A/N: Here is chapter 10. This chapter has an Alex Joe moment that I've been building to ever since their first car ride together back in There All Along. Hopefully it works for everyone. It also introduces the next plot point, which has also been crewing for a while, and hopefully will be interesting. I think its safe to say that it is a very good thing Alex and April are already talking to Dr. Wyatt. Perspective will help in a time like this. Little longer to make up for the gap in updates. As always thank you for reading, and let me know what you think! Enjoy.

"Oh! Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey. A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?"

April looked up from her folding and watched as her father sang a familiar song from her childhood to her son. The scene warmed her heart. Joe had Adam in his arms and was tickling the baby's stomach. He had Jeopardy on mute on the tv so he could croon and whisper to his grandchild. Adam, for his part, stared blearily up at his grandfather with a wrinkled forehead, framed by his somewhat unruly head of hair. Grandpa and grandson bonding was going well.

Karen Kepner walked in from the laundry room and plopped another dry load next to April, being mindful of her bandaged and propped up leg. She smiled gratefully at her mother and grabbed another handful of clothes to fold. It was amazing the amount of laundry that one small person could generate. Combined with his father's loads, and April's low energy following the birth, it had all seemed overwhelming. However, in the four days since the arrival of her mother, father, and sister, April felt like she and Alex were finally able to get a good handle on things. They were able to get a few more solid hours of sleep, and for all April had thought she'd wanted to prove she could care for Adam by herself, having other people around to clean and run errands and help with the baby was awesome.

As a result, April had the chance to go have Callie look at her leg and do a few adjustments, so it was actually feeling better, and would improve in the coming weeks. Adam had had his first check up, and was putting on good weight. And with her family there, Alex had apparently had the chance to scrounge around for someone to take his place at down in Phoenix to represent the Africa Teaching project in a week. Though, he never said anything to her about it, beyond, 'I'm not freakin' going'. April had just heard that he was looking for a replacement from Callie, who heard from Arizona who heard from Alex. But April wasn't focusing on that. Wyatt had said that their homework was to focus on what they loved about each other. Not the parts that maddened them. So, she was trying.

Not that Karen, Joe, or Alice had any inkling that April and Alex were trying counseling. It wasn't like she wanted to keep it hidden. In fact, Jackson, Mer, Amber, Lexie, and most everyone else in Seattle kind of knew. And that really didn't feel like too big of a deal. April felt more than comfortable with her thrown together Seattle family knowing what was going on. Talking about it with her parents and sister felt like something different. And April didn't want to have anything about it getting back to Libby somehow. Then she'd never hear the end of it. So, April could only hope her parents and sister didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

It also helped that April's family acted as a bit of a buffer. Her mother's cooking, father's busybodying, and Alice's advice was comforting. The tense moments between herself and Alex were easily defused. And this was a very happy time and all.

At nearly 3 weeks old, it seemed like Adam was growing bigger and bigger every day. April knew it was probably still early, but she swore could see little inklings of personality already beginning to unfold in her son. He wasn't terribly fussy and only cried when he was in actual need of food, a change, or love. He had a different cry for each need, and could get very loud. She'd learned what his noises meant and it seemed like Alex could tell the differences too.

But the rest of the time, Adam seemed content to look around, sometimes squinting and scowling against his limited infant eyesight. He preferred actually being held to laying in his crib, and could be easily soothed with voices, humming, and music. He appreciated swaddling, a good back rub, and the times he could occasionally manage to discover his thumb, toes, or fingers. When he did, Adam was fond of sucking them. It was adorable.

April and Alex both still ended up short on sleep in the beginning, but Alice, Karen, and Joe had gone a long way into putting things into perspective. The first full night the Kepner clan had arrived in Seattle, was mother's day. Her family had made a big to do of the whole thing, since it was April's first time spending mother's day as someone's mother. Somehow, despite it all, Alex had managed to coordinate with Alice and her parents, and presented her with a card and gifts 'from Adam'. April sometimes still had trouble wrapping her head around the fact that she was a mom. The little celebration was so sweet it had brought her to tears.

That night her mother had held Adam close, soothing him to sleep after April finished feeding him. Both she and Joe were in awe of their grandson and they couldn't stop raving about 'what a good baby he was'.

Both April and Alex had chocked that up to just being over-doting grandparents and Alex had finally called them on it, "You're just saying that because he is your grandkid. He cries pretty normally for a healthy baby, I think."

Joe had looked up from adjusting the blanket and shook his head, glancing pointedly toward April, "No, Alex, I am telling you. Try three out of four girls with severe colic, then you'll see what a laid back boy your son is. Our house was so loud. This one here didn't seem like she'd ever stop crying. Went on for months."

Unable to control the flush spreading across her cheeks, April had ducked her head and rolled her eyes. She'd heard the story before. Many times. The extended family never let her live it down.

Alex's eyebrows raised in shock, "Three of them had colic?"

"Libby, April, and Kimmie. April was the worst," Karen agreed. "Took her forever to learn to self sooth."

Seemed like every time a new cousin or grandchild was born the story would get told again. Alice took pride that she was the one who didn't have colic at all. April got the shame of being the biggest crier. Where Libby and Kimmie had grown out of their colic in the normal period, April had been a chronic crier, for far longer than she should have been and for no clear reason. Aunt Martha had suggested hot baths. Uncle Gus told her father to drive April around in the car. And Cousin Nancy thought the sound of the vacuum would be a magic charm.

