A/N: I know it's been a while since I updated, friends. I am really sorry about that. Bit of an unexpected winter hiatus. Drama muse took a vacation, and we disagreed and struggled a lot, but now its back. I really have been working to make this plot as interesting and realistic as possible and the next update won't be as long in the tooth, I promise. Hopefully it all makes sense and works. I know it's not a twist many of you expected, but just bear with me. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think! Happy 2013.

April's leg was shot. Well and truly shot.

It throbbed and ached and she regretted not bringing her cane to work. Normally, she'd have brought it with her in advance of a long arduous surgery, but then again, today a 10 hour surgery had not been in her plans. Most trauma cases didn't require a nearly half day surgery. This hadn't been an ordinary trauma at all. As she walked alongside Kyle Stevens's gurney on his way to post-op, April knew her limp was more pronounced than ever.

Not that she minded very much, because knowing that the little boy in the bed next to her had survived the procedure was more than enough to compensate for any temporary knee pain she might be feeling.

Somehow, amazingly, he'd pulled through the procedure. He was now breathing on his own like a champ, and best of all, he'd just passed a neurological exam with Dr. Shepherd. Despite his brief bout with bleeding out, April was confident that Kyle would survive, and be pretty okay. He wasn't by any means out of the woods. There was a basically certain chance of infection, given the extent of his injuries. On top of that months of rehab. Kyle would have a long road to recovery, but at least there was a road to take.

A hard recovery was a hell of a lot better than nothing. If she was Kyle's family, she'd be happy with anything, even a hard anything, over nothing.

April knew that her colleagues probably thought it was odd how much she'd invested in this little patient. She knew Webber thought that she probably shouldn't have gone to such dangerous and extraordinary measures to save this child. And she knew that Dr. Lacey still didn't fully understand how they'd even done the procedure. And she could tell by the weird looks she got from Derek and the scrub nurses that they were all probably judging her for losing her objectivity. She'd only been back on the job a few months. They probably thought that she was still an overly hormonal new mom.

And maybe she was.

When Kyle's gurney arrived in post op, April winced and took another moment to check on her small patient as the nurses settled him in. He looked impossibly tiny in the large bed. He was further dwarfed by the bulky and intimidating looking hardware they'd set up to stabilize his broken arm and pelvis. Nearby the stable beat of Kyle's heart monitor droned on. Thank goodness.

And beneath all that, and the superficial scrapes and bruises on his face, April could swear the boy looked almost peaceful. Probably the drugs. But still, she was grateful because when they brought his family in, they would not have to deal with a child writhing in pain on top of everything else. There were small blessings.

Nodding when Dr. Webber appeared in the doorway, April gathered up Kyle's chart and painstakingly limped to the elevators. Dr. Olant had informed her that Kyle's grandmother was stable and long out of surgery, and that his mother was with her. She slowly made her way to the older woman's room, keeping her head down, trying desperately to ignore the way that Webber had to slow his pace to almost a crawl to avoid getting too far ahead of her.

"Kepner," he began softly. "I can get this if you just want to head home and put that leg up..."

"No," April hissed, wincing as she moved. "It's fine!"

Webber nodded and pursed his lips, "Okay."

"I'm okay, sir. I swear," April hastened to add, belatedly realizing that she might have just sounded insubordinate. "I'm the lead surgeon anyway, and I made the decisions about Kyle, so I am the one who should answer his family's questions. I promise I'm not going to fall over or anything."

"I believe you, Dr. Kepner," he replied calmly. "I just thought I'd offer. That was a pretty long haul."

Looking at his small smile and twinkling eyes, April felt bad for being so short with him. Richard was just looking out for her.

"Thank you."

As the continued to walk, nearing Robbie Stevens room, she added, "You know, you could just go home yourself if you wanted to. I know your knees can't be feeling too much better than mine at this point, huh sir?"

"Ah, you're not far off," Webber teased, as the headed down a long hallway. "We'll both just grin and bear it."

When they rounded the doorway, April didn't quite understand the scene that played out before her eyes. She blinked a few times to make sure she was actually seeing everything correctly.

