A/N: Hey :) Guess who's home for the holidays?

Just a few reviews to address...

anon - Ha ha! Yes, creepiness is fun to write! And yep, Annie's getting stronger. The room Artemis got dragged away from is the basement room he held Holly in in the first book - hence all the stairs and the cold :)

To all the reviewers who have been kindly pointing out to me the many ways that my characters don't behave like they do in the novels - especially Arty Senior and Junior - Really? There wasn't a chapter in your versions of the books detailing the Fowl family's murderous (and at times homoerotic) past? Wow, that's really strange. All I can say is there must be some real discrepancies between my editions and yours... Weird.

On a slightly less facetious note, I'm sure you'll all be pleased to know that I've got over my aversion to speech marks. So, for the first time ever, I've used them! Huzzah!

Also - there'll be a Welsh phrase in this chapter "Gelli Aur". Double 'l' in Welsh is pronounced by putting the back of your tongue near the roof of your mouth and making a sort of hissing noise. So 'Gelli Aur' is said: geh-*hiss*- lee (all said in a melded stream) Ore (with a roll on the 'r'). Just a tit bit of info.

WARNING - CREEPY SHIT AHEAD THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN CANON

SERIOUSLY. IT NEVER HAS.

Disclaimer - This is a fanfiction :'( I'm not Eoin Colfer *sobs*

Soundtrack - 'Crash Land' by Twin Atlantic

And years later when people ask you how you met, you'll say, "It's a beautiful story actually, I kidnapped her and locked her in my basement," and they'll say, "Wow, that is a beautiful story, please tell us more…"

Chapter 11 – Minor Imperfections

She could see dust motes floating in the sunbeam. She reached out to them, watching them swirl about her curled fingers. "Pretty," she whispered.

Annie smiled. "Hello, Holly."

The elf smiled back. "Hello, Annie."

"You're nearly there now, you know, just a few more things left to see."

"Happy things?"

The girl faded from sight. "Important things."

"Alright! Stop talking!" shouted a voice. "That was good but not good enough."

Holly turned. A thin man in a white cassock was stood at the far end of the chapel, facing a choir of around thirty schoolboys. They were organised in rows along the wooden stalls, fidgeting with their floor-length robes, elbowing each other and guffawing stupidly. One boy in the front line stood completely still. He was staring across the chapel at a tall stained-glass window, his pale eyes glazed over.

"Fowl!" snapped the Choirmaster.

The boy blinked.

"Do try to concentrate, Fowl. You're always off with the fairies..."

A blonde boy in the second row sniggered. "He's a fairy alright," he muttered, causing a round of muffled snorts.

"Quiet!" bellowed the priest. The noise cut off. "Right. Again, from the start of verse two. And this time, enunciate. Open your mouths! An 'O' of sound remember? Alright lads, on my cue."

The Choirmaster raised his arms and there was a collective draw of breath. "O lympha, fons amóris, Qui puro Salvatóris!"

Holly's eyes widened. Their voices echoed up into the chapel ceiling, reverberating against the gothic fresco. For a second the air was full, thrumming with song and then… silence.

The tenors drew another breath. "E corde prófluis, te sitiéntes pota!"

And were swiftly answered by the trebles: "Hæc sola nostra vota!"

"Nostra vota. His una súfficis."

"His una súfficis!"

"O Jesu, Tuum vultum, Quem cólimus occúltum."

"Sub panis spécie, Fac, ut remóto velo!"

The Choirmaster's brow was drawn, his hands motioning each part into play.

"Post líbera in cælo."

"Cernámus fácie!"

Holly walked closer.

"Cernámus fácie."

Her eyes fixed on the boy with the black hair, his mouth open, his eyes bright and intent on the music.

"Hæc sola nostra vota!"

"His una súfficis!"

The voices were inside her now. They filled her chest, raising her heart to the level of the reverent faces painted high above. Their melodies inter-weaved, overlapped, swelled to an almost deafening beauty. Thirty voices had become one hundred, the walls of the chapel echoing back their words.

"His una súfficis!"

"His una súfficis."

"His una súfficis!"

"His una súfficis."

The music was building to a tumult. The Choirmaster's arms were raised above his head now, his hands drawing the melody on. The boys' eyes were flickering from music-books to master, their backs straight, their expressions rapt.

"His una súfficis!"

"His una súfficis."

"His una súfficis!"

"His una súfficis."

Then, as one, the choir bellowed their final chorus. "His una súfficis!"

