a few weeks.

So, the first week of December, he'd signed the papers to have his Mom's power of attorney transferred to him. And this week he'd signed the papers to have her transferred to the same place where Aaron was treated. Congratulations, May. Half your Dad's family is in the loony bin. Aren't you lucky? He shook himself bitterly, so caught up in his thoughts that he nearly collided with Jackson, who was heading the opposite directions.

"Watch where you're going dude!" Alex snapped.

Avery was clearly less distracted than Alex, and easily sidestepped, avoiding actually getting bumped into. He paused, tilting his head and crossing his arms, and looking at Alex with this intense, and intensely annoying, gaze.

"You almost ran into me."

"Whatever. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"I've got a consult on a cleft pallet case in about 20 minutes..."

Alex glared and kept walking a few steps, growing more irritated when the plastics fellow followed him, and kept staring. He turned around and lifted his hands, gesturing angrily towards the Pediatric ward, "Then go! Do that."

"Oh, I will," Jackson said in that maddeningly calm way he had. "I'm just wondering if you plan going to April's appointment like this..."

Alex's jaw tightened, "Like what?"

"Pissed off. Guilty. Raging at the world," Jackson said. "I know you've had a rough couple of weeks, but believe me, this is not a good look for you."

"I'm not aiming to win beauty contests..."

"April's worried about you, and we both know she doesn't need you barging in all messed up like you have been since Thanksgiving. She's pretty excited about today, and I think she'd rather you be late than having a pity party over everything. Focus on the good stuff. Get a handle on yourself. She doesn't need your stress right now."

"Shut up."

"Man up!" Jackson retorted. "Talk about it. Deal with it."

Alex snarled. What the hell did Avery know about any of it? Where did he get off telling Alex what his own freaking girlfriend needed? He didn't understand anymore than April did. The guy may be April's B-F-whatever, but that didn't mean the idiot could stick his nose in their business.

"I gotta go," he turned and continued walking down the hall, only to stop short as he listened to Jackson's next words.

"When you're messed up, she's messed up. Trying to figure out how she can help you. Do what you have to do, but don't make her worry about you."

"I never freakin' asked her to worry about me, alright?" Alex took a couple of steps back in Avery's direction, ready to clobber the guy. "I never asked to care about me, or my family, or any of it! It's not her fault that we're all crazy and there is nothing she can do to stop it. She can't help. It's lame but it is what it is..."

He didn't even know why he was saying all this crap to Jackson anyway. Dude had never been that close to him. But for some reason Alex had just spilled his guts to the plastics fellow, right there in the corridor between Obstetrics and Peds.

Jackson sighed and looked Alex right in the eye, "Of course April's going to care. You're the father of her child. Your family is her family. Of course she is gonna want to help."

Taking a deep breath, Alex stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at his shoes. Maybe that was true, but it didn't change the fact that nothing could be done about his mom and Aaron. They'd lost it. And April caring or whatever wasn't going to make a damn difference at all. Not that Alex could see. Which is why it would be better if she just didn't. In the end, it would only hurt her. And probably the baby too.

"Well, it's not like there is any cure for schizophrenia. No amount of wishful thinking or pills or shrinks or anything can stop it," he mumbled.

"No...I guess not," Jackson replied. "But maybe April needs to believe it can...because of the baby. Because she's worried...so she needs to believe. You should let her be. She can believe for the both of you. And maybe someday...maybe there will be something that can help more. I don't know. All I know is that you have to let her try, or you're both going to be so stuck worrying about this that you'll miss out on the good stuff that's happening in your lives right now. You're having a baby! A baby...and right now as far as anyone knows, that baby is perfectly healthy. Feel good about that."

Damned if the dude was right again. Like he'd been taking freakin' advice giving pointers from Webber or something. Alex pursed his lips and glanced at Jackson sheepishly, "April put you up to this?"

"Nah man, I'm just looking out for people I care about. It's called being a good friend. You should try it sometime," Avery shrugged.