Sure, there was Robbie Stevens, looking much better than she had the first time April had seen her getting off the ambulance. And there was Dr. Bailey, checking the older woman's post op vitals. Which was unusual, but not unheard of for the short attending to do instead of an intern. Especially if it was a patient she really cared about.

And that's when things she saw stopped making sense to April. Because she was pretty sure that the woman next to Robbie Stevens bed was her fiancees ex-wife, and oh god...

Oh God!

The name suddenly flashed through her brain like a bright neon sign against a blackened sky.

Stevens. Stevens. Stevens.

Robbie was Izzie's mother. Which meant...which meant Kyle was Izzie's little boy.

And then of course, there was the thing she really, really couldn't believe she was seeing. Alex, slumped in a chair on the other side of the room. Alex who April had believed was at home with their son. Who was supposed to have picked Adam up from the daycare after his shift and taken him back to their house. Why instead was he here, seemingly camped out with his ex-wife?

The ex-wife who April always felt Alex still loved, on some level, deep down. She wasn't stupid. She knew he loved deeply when he let someone in. And she'd never say it to his face, but April was sure Alex would not have divorced Izzie if she had never left him that first time. If she had never sent him the divorce papers. He wouldn't have divorced her. Not to be with April, anyway. If she really thought about it, she knew that her own life and love with him was really just a lucky second choice.

April knew that all she really had was luck. She really wasn't anything special. Just an ordinary girl with a little luck.

Luck to get rehired after losing her job. Luck not to get shot by Gary Clark. Luck to survive getting crushed in an earthquake. Luck not to lose her leg. Luck to get Alex in the end. Luck to pass her boards. Luck to survive giving birth to Adam. Luck to be his mother at all.

Luck, luck, luck. Only luck, and that ran out at some point, didn't it? Maybe that point was now.

Kyle Stevens's cart listed his age as exactly two years old. He'd been hurt on his birthday. Two years old. So he was born in 2012.

There was probably more to Alex's presence in this room than April even knew. Alex might be here out of some sense of loyalty to his first wife lying long dormant within his complex heart. But she feared that he also might be here out of a more concrete obligation. A more bonded one. What if?

April's mind immediately started to whirl to the worst possible scenario. She couldn't help it. If Kyle was born in November that means he had to have been conceived in February of 2012. If that was the case, and Alex was actually in this room, waiting with his ex, there was one possible explanation.

February.

She'd still been finishing up rehab then. After the earthquake. February 2012 had been the very beginnings of their relationship. At the time, Alex had been spending time driving her to and from the hospital, and generally hanging out with her. April remembered being completely puzzled by the course of events, given their previously antagonistic relationship, though secretly hopeful for a change. February had been the month she'd kissed him on the couch in Meredith's house. The month of their first real date.

Could Alex have spent time with Izzie...like that very specific certain kind of time with Izzie, so long ago? Would he have screwed her all while leading April on? Could they have made a baby?

If yes, then there was the bigger question. Did Alex know about it?

April's struggled to calm her breathing. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She shouldn't have promised Webber not to fall over. She felt exceptionally unsteady now.

It kind of made sense. If she really thought about it. April had not been ready to have sex right away. Not with her usual insecurities magnified by the fact that her leg was held together by pins and rods, and the scars that went along with it. She knew that they'd waited a long time to sleep together relative to what Alex was used to. Hell, she knew now exactly what his sexual appetite was like. Had she waited too long back then? This was her own fault.

He could easily have satisfied his urges elsewhere. Why wait for the awkward crippled girl when he could get satisfaction elsewhere? With Izzie. He probably had.

April dragged herself out of her thoughts when she realized that all the conscious eyes in the room were now focused on her, waiting expectantly. Izzie's looked desperate. Of course. Because she was. Any mother in her situation would be overcome with worry for her child. And whoever Kyle was or wasn't, his family deserved an update on his condition. She had to be professional.

"What's happened to my son?"

April's hands shook, and she reached out to the wall next to the door for some support, knowing that she probably looked like death warmed over. Her leg already hurt, and the realization she had in the instant she'd realized who all was in the room had drained all the color from her cheeks. This was probably leading Izzie, Alex, and Bailey to think that things had not gone well in the OR. She straightened her shoulders and willed herself to stay calm. Professional.