The Choirmaster drew his thumbs and forefingers into a sharp line, the last note ringing out into the heavens. "Good," he said, once silence had fallen again. "We're getting there."

The boys slumped back into their pews and the black-haired boy went back to staring at his window. His mind wandered again, passing through snow and dodging goblins and climbing trains and flying shuttles and watching a single golden coin flying high into the air…

Then suddenly his eyes narrowed. There, just beside the stained foot of St. Joseph, was a face most definitely not celestial.

Annie Shinner was grinning at him through the glass, her pale face tainted a strange shade of cerise. She waved, then seemed to lose balance on whatever she was standing on. Her expression fell and then so did she, disappearing from sight.

"Okay, it's almost eleven o'clock now," said the Choirmaster, checking his watch, "so we'll recite the creed and leave it there for today. All together now: I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of Heaven and Earth…"

Artemis looked back at the priest. "I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary…"

He recited along with the rest, glancing back to the window. Annie soon reappeared, sticking her tongue out at him, a short twig caught in the tangles of her fringe. The boy glared at her.

"Move!"

He looked round. The teenager on his right was scowling at him, his expression matched by the five other boys queuing up behind. Artemis hurried from the stall, his eyes glancing back to the glass. The Choirmaster ushered them out, warning them to hold their robes above their ankles and to stay out of the mud. They filed into the cloud-shadowed courtyard. Holly followed, watching as the other boys immediately split into gangs of friendship, leaving Artemis on his own.

"Nibble!" snapped the Choirmaster, rushing past. "Nibble! Leave Orifice alone!"

Taking advantage of his teacher's and classmates' distraction, Artemis doubled back, slipping into the shadows of the chapel entrance.

"Annie?" he hissed, eyes darting about the gloom. "Annie, where are you?"

"Boo!" She grabbed him from behind, spinning him around.

"Annie."

She laughed. "Hello, you."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, y'know, just taking in the scenery..."

"Annie."

"Well I've come to see you haven't I, stupid."

Loud voices sounded from the other side of the courtyard. Artemis grabbed Annie's hand, dragging her behind him. Holly tucked herself into the wall.

"What've you got last?" asked a drawling baritone, a pair of heavy footsteps approaching along the path.

"Chemistry," said the second voice, "but old Warcroft is off so I reckon we'll have Kensey instead."

Artemis backed Annie further into the shadows, his arm locking her out of sight.

"She's a right wind-up," continued the first voice, crossing the chapel-front. "She'll be spending half the hour just trying to stop Will Fathers setting himself on fire."

"Or her on fire."

There was a burst of male laughter and the footsteps faded away. Artemis peeped out around the wood. "Good," he murmured. "They're heading towards the West wing." He stepped away from the wall. "I can take you out the trade-man's entrance. No one is likely to–"

"I'm not leaving."

"Well you can't stay here."

"Um... Yeah, I bloody can."

"No, you can't–"

"What is up with you?" she hissed. "I've come all this way just to see you. Why do you suddenly have a problem with me?"

The boy snorted and turned his attention back to the courtyard. "Don't be preposterous."

She stood in front of him, blocking his view. "It's been three weeks. You haven't said a word to me–"

Laughter sounded from the other side of the courtyard. Artemis grabbed Annie's shoulders, ramming her back inside the entrance. Her back collided hard with the wall. The laughter tailed off. They stood there in the dark, his face inches from hers.

"I haven't been avoiding you," he whispered.

"Then why haven't you talked to me?"

"It… It is just difficult now."

"Because your dad's back?"

"Yes."

"I thought he wasn't getting out of hospital for another two weeks."

"He has recovered quickly. It's the magic. He's… he's a new man."

Annie raised an eyebrow.

Artemis leant from her, watery sunlight slipping onto his face. "We can't stay here," he murmured. "The bell will ring in twenty minutes and this whole area will be teeming with people..."

"Well I'm not leaving you."

The boy sighed.

"Just take me up to your room."

"I can't. The dormitories are barred during school hours and they always have someone on patrol." He frowned. She stared belligerently back. The first spots of rain began to drop outside their shelter. "Alright," he spat. "I know somewhere we can go, but we'll have to be quick."

He gripped her fingers and led her across the courtyard. She hurried after him, pulling up the hood of her sweatshirt as the clouds broke up above. The heavens opened and started to a run.

"Are we going inside?" shouted Annie, the rain already beginning to soak into the toes of her scrappy trainers.

Artemis shook his head, his breath slightly laboured. "No! They might find you. I know where we're going…"

Thunder grumbled in the distance.

