A/N: Hi guys! It's so nice to be having news Grey's again, although I have to say, I could do without all the mini hiatus's we seem to be having. Here is the next chapter, and not nearly as long of a wait as before. I think biweekly updating is kind of going to be the rule of thumb for me in the fall. I'll do my best to try to make things come sooner, but I can only write and edit as much as I have time for, and I want to make the chapters as good as I can for people. As usual, I am not an expert at anything really, and everything in this was researched on the internet. Thank you all so much for reading, and feel free to let me know what you think! The next chapter will follow soon.
Groggily, April smiled, gazing down at the small bundle in her arms. Well, not so small apparently. All things considered. Since it was likely that Adam's size contributed to her sudden hemorrhagic episode after delivery. Whatever. She was happy with all nine pounds four ounces of him. He was healthy, and perfect, and to April he still seemed small. Though it was actually probably a good thing Adam had made his appearance two weeks before his due date. After all, if he was nine pounds now...They'd gotten started with breastfeeding, and despite the small delay, as a result of her complication in delivery, everything seemed to be going fine. Adam was eagerly chowing down. She felt a little tired, and a lot achy, but April had never felt more accomplished in her entire life.
In a seat next to the bed, Alex sat, on the phone with her mother. He'd kicked off his shoes and was resting his feet on the edge of her mattress. Normally, she'd pester him to behave better, because it wasn't like they were at the house and he could just put his stinky socks on top of anything. Not that April appreciated him doing it at home, but at least it was at home. This was a hospital for goodness sake. In public. But April was feeling especially affectionate towards Alex right now, and she'd already badgered him about getting Adam ready to go home later that day, so it seemed like overkill to bother him about anything else. Especially when he was being so perfect and sweet with the baby. And also because neither of them had brought up their earlier fight. April didn't want to push it.
"Yeah, Karen," Alex said, shrugging, even though no one on the other end of the line in Ohio would see it. "She's fine now. Already on my case about using all the right baby crap..."
April rolled her eyes, as he glanced up to her. As he clasped April's hand tightly, there was an intensity in his eyes that seemed not to line up with the light tone he took with her mother. Alex hadn't really said much about how he felt during her little bout with bleeding out, but April could tell it had spooked him. Her too really. Life and death hanging on the edge of a dime and all that. She was just happy Dr. McCaw had acted quickly and known what to do.
"Here," Alex insisted into the phone, pressing the speaker button and holding it out to April. "Talk to her. She doesn't believe me."
Giggling, April turned her head to the speaker, and replied dutifully, "I'm okay, Mom. I swear. Me and the baby are just fine. Adam says, 'Hi Gramma'!"
Snorting at her attempt at a baby voice, Alex rolled his eyes, but April didn't care. Her mom seemed satisfied.
"No, I don't think you need to change your flight plans," she continued, finding herself responding to her mother's tiny speakerphone voice with a shrug of her own. "We will probably need just as much help in two weeks as we do right now. Besides Meredith and Jackson and everyone here will help too."
"And my sister is almost done for the quarter," Alex added. "She crashes at our place in the summer anyway. We can make her earn her keep."
April knew how hard it was for her mother and father to tear themselves away from teaching and the farm. It was hard to set up farm hands, substitutes, and the like and it took a lot of planning. They and her sister Alice had arranged to fly out to Seattle in two weeks, for the baby's supposed due date, but now it seemed silly to make them try to change. It would be difficult. April also kind of sort of wanted not to have her family around at first.
She wanted to prove to herself that she could take care of her own baby. It was weird, but she kind of felt like she was in a sort of competition with all three of her sisters. In school and career, she'd easily come in first. But for virtually everything else, April was last. Last to bloom, last to fall in love, last to have a baby, last to get married. And her family had long ago picked up on this and it made them a little overprotective of her. They coddled her a lot and nagged and got up into her business far more than anyone else. Although she understood it, sometimes their actions drove April crazy.
Now, it seemed she had finally almost caught up, and April was happy to have the two weeks to herself. She wanted to prove to herself that she could learn to take care of her own child, without her family hovering around her as though she couldn't.