"Hello, I'm D-Doctor, Kepner. I worked on your son's case."

Oh no, no, no. That sounded like she had laryngitis. Or too much vodka. Or both. She cleared her throat and began again.

"K-Kyle is in post op," April said, mildly impressed with her own ability to control the waver in her voice.

For Izzie though, that answer was obviously insufficient, "I...what happened to him? Why did his surgery take so long? Is he alright? When can I see him?"

"H-he was partially ejected from his car seat and sustained s-severe in-injuries, but his surgery went w-well," April fumbled. "You-He's not awake but y-you can go to him now, if you like."

Alex and Bailey shared pained expressions, and April's confidence sunk even more. Even Webber looked suddenly uncomfortable. They knew she was doing a terrible job as a physician. Doctors were supposed to help families understand what happened to their loved ones. They shouldn't be swept away by their own stupid problems. Hampered by their own emotions.

April gulped, still unable to make any real eye contact, "There's...it's going to t-take time but I...I am confident that he-can make a g-good recovery."

It was a canned answer. And the very bare bones of information she could possibly give, April knew. It answered no questions and eased no fears. But it was the best she could do in the moment.

"So," Alex ventured in a quietly concerned voice that made April's stomach churn. "He's...his brain's good and vitals and everything? Um...he's going to be okay?"

April felt anger rise up in her chest, in addition to her confusion and hurt. What the hell was going on here? And what did Alex have to do with it? And why didn't she know about any of it? But her burning desire to learn the answers to these questions were superseded by her need to be a surgeon. In this moment she had to be. April could hardly go off and randomly start yelling at Alex and demanding answers, no matter how much she wanted them.

"Y-yes," she nodded. "He will. Eventually."

"Oh thank god," Izzie's shoulders seemed to deflate with relief, and tears started to fall down her cheeks. "I don't...I'm-I can't thank you enough, Dr. Kepner."

April's breathing increased and she felt a strangely hot sensation creeping up her next. The walls of the small recovery room seemed to be closing in, and she still couldn't make eye contact with Alex. She could feel the tears and the emotions and the hurt boiling over. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to get out.

Get out of here. Get out of this room. Go.

"That's really not necessary," April replied, ignoring the lump in her throat and taking an awkward step back, out of the doorway. " Dr. Webber c-can answer any other questions you have. Would you excuse me? I..excuse me."

She didn't wait around to hear a response. She turned, only stumbling for a moment as she bumped into a cart. Recovering quickly, she was out the door and in the hallway in no time, ignoring the now searing pain that radiated from her knee with every step and not caring how much of a limp people could see. April didn't care.

"April..." Alex's voice called plaintively after her, but she didn't stop.

She had to get out of there.

Alex cursed softly under his breath and ran a hand over his tense neck as he watched his fiancee flee the room. April knew something was up. Of course she did. He guessed that the minute she'd seen him in the room, her mind had gone off in a million directions. The fact that he was here instead of home with Adam was enough to clue her in. Unfortunately, he also figured it was pretty safe to assume that April had jumped to all the wrong conclusions.

How could she not? Secret frozen embryo kid would not be the go-to theory a person came up with when confronted with this crap.

It pained Alex to see the flashes of pain, hurt, and even anguish on April's face. Add to that he could tell by the way she moved that her leg was jacked from the unexpectedly long and involved procedure on Kyle. He was already pissed off at the situation, Izzie, and most of all himself for not reading the damn divorce papers more thoroughly. Seeing the color drain from April's face made his anger increase by two fold. He wanted to scream. Punch something.

Just when everything was getting back on track between the two of them, Alex felt like it was all falling apart. And this time, it really wasn't either of their faults. The pieces of this game had been set into motion long before their relationship had even began.

Torn, Alex watched April's figure disappear from view out the small window in Robbie Stevens room. Did he follow her in this moment? Or did he stay and find out details about his son? There seemed to be no good choice. When his feet didn't immediately carry him from the room, Alex felt like more of a douche than ever. He was a coward. A total freaking coward.