Holly followed as he pulled Annie under the cloisters, his feet echoing heavily, before turning a corner and leading them once more into the rain. They skirted the walls of the Provost's garden and ducked low behind the hedgerows. A troop of first-years staggered past, their sodden rugby-socks rumpled around their ankles. Annie giggled as one boy tripped, but Artemis yanked her arm and she was dragged onwards. They sprinted across the lawn, holding their forearms over their faces as if it would somehow shield them from the relentless torrent. They stopped somewhere off the fourth green, panting and dishevelled.

"Rain," gasped Artemis, hands on his hips. "I… h-hate rain."

Annie snorted. She slumped, damp, at the dusty base of an oak tree, her darkened sweatshirt drooping off her shoulders. "Well it was your bloody idea to come out here. We could have gone inside. I bet no one would have cared."

Artemis yanked his sodden choir robe over her head, hooking it clumsily over the branches of a nearby sapling. He shivered in the cold. His undershirt had turned translucent with rain, sticking in milky patches to his chest. His black trousers were plastered to his thighs.

Annie smirked. "Come here," she said. "I can dry you off a bit."

He trudged over to her. Annie got up, bunching the still-dry folds of her enormous sweatshirt sleeves and slapping them over his head.

"W-Whose jumper is t-this?" asked Artemis as she began rubbing at his hair.

"Tank's," she replied. "My brother's friend. He left it at the house last night and I took a fancy to it. Jesus, Artemis, how much stuff did you put in your hair this morning? It's all coming off on my hands…"

Artemis scowled at her, his hair now half-gelled into an upright position. "Well, I h-hadn't expected to get w-wet, had I?"

Annie flopped back down against the tree. She unzipped the sweatshirt and took her right arm out of the sleeve. "Come on then," she said, "before you bloody freeze."

"You aren't s-seriously suggesting…"

"Just get in here, Art."

They looked at each other. Artemis's folded arms were covered in goose flesh. His back was hunched, his knees pressed together, his whole frame quivering. Holly watched as he stepped reluctantly forward, crouching at the base of the tree. He tucked his arm into the free sleeve and shuffled sideways, pulling his side of the jacket across. She pulled across her side and with surprising co-ordination, they managed to slot the zip into the lock and pull it up as far as it would go. Artemis sat back.

"Warmer now?" asked Annie.

"Yes, thank you."

They were quiet.

"Comfy?"

"Yes… Well." He shifted, knocking her with his left elbow.

"Ow."

"My apologies."

He looped his arm over and then under hers. "There," he said. "That's better."

She pressed her lips together and there was silence. Artemis looked out into the rain. His eyes had glazed over again, much like they had in the church.

"Hey," said Annie, knocking her head gently against his. "You off with the fairies again?"

He chuckled. She smiled with him and reached for his fingers, only to find something hard clasped between them. Her smile vanished. She unzipped the jacket with her left hand, leaving enough of a 'V' for her to bring the object into the light. It was a small, golden coin, still attached by a cord around Artemis's neck.

"Your one spark of decency," she said.

He smiled. "Yes."

She snorted. "That's still got to be the most back-handed comment ever."

"Annie."

"Well! Your one spark of decency. What does she know…?"

He just looked at her significantly before taking the coin and tucking it back inside his shirt. Annie rolled her eyes. They went back to staring at the rain.

"So, your dad… How's that working out?"

Artemis sighed at her tone. "He is different, Anne. You haven't seen him."

"Is he still spouting all that hero bollocks?"

"It's not– It isn't–"

She looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Don't tell me you're swallowing it."

"There is no swallowing involved. He has changed, Annie. He isn't like he used to be, not in any sense. My mother is so happy now, we are all happy now."

There was a silence.

"So that's why you've stopped seeing me, is it?" she said softly. "Because you're happy."

"Anne–"

"Well you've got it all now haven't you? Your dad back, your mum. It's not like you need me anymore. You've got your whole family to keep you–"

He turned his face and pressed his forehead to her temple.

Thunder grumbled somewhere distant and the rain continued to fall.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Alright? I've been stupid. I didn't mean for you to think I'd been avoiding you. I've just had a lot of new things to adjust to. I haven't just haven't got the same amount of freedom any more, Annie."

She pushed back against his head, her brow furrowed.

"Anne?"

"What?"

"Forgive me?"

She didn't reply. He nudged her again and her face rolled to his.

"Annie," he whispered, their noses almost touching.

She could count his every eyelash, every jagged peak in the blue of his irises. His pupils were dilating, starved of light in the shadow of her face.