Finally her mother agreed, and after a brief conversation on speaker phone with her overjoyed father, Alex hung up the phone. Before April could stop him, he held up his phone and snapped yet another picture of her and Adam. Ever since she'd woken up, it was photo after photo. And when she had gotten a chance to look through his phone, April had found at least a dozen more of just Adam, taken when April was still asleep. He'd never admit it, but April would say that Alex was fast on his way to becoming one of those Dads. The ones who always had a camera ready. Adam was barely 24 hours old and he'd probably had more photographs taken of him than her Grandma Murphy had in her entire lifetime. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, and April really didn't mind so much. She thought it was kind of cute when he wasn't taking pictures of her while she was in the middle of nursing the baby. That made her cheeks burn red.
"Do not post that on the internet!" April said firmly, knowing that all the 'Saga of Adam' photos so far had gone straight to facebook.
"Oh come on, Alice has been bugging me to post more stuff," he smirked "It's only mild nudity. Just a boob flash and it's like natural and whatever..."
"Just a boob flash?"
"What?" He shrugged, knowing it would wind her up, "You've got great boobs."
"No!" April said firmly, pointing a threatening finger, growing more flustered as Alex dramatically held out his phone and let his finger hover over the word 'share' on his touch screen. "No, no, no! Don't you dare post that picture, Alex Karev!"
Teasing her Alex pulled his hand away, and placed the phone back into his pocket, "Okay, fine whatever. I won't post it."
Adam had finished eating and shifted away from April and started to fuss. They both immediately turned their full attention to their son.
"Shh..." April comforted, readjusting the front of her hospital gown, and lifting the baby to the towel her shoulder to help him burp. "What's the matter? It's okay."
"You think his diaper needs changing again?" Alex asked, placing his hand on top of hers as she gently patted Adam's back.
"I don't think so...I think he might just be-" April smiled as her movements were gratified by a small belch. "Uncomfortable."
"Way to go, dude."
April laughed and grinned at him. She and Alex had been quickly picking up on cues from Adam, in figuring out what he wanted or needed. At least, it felt like they were anyway. But then again, so far that had only really consisted of feeding, changing and burping. In a controlled hospital setting no less. April knew she couldn't let them become over confident. Things were still kind of easy for right now. She was nervous about what was coming later. After all, they'd only been parents for a short amount of time. She almost giggled. Parents. She and Alex were actually parents. April was someone's mom.
The door to the room opened, and Amber sauntered in, arms laden with a bag and cup holder from the Seattle Center Starbucks, "Hello, hello, hello."
She set the bags down and continued, "Coffee time. Well, hot chocolate for Mamasita, of course. And muffins. Real food. No more of this hospital crap...And where is the little guy?"
Alex turned and smiled broadly at his sister, carefully lifting the drowsy baby out of April's arms, "Amber, meet Adam."
A tentative grin spread across Amber's face as she looked at her nephew. April took the opportunity to dive into the muffins. She was starving, and the hospital food was definitively not cutting it. She sniffed and blinked back tears, as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. Amber and Alex were both looking down at Adam, who once again seemed to be fighting sleep. April had noticed he seemed to do that after he ate. His eyelids would droop and he'd almost be asleep, and he'd struggle to keep them open, moving his eyebrows up and down. It was almost so adorable that she couldn't stand it.
"Man, April," Amber gushed. "He's super cute. Not all newborns are like that. Quincy said her cousin was a total cone head for his first few days."
When the impulse to sleep finally did take him, Adam gave a tiny snort, and dozed peacefully with a tiny furrowed brow as his father and his aunt scrutinized him with the same little scowl on their foreheads. April sniffed again and took a bite of a muffin. It was still kind of a strange thing. To look Adam and see so many different pieces of people. Even though he was a baby, April could already see that he had features from various members of both her and Alex's family. Alex's chin and shoulders. Her cheeks and ears. Her father's nose. Her mother's fine auburn hair. Rita Karev's long eyelashes. Kimmie's knees. Alice's eye shape. Amber's forehead.
And then there was the whole plethora of little expressions he made. Adam might have various features that made him resemble one person or another, but then he would manipulate them and look just like someone else. Adam was both completely familiar and totally new, all at one time. It was amazing. Breathtaking. April couldn't get enough of him. She could stare at his delicious little face all day.
"Can I hold him?" Amber asked. "I mean...I don't really know how to-"
"Sure you can," Alex said, carefully shifting and laying the baby into his aunt's arms for the first time. "It's not hard to learn. Just support his head like this..."
Amber did as she was told and soon her brother had his phone out again, happily snapping and sharing away.