"Damn it," Alex cursed even louder, as Webber took a step toward Izzie and began to speak.

The chief, like April could probably infer a lot about the situation from the fact the Alex was even in this room. And Richard would come to a more accurate conclusion. Because he knew about all of it. The cancer and the eggs and the eggs freezing better if they were fertilized and all. He'd been there for the contribution part or whatever. Sort of.

"I don't know what the hell is going on here," the older man said carefully, tearing his eyes from April's retreating form and giving Izzie a stern but sympathetic stare. He did not allow the woman to break his gaze. "But I have a feeling I can guess enough of it. Care to enlighten me?"

Dr. Bailey pursed her lips and closed the chart she was holding and moved closer to Webber's side, tutting and looking frustrated, "Go ahead and answer, Ms. Stevens. Honesty is always the best policy."

When Alex had joined Izzie in her mother's room, she'd gotten suspicious, and somewhat to Izzie's dismay, he'd told the small woman the truth about Kyle. She was not happy, and it made Alex feel somewhat vindicated. Whatever legal rights he didn't have over his and Iz's embryos because of the divorce, Miranda Bailey didn't think it was right morally that Kyle had been kept a secret from Alex and she'd said so to Izzie's face. She thought that it was wrong. And his old mentor was the most honorable person she knew, and it felt good to have Bailey on his side.

Izzie sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I'm not really in the mood to do this right now. My whole family is hurt..."

"Your whole family is stable now," Bailey crossed her arms. "Or very disappointed in you. Neither condition is currently life threatening. Answer the damn question."

The corner of Alex's mouth twitched at Bailey's mention of 'family'. Now that he knew more about families, he knew that what they'd had in those early years of residency, him and Mer, Yang, O'Malley, and Iz, Bailey, and the rest; it was a family. Just like it was now, only with Jackson and April, and Robbins, Torres, Lexie, Mark and even freakin' Mara, these days. That was the hospital family. They looked out for each other and had each other's backs. Only Iz had left. It irked him that Bailey still kind of included her in the fold. Even though he did feel sympathy for her about the crash, Alex's emotions were all fiery and messed up. He didn't know what he felt.

All he knew was that April was his family. And Adam. And Mer and the rest. They acted like it.

Sighing again, Izzie glanced up and met a hard expression from Dr. Bailey and shrugged, goaded into continuing, "Kyle is my son."

"Which means he is Karev's son too," Richard concluded, looking down and shaking his head.

"Learn something knew every freakin' day," Alex said crossing his arms bitterly.

Webber looked in his direction, "And Stevens didn't tell you..."

If looks could kill, Alex thought his glare would take his ex-wife out in a heartbeat, "No. She didn't tell me squat."

"I don't have to justify my actions to any of you," Izzie's defensive flair was in full swing. "I feel bad if this makes things awkward with your girlfr-with what ever she is, and I understand that you all think I've done this horrible thing. And I get that you are mad at me for not getting in touch, but frankly right now I don't give a damn about any of that. I just want to know that my son is okay! That's it. That's all that matters. End of story."

Webber kept his eyes downcast and seemed to be thinking carefully. After a moment he looked up and said, "You can both seem him. Sit with him."

Izzie was on her feet before Alex even had time to think, and before he could even really make a conscious decision, he was hot in her heels. It was like they both had a deep need to see Kyle. Like no matter how much they heard, or understood intellectually about the boy making it through the surgery, they just couldn't accept it until they saw that he was alive and breathing.

It was kind of like that first time Adam had gotten a cold and fever. The pediatrician, and everything both Alex and April knew about infants and illness told them that this wasn't that bad. He did well and recovered quickly, but that hadn't stopped April from periodically popping into Adam's room throughout the night, and nudging him, just to be sure he was breathing. And it didn't stop Alex from spending hours with the baby propped up against his chest, just in case something went wrong. This was kind of the same urge.

