"Damn it Siren," a voice screeches walking me up from a night of tears and terrors. I open my eyes, stray tears seeping down my cheeks. Angry blue eyes stare down at me.

"I'm sorry Rick…" tears start to build up again in the utter confusion and fast spinning head. What the hell did Milton know? How could, why…? Ugh.

His face tugs into a frown. "Get up."

Shaking with tears streaming down my face, I stand on my feet, wobbling like jello. "That guy… the guy with the glasses—Milton—he, he…." My grey dull eyes find the lively yet tired blue ones, "I have to go… when can I go with a group to scavenge…?"

Rick puts his hands on his waist, staring at the grey wall splattered with blood.

"Please," eeww, I that tasted foul. My nose scrunches in disgust.

"Tomorrow, you're going with Daryl and Michonne…. Did this guy hurt you?"

I shake my head fast, wanting him to leave before tears started up again. Rick has seen me cry more than I would like. I'm such a baby. "I thought Daryl was off limits, he's too important to be out."

Rick inhales deeply, shrugging with his lips pulling upward in a faint smile. "He thought it would be best if you two got some quality time together."

"Really?"

"No Daryl just hates the Woodbury people as much as you do."

I nervously smile, or try to, "what… no… I don't… hate… them…." Was it that obvious?

"Pull yourself together and get out there," Rick orders, walking out of the generator room after glancing around the room dreadfully.

I sit, panting into my hands. "What do I do Tobias? Help a buddy out."

I'm a figment of your imagination. I'm only going to tell you what you want to hear, what your already thinking now.

"God, I'm just asking for a little help… is that so hard to ask?" I scowl at the floor, "if I know tell me Four… what am I thinking?"

You want to kill that guy Milton. He is a threat. He knows something everyone else doesn't. He knows about me.

….

I find Carl in his cell, laying on his back playing with a gun. The magazine clicks and unclicks in the gun. "Hey," I let myself fall onto his bed, making Carl flinch a moment.

Without looking to see who it was, Carl says gruffly, "you find anything Scarface?"

I lean against his wall, bringing my knees into my chest and letting my breathing become heavy and unsteady.

"Dude what's your problem," Carl sits up, tucking his gun above his head, binding it by the rusty springs.

"Do you… know anything on that guy, you know… Milton?"

"I got some stuff last night before you bailed on me," his blue eyes flinched towards the ground, almost as if he was hurt.

"Yeah well spit it out," I mutter as my eyes shift around the dark, deserted room.

Carl's tongue wets his dry, cracking pink lips and says in a hoarse whisper, "that guy is insane. The Governor made him do stuff…. Like kill Andrea, she turned into a walker and he had to bash her head in with a pair of pliers, nearly lost both his eyes in the process. Now he's just kinda loopy, talks to himself…." His eyes flash to me when he said, "talks to himself."

I debate in my head whether to tell Carl about the notebook. So instead I tell Carl that I'm leaving with Daryl and Michonne in the morning. He glares at me, laying back down a fiddling with his gun.

…..

"Hey little ass kicker," I hold the warmth once again, Beth is sleeping, giving me the perfect opportunity. The ball of pink cotton smiles at me, her tongue and gums the only thing in her toothless mouth. Judith's dark hair stood out in places, her eyes bright and vivid.

"You got the 'er," asks Carol, looking in the foggy mirror on her cell wall. A long finger twists in her hair.

"Yeah," I say with a smile, "it's funny, I actually feel happy for once." I bounce the little girl in my arms, her brown, almost caramel colored eyes glint, staring deeply into my dull grey ones.

Carol spins on her tennis shoes, smiling at me, "you watch her for a minute? I have to go have words with Rick and Daryl."

That's when I think, yeah words. "Yeah sure," I grin, staring back down at the goo-goo-ing baby. Carol quietly disappears out of her cell, leaving me with the rosy cheek, glassy eyed baby girl. "Aren't you just the cutest," I ask Judith in a high pitched squeal. The baby smiles, blinking slowly.