"Hi Adam," she whispered. "I'm your Aunt Amber. You don't know it yet, kid, but you have a buttload of aunts. Seriously. Real ones and friend ones. Some here and some in Ohioland. But don't worry, I'm always gonna be the coolest. We'll have so much fun..."
April's sniffles here on full force now, and all she could do was grab a tissue. Alex and Amber really had come such a long way from when she'd hitch hiked to Seattle two years past. They still didn't always agree, but April thought their relationship was much closer now than it had probably ever been. Amber had grown. So had Alex.
No matter what hurt or painful things had come up during their fight before her labor, April could admit that Alex had totally grown as a person since they'd been together. She'd grown too. And maybe she'd been focusing too much on how they hadn't progressed during the fight. Yes, it was still a bit of a slap in the face to hear Alex say that he thought she'd leave him. But, knowing his history, it was understandable. And knowing her own history, April realized that she might have been especially sensitive to react to it. But both she and Alex had changed a lot as people since being together. And she thought it was for the better.
They still had stuff to work on. No doubt about that. But they were parents now. They owed it to Adam to try. April was still unsure as to whether Alex had actually agreed to go to counseling or if he had just been humoring her because she'd been starting labor. She thought it was important, but choose not to push the issue at this very moment. She was tired and they weren't fighting, and they had a new baby. And that was about all April could focus on just now. She knew that that would have to change soon, and that the would probably end up having to confront Alex yet again about the therapy, but for now April was content to enjoy watching Alex and his sister getting to know Adam.
Amber was only the first in a long line of visitors. Even though it was a busy work day, many co-workers stopped Mark, Callie, and Arizona, stopped by while Amber was still there, each gushing over Adam in their own unique way. Mark snapped photos to send Lexie, while he bickered with his daughter's mothers. Webber and Bailey swung by next, and then Mara came in between surgeries. Meredith and Derek visited too, briefly, before they had to do some lost cause case. They all commented on how cute Adam was, and for some reason April felt kind of proud of him. Even though it was just a normal hormonal response in adults. Baby's were cute so adults would love and take care of them. But April still felt like he'd accomplished something, in winning over their friends.
Adam was perfect, so of course everyone loved him. She knew that this was mom logic at it's best, but she still relished the feeling.
Jackson came last, after spending most of the morning doing a skin graft. He'd showed up with his lunch and had stuck around for a longer visit than the others. McCaw came and checked April and Adam at 1 o'clock and cleared them to leave, so Alex stepped out to see what was up with her discharge papers, leaving April and Jackson alone.
Jackson sat on the other side of April's bed, gingerly holding Adam. A small smile pulled at his lips as he whispered, "Hey there little man...what's up?"
April grinned and couldn't resist taking a few photos of Adam and his god father. The scene was so sweet.
"If those pictures somehow make it to my mom, I will kill you," Jackson teased uncomfortably. "I don't need you to putting any 'grand' ideas in her head. Now that I think of it, don't show Mara either."
"Aw, come on," April grinned and kissed her son's head. "Doesn't Adam just make you want a little one of your own?"
Jackson pursed his lips and shook his head, "Nah. Right now, I'm good..."
April nudged his leg and Jackson genuinely grinned, "He really is beautiful, April."
Swallowing guiltily, Jackson lifted his eyes to April, "Listen, I am so sorry...If I had known you were going in to labor, I would have..."
"Oh don't worry about that, it all turned out for the best. It's so..." her eyes widened. "Jackson, this is so huge. I mean, I knew it was going to be huge...but it's just now that he's here, I-"
"It is huge. You have a child."
"Yeah."
"We're attendings."
"We are. We're like real adults now Jackson. With lives and..."
Jackson nodded, saying softly, "Everything."
They sat in silence for a moment, each thinking about their early days as interns. At the time neither had realized just how young they really were. Time and experience had changed both Jackson and April. And it was hard not to think about those who hadn't had the chance. Reed and Charles hadn't had the chance to grow. They didn't have lives and everything. Which made April realize yet again, just how lucky she was, despite her relationship issues.
"They'd have liked the name," Jackson said finally.
April tilted her head to one side and gave Jackson a look, "No they wouldn't. Reed would have said it was too sappy and overly sentimental. She'd say I should have picked something more trendy."
Jackson laughed, "Yeah, and Charles would have made a bid to have his name come first. Or to name him after some lame rock star."
"Exactly," April smiled. She could just imagine exactly how they'd have acted, even if it hurt a little to think about them alive.