As Webber lead them to Kye's room, Alex scowled. He wondered where April had gone off to. This was suck a freaking mess. A terrible crap filled mess. He was drawn to check on Kyle, but he vowed to find April and explain it all as soon as he'd seen the boy and eased his fears. He might not want to face up to everything, but he knew this was only going to get worse the longer she was confused and left to her own devices. His irritation with Izzie increased yet again.

How the hell had she managed to come in an screw up the life that he had now?

In what universe did it make sense that the chick could break his heart not once, but over and over again. Even after they'd freaking gotten a divorce. It wasn't fair.

Webber led Alex and Izzie into the small post op room, and for a moment all the thoughts rolling around in his head froze. There he was. Kyle Stevens. It was the first time he'd ever seen his son. Everything was so very different from the first time he'd seen Adam. Kyle certainly was not a newborn. And he certainly was not healthy. He was all banged up, and surrounded by medical crap, with the consistent beeps of monitors filling the small room. He had scratches and stitches and a cast and far too much pain for a toddler, in Alex's opinion. And he was blonde.

Freakin' A.

At least Kyle looked peaceful enough. Iz immediately rushed to the boy's bedside, taking hold of one hand and sobbing. Alex hung back with Webber, cramming his hands in his pockets. He smirked slightly when Kyle stirred a bit in response to his mother's hand, his creased forehead looking oddly like Amber and his other son. Alex's mind spun with a thousand questions about Kyle. What was he like? Did he laugh a lot? What was his favorite toy? Did he somehow know that he didn't have a Dad around? What was it like for Iz when he was born? All the things he didn't know about Kyle because he wasn't around.

The things Alex didn't know about Kyle because he didn't know about Kyle. Until today.

But the questions could wait, he supposed. All that really mattered to Alex was that the boy was still breathing. His heart was still beating. Seeing him for the first time, and seeing him alive was all he was going to get tonight.

Sighing in frustration, and cautiously approaching Kyle's bed, Alex watched his ex-wife. He thought he'd been able to forgive Izzie for leaving him behind, and divorcing him and all that crap. He'd at least been able to put it all behind him on some level. But this? Alex had no freaking idea what to do with this.

Alex reached his hand out, and tentatively took Kyle's in his own, willing whatever strength he could to the kid through the connection of their hands. If he believed in crap like that. Which he didn't.

"Hang in there, bud."

Iz glanced across the bed to him and Alex glared. He didn't think he could ever forgive her. Or let this go. He could have missed his son's whole life.

In the doorway, Webber took in the scene for several moments before clearing his throat and looking at the two distraught parents.

"He's stable for now," the old man explained calmly. "We had to take out a kidney, but the other one has measured good function so far..."

Richard paused, wincing as Izzie doubled over and cried harder. It was a tough situation. A lot of injuries on a little kid. Alex was impressed Kyle was breathing unaided. He'd seen plenty of cases with kids who'd sustained lesser injuries, relatively speaking, but the shock was just so bad theit lungs and systems couldn't handle it.

"Those are pretty bad breaks in his arm and pelvis," Webber continued. "But, as you both know, broken bones in children fare much better than adults. He'll need PT. Someone will come in and explain all that to you. But right now...he's alive, Stevens. He's alive."

"And you have to understand, he...wouldn't be...if-" he said carefully, looking between them both and lingering pointedly at Alex. "So you have to understand that...this was an extraordinary surgery...Kyle's procedure. Extraordinary. Probably the best work I've seen Kepner do. Probably some of the best trauma work I've seen anyone do. This child wouldn't have survived in different hands, I think..."

High praise. He wished April could hear it. He wished it wasn't all wrapped up in the train wreck that was his life.

Alex swallowed hard and looked back to the unconscious form in the bed. This whole freaking thing just sucked all around. He did appreciate the way that Webber seemed to be looking out for him though. Alex had seen that this kid was okay now, and now the old chief was gently hinting that he get over his cowardice and check on April too. As much as he didn't want to face her on some level, because he was afraid of the whole mess, he knew that the longer he let it go, the worse it would be.

He gave Kyle's hand one last squeeze, and looked at Iz, "You staying for the night?"

"Yeah," she looked at him like he was crazy when he stood up and moved to the door.