"Alright."

"Thank you."

"But you owe me a Dib Dab."

"What?"

"And two, no three, Freddos."

"Annie, I could give you diamonds, you know."

"Well, I want a Dib Dab and three Freddos, thanks all the same."

She unzipped the jacket and stood up, stretching her arms and yawning noisily.

"Ergh," she sighed, flopping her skinny limbs back to her sides. "I'm all stiff now."

He looked up at her from the ground. The sun was just starting to peep through the cloudbanks, gracing their patch of sodden greenery with a new light. Annie sighed and smiled into it, lifting her cheeks to the heavens.

"You know I'm glad," she said suddenly.

Artemis blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"About you being happy. I mean it. It's good." There was a pause. "Even if it does mean I get to spend less time with you."

He sighed. "You know I still want to see you, Annie. I just… have more sets of eyes to avoid in order to do it."

"Hmm. So when can I see you next then?"

"Lent half finishes in a week, then I'll be back to the manor."

"A week it is then."

She looked at him, the boy in the private-school tie wearing her stolen hoodie. "That suits you, you know."

And they both shared a grin.

The rain clouds that had gathered at St Bartleby's school had followed Artemis home, making the night sky outside his bedroom window fuggy and thick. The boy had his back to the outside, his hands and eyes busy at his workbench. He was muttering, counting, calculating, his heavily gloved fingers touching briefly to each of his instruments. Holly watched him silently from a corner.

"Ergh." Annie dragged herself through the open window, her cheeks flushed scarlet. "Bloody windy out there!"

Artemis hurried to her, yanking at her backpack and pulling her inside. She fell with a heavy thud to his carpet and he slammed the window shut.

"Art!" she protested as he stepped over her.

"Don't touch anything! And take off your shoes."

She blew her fringe up off her face. "Art–"

"Shoes."

She scowled at him and sat up, pulling off both her muddied trainers without undoing the laces. "There. Happy now?"

He didn't answer, so she huffed again and pushed herself up off the floor. The room was almost exactly how it had been the last time she'd been there: the same neat navy sheets on the bed, books still stacked neatly on their shelves. But his desk was now a mess of wires and micro-tools and he'd erected a new workbench beside it, blockier than the usual one and draped in black sheeting. Five containers were arranged atop it, each about the size of a wine-bottle and made of a thick, dulled metal. Artemis was fixing a large nozzle to the neck of a sixth.

Annie frowned. "What's that –?"

"Stay where you are!"

"Art–"

"I mean it! Stay where you are."

He looked back to the container. Annie and Holly watched him, his arms slightly shaking, as he finished securing the attachment to the bottle.

"There," he said finally, placing it back on the bench. He looked at Annie. "I'm sorry, Anne, I had to concentrate."

She raised an eyebrow. "Can I move now?"

"Yes, just… don't come over here."

She frowned. He was wearing a pair of strange overalls in addition to his gloves, with built-in boots and thick patches at the elbows and knees.

"What's in there, Art?" asked Annie, gesturing at the containers.

"Acid," he replied. "A highly corrosive acid; thus why I'm wearing this suit. I had to design it myself, along with all the containers. Nothing in existence was strong enough to withstand it. Well, nothing in our world…"

Annie walked closer. "Where'd you get it from?"

"The other world." He picked a large backpack-like device with three slots at the back and a thin hose drooping down across the chest straps. "Foaly, the LEP centaur, gave me a small vial of it which I used to melt through the padlock on the Mayak train. I kept the vial and the bare millilitre of acid left at the bottom of it, synthesizing it here in my lab. I've now got three vats of it, but these six bottles should be more than sufficient." He moved away again, picking up a second backpack.

"So we're going to… to melt the bodies?"

Artemis faltered, placing the second backpack on the bench. "Dissolve them, yes. That's… that's the general idea. The solution is designed to neutralize after a certain amount of time, absorbing itself into whatever material it finds itself on. After all these storms have finished there'll be no more evidence left besides the pits. And I shall be able to fill those in at a later date." He picked up a container, fixing it neatly into the first slot of the backpack.

Annie took another step forward.

"Don't!" he ordered, thrusting a gloved hand towards her. "Don't come any closer. I've got a suit for you in the closet but until you're in it I don't want you over here."

She could hear Artemis's breathing from where she stood, see his hands still trembling, the premature wrinkles webbed at the corners of his eyes. "Please," he said, "it's in the wardrobe. Put it on."

She nodded.