"Still, I know they'd be honored," Jackson said, leaning forward and carefully transferring Adam back into April's arms. "But...I gotta go. Take care of this little tyke. I'll try to come visit the house this weekend, okay?"
April watched him leave and lifted Adam's hand to wave, "Goodbye Uncle Jackson!"
Brushing past the plastic surgeon, Alex appeared in the doorway, with a nurse, a wheelchair, and a skeptical expression, "You gotta cut that baby voice crap out. That is not the voice I want Adam to go for."
"Oh, hush!"
He walked over and took Adam from her arms, as the nursed helped April sit up and get ready to go home.
April scowled at the wheelchair, "Is this really necessary?"
"You tell me," Alex said sarcastically, carefully bucking Adam into his carrier.
Getting off of the bed and preparing to leave April winced. She was sore. And not just from the birth itself. Her knee was, as Alex would describe it, jacked up. Swollen and stiff. Her cane wasn't going anywhere any time soon. And April knew she'd be getting good use out of the moby wrap baby carrier Dr. Bailey had given her at the baby shower. She made a mental note to make an appointment with Callie at some point.
Once everything was set Alex placed the carrier in April's lap and stood behind the wheelchair.
"So..." April said, looking down at Adam's sleeping form, feeling suddenly nervous. "They just let us take him home?"
"Uh, he's ours so...yeah."
"Wow. It just feels so unceremonious. I mean, how do they know we can even take care of him properly?"
"Because we're his parents?" Alex began pushing the wheelchair towards the elevator, reminding April of the times he would push her after her physical therapy sessions two years previous. "And we're surgeons. And you've got a ton of nieces. And I work in freakin' peds."
April let out a long sigh, "Right. We can do this. He'll be fine."
"We all will," Alex said, more seriously than she'd expected. He swallowed and pushed the button for the first floor on the elevator.
April blinked and glanced back at him curiously. He pursed his lips and tilted his head to one side.
"I...uh," Alex mumbled. "I got us an appointment with uh...Dr. Wyatt. For the counselling and whatever...It's next week. I figure we'll be a little more settled then..."
Her jaw dropped and her eyebrows approached her hairline. April was completely stunned. Alex had made them an appointment. He'd made an appointment. With a headshrink, as he would often say. He hated psychiatry. She'd imagined she'd have to slowly and delicately reintroduce the idea of therapy to him over a period of time, and even then she'd thought she'd have to be the proactive one in everything. But Alex had surprised her yet again. He really cared.
"I-you...you did?" April stammered as the elevator doors opened.
Alex shrugged uncomfortably and steered them through the lobby, "Yeah. I did. Just to try...you know? Cuz we gotta try somethin'. I mean, that's alright with you, isn't it?"
"Yes. Absolutely...Okay. I'm-That's great, Alex."
The automatic front doors opened and April grinned as Alex pushed the wheelchair outside into the calm May afternoon.
"Okay, kiddo," he said when they arrived in the car and helped April and Adam get buckled in. "We're gonna go to this place called home. You'll like it there. We've got it all decked out for you. You've got a room with a crib, lotsa soft things. I even made you a swing. Do you think he'll like the swing? Whatever."
Meredith held Zola's hand and carefully walked up the front stairs of her childhood home. The little girl was positively bursting with excitement, bouncing with each step.
"Baby! Baby!" Zola squealed, fidgeting with the straps of her small purple backback. "We're gonna take care of da baby."
"We are," Meredith laughed, and shook her head, using her key to carefully let them into the house. "We're going to help."
She and Zola were on their first official 'God-family' assignment. Zola had yet to meet the baby, and her anticipation was palpable. Since she had the day off, Meredith had agreed to take care of 1 week old Adam for a couple of hours while Alex and April attended their first therapy appointment, and spent a little time outside of the house. Three hours max. April had been very firm. Meredith could tell that her friend was still a little apprehensive about being separated from her baby, even for a small about of time.
Opening the door and walking inside, Zola and Meredith didn't need to call out to tell where everyone in the house was. Loud and piercing cries could be heard coming from the kitchen. In his short life, Meredith had noticed that Adam not had any trouble making his needs known to everyone in near vicinity. Not unlike Alex really.
"Is Adam sad?" Zola said, holding her hands over her ears and looking up at Meredith with wide eyes.
"No," she replied leading the little girl down the hall. "Probably just hungry. Or messy. That's mostly why baby's cry."