Nothing had done the trick. Finally, so the story went, her mother had successively adopted Grandma Murphy's tried and true method of just 'letting the baby cry her wee self to sleep', and baby April had supposedly at least learned not to keep the whole farmhouse up every evening. And then crying herself to sleep had become a hallmark of her life. Not that anyone could have known that at the time.

Now, watching her father play with her son, April realized she had no idea how her parents had ever managed to employ that technique on her. She folded another small blue onesie and placed it into her pile. She instinctively knew that she couldn't do that to Adam. April felt as though she physically hurt when Adam cried now. It seemed completely counter intuitive to imagine leaving him screaming by himself, for no apparent reason, without attempting to comfort him. And April knew that some studies said that what her parents had done was perfectly valid, but there were also studies that said it wasn't. There was no 'right' way to do any of this really. She just knew that method wouldn't work for her, and for the first time, April wasn't sure she agreed with all of her Mom and Dad's parenting decisions.

There hadn't really been much reason to think about or question them before, but it was still a startling realization. April thought that maybe they'd made some mistakes. She'd never really thought her parents could before. And maybe it was just thinking all this counseling stuff that had April thinking this way, but a small part of April suddenly considered whether her colic played more into her life than she realized. They'd left her alone to cry herself to sleep. No wonder she'd turned out to be so insecure? Maybe it contributed.

Carefully sorting the rest of the load into piles and grabbing another item to fold, April shook herself. It didn't really matter. She was grown, and it wasn't like she hadn't always known that her parents loved her. Even if no one else did. That was the one thing the insecure little April of her childhood could always hold on too. Mom and Dad loved her.

They loved April and now they loved her son, even if he was born before his parents were even married, and despite the fact that he was so big she'd almost bleed out. None of that impacted their love. The sentiment was reinforced as her mother returned from the laundry room and sat down next to her father, cooing sweetly to Adam, and joining Joe in another quiet verse of singing.

Tilting her head to one side, April could hear her sister Alice chatting with Alex in the kitchen, and their conversation made her smile. The old Iowa vs. Ohio debate. Her sister knew that saying that Ohio was better than Iowa at anything was enough to get Alex going, and she tended to wind him up over various topics relating to that theme. This time the focus was football.

Alex shut the pantry, and said, "Ohio State has like the worst defensive record ever."

"Yeah," Alice countered. "Because you don't need a great defense when your offense is amazing."

"Football is all about defense."

"You're just saying that because the Buckeyes beat Iowa State."

"It was a bad ref call that made that game, not anything our guys did."

Alex huffed out of the kitchen carrying a bag of chips and slumped down next to April, using one hand to gently massage her bum leg as the other hand dug into the bag of chips on her lap. The moment was fleeting and somewhat unexpected, and April ended up blinking in surprise. It wasn't like she and Alex had been exactly cold to each other in the past few weeks. They still slept in the same bed, and kissed occasionally, and embraced and all that. But small gestures like this ever few and far between lately. From April as much as was a result of stress and hormones and fear and everything really. But the touch felt nice. April scooted closer to him, and he smirked at her and devoured a mouthful of chips.

"Oh right, blame the referees," Alice leaned out of the kitchen, carrying a dish towel. She hung on the door frame by the trips of her fingers and reached in just far enough to swat Alex in the back of his head with the towel. "Bad loser, you are!"

Alex grabbed an unfolded onesie from the pile and threw it at Alice, missing her by inches as she retreated back into the kitchen to finish dishes.

"Everyone behave yourselves," Joe calmly intervened, looking up from Adam, as Karen settled in next to him and watched the silent image of Alex Trebeck.

"Your yoda impression sucks!" Alex called into the kitchen.

"Better than yours!" came Alice's quick reply.

Out of all of April's family, Alex had forged the most comfortable and closest relationship with Alice. April found that ironic, because in a lot of ways, she had always been closest to Alice as well. He turned back to April, and she would have scolded him about throwing clean laundry across the living room, except that he was still smiling and it was a real smile and she felt all warm and fuzzy, and now he was wrapping his arm around her shoulders and it was just not worth it.

Gobbling another handful of chips, Alex leaned forward and gestured at one of April's piles of sorted laundry, "Is that my lab coat?"

"Yes," April replied, finishing the last fold of a small baby outfit and placing it on the edge of the couch. "It still needs ironing though...but I know you are going back to work next week so I just ran it with the rest of the whites."

Alex offered her the bag of chips, and when April declined, he placed them on the table and brushed off his crummy hands on his pants. To April's surprise, Alex then leaned forward and picked up a small green onesie from her pile, and began to fold it. To April, the little garment looked impossibly small in his large hands.

"I never ironed anything until you started doing my laundry," Alex mumbled, scowling as he haphazardly creased the little outfit.

"And to be perfectly honest, your clothes were horribly wrinkled most of the time," April snickered matter of factly, watching him place his folding job on the top of the pile.

If it could be called a fold job at all. It kind of looked more like he had just rolled and crumpled. But, April had never really seen him willingly try to do any folding at all before without major complaining, so she'd give him credit.

Alex snorted with laughter at nodded his head at her reply, "I appreciate your candor...and your folding."

He held out his hands for more folding, so April gave him another small stack of Adam's clothes. She supposed it didn't really matter that much if Adam's clothes were a little crinkled. At least, she could fold then herself later with little difficulty. They shared a smirk at the way he jokingly utilized Dr. Wyatt's suggestion from their appointment. It had turned out not to be that hard really. Even Alex had gotten on board. There was plenty for them both to appreciate. April realized that there were tons of things Alex did, especially now that they had Adam, that genuinely made a difference in her life. For all he could be frustrating, closed off, and irritable, Alex also had a heart of gold.