"You care about me?"

Something twinkled in Jackson's eye, "I care about April, and her baby."

"Right," Alex nodded slowly and turned to leave. "Thanks man."

"No probs. Take it from me: Don't ever let your past screw with what you have now," Jackson called down the hall.

Alex nodded and kept striding forward, lifting his hand to his head and giving Avery a final salute of thanks as he headed through the doors to OB. Jackson had a made him rethink his whole mood. Avery was a good guy. A kernel of an idea began to form in the back of Alex's mind.

Sure,it had been a hell of a few weeks, but his life was really kind of an extended chain of linked hells of few weeks. He survived. And honestly it wasn't all bad. Especially since he and April'd gotten together, things had been pretty good. And he could hardly blame her for not giving up hope? After all, that was kind of her thing right? She certainly hadn't given up on him, when by rights Alex thought she should have. He wouldn't really want April to be any different, infuriating as it could be. If there was anyone who could help him survive taking care of his mom and Aaron, it was April.

Briskly swinging the exam room door open, Alex grinned as he saw his girlfriend and her doctor near the ultrasound machine. April had her blouse lifted and Dr. McCaw was just spreading the hydrocortisone cream across her exposed belly.

April immediately looked up and smiled, beaming. She really did have that glow thing or whatever. And she didn't seem mad that he was late. "Alex!"

Dr. McCaw glanced up from his work and gestured for him to take a seat, "You're just in time for the big reveal, Dr. Karev. Mom and I just finished talking..."

April was positively buzzing with glee. She grabbed one of his hands excitedly. Alex settled in his seat and squeezed her hand, vowing to maintain his new outlook. "I got held up...You tell the Doc about Tuesday morning? When you thought the baby was moving?"

"Yes she did," Dr. McCaw said in his stupid sing-songy way, as he smiled and moved to turn on the ultrasound machine. "Which puts Baby once again, right on track. 18 to 20 weeks sounds about right for the beginning of their gymnastic career."

Alex couldn't help but roll his eyes a little, "Right."

"You guys sure you wanna try to find out the sex today?" McCaw asked as the machine came to life and he placed the wand over April's belly. Immediately the steady whirring sound of the baby's heart filled the room for a moment, as gray images came across the screen. It never failed to take Alex's breath away.

"Heart sounds are good," McCaw said, before turning the machine to mute.

"We're sure we want to know," April replied looking between Alex and the other doctor. He nodded in agreement. Between the two of them they were already 90% sure this kid was a girl, given the Kepner family track record. And because it would be just his luck to have a little girl. In a good way. Alex figured April would want to plan ahead and get cribs and crap in specific colors, so knowing for sure in advance would probably put her mind at ease. And it would give him a chance to better wrap his mind around the whole kid thing.

"Right...you guys think it's a girl, huh?" Dr. McCaw said moving the wand around a bit. "Let's see if Baby will let us find out."

Alex and April watched intently as McCaw began doing the complete scan. 'May' was looking much more like a baby that she had at the last scan with Dr. McCaw, or even the one they'd had in Davenport the night before Thanksgiving. Alex could make out legs and arms and tiny hands that seemed to be messing with her face. Look at those little hands. Perfect for surgery.

April's eyes lit up and she squeezed Alex's hand as more images of their baby filled the ultrasound screen. The baby shifted and they were presented with a clear image of a tiny back and backside. April giggled.

"Alright! We are getting mooned," Alex felt his chest puff out a little. Kid already had spunk.

"A chip off the old block no doubt," Dr. McCaw smirked, and rolled his eyes between Alex and April. He shifted the wand and moved his gloved hand on April's stomach. "Let's see what we can encourage some cooperation from Baby here...Ah-Damn! I should have bet you guys money."

"What? What?" April said breathlessly as McCaw continued to move the wand around.

Alex leaned forward, "Can you see?"