They arrived in the kitchen to find Alex and April huddled together, fussing and bickering over the baby. It was clear that baby care had put just that much more strain on their relationship. Alex had told her all about the big fight over the conference the night April went into labor. It seemed like a lot of it was still really unresolved and had taken somewhat of a back burner, since Adam's birth. At least until now. Clearly, they were both making it a priority. Meredith was really surprised to hear that Alex of all people, had agreed to go to therapy. She'd never have guessed. It was impressive, and she hoped it worked for Alex and April.
"What if he is still hungry?"
"He just ate! He needs a nap."
"You're just saying that because your boobs hurt!"
"I am not! The routine is that he should nap time after he eats."
"Screw that, look at him? He's not falling asleep. You don't even know if he wants to nap."
"All infants want to nap."
"But if he's not sleepy right now..."
"Routine's are important!"
"Whatever."
They looked a lot like zombie's as far as Meredith could tell, with bloodshot eyes framed by dark circles set on pale skin. Both were still clad in socks and bath robes, despite the fact that it was going on 11 am. It really did put her own early days with Zola in perspective. She and Derek never had to deal with a lot of the really early newborn stuff. For the first time, Meredith realized that, in a sense, her whole adoption with Zola might be enviable. At least in the sleep department. Minus the whole foster care thing, clinical trial, almost losing her marriage part.
Alex looked up and yawned, "Hey Mer. You're here."
April's jaw dropped as she lifted Adam out of the wrap carrier that hung from her shoulders. She propped the baby over her shoulder gently patting Adam's back, "Oh my God, you're here! Already? What time is it? Are you-I didn't think that...Oh no, we really should-"
"Don't panic," Meredith said holding her hands up to calm her friends down. "We came a little early. You guys still have plenty of time. I thought it might be a good idea to get the lay of the land. Settle in. Plus Zola is really excited to help."
April grinned tiredly and nodded.
"How's it hanging Zozo?" Alex said wearily as he moved over to the little girl and patted the top of her head.
"Good," Zola's voice held that hollow tone that meant she was completely distracted from the conversation. Her gaze was fixed on Adam, whose cries were calming down under his mother's care. "That your baby UncAlex?"
"Yeah, his name is Adam."
"Him's a boy," Zola said, wrinkling her nose. The realization made her slightly less excited than she had earlier. Lately, boys were not always Zola's favorite people. Even her friend Nicholas at school had often became the subject of her stories at dinner. How messy Nicholas was, or how many toys he'd broken, or how loud he'd screamed. Zola thought of herself as a big girl now, and intentional toy breaking was just unacceptable. Meredith thought it was hilarious.
"He is," Alex said evenly, lifting Zola to his hip. "But that's my fault. You shouldn't hold it against him, eh?"
He walked over to April and she shifted Adam so that Zola could see. Looking at him up close seemed to rekindle Zola's excitement somewhat because she began bouncing her legs and reaching out. "Baby! I wanna hold the baby! Can I?"
Meredith and Alex both made eye contact with each other and quickly shook their heads. A three year old toddler and a seven day old baby didn't exactly seem like the best idea. It wasn't like her daughter had had all that much exposure to real babies anyway. They weren't in her age group and school, and she was the youngest living cousin in her family. It wasn't something Meredith had a lot of experience with either. Maybe it was fine. She just didn't know if Zola could hold Adam. Maybe she could. Alex's expression seemed doubtful.
April however, seemed to disagree. Her face light up and she grinned at Zola, "Of course you can!"
"Yay!"
Meredith stepped forward, "Oh, April, you don't have to..."
Looking startled, Alex said, "You haven't gotten a lot sleep, so I think that maybe you aren't thinking straight."
"Alex, I'm not crazy! She can do it. I'll help her."
"Yay!"
"She's three, she doesn't know how to-"
"She can learn," April rolled her eyes at both the other adults, and slowly made her way to the living room, with Alex, Meredith and Zola trailing behind. "It's perfectly normal to have kids meet babies. Libby wasn't even three when I was born, and Mom and Dad let her hold me."
"Look how that worked out," Alex mumbled. "You hate each other."
"We do not!"
She carefully settled down on the couch cradling Adam, continuing, "I was 6 months younger than Zola when Kimmie was born and I got to hold her. And when Alice was born, Kimmie-"
"Alright, we get it," Alex glanced over to Meredith skeptically, and Meredith shrugged in reply. April seemed more than comfortable with letting it happen, so who where they to be cautious? Parents? Yes. Surgeons too. Still...