"Oh shoot," Joe said, looking up from Adam to the game show on tv. "Category is farm vocabulary. I should know this one."

"Ha! I know it! It's 'What is a swine?'" Karen answered triumphantly, making Alex tilt his head skeptically at April.

"They like Jeopardy," April shrugged.

"Yeah, well...when we're their age, let's be sure to pick a cooler show," he whispered.

April pulled her gaze from his, not wanting him to see her reaction. She nodded quickly, plastering on a smile. She focused on her hands and went back to folding clothes. She used to love when Alex say joking things like that in passing. When he'd allude to them being old and still together and everything. But then they'd had their big fight and he'd admitted that he wasn't sure they'd stay together at all, and he'd stopped saying things like this, and April had kind of stopped letting herself believe in them and it was a little overwhelming to hear him say it again now. Because it set her mind racing of in a thousand different directions. Looking for depth in his words. What did he really mean? Was he overcoming his fear? Just joking? Messing with her? Trying?

Alex seemed to sense her sudden change in mood, because he shifted uncomfortably and continued to fold. April could feel his gaze burning into the side of her face, and she swallowed hard. She felt silly for suddenly feeling so emotional. Scared even. This was supposed to be a happy time, and until now the day and evening been exceptionally peaceful and nice. She was just letting her mind and paranoia get the better of her and it was ruining the moment. Because Alex had squeezed her knee, and he was sitting next to her, folding freaking laundry, and joking about the future for goodness sake, and that really couldn't be a bad sign at all, could it? April didn't want Alex to think she hadn't noticed and didn't like all of that. She wanted to tell him that it was okay.

Before she could speak however, Alex opened his mouth and stated casually, "I got someone to cover me."

He didn't need to say what for. They both knew he was talking about the APSA conference he'd foolishly and impulsively chosen to register for months previous. The whole thing had led to their predicament now, and revealed some underlying issues in their relationship that ever hard to face. Alex's words were a surprise though.

"Who?" April asked curiously, uncertain as to why he suddenly was disclosing this information to her. Even now that they were in counselling, Alex spoke very minimally about the conference, only broaching the topic when absolutely necessary.

"You'll never guess." He shrugged, "Doesn't matter."

"No?" April knew that the project in Africa was very dear to his heart, and that that was the reason that he'd made the choices he had. No matter that they were misguided and damaging, it came from a place in Alex that was dedicated. Whoever was going to the conference in Phoenix was going to represent Seattle Grace's Africa program on a national scale. So turning over that role was obviously hard for Alex.

"Nope," the corner of Alex's lip pulled into a smile and he was looking April in the eyes, and in that moment she felt like his gaze seemed more open and calm than it had in a very long time. "I mean, it's a little surprising. But whatever, I left the trip in good hands, and I am going to be here with you and Adam. Until we get us all worked out. That's all that matters."

April smiled shyly and bit her lip. It really did matter, and what was more important to her, it seemed like Alex was really invested in growing and figuring things out. As suddenly as April had felt uncomfortable, now April felt at ease. Better, in fact, about the whole thing than she had felt in a long time. They were going to work things out eventually. They just needed to put in the time. They needed to take small steps. And they were.

Alex sniffed and yawned, shuffling down the hallway to the sound of his son's cries, armed with a warm bottle for a night feed. When he reached the nursery, he carefully lifted his agitated baby from the crib and settled into the rocking chair by the window.

"Hey big guy," he said quietly, offering the bottle to the agitated infant. "I know I don't quite have the same stuff on tap like Mama does, but food is food right?"

As usual, after a little bit of fretting and fussing, which Alex thought was more to make a point than anything else, Adam took the bottle and began to eagerly drink his nighttime meal. Alex thought they were getting the hang of the whole thing; waking up in the night to feed Adam. He putting on weight at a good rate, and was able to sleep for longer and longer periods. Alex and April alternated their responses to Adam's night needs in order that they could both get the longest amount of uninterrupted sleep possible. Since her family was leaving the next morning, Alex supposed the real test of their parenting abilities was still to come, but the Kepner visit had given them both the chance to catch their breath, and some sleep.

Adam was unusually awake at this feed and he stared up intently at his father as he ate, small dimples appearing on his cheeks with each swallow. It wasn't even freakin' biased to say that his kid was going to be super cute. His dimpled smiles were gas related at this point, but it was no exaggeration to say that Adam would be a looker when he could control his expressions more. And that the little boy would probably be able to get a long way on dimples alone. It was still kind of hard for Alex to believe that he'd played any part at all in the creation of this perfect little being. If Adam didn't scowl the way he did, and he didn't know April any better, Alex might let himself wonder...because most things he played a part in ended up getting screwed up. Not Adam though.

He flexed his ankles and knees, making the chair rock gently, running his hand along the top of Adam's red sleep mussed hair, "See? You old Dad was right. Food is freaking food..."

Actually, jokes and whatever aside, there was one thing that pulled every bit of disbelief from Alex's mind, and replaced it with more than a little unease. He tried not to let it bother him. He tried not to think about it. The fact that Adam had Aaron's eyes. April and all the books and whatever said not to hold much stock into young babies eyes. Everyone more or less started out with something vaguely blue. he'd seen it enough himself on the peds ward and in the NICU. But Adam's eyes were not vague and they showed no signs of freaking changing. They were his brothers. Alex was as sure about his sons eyes not changing color as he was about the fact that Adam would have his mother's smile and his own scowl. It was just how things had gone down. A roll of the genetic dice. And this combination meant that Adam had his uncle's eye color.