It didn't take long for her to find it, encased in a plastic cover with a small label reading 'Annie' on the hanger. She stripped off the cover and pulled it quickly on over her clothes, giving Holly only a brief glimpse of the bruises dotted around her elbows.

"Here," he said as she approached, holding out a pair of thick gloves, "put these on."

She did, her expression now as grave as his. He hefted the first backpack off the bench, now fitted with three of the cylinders. "We'll wear one each. They're quite heavy but I've installed a moon-belt in the waist strap that shall lighten the load."

"Moon belt?" she asked as he helped her get her arms through the loops.

"Don't worry about it." He pulled the straps tight. "Is that alright?"

"Yes," she said, with a slight wheeze.

He backed up to the workbench, slotting his own arms through the loops on the second pack. "There," he grunted, jostling his shoulders until the bag rested comfortably. "We are ready."

She looked at him. "Are we?"

Artemis avoided her eyes, jamming a woollen hat over his hair. "I acknowledge that this will be an… an unpleasant job–"

"Bit of an understatement."

He looked her sharply in the eyes. "You don't have to do this. I told you I would do this on my own."

"It's just you cleaning up his mess again isn't it? I thought you were done with this."

He cracked a wry smile. "Just once more for old time's sake, I suppose." Then his face dropped. "No, this is the whole point, Annie. This is the last time. My father has finished with his old ways, there is nothing stopping him from moving on now except a few… lingering remnants. Once I am rid of those it shall be perfect."

Annie jerked her head towards the small, semi-built computer cube on his desk. "Then what's that? I thought you weren't supposed to be making stuff with fairy things."

"A… minor imperfection."

She studied him for a second more before sighing. "Alright. How are we getting out of here? I can't get back through the window with this thing on."

"No need. We can go through the main doors."

"But Butler–"

"Drugged. And my parents. I leaked some Isoflurane into their ventilation systems earlier." He grabbed an elasticated headlight and a filter mask from his workbench and looped them both over his hat. "They were all asleep anyway, now it's simply guaranteed that they won't wake up until I want them to."

Annie followed Artemis to his bedroom door. "But won't they suspect something?"

"Why?" he asked, tossing her her own headlight and mask. "They never have before..."

The air was close in the woods, soggy, suffocating. Artemis led the way, his face serious, clutching the straps of his pack. Annie followed him, singing absently under her breath. Holly kept close behind.

"We don't have to take our... clothes off… to have a good time, oh no."

Artemis frowned.

"We'll just dance and party… all night. And drink some cherry wine, uh-huh."

"Is that really appropriate?" he snapped, turning to face her so his headlamp shined in her eyes.

Annie raised her hands. "Jesus, Art–"

"Well would you stop singing that song?"

She lowered her hands, allowing her own lamp to shine in his face. "I'm here aren't I? Looking like an extra from a bad Ghost Buster remake, about to help you dissolve your father's murder victims. I reserve the right to sing whatever the feck I– What was that?"

Both children froze, their bodies turned towards the noise. There was another sharp caw and a bush not far from Artemis rustled as a murder of crows burst into the night.

"Birds," sighed the boy, putting a hand up to his chest. "Only birds."

Annie closed the gap between them, shuddering violently. "Ergh," she said. "Looks like someone just walked over my grave–"

"Don't say that!"

Annie's eyebrows shot up. "Alright. Alright, jeez. Bad thing to say…"

Artemis glared at her a moment more before turning back towards the path.

Holly followed.

"How do you know the way so well?" asked Annie, ducking beneath another claw-like branch.

He kicked aside a bramble vine. "Well," he said, shaking his boot as the vine remained attached. "I was here last night… documenting."

"Documenting?"

"I opened the graves, prepared them for us." Annie's eyes widened and he glanced back at her, anxious again. "Come on, we're nearly there."

They walked for another five minutes in silence, the woods and the wind gradually growing quieter around them, before emerging onto the edge of a clearing, wide and roughly circular in shape.

"Gelli Aur," murmured Artemis, staring down into the basin. "Golden Grove. Named so by a Welsh Lord that came visiting here in the fifteenth century. Apparently this place was once full of Ragwort."

It was hard to believe that now. From what Annie could see from the lights of their headlamps the earth was bare but for pits. There were thin pits, shallow pits, some pits shorter than other pits. Much shorter. She tried to count them. Seven, thirteen, twenty-two, thirty. There were some she couldn't see, lying in the shadows that their headlamps couldn't reach. In the closer ones she could already see the black tarpaulin, barely masking the bodies beneath.