Gesturing to the space next to her, April waited for Alex to lower an excited Zola by her side. Meredith watched in bemusement, fishing her phone out of her purse.
"Okay Zola," April said. "You're going to help me hold Adam, but there are a few rules to know first. Do you want to learn them?"
"Yes!"
"First," April reached forward to the coffee table and grabbed a bottle of hand sanitizer, squeezing a pump's worth over the toddler's hands. "You have to get rid of the germs."
"Okay," Zola beamed, rubbing her hands together.
"Now, you have to scoot up right close, next to me. You have to be very gentle, and still. Hold your arms out."
Somewhat shockingly, given her track record of defiance, the little girl did as she was told and moved closer to April. Meredith and Alex both watched as April wrapped an arm around Zola and helped the girl support Adam's head. Meredith watched Zola's face light up.
"Mommy! I helping hold him!" she said seriously, biting her lip in concentration.
"I see you are," Meredith laughed snapping a few photos. It was actually really cute.
"You're doing a very good job, Zola," Alex's features had softened and he looked less drawn and worn out.
Zola gasped and looked up happily, "Apol! Him looking at me!"
"He is! He's like 'Is that my god sister Zola? Is that her?'"
Alex rolled his eyes and lead Meredith back towards the kitchen, "April! What do I keep saying about that baby voice?"
"Whatever," April called after them.
"Here," Alex said, walking over to the cabinet and opening the door. "I'll show you where everything is. We've got plenty of clean bottles and all that..."
Meredith nodded, trying to hold back a smile. Alex was going over everything so seriously. He moved to the fridge and continued, "April's got...uh...plenty of...milk or whatever...pumped, uh, you know. Lined up and all. And formula too, if you run out or something. He's not really a fan, but he'll eat it, push comes to shove. He's a good eater. Same goes for bottle feeding really, I mean...he'll eat for me, but I can tell that he really just wants-"
"Alex," Meredith said. "You're such a Dad."
"What?" he shrugged. "I mean, I am just getting you set up or whatever."
"I know, but you do realize that you are only going to be gone for a few hours."
"You're right. It's just...well this is the first time he'll be without us and the first time I've ever..." Alex scratched the back of his head. "And what if...I dunno... he cries a lot? Or it takes longer? What if Dr. Wyatt says something bad?"
Meredith pursed her lips. Based on her own experience, she could almost guarantee that Dr. Wyatt was going to say some things that neither Alex nor April would really want to hear. That's just how it went with therapy. Meredith had kind of hated it at the time, but in retrospect she was glad she'd gone to Dr. Wyatt all those years ago. It had changed her outlook on both Derek and her mother.
She could tell he was nervous so she reached out and squeezed Alex's shoulder, "It won't be the end of the world. And even if things seem bad at first, her job is to help you guys. Just...go with it. That's all I can tell you."
He shifted uncomfortably and scratched at his neck, "I'll try..."
"Good," Meredith nodded.
Alex sniffed and then beckoned Meredith to follow him upstairs, "Uh, lemme show you where we keep extra diapers and wipes and stuff..."
April was bouncing her leg. She was nervous. Alex could tell. Her arms were crossed and she was fidgeting with the fabric of her sweater. He didn't blame her. Alex was feeling pretty uncomfortable swallows and leaned his head back towards the wall behind him, running his hands down to his knees. They were sitting side by side on a couch on the universally avoided fourth floor of the hospital. Psych. They were sitting on a couch in an office, directly across from Dr. Wyatt. The awkward silence was drawn out. The session was half over and no one had said a word.
It was just, Alex had no idea what to say, or where to start. He didn't even know if he believed in all this counselling crap anyway. He just knew that he had to do something. April hadn't brought up their fight in the whole week since Adam's birth, but Alex could tell she was thinking about it. Just behind her eyes. They were both getting sleep deprived, because the baby woke up every few hours, and in moments of crankiness Alex could just tell that it was all on the tip of her tongue. Especially because they both knew he still hadn't figure out any of the conference crap. He didn't know what the hell he was going to do in three weeks. The issues were just festering there, beneath the surface. Alex knew it.
The aquarium to his left bubbled as Dr. Wyatt tapped her pen. She took a deep breath and tapped her pen on the pile of files in front of her. April smiled awkwardly and sighed. Alex glowered. How the hell was this crap supposed to change anything? They were just sitting here.