"Look right here," the doctor said, pointing with one hand to the screen above them with a grin on his face. "Now, ultrasounds can't be 100% accurate, but I have been doing this a while. I'm going to go with all of my years training and experience and say that that is not a an extra limb. This baby is a boy."

Whoa. It was dumb, because there had always been a 50/50 shot, but Alex had not really expected the baby would be a boy. His intuition had failed him. Suddenly the image of his feisty little girl vanished and was replaced with...well, the gray image in front of him. A boy. His son. The kid with spunk.

April's jaw dropped and her goofy smile seemed to take up her whole face. She tentatively reached one hand toward the still moving image on the screen and traced the outline of the baby's head. Laughing and blinking back tears, she breathed, "A boy? A boy!"

"Yep," McCaw nodded. "Are Mom and Dad still happy?"

"Oh! Of course. Of course," April nodded vigorously. Her teary eyes drifted to Alex and she bit her lip. "We are-as long as h-he's healthy."

A small giggle escaped her lips and her tongue rolled over the word. 'He'. They could say it now.

"Yeah," Alex managed to agree, still unable to take his eyes away from the image on the ultrasound screen.

"Baby boy continues to be growing on par, and appears to be very healthy. Well done Mom and Dad," Dr. McCaw, moved the wand again, snapping a few images to print for them to take home before he turned off the scan and helped April clean off her stomach. "Congratulations!"

April and Alex watched the doctor leave the room in stunned silence. He felt a slow smile grow across his face and he carefully placed a hand on top of April's belly. She rested her hand on top of his and they just stared at each other for a moment. Somehow the whole thing just seemed ever more real. This little person was just growing and growing, of his own accord. It was awesome. It was the freakin' coolest thing. They were having a son. Hell of a few weeks.

Alex finally broke the silence, "May is a dude."

Meredith lifted the lid off of yet another box of holiday decorations. Derek's mother was flying to Seattle for Christmas on two days, and they were woefully behind in the holiday decorating. And with Grandma shepherd coming, rather than just their friends, Meredith felt a little rushed. To be fair, a wetter then usual winter had meant that things at the hospital had been crazy busy. Meredith still felt bad. Less than a week before Christmas and they were just barely getting the tree up. She'd never been much of a decorator before Zola, but now that she and Derek lived in this house, it seemed like the thing to do. Lifting the tray of ornaments out of the box, Meredith handed a few to her husband and Zola as they decorated the tree. Of course, with Zola helping, it meant that most of the ornaments were currently on the lower half of the tree on the side facing out. But all three of them were having a blast putting them up.

"Mommy! Look this!" Zola said triumphantly, holding up a tiny Santa ornament and sliding it on to a branch. "I gonna put him here!"

"Zola?" Derek gently asked. "There's already an ornament there. Don't you want to put him somewhere else? Daddy can help you..."

The little girl crossed her arms and shook her head emphatically, "No! Me do. I don't want him be scared and wonley."

Watching as her daughter haphazardly placed the ornament where she thought it should go, Meredith held back a smile and glanced up at her husband, "You're right Zola. We can't have that."

It had become exceptionally clear how behind they were in decorating, when they'd started receiving Christmas presents from friends and family, and had no Christmas tree. Gifts from Derek's sisters arrived in the mail, along with Lexie and even Cristina's. Webber had taken them out to eat, and sent them home with his gifts, while Bailey had cleared her throat as they headed out of the locker room and handed over another bundle of gifts. April had brought over the brightly wrapped presents in person before she, Alex, and Amber flew out to Ohio to spend the holiday with the Kepners.

She looked definitively pregnant now, all cute little belly, limping differently, and filling out a bit more in her face. Meredith was determined to overcome the pangs of jealousy she still felt when she saw April. She and Alex seemed so happy, in their own way. Which Meredith was really proud of, given what had been shared with her about their trip back to Iowa. Alex had come further than he knew. At lunches, April was never found far from something sweet. Then Alex would whip out the latest set of ultrasound photos, proudly describing how his son didn't like April's OB anymore than he did, and had given Dr. McCaw 'the moon'. And April would roll her eyes, and explain how she, her mother and her sisters had it planned to keep the baby's gender a secret from her father until they went to the farm for Christmas.