Holly pressed her hands over her face. Her throat was constricting, her eyes watering, such was the strength of the stench rising from the hollow. It was unholy, evil.

"I shouldn't have brought you here," said Artemis, his breathing ragged. "This was stupid of me, unfair–"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"I said shut up. We're here now aren't we? So let's get down there and get it over with." Annie broke free of his hand, pulled up her mask and strode the short distance to the first grave. "Come on!" she shouted through the filter.

Artemis closed his eyes, composed himself, and then walked down after her. "Two sprays should do for each bag," he said, pulling up his own respirator. "Any more would be superfluous."

Annie nodded, pulled out the nozzle of her sprayer out and let it hover over the first pit. She shot two short bursts into the hole. The plastic covering began to melt; what was left of the clothes, the skin, muscles, organs, and finally the bones all dissolved into the earth, hissing faintly. Annie grimaced.

"Oh my God. That was like the end of Indiana Jones."

"You always did have a way with words."

"You always did have a way with words," mimicked Annie, moving onto the next grave and giving two short douses. "Well how would you describe it?"

"Horrific? Appalling?" he suggested, giving his first grave a spray. "Monstrous?"

They carried on without speaking; the only sounds those of their footsteps, the pumps and the hissing of melting corpses. Their legs became spattered with mud, their foreheads sheening with sweat. Artemis ghosted from grave to grave, barely even glancing at their occupants anymore. Annie stopped after a while and watched him; his face looked like a sullen Jack O' Lantern in the shadows of his headlamp.

"So how's the love life going?"

Artemis glanced up, bent over a large grave. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, how's the love life?"

He straightened and pulled down his respirator. "Are you seriously asking me this here?"

She shrugged and pushed up her own mask. "Why not? Thought I'd try and lighten the mood."

"Lighten the–? Annie."

"What? These guys aren't listening to us." She leant over her nearest pit. "Are you? No. He says he isn't."

"That's not funny."

"I know Tuley sent you a Valentines. Did you send one back?"

"No."

"And do you still fancy that blonde from the girl's school?"

"What–? No."

"Good. She had a face like haunted Tupperware."

He scowled at her. "Why are you doing this?"

"No reason."

"Then could you stop?"

She pretended to consider the pit beside her. The corpse within it was a small one, wrapped in multiple bin-liners. "What about Holly?"

The elf's heart suddenly picked up.

"Who?"

"Now you definitely fancy her."

"Don't be absurd."

"You talk about her all the time."

"Hardly–"

"You play with that coin almost constantly."

"Force of habit."

She raised an eyebrow.

Artemis went back to looking at his pit. Annie, ever the masochist, folded her arms.

"You'd make beautiful babies."

"Annie."

"They'd have your eyes and her webbed feet–"

"She doesn't have–!"

"And years later when people ask you how you met, you'll say, 'It's a beautiful story actually. I kidnapped her and locked her in my basement,' and they'll say, 'Wow, that is a beautiful story, please tell us more–' Oh my God!"

Annie reared back from the grave she'd just sprayed.

"Annie?" cried Artemis. "Annie!" He ran over to her as fast as his muddied boots would allow. "Annie, are you ok?"

She shook her head, her eyes clenched shut. "He fucking… he fucking killed…"

He left her, walking to bend over the grave she'd abandoned. Half the cadaver had been disintegrated but the top half of the torso was still pretty much complete. The body was wearing a cap and a grey V-necked school sweater with a small crest over the left breast.

"You… you used to wear that."

The teenager's face was suddenly blank. "Henry Farthings. I identified him earlier. He was… he was in the year above me at infant school. When he didn't come to school that day our teachers told us he'd emigrated with his family to New Zealand."

Artemis pulled out his hose and gave the tiny body a last spray, his bones dissolving into those of his parents' below.

There was a faint hissing and then silence fell again.

"Come on," he said quietly. "I want to have this finished by four."

Artemis tore off his hat and headlight, banishing them to the far corner of his room. His fingers pulled at his collar and ripped down the zip of his suit. He flung it from him, the drained backpack falling with a thud to the floor, kicking off his boots and storming into the en suite. Annie quietly closed the door to his room. She could hear the pressurized sound of water on tiles. She took off her own lamp and suit and laid them on the bench, setting her pack down beside them.

Holly stood beside the window, watching.

Five minutes later the boy burst back into the room. He'd dressed himself in a pair of cotton pyjamas but had not bothered to dry himself properly before putting them on – there were darkened patches on his chest, back and thighs, and his hair was dripping wet.

"Art?"