Alex tried not to read too much into it. But it was true. Sometimes Adam's gaze was a strange look into the past pulling Alex back to memories he had of his brother when they were kids. Before Amber. A lot of the memories were bad. They involved tears and their father and mother and yelling and all the crap Alex hated to think about. But some of the memories were good. He remembered him and Aaron giggling in the back yard and worm racing and chasing after the ice cream man on warm summer days. That was the strange thing. A twinkle in Adam's eye could make Alex think of happy moments he didn't know he remembered.

"Grandpa and Grandma and Aunt Alice are leaving in the morning," Alex continued casually. "So I bet that'll be a little different. You got used to them helping out. But your Mama and I can take care of you."

He didn't really know why he always felt like talking to Adam. He didn't do the whole baby talk thing that April and almost every other chick insisted on doing with his son. Alex just talked to him like he was a kid. Like he was a regular person who deserved to know what was going on in the world. So, Alex updated him on his life. Adam 'knew' things that Alex hadn't yet told anyone else. Adam knew about the memory of Aaron and the water balloons. He knew about the pepper slices he'd dropped on the floor while trying to cook something, which Alex had just thrown into the pot without re-washing (ten second rule). Adam knew how many pediatric attendings across the city he'd had to pander to in recent days. He knew that in his father's eyes it had all been worth it. Even the trip to Seattle Children's, and it didn't matter that it was freakin' Robert Stark who'd agreed to take Alex's place at the pediatric conference. Because Alex understood that not going to Phoenix was the right thing for their little family.

Adam was easy to talk to. Alex smirked. Maybe he'd grow up to be a head shrink instead of a surgeon.

Both father and son startled a little when the door creaked open. Alex blinked in surprise when the open door revealed a slipper clad Joe Kepner in the dim light. Adam seemed satisfied by the presence of his grandfather and continued with his late night (early morning really) dinner.

"Uh, hey," he murmured apologetically. "Sorry if we woke you up...I know your flight leaves pretty early."

"Oh," Joe chuckled softly, waving one hand dismissively as he made his way over to the window and leaned on the sill. "I was already awake. I can never sleep well the night before a trip. I hate flying. Nothing more frightening. A tin can just up in the sky. You can't tell me that's safe."

"Safer than driving," Alex said, knowing from his work in the hospital that there was statistically far more danger from being out on the roads than up in the air.

"Doesn't feel that way."

"Whatever."

Alex shrugged, looking back down at at the baby, again feeling that mildly creeped out vibe he got whenever he was around April's father alone. It wasn't stalker creepy, or even really bad feeling. It was more like an exposed feeling. Like those dreams April told him about having sometimes where'd she'd end up going to work or the grocery store or wherever stark naked, panicking when she realized everyone there was looking at her. When Joe Kepner looked at him like that, Alex felt like all his secrets were out in the open. It was as though Joe could see it all, even though he knew that the older man had been told the barest of minimums about everything. But Alex wasn't comfortable with that. It was bad enough April and Mer and Cristina and Robbins got exposed to all his crazy crap. Joe just wigged him out a little.

After a long beat of silence, Joe tilted his head and caught Alex's eye. Adam fussed and squirmed, and needed to burp, so Alex lifted his son to the towel on his shoulder, and patted gently.

"It's hard for you, isn't it?" Joe said quietly. "It's hard sometimes."

Alex lowered his gaze and frowned, speaking in an even tone trying to hid the uneasiness he felt, "I don't know what you mean."

Joe sighed and stuck his hands in the pockets of his robe. "I mean, all of this. Having a family...becoming a father...loving someone."

"You think I can't do it?" Alex felt his guard rise. "What the hell do you know?"

Adam fussed at the sudden change in his father's voice and Alex glared at Joe. He held the baby closer. The dude was treading much to close to stuff Alex didn't want to talk about.

"Now, I don't pretend to know much of anything about anything," Joe continued, holding up one hand dismissively. "Least of all about you and your past. I only know as much as April tells her mother, and she doesn't say much. And that's okay. I know all I need to about you. I learned all of that the day I met you."

Alex felt his curiosity over power his anger. He'd never quite understood why Joe had always been so freaking accepting of him. From the day they met, long before he and April had even really thought about dating. Usually chicks father's hated him. "That so?"

Joe nodded firmly, and pursed his lips, "I could tell you were a tough nut to crack. And you probably have good reasons to be. But, you saved my daughter's life. And that's enough for me."

Shaking his head, Alex sighed. That rescue crap should really only get him so far. And the whole heroism thing was lame and pretty run of the mill, "Anybody who was down there with her would have done the exact same-"

"I am not talking about during the earthquake, Alex," Joe said quietly. "I am talking about after. When that doctor came and told us what was going to happen with her leg, and what she needed to do to get walking again...I saw her face...It was devastating. Heart breaking. I could see her giving up. Until you told her she'd still succeed. Tell you helped her see that it was only a setback, not an ender. April believed you enough to go on. And for many years, the only person she believed like that was me. I used to be the only one who could make April believe in herself. But you can too. That's all I needed to see."