Finally the older woman pursed her lips and spoke, "I see you both were involved in the Gary Clark shooting...You saw Dr. Perkins."
April nodded, and Alex shrugged.
"Yeah..."
It certainly wasn't news to them. Like Alex could forget walking around that corner to see Reed laying on the ground with her brains blasted out. Or how he felt when his chest exploded with the impact of a bullet. Or what it felt like when Sloan and Lexie worked to save his life. And he knew April couldn't forget tripping over Adamson. Or facing down Clark on the catwalk. Or how it felt to loose half of her Mercy West gang in one fell swoop. Both Alex and April were involved in the Gary Clark shooting. They didn't need to talk to know that.
"I see that when Dr. Perkins cleared you for surgery," Wyatt continued. "He suggested you come by and see me for follow ups. Neither of you did."
Alex glanced over to April. She was looking at her hands, looking like a kid who'd just been sent to the principle. He didn't know that she'd gotten the ol' 'Therapy is good for your mental health' crap thing too. And she'd been one of the first surgeons cleared to go back. Alex knew that he'd chosen not to go because he thought it was all bull anyway. He knew crazy and he wasn't crazy. So he'd just gone back to work. But April liked to follow the rules. Her not going was a surprise.
"I...things got really busy," April mumbled.
"It wasn't mandatory," Alex agreed. "I just wanted to do freakin' surgery again."
"Well, why are you here now?" Dr. Wyatt asked crossing one leg.
"Uh, it's not like we're here for the same thing," April added quickly. "I mean we're here...as...as a couple. We want to get married. It's not really related..."
Wyatt only grunted and leaned back in her chair. Alex's brow furrowed and he looked down his nose. What was her problem?
The therapist sighed and flipped through their charts again, "You were both trapped together in the 2012 earthquake?"
"Yeah..." Alex said evenly, crossing his arms and looking at his watch. This was crap. If she was just going to tell them stuff they already knew, then what was the whole point? They might as well go back home and take care of Adam, and wait for the festering resentment between them to just explode and then deal with it all then.
"You've been together two years...Oh, and I see that you two have just had a baby, one week ago...Congratulations."
"Thank you," April said politely.
"Dr. Karev, your records indicate that you spent significant portions of your childhood in foster care?"
Sighing in frustration, Alex held up his hand, "So you're just gonna read us our freakin' charts?"
"Alex-" April cut in.
"What? Every minute we spend with this chick, we're probably just hemorrhaging money and for what? It's not like we didn't live through the crap that's written in our files. I always knew it. This psych crap never works."
Dr. Wyatt seemed unfazed by Alex's outburst. She only blinked and looked back up from the files, "I'm merely trying to get better acquainted with the both of you. That is what an intake appointment is for. Since neither of you are very talkative. So, as you said, you want to get married. What's the obstacle?"
"Money," Alex mumbled. "Time."
"Uh, I think there is a little bit more to it than that Alex," April stuttered. "What about the whole you made plans to travel to another state without even telling me part? You still haven't actually said if you are going to that thing, you know. And what about the the part where you think I am going to leave you in the end so you don't think I'm worth telling stuff to? Or...or the part where you think Adam is going to hate you?"
April had a good memory. Alex sighed and couldn't meet her gaze. He knew those parts were bad. He knew that he'd said stuff to April that freaked her out. And he felt bad and whatever for saying it. Alex still didn't understand why he'd said any of it. But this room, and that freakin' fish tank, and the stupid condescending look on Wyatt's face was just pissing him off.
"You deliberately hid travel plans from April?" Dr. Wyatt probed.
"No," Alex sulked.
"Oh, I don't know," April snapped. "I had to find paperwork in your office...seemed pretty deliberate to me."
"It's wasn't like that...I was just...it was for work and I wasn't thinking and..."
"And then you just forgot to say anything for two and a half months? Oh bullshit, Alex!" She as getting flushed, and Alex could tell that the spike in anger was something that surprised even April herself. But he figured she should be angry. He'd pulled a jerk move. All the anger of their fight was coming back.
"You told me that your mind was...what? Too full of 'crap' because of me, the baby and everything, and that messed with your game at work."
Alex groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I...I messed up, okay? I know it! You know it! I'm an asshole. That's a freakin' universal truth. Everyone knows it."
"No, Alex," April shook her head in exasperation. "You think you are a jerk! I don't. You act like one because it's easy. I know you are not, but you don't believe me. You don't believe me and you don't believe in me. That's the whole problem."