"What are you doing," a demanding voice shrieked, I peered up, Beth. Her pale, ghost white face beamed, her blue eyes trying to control me. As if I'm her's to play with. Just like The Governor.

"I'm holding a baby," I matter-of-factly snap, not giving her the acknowledgement she wants.

"You put her down," her voice quivers ever so slightly, a long finger points at me.

"You gonna make me?"

Beth stepped into the cell, standing so close I could smell the light rain dotting her cloths. "I don't want your filth near her." Beth spit at my shoes, her nose scrunched in pure disgust. "That child is the only thing good in this world, and I'm not going to let you ruin it! Now hand her over."

I stand from the bed, the baby cradled in my arms, her eyes becoming heavy, as if our argument was putting her to sleep. "How dare you—I am trying so hard not to break your little neck, give me some fucking credibility Beth. I will hold this baby, and I will cherish her, you can't take that joy away from me, you don't have the right."

My eyes flicker down the fists she has balled up, then drift to her eyes, daring her to do it. "I'm gonna tell yah again, please hand me that baby."

I tilt my head, smiling her, mocking her. "Oh deary I just can't," I mimic her southern drawl, sliding my weight on to one hip and grinning from one cheek to the other. That's when her fist connects with my nose. "Son of a bitch," I screech as blood trickles down my face and into my mouth. Beth is rocking Judith back and forth, rubbing it in my face. My face feels hot, red and burning, rage pulsing through my veins and compelling my hands to clench.

My arm swings and pelts her in the jaw, she cries out, diving towards the ground with the baby. Judith wails as she crashes on the concrete floor. "Your insane," Beth clutches her jaw, tears streaking both sides of her face. I scoop up Judith, cooing her and trying to get the crying to stop.

"HEY WHAT HELL ARE YA'LL DOIN' IN HERE," Maggie rushes to her sister's side, cupping Beth's face. Maggie stands up, taking the baby from my arms and glaring at me. "What the hell's goin' on—where's Carol—what happened to your face?"

"She's crazy," Beth sobs, huffing and gasping onto her feet. "I don't trust her with Judith," she explains as tears drench her ruffled blouse.

"Oh my God what's going on?" Glenn. Of course. He touches the baseline of Beth's jaw with a concerned expression, "what the hell happened?"

"Beth punched me in my nose… and she spit on me," I say, setting my nose with a pain full click. That was the second time I've broken my nose.

"Is that true," Maggie asks Beth in disbelief, "Glenn go get Rick," she orders before she gets an answer. Glenn runs and Beth lets her eyes sink to the floor. "Perfect," Maggie mumbles, curing under her breath and rocking the baby.

I hear the Woodbury oldies and the children mafia bickering and cursing, wondering around. Glenn comes in moments later, accompanied by both Daryl and Rick. "What's going on?"

I sit on the bed, tilting my head back and trying to stop the rapid bleeding. Rick steps in, looking at Beth, then at me and letting his eyes stay on me.

"What happened," Rick kneels down, so he's eye level with me. I've seen him do this with Carl, now it just feels demeaning and manhandled when he does it to me. But it still makes my bones lock in place and my heart start to pump a little faster than usual.

"Beth hit me. And I hit back."

Rick sighs, slamming his eyelids closed and rubbing them with his thumb. "You need to go," he lets his arms drop. "Daryl how long before you can take her?"

"I'm ready when Michonne is," Daryl roughly answers, leaning against the doorframe and staring at the ground.

Rick nods, staring at me with utter disappointment. He stands turning away and something inside me makes me reach out and grab his hand, stopping him from leaving.

His head turns and looks down on me as the others start to leave Carol's cell. "Don't be mad…. Why do you even care enough to be mad, ugh, I hate it? Just stop, if you want me gone for real just say so, but don't be mad."

His stern scowl lightens up, but his blue eyes stay rock solid and in a glare. "Aim a little higher next time."

His hand pulls free and his gone from the cell, leaving me with a growing smile and the feeling of being safe and protected warming me up. Because there will always be deaths, and Governors, but I'll always have Rick and Carl.