Alex didn't know how to respond. Joe didn't understand that how many times Alex had hurt April too. He didn't know half the stupid crap Alex had done to her before he'd pulled his head out of his ass and realized that he care. Joe didn't know that Alex had screwed things up between them more recently. He didn't know they were trying therapy. Joe didn't know a lot of things.

"It's not that simple," he sighed.

"Exactly my point, son," Joe said placidly. "For you, it's hard. For lots of people it is."

Alex swallowed and looked across the room at his would-be father in law, "Cut the crap, Joe. What do you mean? What are you trying to say?"

The older man, only gave a small smile, and it was maddening, and Alex would have just stood up and left the god damn room, if he wasn't in Adam's nursery and the baby wasn't already dozing and snoring softly on his shoulder. But he was damned if he was going to wake the baby or anyone else in the house up by tearing around with his frustration. So, he sat, eyes glued to his toes, carefully avoiding Joe Kepner's eyes.

"I think you and I might be a lot alike, Alex."

Yeah right. Alex snorted to himself. Joe, reigning dad of the year, who survived life with a billion chicks and acted like he was freaking Buddha, or Opie from Mayberry. Joe was in no way a screw up. He was a family man, who was content and maybe even happy to just deal with his cows and his pigs and whatever. That was as far away from Alex Karev as you could possibly get.

"We're nothing alike."

"Oh, I don't know...I figure you have a lot of experience taking are of people. I know what that is like. I am the oldest in my family," Joe said he held up his hand and waggled his fingers for emphasis. "Me and then five little sisters."

Alex's features remained solemn and his frown didn't really know what to make of the conversation.

"Did April ever tell you anything about my mother?"

Shrugging, Alex shook his head. He supposed he knew as little about Joe and the dude knew about him, "Only that her name was Alice."

"She died when I was...oh 11, nearly 12," Joe continued, and a sadness crept into his features. "It was all pretty sudden. A single car accident on the road to our farm from town. No one knows exactly what happened. And...my father...well, I saw what it did to him. He was lost. Broken. He never got over it. And I had to step up and take care of all my little sisters. Take the burden of their futures onto my back because Papa became so...cold. He was distant, you see? So, stepping up? I know how crushing that can be."

In the two years that Alex had known Joe Kepner, he'd never talked like this. Sure he had his weird wise dude moments, and he'd never been shy about dealing with emotional crap. The man freakin' hugged Alex and cried the day they met. He'd also been seemingly quick to love and embrace Alex as part of his life. Thinking about it now, Alex realized that in a lot of ways, Joe had welcomed him into his family long before they became connected through Adam, and well before Alex proposed to April. Still, despite the tendency for weird conversations, blubbering and whatever, Joe had never talked candidly about himself like this. He was a quiet dude, and he told stories about errant pigs, nosy in laws, and clumsy daughters. Never anything about before.

"I made sure they went to school, had clean clothes, and food to eat. I took care of them, and care of them and care of them, until I thought I couldn't anymore."

Alex cautiously lifted his gaze more, watching as Joe shook his head, "By the time I had the last one old enough and out of high school, I was worn out. Done. Damaged. I struck out to live on my own. Got my land; started farming. And I knew, I knew that I wanted a life just for me. Alone. Safe. I didn't want to love someone because I didn't want to end up like my father. And I sure as hell didn't want to have kids that had my childhood. I'd done so much, and I thought I couldn't do anymore. Ever. When you have to take on that much responsibility, and care, you get to a point where you just know you can't do it anymore."

The older farmer's words were hitting much to close to home for Alex. He'd never have guessed, but turns out, Superdad hadn't had that super of a dad. Who would have thought? He could totally relate to what Joe was saying. He'd worried about Aaron and Amber going to school and getting enough freaking food. Alex remembered stuffing potatoes and apples in his pockets at the Save-a-Lot down by Industrial, and getting caught by the store security guy. He could never forget the way his mother faded away after their his father finally left, despite the fact that his old man beat her up. He could still see the same empty look on Ava or Rebecca or whatever's face as she rocked back and forth in the shower. And the feeling of Izzie dying in his arms was something that would never leave him. Alex knew what it was like to be overwhelmed by worrying about everyone else. It had bitten him in the butt many times. Seemed like Joe Kepner knew too.

"But, thing is Alex," Joe voice pulled him back to the nursery, and away from the torrent of memories in his mind. "It's messed up like that, and then you meet the right person and bit by bit, you change. That person helps you see the good things in your life more than the bad, and you can learn to stop hating the world for whatever it did to you."

Turning away from the window, Joe slowly made his way toward Alex and Adam in the rocking chair. "I got with Karen and...she changed how I saw everything. Especially how I saw myself. It was hard for me at first. I didn't trust it could work. And then we had the girls and...I never thought I had it in me. To be a father. I thought I was used up. But now I am grateful because it's honestly been the greatest experience I could ever have. I knew how to be different than Papa was, you see? I made sure I was different. And better for my daughters than I was for my sisters. I tried to be better."

Joe leaned down and kissed Adam's head, giving Alex's a shoulder a small squeeze, "The transition is hard, but I promise it's worth it. You have it in you to be a great husband and father, Alex. I believe in you. I have no doubt. And neither should you. Just keep doing your best. Go with the change. I know it feels hard, but let it happen. Let this little guy change you. And he will. And let April change you, and you'll change them, and that's just how families are. It's wonderful, and I know it can work, even for someone who doesn't believe it can."

Alex was kind of stumped. What the hell do you freakin' say to that? He'd never been good with emotional crap. Luckily Alex didn't really have to worry because it seemed like Joe didn't really expect any sort of response. Dude just nodded his head one last time, moved to the door and said good night.