The boy ignored her, instead heading straight for his desk.

"Artemis?"

He shook his head.

Annie frowned. "Art–"

He turned to her, one hand still on the handle of a draw. "What?"

She said nothing.

He resumed his burrowing inside the draw.

Whatever it was he was looking for he didn't seem to find. He slammed the draw shut and leant against it. He took several steadying breaths.

"You alright?" asked Annie.

Artemis stared at her for a full second before bursting out laughing. "Alright? Alright?" He laughed again, raising his face and a hand to the ceiling. "She asks me if I'm alright! Alright. Alright."

Annie waited for him to finish.

"No," he said finally. "Not at the moment. Are you?"

She half shrugged. "Not bad… Could do with a drink."

"Well, I've nothing in this room but tea and acid, so take your pick."

Annie walked over to her bag beneath the window and ripped open the back pocket. "That's okay. I brought my own supplies." She pulled out a half-full bottle of vodka.

Artemis eyed it. "You came prepared."

"I thought we'd want it."

She unscrewed the cap and poured the bottle back into it. Then, after a brief hesitation, threw the drink into her mouth.

She shook her head. "Wow."

His mouth was a thin line as she poured out another a measure.

"C'mon," she rasped, her eyes watering slightly. "This is your one." She held it out to him. "C'mon."

He took the cap and his expression became wistful. "To oblivion," he whispered, and threw the cap towards his mouth. "God," he gasped, his composure instantly vanishing, breaking into a coughing fit.

Annie cocked her head. "You alright?"

The boy couldn't answer; tears were streaming down his cheeks, his throat burning.

"You'll be alright," decided Annie. "You just need to get used it." She snatched the bottle back and took a swig straight from the neck.

Artemis stared at her. "How can you… stand it?"

She lowered the bottle, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. "As you said, means to an end. Here, have some more."

He frowned as the glass was thrust in his face. He took it in two hands and drank warily. "Ergh. There is… absolutely no difference."

"Well you're not coughing your guts up anymore." She took back the bottle.

He grabbed it just as she began tipping back. "Annie!"

"What?" she asked, her voice louder than usual. "We're in the house aren't we? It's fine."

Artemis looked at the bottle. It swilled noisily. He closed his eyes and took another long chug.

"Oh God," he croaked, putting the bottle down. "I… That is still disgusting."

Annie laughed from somewhere near the window. "Light weight."

He put a hand to his head, squeezing his eyes shut. The bottle slipped from his hand.

"Art!" shouted Annie, grabbing it from the floor. "You're tipping it! Jesus… I'm putting it on the table."

He opened his eyes. "Don't go near acid!"

"I'm not! It's by your bed alright?"

He closed his eyes again. "Alright."

He heard the dulled splash as the bottle was upended again.

"You're just drinking it," he observed.

"I'm not."

"I can hear you doing it!"

"That's… the sea, stupid."

"It isn't."

Annie flopped across his bed. "Art?"

"What?"

"You feeling alright now?" Annie looked across at him. "Art? Arrrrty pants?"

He groaned. "Don't... My father calls me… Arty Pants." He got to his feet, a hand still pressed to his head. "Why is the…? Annie."

"What?"

"The room is…" Artemis staggered forwards and clutched at his curtains. "Why…? Oh."

Annie grinned, clambering up off the bed and grabbing him by the wrists. "Dance with me!"

"I don't think– Oof."

But Annie had already wrapped her hands around him, hugging him tightly. She smiled into his chest.

Holly watched them. For a moment they remained still. Then Annie was laughing, pulling them both around the room, lifting Artemis's arm up and twirling underneath. The boy staggered after her. She spun again, holding her hand up so he could spin beneath her. Both their hearts were thrumming, though his didn't quite realise why. Annie grinned at him. Artemis stared unsteadily back; she was the one stable thing in a cyclone of colours. After three and a half rounds of the room they flopped onto the bed, both out of breath.

"So you… berrer… now?" panted Annie. "Not… so grumpy?"

He swallowed and shook his head. "I feel… I feel…"

Annie hiccupped, and clapped a hand over her mouth.

"I feel…"

She looked at him and hiccupped again, sending herself into peals of laughter. Artemis dragged himself off the bed, perhaps a little too quickly. He tripped, steadying himself by grasping hold of the curtains again.

"You!" he declared, swivelling sharply, "you."

This just caused her to laugh harder. She rolled over, burying her face in one of the pillows.

"And I!" He staggered slightly as he pointed to his chest. "Am… hmm."

"You're a dipstick," mumbled Annie into the cotton.