"Alright...so...you'll be okay with him until tomorrow?" Alex shoved his hands back in his pockets and shrugged. "I can come back say, 6 or 7. I'm thinking I'll give you a break and sit with him before my shift and then-"

"It doesn't matter. I don't need you, Alex," Izzie cut in angrily. "I've been his mother by myself for two years. I don't need you and I didn't ask for you so just don't even worry about it. Just because...you know now...it doesn't mean I want things to be different."

"Whatever," Alex growled. Things were different. And it shouldn't be about just what Iz wanted. "He's my kid too. I'm still coming back."

"Don't bother..."

Alex glared at Izzie and opened his mouth to yell at her, when Webber raised his hand in a calming gesture.

"We're all tired," the old man reasoned. "I think we can save the fighting for another day."

He rested a hand on Alex's should her as he passed, "I'll talk to her, Karev."

Alex nodded. Him and Webber, they'd never exactly been super close. Hell, the old dude punked him out of a conjoined twin surgery once. But it was nice how he was helping him tonight.

Exiting the room, he looked both directions down the long hallway. He needed to find April and explain all of this. The problem was, he had no idea where to start.

April sniffed shakily and whipped her tears using one sleeve of her street clothes. It hadn't taken long for the crying to commence. She hated herself for it, but she couldn't hold it back. She'd at least managed to hold it together until she'd gotten to the attendings lounge. Which, considering that she'd stopped at the daycare center first, pre-tearful break down, was a feat in and of itself.

Of course, her visit to the day care had been completely fruitless. She could find no comfort from stopping by because Adam wasn't there. Which was probably for the best. It was the middle of the night, and April really did prefer that he was safe and sound, asleep at their home. With Chief Hunt in charge, no less, as the daycare personnel explained. She was actually mildly impressed that Alex had bothered to remember he was the father of another little boy in this hospital and had arranged for him to go home. It was for the best.

As much as April had wanted to just snuggle her own child and pretend none of this had ever happened, it was better that he was at home. She realized that she was in the midst of a pretty full blown panic attack of sorts. The kind that she hated that she ever even was capable of producing. But there you go. The Kepner neurotic, sensitive, crazy. April Showers. She didn't want Adam to see that. If she was crying, he would to, and the last thing April wanted was to put anything on him. He needed a mother who was strong and composed. That was the Mama (or 'duuude,' as her boy would say with that special smile he reserved only for her) April wanted Adam to know. Strong and held together.

Not weak, broken hearted, and crying.

Which incidentally was why April was sitting in the lounge in the first place, throbbing leg propped up in the coffee table, trying in vain to calm herself down. Unfortunately, it was slow going. She just couldn't process the revelation she'd seen in post op. Kyle was Izzie Stevens's son. She was his mother. And Alex had stayed with her and that meant...that meant that April's own life now was probably all founded on a lie.

Lies, lies, lies.

It wasn't the whole thing with Kyle probably being Alex's son that bothered April so much, though there was a much larger can of worms there then she cared to admit just now. A bitterness that she shied away from examining too closely. It wasn't her biggest sadness in the whole thing. And whether or not Alex knew or didn't know about Kyle probably being his child before tonight, was a moot point to her. Because it was the action that had caused set of this into motion that killed her inside.

If Alex had made a baby with Izzie two years ago, then it meant that that whole time, way back at the beginning of their relationship. he'd been lying to her. When he said he wanted her. When he said she was hot. When he said she was good enough. All lies. And she knew that the depth of her feeling of betrayal wasn't entirely fair. They hadn't been 'in a relationship' exactly until later in the month. But the principle of the thing was still there. they'd been hanging out. Going on dates. He knew what kind of woman she was and that she wasn't the kind of woman who'd let him bang someone else while all the while dating her. And he'd done it anyway, without telling her a thing.

And the lie still hurt. As did the fact that he never said anything about it to her, even in the years that had passed.