As soon as the door shut, Alex whispered to the sleeping Adam, "I've said it before...but your Grandpa is one weird dude."

He wondered if things could be that simple, like Joe had said. If he could just make himself relax and believe that he'd change and things would get better. Alex wished he could just go with the change. Knowing that it had kind of sort of worked for Joe made everything seem slightly more possible at any rate, and he found himself believing more and more as time went on. Somewhere between May and October, Alex realized that his life was indeed changing.

It was a lot like something Dr. Wyatt kept repeating to April and Alex when they went into their therapy sessions in the ensuing weeks and months. Not that Alex ever told anyone about his conversation with Joe. That was private or whatever. At any rate, that psychologist was always telling them to 'surrender to the process'. And Alex tried going with it.

Even when it meant that Wyatt made them face each other and hold hands while maintaining eye contact in some stupid trust exercise. And when she made them keep track of what annoyed them the most about each other. And when she made them both talk about parts of their pasts that they would rather not even think about, let alone share with anyone.

But the hand holding and the trust crap made Alex realize that for most of his life he'd only been able to let himself trust one person; and that was Alex Karev. Virtually everyone else had let him down along they way. So he'd stopped even bothering to try trusting others. April discovered that honestly, she wasn't that trusting either, having been had her trust trampled upon far too many times, which Alex thought kind of made sense. So, Wyatt had them try this 'give an inch thing'. They had to pick one thing to start with, a memory or a task or whatever, that they trusted each other with.

And when April told Alex that she kind of was annoyed by his bluntness, he huffed and countered that it was no wonder he didn't have much to say since she rambled so much that he could never get a word in edgewise anyway. The heated exchange had ended with them sitting cross armed on the therapy couch. Literally seated as far away as humanly possible without getting up. Wyatt let them strew for a moment, before carefully pointing out that April had said that one of the things she loved about Alex was the way that he didn't complicate things, or let the way others saw him prevent him from telling the truth. Which summed up in a word might be 'blunt'. And that what Alex had included on his list as 'thinking out loud' could also be called rambling. Often, traits you love in a person get on your nerves too. Go figure. But, Alex figured that part of being together was learning to accept that.

Weeks later, on the same threadbare couch, by the same stinking fish tank, Alex revealed just how he'd gotten his Dad to leave that one final time. He'd spent half a season as the star 8th grade wrestler. Not that his father came to any of the matches. If he had maybe the asshole would have had some freakin' clue what was coming. He explained how it wasn't really a planned beat down, more like an avalanche of repressed rage and hurt over the years of abuse Alex had witnessed in his short life. Don had looked at his mother the wrong way one too many times at dinner and Alex had just snapped. Snapped and lost control. But he hadn't expected his dad to go away forever. And he really hadn't expected to still feel kind of guilty about it. Because he did believe that his father had gotten what he deserved. It was just messed up that Alex had to be the architect of it all.

April had held his hand and let him get through the whole thing. And in the next session, when April explained that she was still haunted by the mistake that had cost her her job all those years ago right after the merger, Alex let her cry into his chest as he held her close. She said sometimes the guilt felt like a weight she would never be free of. Different than from the loss of any other patient. Because it all could have been avoided, except for her mistake. The tiny mistake that led to the death of Cathy Becker. Alex knew she took that whole thing hard, and it was a pretty big deal, but he never knew just how deep the hurt really ran. To the point where she'd question whether she even deserved the good stuff she had in life and at work. To the point where she actually wondered whether she was as bad as a murderer. Negligent homicide maybe? April had looked it up. He'd always figured she'd understood just how chaotic and unorganized the hospital had been back then with the merger mess, Residents running around, scrambling in competition for patients with little to no supervision at all. It was crap back then. That disarray was as much to blame for that patient's death as anything else.

Offering a box of tissues, Wyatt had made them both understand that they didn't need to let anyone particular choice define the entirety of their lives. Actually, Alex kind of thought Wyatt wasn't that bad. She called him on his bullshit, and never let him sulk and she called April on her crap too. Alex didn't feel like he was the 'problem' or the only one of them with issues. And then she'd spout stuff that actually made sense, and sometimes it made him feel a little better, even if he couldn't quite explain why.

And so the sessions and the months went by. And through it all, Adam kept Alex grounded. The little guy made him happier than he could ever remember being.

In June, April went back to work, and they both nervously left him in daycare for the first time, afraid about leaving him in the care of someone else. Of course the anxiety was unfounded and Adam did great, charming the staff with his good natured personality. The guilt of being working parents receded somewhat and they all settled into a new normal.

In August, Adam started laughing at stuff, and Alex delighted in making his son chuckle and drool at just about anything. He wasn't exactly sophisticated in his sense of humor. He'd laugh at anything, from peek-a-boo to winks to ripping paper. Pretty much if you said something in a funny enough voice, the belly laughs would roll on. The house was suddenly a laugh factory.

In September, April conned Alex into this "Early Art Education for Babies" thing at the Seattle Art Museum. Really it was just a bunch of crap, where they had the parents walk around the museum with babies strapped to their chests, and letting the little guys touch certain sculptures and look at the colors and whatever. Adam feel asleep before they even walked around, so it ended up being more just the two of them poking around the galleries. But it had actually been pretty fun, and the food wasn't bad. Alex had held April's hand and they'd had a good time.