"My Dad's gonna be so tickled!" April had gushed to Meredith as she dropped off the presents. "I mean, it's not like he doesn't love having daughters and granddaughters, he always has. But you know, it's just May's the first boy we've had born into the family since anyone can remember..."

"May?"

April blinked rapidly and rolled her eyes, shrugging her shoulders, "Alex calls him that. Well, he started before we knew the sex, and now he does it just to annoy me. Actually, he did it to annoy me back then too. Its kind of stuck."

"I see."

"But, i-it's not like we're actually going to call him May...we just...haven't r-really thought of any names yet...not boys names anyway, and its kind of like a place holder name or whatever..."

"I understand."

Her eyes had flicked involuntarily to April's stomach and an awkward silence had fallen between them. Meredith felt guilty because, judging by the way April's eyes were darting around, it seemed that she was doing a terrible job of hiding her envy. She was making the other woman uncomfortable, and while she'd never been exceptionally close to April, Meredith did consider her a friend now. The last thing she wanted to do was make her feel bad.

"Um," Meredith tried to clear the air. "Alex working tonight?"

"Yeah..." April nodded vigorously.

The attempt to overcome the mood clearly wasn't working so Meredith looked down at the frilly bags and shiny packages April had brought over, "These are really lovely, April."

"We...picked them out just for you..." April swallowed and tilted her head from side to side. "Well actually...I picked them out, and Alex...approved. He really did help pick Zola's though. And he signed all the cards."

Meredith chuckled, "Sounds like him."

She licked her lips and looked up to meet the re-haired woman's gaze, "Has he...has he been doing okay? He hasn't really said anything about it."

Meredith hadn't needed to explain her question. 'It' was the fact that his mother was now indefinitely committed, along with his brother, to an Iowa mental health facility.

"I guess so..." April sighed, and twisted the handle of her cane in a full cirlce. "He's doing better than I would be...He-he didn't really talk about it at first...he still mostly doesn't. But I found this clinical trial for a medicine that's had some promising lab results, and he's going to let me try to get his mom and Aaron in it. He doesn't usually want to try stuff like that..."

"No."

"So that's something."

"It is."

"And we're really just trying to be in the moment. With the baby and everything. Enjoy what we have, you know?"

"I know."

The silence was back. Meredith had been at a loss as to what to do or say next. Actually, except for a few slightly awkward and unsolicited shopping trips back when Cristina had first gone to Stanford, she and April had never really spent that much time alone together, one on one. Usually they socialized with Alex, Derek, and Zola at a minimum, and often with Jackson, Mara, Callie and the rest of them too. Meredith didn't think it was intentional, but she never really gone out of her way to spend time with April alone. Maybe it was a can of worms she just didn't want to get into. April had been alone with her for significant portions of the worst day of her life. The day she'd miscarried. The day Derek had almost died. Not that any of that was April's fault. Well, not intentionally. It was just...a hurt Meredith had. One of many. They'd hardly had a typical friendship. They had barely talked before the shooting, and then the only reason they'd really gotten closer after that was because April had almost died. Hardly a normal progression.

April winced and twisted the edge of her shirt, "Meredith...I know...I'm not...I mean, I've never been your favorite person in the world."

"April its not-"

The other woman flushed deeply and pressed forward, ignoring Meredith's attempt to interrupt, "I can be...annoying, I know. I follow the rules a little too much. And when we first met I'm sure I was worse, and I had a stupid crush on your husband, but it wasn't anything to worry about, and I called you 'Mrs. Shepherd', and I don't have a very g-good filter. I just say things...kind of like now...and I've been living in your house, and I know you said it was okay, but..."