He laughed mirthlessly and shook his head, "The problem is you freakin' think too much and can't just let crap be. You never leave anything alone. You always just need to pick at it and analyze-"
"You said that you don't believe I am not going to leave you someday! You said that!" April retorted. "How the hell do you expect me to leave that one alone? I can't spend my life constantly being tested by you, because you think-"
"Oh, whatever," Alex snarled crossing his arms. "I wasn't freaking testing you."
"Um...then, why can't you just accept that I'm here for the long haul? Why couldn't you trust me enough to talk about the conference?"
Alex rolled his eyes. Because life had freakin' taught him that things didn't ever work out. Not for his family. Not with Izzie. April just didn't know yet. She didn't get it. She hadn't been around the block as many times as Alex had. She hadn't learned what it was really like.
"I know you've had bad things happen to you, Alex," April continued. "Your family-"
"You don't know anything about it!"
Not with the way her family was. Not with the way her father was. April didn't know.
"Because you never tell me more than the barest of details! I could understand better if you told me more. Do you think Adam will hate you because you won't be a good Dad? I know your father was-"
Alex was pissed now, "That has nothing to do with anything!"
Dr. Wyatt cleared her throat, making Alex and April jump and turned back to face her. They'd forgotten she was even there.
After scribbling a few notes down on a pad of paper she said, "I think everything has something to do with everything. We, as human beings, are in some way the sum of everything that has ever happened to us. You are clearly having a lot of conflict with each other over a few issues, and I can tell that you want to deal with them. If you are here only a week after having a baby, it's obvious to me that fixing whatever is going on with you two is very important to both of you."
Alex sniffed, and April sighed, but Dr. Wyatt shook her head, "That bodes well for this relationship. You both are clearly invested. Sometimes that is half the battle."
April lifted and hand her ear and spoke sadly, "We just keep talking in circles."
"That's what I am here for," Dr. Wyatt said calmly. "I'm not saying this will be fast or easy, but I think I can help you two build a stronger relationship if you are willing to work with me."
"Uh, we're freakin' here so..." Alex mumbled.
April glared at him out of the corner of her eye, "We're willing."
"You are both going to have to be willing to unpack some things from your pasts."
"Oh joy," Alex crossed his arms.
"I'm going to have you focus on thought making, communication, cooperation, coping skills, and conflict resolution," Wyatt looked at her watch, and frowned. "Our time is almost up."
"How much money did we freaking pay to sit here and yell at each other? We could have done that at home."
"But we don't," April said quietly. "And we have insurance."
"I'm going to want to see you both together in a session like this every two weeks, until we have worked through some of this," Dr. Wyatt continued. "Between sessions I am going to give you some things to think about and work on in the meanwhile, and we'll talk and do some exercises in here. For the next session, I'd like you both to think about the sunny side of your relationship. Tell me what you love about each other. Don't share them with each other; we're going to talk about it next time. I also challenge you to give each other one 'appreciation' each day. It can be something simple, or small, like 'I appreciate that you took out the trash'. Just try to find something real that you appreciate each day."
Alex rolled his eyes. A bunch of fluffy crap. But April was nodding eagerly and had pulled her little red notebook out of her purse and had started seemingly taking detailed notes. She looked like she was in to all this crap. Damn. It meant he'd have to continue trying. Or something.
"We'll be here in two weeks," April said sincerely.
Alex slowly nodded. He'd have to figure a way out of the stupid conference. He absolutely needed too. That was for sure. It wasn't like he even still wanted to go to it, now that he'd seen Adam. Work, even the Africa project, didn't matter so much with the little guy around.
And Alex knew he'd have to rearrange his schedule eventually, if this counselling crap was going to become a regular thing. Because of their fellowships, Alex had only had 3 weeks off for family leave, while April had 6, but it didn't sound like this was gonna be short. Alex only hopped that it wouldn't take that was probably just going to be a hassle. One big fat hassle.
He ran his hand down his face and stared at the bubbling aquarium while April and Dr. Wyatt arranged for their next appointment. Then they all rose to their feet and the older doctor offered Alex her hand. He shook it reluctantly.
"Nice work today, Alex."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yes, you both allowed me to learn a lot about you. I know it's hard to be here."
"Thank you," April shook Wyatt's hand.
"Whatever," Alex shrugged. It didn't seem like they'd accomplished anything yet. He supposed he'd just have to wait and see.