October and Halloween came up quicker than Alex had ever imagined it would, and before he knew it Alex was joining the ranks of parents everywhere who took a kid way to young to actually eat candy out to trick or treat. Adam went dressed as a little farmer, decked out in a red flannel shirt, overalls, and a soft straw hat made of felt that April had made for him. A small stuffed pig that Alex affectionately called Swine Lou completed the little outfit. Everyone thought it was adorable. And Alex got to eat the candy, promising to reimburse Adam when he got a few more teeth. April had only scolded him a little, as she watched him sort the small haul on the kitchen table. Then, she surprised him by pulling out one of her little notebooks and scribbling something in the back pages and promising Adam she'd hold Daddy to his word. Alex smirked and kissed her.

Turned out, a lot of the therapy crap kind of helped, although some weeks it still felt like a chore to Alex. Granted, Wyatt said they were nowhere near being finished, and Alex still thought that a lot of it was mumbo jumbo. But he couldn't deny that he and April felt much more connected and whatever. And they had made a lot more progress. Things were definitely better and Alex felt like they were more ready to get married than they ever had been. Certainly better than a year ago.

Alex felt like he'd turned over a knew leaf, and that for the first time ever, his past wasn't going to bite him in the ass.

April frowned as she looked down at the chart in front of her. She pursed her lips to one side and tapped her fingers on the edge of the binder. Sniffing she checked her watch. 11 am. Fifteen minutes. Blinking April stretched her neck and tried in vain to focus on what was in front of her. Mere inches away Cristina Yang worked on her own chart, watching closely.

"Kepner, just go check on him already," the cardio attending finally blurted, making April jump.

"W-What?"

After successfully completing her fellowship at Stanford Cristina had been back in Seattle for two and a half months, and April still wasn't all the way used to her presence. Not that she wasn't happy to have Yang around again. Sort of. Well, Mer and Alex were bound to be more excited than April after all. Hunt even more so than them. April was glad Cristina was back, she just...didn't always know where she stood with her.

"Little Spawn. I know about the freakin' field trip to the park they're dragging the brats on today, and I know it's Adam's first stupid one and I know you are wigging out about it. You still have time before they walk over," Yang said sharply gesturing toward the elevator with her pen. "Take your break now and save us from your sad Mommy eyes."

April blinked and stammered, "Uh, I-I...how did you...?"

"You are not exactly subtle April," Cristina said, dotting the last 'T' in her chart and slamming it shut as she stepped back from the counter. "Plus, even though you guys didn't go with me, I am still like the mac-premo godmother of two little kids up there. I'm in the know. Just go. Do what you have to."

Knowing that the other woman's words were true, April didn't need any more persuasion She was up the elevator and limping through the daycare doors in no time. She didn't know why she was worried about the little trip. Really the day care staff would be walking the children two blocks from the hospital to a park to feed the ducks. It shouldn't really feel like that big of a deal. But everything that had to do with her 6 month old son seemed like a big deal to April.

When she entered the room, one of the daycare staff looked up and greeted her in surprise, "Oh. Hello Dr. Kepner!"

Wincing sheepishly April shrugged, "Hi...I just...had a moment and I thought I'd-I'm sorry...I just wanted to..."

"Check on your boy before we head out?" the woman said sympathetically. "Not a problem. He's back in the infants room with the strollers. You are welcome to head back there."

April nodded gratefully and moved back toward the baby room, walking past the older toddlers. The bigger kids were already lining up, and getting bundled up for the chilly November weather. She spotted Sofia and Zola and smiled when they looked up and greeted her.

"Aprol!" Zola grinned waving excitedly.

The more soft spoken Sofia asked excitedly, "Are you coming to feed the duckies?"

Both girls had haphazardly buttoned and zipped their own winter clothing, in advance of being checked by the staff, with mixed results. Sofia's buttons weren't lined up, and her hat stat on her head sideways. The fingers of Zola's gloves were all messed up; the empty spaces for thumbs facing the side by her pinkies.

"No I am just going to tell Adam bye-bye," April explained as she quickly leaned down and rebuttoned Sofia's coat.

"Oh. Is him scared?" Zola said bouncing up and down excitedly.

Adjusting Sofia's scarf and hat and turning to Zola, April quickly slid all her fingers into the appropriate spaces of her gloves. She sighed in response and laughed, "No. I don't think he is scared. I might be a little."

"Why?" Sofia whispered.

April shrugged, "Sometimes Mommy's just get scared."

"Nah uh! Not my Mommy!" Zola said confidently. Sofia seemed to share the same sentiment as she crossed her arms and nodded firmly. They'd be surprised.

"Maybe it's just me," April added as she walked back toward the infant room. "Have fun girls."

The baby room was more organized than the toddler room, in that all the babies were already properly bundled and settled into a series of triplet strollers,. The staff members were carefully checking each baby's buckles. It didn't take long to spot Adam though, in the middle spot of the closest stroller, between two baby girls, wearing a green knitted hat from her mother. He kicked his little feet up and down excitedly when he saw her come into the room, face lighting up with recognition of his mother.

"Duuude!" Adam squealed, drooling down his chin.

April laughed and shook her head in chagrin. Currently Adam had one word. April had secretly hoped that it would be Mama, and Alex had bet the peds nurses that it would be Dada. In the end they had both been wrong. His word was Dude. For everything and everybody. April blamed Alex when she was teasing him, but honesty it was kind of hilarious.

"Hello handsome," April said, playing with one of his kicking feet. Seeing him all bundled up and ready to go in the stroller made her feel instantly more relaxed. The daycare staff was experienced with these kinds of outings, and she really had no reason to feel anxious.