Artemis shook his head three times, four times… seven times. He grinned. "No… I… am a genius. I kidnap things… and they don't let me free."

"Woh?"

Artemis waved his arms, and his grin widened. "N'mind, n'mind…" He stumbled, forward.

Annie thrust out a hand. "Acid!"

Artemis stopped. He swayed as if he stood on the deck of a roiling ship.

"Acid," repeated Annie, her arm falling back to the bed. "Don't go near acid."

The boy nodded. "Hmm. Acid." He giggled. And then hiccupped. "Why?" he demanded, pitching forwards again and gripping a post of his bed. "Why haven't I done this before? This is…" He swung around and fell with a thump at the base of the footboard. "Ha!"

Annie sat up and slung herself to the end of the bed. She hung unsteadily over him, her hands on the wood above his head.

"What cha doing?"

He looked up and grinned. "Sitting on my… bottom."

"Bottom?"

"Bottom. You know I've never sworn don't you?"

"Never… woh?"

"Never sworn! Not once!"

Annie blinked heavily. "That's… that's…"

"Fowl!" announced Artemis. "That's incredibly Fowl. It's so very Fowl." He got up, and blinked heavily.

"You," observed Annie, "are gone."

He just laughed and grasped at the bedpost, placing one foot up onto the mattress. With a great tug he tried to lever himself back atop the bed, but his hands slid down the pole and he ended up on his back, one foot suspended awkwardly in the air. Annie rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm. With an even greater tug, she managed to fold the boy up onto the sheets. His hips rolled forward and he collided face-first with the blankets. Annie pulled at his shoulders, rolling him over.

He grinned dopily up at her. "Ah. My fair saviour. Thee that doth eclipse the Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light…"

She stared back, her eyes unfocused.

Then he sat up, and, with a hand braced on Annie's shoulder, managed to get to his feet.

"Art–?"

"Prepare thyself!" he cried.

"Art, what–?"

"I'm going to say it!"

"What?"

He closed his eyes, swallowed and then: "Fuck."

There was a frozen moment: Artemis still stood triumphantly atop the mattress, Annie sat beneath him, eyes wide, body swaying.

"Wow," she said after a brief silence. "That was… intense."

He glanced down at her. "Shit."

"Bad."

"Bollocks."

"Whoa."

"Cunt."

"Woh-ho!" He scowled at her and she burst into laughter.

He dropped to the mattress and gave her a vengeful shove in the ribs. She clung onto his arm, barely holding onto the mattress.

Her cheeks were flushed red. "I go you go, 'member?"

He smirked and rolled towards her. Her eyes hardly had time to widen before she was falling off the edge, dragging Artemis and half the bedding with her. They landed in a bundle on the carpet.

"Art–!"

He rolled over, their legs tangled, chests bumping. When they settled again they were on their sides, faces inches apart.

"You go, I go," he panted. "Remember?"

Annie's heart hurt from the force with which it was throwing itself against her ribcage. He was looking at her with eyes deep and unguarded and she couldn't help but stare back. The room simply didn't exist anymore. Their entire world had frozen, all except for some strange heat that licked its way inside of them, painting their souls in colours they'd never seen before.

Their eyes slowly slipped shut.

Holly's heart was beating almost as fast as the teenagers'. Her breath was unsteady, her fists clenched. She watched as their noses rubbed against each other, stroking, almost daring…

Artemis.

Their lips touched.

They leant into each other. His hand rose to her hair, her hand to his face. They held each other, cradled each other, took great, plunging breaths of one another. Her leg rose and his parted, hooking their limbs tightly together, his soft pyjamas rucking up above the knees…

And then his head snapped back.

Annie's eyes opened. "Art–?" He twisted onto his other side, wrenching her half on top of him. "Art–!"

He vomited onto the carpet.

"Okay." Annie detached herself from him, quickly but carefully.

Artemis just groaned. "Annie…"

"It's alright," she said, her brain crashing back to reality. "It's alright. We just need… need to get you to the bathroom."

"Annie–"

"No. Hold it in."

"Ergh."

"I'm here… I'm here." Annie set her eyes on the bathroom, hoisting him up by the waist. "I'm…I'm here…"

Aw, Arty. Too much vodka + too much movement = bad times.

Big thanks to my editor-extraordinaire, Cielo Crimisi, for twice beta-ing this chapter! She's an amazing proof-reader, but not so good at April Fools ;)

In the next chapter someone gets a little out of their depth.

Now, review?

Please?

Because there's only four chapters to go.