"Hey Tyrese," I strut down the muddy hill on the greyish drab fall morning. Tyrese leans against the fence, his eyes alert and ready.

"What's up Scar," he snickers. It was some cruel nick name I think Carl started. Like from the lion in Lion King… the one with the scar—whatever you get it.

"Oh hahaha fuck you Tyrese," I give him a fake, like super fake grin and glare. "You in for a little poker tonight? Maybe for the good stuff?"

"Jesus kid, didn't you smoke Glenn and Maggie last night? With that rep I don't know how much I got you'd want."

My father taught me the way of the cards. It was funny really. My father, a poker player? One of the best actually. Well to a nine year old at least.

He was a softy if anything. Cared too much and didn't find enough words to exactly fit was he was trying to say. But poker was the way we bonded.

I shrug, don't want to be getting full of myself. "I got a thing for that machine gun you keep hidden under your bed…."

He smacks his lips, looking deeply at me as if trying to get past the barrier I worked so hard on. "For a story?"

"What kind of backwards ass barging is that? What is you want to know?" I adjust myself so I lean on my hip, trying to ignore the piece of hair that still has dried oatmeal in it. That damn woman.

He stares off into the vast land that is covered in dead yellowing grass. His eyes flicker back on my face, "I want to know your story, people here say your…." Awesome? Annoying? Strange? Stubborn? A waste of space? "Dignified."

Pfff, Dignified. Right. "Then you gotta deal, we meet here around," I look into the cloud covered sky, trying to find the sun that is directly in the center of the sky. "When the sun touches the tree line."

He nods, going back on doing whatever it is people do when on watch. I don't know since whenever Rick tells me to I hide out in the generator room for a while. The place I got high with Merle, which now that I think about was the last time I saw him….

….

"Siren take Judith please," Carol hands me the ball of warmth, and I awkwardly hold her, trying to maintain myself from freaking out. She is just so freaking cute. Little golden brown eyes, a squishy little triangle nose, soft skin, and scarlet red lips. Her eyes fill with water and wails escape her O shaped mouth.

Carol tries to tend to the other six kids who gather around. All those chubby Woodbury kids. Yuck. "I am so hungry," one whines. Others bicker in agreement.

"Okay, okay hang on," Carol begs, trying to scavenge in the supply room in the cafeteria.

I hear light, airy footsteps behind me and a blonde with blue eyes confronts me. "I can take her," Beth says in a rather protective voice.

"Oh its okay," I reply, cooing the child that has stopped wailing.

Beth's eyes widen and she extends her arms. "Hand her over Siren."

I frown, confused. Lately I know the friendship that was building burned into ash, but seriously, I can't hold the baby? "Beth it's fine really, maybe you should take a break."

"No! Your crazy, hand her over!"

A ice cold lump formed in my chest, tears started to rise from the base of my eyes and suddenly all dozen eyes in the room lock on me. Crazy? Is that what she said? Was it true? Am I crazy? Beth's arms slid through mine and takes away the warmth and innocence from my arms.

"Beth!" Carol exclaims with a shocked high-pitched voice. Three children hang on her arms.

"You can't say you weren't thinking it," the southern drawl in her voice sprung out. "Everyone was, even Rick." That's when hot tears start to topple down my cheeks, falling in the large crevasse I'm nicknamed for.

I turn around without a word, running wherever my feet are taking me. I don't really know. But I end up in the warm generator room, tears trickling continuously. "We don't need them," I say, pacing the floor with my throat burning and the need to cry. "We don't need them."

Siren, a voice says in a calm voice. But you do need them, you do.

"But Tobias," I shout, sliding down the wall as salty tears fill my mouth. "I can't… I can't…."

Shut up yes you can.

"You bastard I love you," I say as my lips tremble and my heart does summer salts. "I can't do it without you." I find the 4 necklace buried beneath layers of cloths, clutching it until my palm starts to bleed. After a while of silence between the both of us, I ask in a soft voice that still shakes with sadness, "am I really crazy Four?"

Beth doesn't know what the hell she's talking about babe. She doesn't know what you've gone through, what you've seen.

"Yeah," I agree, resting my head against the cement wall, my brain throbbing and letting my heavy eyelids get the best of me.

….

"There doesn't have to be blood shed anymore then there already has, you've seen it out there, people are dying." Dead. Not dying, dead. "If you can tell me where their group is, I can have Merle release them and get his brother back to him, and you and the boy can stay… if you wish."

I am sad suddenly, I don't really know where the prison is, and seeing the electricity and clean people makes my stomach knot up. Then I see his face again, wicked hiding as tranquility. "I'm sorry," I say as simple as possible, "I can't, I don't know where it is." It isn't completely true, I saw the outlining of several mile signs through the stitching of the blind fold, and I know it is fourteen miles from the plaza of buildings.

His face is solemn, his eyes cold. He inhales deeply through his nose, looking out the window with the shades slightly opened, and his hand comes crashing down on the table. Slam! I jump ten feet out of my skin, my bones rattled around. His eyes were vicious and hungry for information I couldn't give him. "You lying! I can see it in your eyes! Tell me!"

No, no please I'm not. My heart races, the sweat starting to build up again. Is it that obvious? "No, I really don't, look," I pull up my shirt and show him the stitches, a trickle of blood oozing out, hot and stick down my side, "I was only there to get patched up, I don't know where it is." My face feels hot under his burning eyes.

"I don't believe you," he says, "and for that your friends will pay dearly."

….

"I'm sorry Tobias!" I shout, waking myself and wiping the cool sweat from my forehead. My body still trembles and my throat is still raw from crying. "God I'm so sorry," I roll onto my knees, crawling around while tears poured and rocks lodged into my palms. "It was all my fault…."

I sob onto the dirty ground, my tears creating miniature mud puddles.

Feelin' all alone without a friend you know you feel like dyin'.

"What?" Was that what I thought it was?

Oh didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying?

I smile, laughing through tears at Four's imitation on Cheap Trick, man I loved that band back in the day, you know when dead people didn't try and bite people.

I want you to want me. I need you need me….

"Okay, okay I get it," I say wiping away tears. "Your so off key it isn't even funny." I laugh, rolling onto my back and sighing. "You think we'd get married or something?"

What?

"Well Maggie and Glenn are married, he just gave her a wedding ring, but there married. You think we'd ever do something like that… like a few years later or something?"

Will you marry me?

A tear rolls down my check, slow and wet. "But your dead." I sniffle, "and not even here, you're in my head…." I close my eyes, "maybe I am going crazy."

Do you want me to leave?

"No."