The other babies in the triplet stroller regarded her curiously and smiling at them both, April spoke sweetly, "Are you and all your friends going to the park? You guys are gonna have such a good time."

And now Mom isn't going to have a heart attack worrying about you. Mild heart palpitations? Probably, yes. But at least she could rest easy knowing he wasn't sad or scared or anything. After seeing Adam was okay, April knew she could concentrate. Still, as far as she knew, Alex never needed to make little visits like this just to keep his mind on his job.

"Dududududu."

"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma," April corrected happily. She kissed his feet and his forehead taking the opportunity to get in a little snuggle.

Even though April felt a little silly about being one of those clingy kind of Mom's, impromptu visits like this when she had free time made her feel more involved with Adam's life in daycare. She figured there couldn't be too much wrong with that. The moment however, along with April's break was over all too soon.

April's pager went off and she quickly made her way back down to the pit. Three car accident on Denny way. Casualties heading to the ER. When she arrived on the first floor, her trauma 5th year, Dr. Olant, was already preparing the charts with the vitals of their first two incoming patients.

"What have we got?" April asked as they made their way to the waiting ambulance bay.

"Woman in her mid-sixties, got sandwiched between two cars, accordion style," Olant said briskly. "Steering wheel to the gut. Likely internal trauma. I've already paged a general consult. She likely needs a neuro exam too so I paged them. Last check she was conscious and talking."

"Good job," April said approvingly, as the paramedics threw open the doors of the ambulance. "And the next one out?"

"Next incoming is her grandson," Olant read quickly from his chart. "Approximately two years old. Broken bones, and potential for abdominal issues too. He was partially ejected from his car seat and the medics say there are some deep lacerations on his head. Peds is aware of the situation and they are standing and ready for him once we get him stabilized. Neuro will work with them at that point."

That didn't sound good. It was going to be one of those days, April sighed, "Okay, nice work. How about you take Grandma here, and I'll get him."

"Solo?" Olant asked excitedly, eyes gleaming with that excitement that only came in fifth year.

"Under the supervision of the general or the neuro consult," April tempered. "But yes. I think you can handle it."

That and she didn't want him to work on the kid. Olant was a good surgeon, but he was a lot like she had been as a resident. A little fragile and over invested. He wasn't ready. He didn't have the coping skills to deal, if this boy died. Not that April the attending was much better, but she had dealt with children dying before.

Cases with children always held special importance to April now that she was a mother. She couldn't imagine how she would feel if something happened to Adam, and vowed to do everything she could for the any child that came through her ER. As a mother, April would want nothing less for her own child, and she only hoped her actions would prove successful today. It was always hard for her to death with death as a surgeon, but children were especially hard. And going home to her own happy smiling baby at the end of the day only proved to make it harder. Today, April hoped that she could save this baby, and he'd live another day to smile and laugh at his own family again.

Soon the agitated grandmother was rolled out of her ambulance just as the second emergency vehicle screeched into the driveway.

"What's happening?" the woman wailed in confusion. "Where's my grandson? What's going on?"

As Olant quickly took her vital statistics, April grabbed a penlight and checked the woman's pupils, "My name is Dr. Kepner, and this is Dr. Olant. You are at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. You were in a care accident, ma'am. Your grandson is right behind you."

"I-I live in Chehalis. D-don't d-drive much in the city," the patient was clearly in shock. "It's my g-grandson's b-birthday and I was taking him to the c-children's museum and- Oh my God! Where's Kyle? What's happening? What's going on?"

Not only was she in shock, April concluded, but she did likely have some sort of head injury, given her inability to sequence events and remember conversations only moments previous. Giving a nod to Olant April replied, "You were in an accident. your grandson is being brought in as we speak. Do you think you can tell me your name?"

Shaking badly, the woman swallowed and answered, "Robbie. R-Robbie Stevens. What-what's going on with Kyle? Is he? Oh, God is he?"

"Okay, Mrs. Stevens," April explained. "Dr. Olant is going to take you in now and get you looked over. I know it hurts and it's very confusing but try to stay calm. Kyle is hurt, but he is here, and we're going to our best with him. Dr. Olant is going to take care of you, and I'll take good care of your grandson, I promise."

The words seemed to relax Mrs. Stevens somewhat, and Olant and the paramedics quickly wheeled her gurney into the ER, leaving April with the second set of EMT's and one tiny patient. Moving quickly, April began noting all of his injuries. Broken arm, likely broken pelvis. Distended abdomen. Bowl cut blond hair matted with blood. Poor little thing was in rough shape. April had to climb onto his gurney, and ride it in as the paramedics rushed him into the ER. His condition was far less stable than his grandmother's. He was intubated and midway through her exam, April was greeted by a pair of terrified brown eyes.

"Hi Kyle," April said, keeping her voice as calm and comforting as possible, and holding on to one of his tiny hands. "Don't try to talk. It's okay. You are in the hospital. I'm Dr...Dr. K. I am going to help you. You don't have to be scared..."

Kyle held her gaze for a few more seconds, before he shuddered and his eyes rolled back into his head. His vitals dropped and April and her team had to do emergency CPR to bring him back. After 2 shocks with the paddle's his resting heart rate was back. Sighing, April read his vitals again. This was going to be a tough case. But now she'd looked him in the eyes. April had gotten invested. And she really didn't want to lose.

"Book an OR, now! I don't care who you have to bump."