"April," Meredith said firmly. "that was years ago. I like you. I do. I'm just good with people sometimes. That's me. And if I didn't like you already, seeing what you've done for Alex, I'd have to start. Really..."

Her friend's wide eyed stare darted to her clasped hands. She'd licked her lips and moved one hand almost absent mindedly to her belly as she spoke again, "I know...I know that this whole thing...with me being pregnant and all, it's hard for you...I know how terrible it was when...when...it happened. I can't even imagine what that would be like..."

Meredith supposed there was no way April had forgotten their time together that day either. Maybe the unconscious avoidance of being alone together ran both ways, "I hope you never have to find out."

"Well, I...I haven't talked to Alex about this, and I don't even think he's worried about it, but I have been thinking...um...you're Alex's best friend. I know he probably doesn't tell you...he never really says how he feels with words so much, so...but he trusts you. So, I thought, if something were ever to happen to Alex and me...I'd trust you too. To-to take care of my baby...that is," April rambled, gulping nervously. "If you'd want to..."

Meredith had blinked in surprise. She hadn't been sure what direction April was going, but this was not where she'd thought this conversation was leading. She was really touched that April was asking her.

"You think you want me to be the Godmother? Wouldn't you rather it was one of your sisters or something..."

April had nodded in relief, "I mean, my sisters would always be there for him too. Obviously...it's just...they don't know Alex like you do...and if I wasn't around, if we both weren't...I'd want my son to know about his father too. My sisters would have me covered, and I thought you could teach him about Alex-I mean, if you wanted to...It was just a thought."

"I'd be honored to be the Godmother, April. Really, I would."

And suddenly, even more of Meredith's envy had started to disappear, along with some of her awkwardness around April. She'd already felt a connection to baby Karev, and this would only strengthen that. She still had moments of wondering what if. What if Gary Clark had never come to Seattle Grace that day? What if she hadn't miscarried? What if she didn't have baby squishing fibroid in her uterus? Well, she probably would have Zola. And that was unimaginable. Besides, what ifs, weren't really worth wondering about. They would never happen. Something that was worth thinking about and getting excited, however, was her future godson. Who, if Meredith had anything to do with it, would certainly not be called 'May', even as a place holder.

Meredith was pulled from her thoughts, when she heard a tiny conversation between her daughter and husband.

"Look at this one Zozo," Derek said, holding up a simple silver object. "You remember this? This is your first ever ornament. We got it for you when we were waiting for you to come live with us..."

"Yeah?" Zola held out her hand and poked at the decoration.

"Yes. We had to wait a long time to get you," Derek continued.

"Like we waitin for UncAlex and Apol baby?"

They'd had to start explaining to Zola about pregnancy and babies and everything. Aside from Alex and April's impending parenthood, Nicholas, one of Zola's preschool friends, would soon have a baby sister. Naturally curious, Zola had started to ask a lot of questions. It had made Meredith nervous at first. She'd been worried that learning about how babies were born would make her daughter feel bad or different because she had been adopted. Derek had argued that Zola was barely 3, and that it was actually probably a great time to explain everything to her. They had always told her in child-friendly terms that she was adopted, but now learning about it all in conjunction with actual pregnancies, Zola's comprehension seemed to be opening up. Meredith's fears were unfounded.

"That's right," Derek nodded, slowly lifting the ornament in the air and gazing at it.

"Cuz, you gotta always wait to get babies."

"Absolutely," Meredith agreed, stepping over and taking the ornament from Derek's fingers and placing it to a branch that the little girl eagerly pointed to.

"Tummy babies or 'dopted ones!" Zola said confidently. "But you luv 'em just the same."

"Yes we do," Meredith nodded, blinking hard again a sudden onslaught of mistiness.

"You're so smart Zola," Derek knelt down and pulled her into his lap and started to tickle the giggly child.

"I know!" Zola screeched as her father continued to tickle her.

What ifs were useless. Right nows, like this very moment, those were the moment's Meredith lived for. And those were the ones she would strive to focus on.