Pulling a tissue from her purse April, winced and let more tears fall. She was only half changed into her street clothes, having managed to change into her sweater and top before the real heavy crying started. Her leg hurt too badly to continue. Her stupid freaking leg. And she was crying too hard. Technically, she had a double shift tonight, and she should be supervising interns and residents for another 8 hours, but April was damned if that was going to happen. And she didn't even care. She was pretty sure that Webber had seen and understood how upset he was, so she was going to take a leap of faith and count on him. He'd offered for her to go home after the long surgery. He'd offered to take up the slack for her if she went home, and that is exactly what April intended to do. When she calmed down.

This sucked. It sucked getting crapped on. Once again. She just felt like she was wrong about everything she thought she knew about Alex. And it felt like she'd gone a long way down the road with a man she hardly knew. How on earth had she let herself get so involved? Fallen in love? Been ready to marry Alex?

She'd...she'd given a special part of herself to him, while all the while back then he'd apparently been carrying on with his ex-wife. He was the father of her child. And yet, he hadn't told her about any of this. Maybe that was just it. Maybe she'd been meant to get Adam out of all of this. Adam but not the fairy tale ending.

April had been content to concede that Alex's ex-wife was a subject that he was never really going to talk with her about. She knew very little beyond what others had told her, and the fact that she could tell that on some level Alex still loved Izzie a little bit. There was a lot of anger in there too, but he wouldn't be so messed up by it all if there wasn't some feeling underneath it all. It was clear that getting left behind and divorced by this woman was a huge game changer in Alex's life.

She got it. April understood that that wasn't something Alex was apparently ever going to go into much with her. Not in therapy. Not at home. Not ever. But she thought he'd at least have the decency to tell her what had happened. That all the stuff at the beginning had been a lie.

The door creaked open, and April startled. It was the first interruption she'd had all night, thankfully. Night shifts had some positive attributes. Unfortunately, the person who slunk into the room was exactly the last person she wanted to see.

"Go away, Alex," she growled, surprised at the intensity of her desire to be alone.

"April, just listen to me for a minute-"

"No! I...I can't-" April sniffed and looked at him with wide eyes, desperately trying, in vain, to hold back her tears to speak. "I can't be around you right now. I...I can't. You-you need to go. You need to go, because I can't-"

She doubled over with the sheer force of her sobbing, aware and mortified by the fact that she was actually shaking. Oh, how she wished she could channel something more like righteous indignation. Say something snide and witty and biting in the face of all of this. Show Alex. What would Cristina say or do?

Instead, all April could produce was broken devastation. She hated that about herself.

Alex hung back, approaching the couch cautiously, with his hands held up in front of him, like he was trying not to spook a wild animal. Maybe he was. April could tell from the look on his face and the posture of his shoulders that he was tired. Alex was exhausted. And of course, she still cared. Even when she got crapped on, April couldn't help but care.

Damn it.

"April, seriously," Alex tried again, moved almost imperceptibly closer to the couch. "It's not what you think-"

"Oh?" April said, suddenly finding that sliver of anger deep with in herself, and holding onto it for dear life. She let out a mirthless laugh. "Oh? So, it's not what I think. Okay. Let's see then...what do I think?"

"Uh," her fiance looked uncomfortable and shoving his hands into his pockets. "I don't really know exactly, but I am sure that you don't quite understand-"

"I don't understand? I don't understand!" April snapped. "Here's what I understand. I think...hmmm? You are here, with your ex-wife, hours after you should have been at home with Adam. Waiting to find out what happened with her son. That has to mean something."

"Well, it does, but-" Alex tried again, futilely.

"I'm not stupid, Alex."

He frowned at looked genuinely hurt, "I freaking know that!"

April sniffed and set her jaw, lower lip quivering. Her anger had thankfully slowed her tears, but it was still a battle to keep it together. She crossed her arms, "I just operated on your child, didn't I? Her son is your son too, right? That's what I think."

Alex frowned and hung his head, mumbling, "You saved his freaking life...and yes. I'm Kyle's father."

The manic laughter came back, "My God, Alex."

"I didn't know about him," Alex said bitterly, moving ever closer to the couch. "Iz didn't tell me."

"That's not the point!" April flung her arms from their crossed position and waved them violently for emphasis. "That's not the point at all. He's my patient; I've seen his chart! I know when he was born and I know...I know what you did."

She clung to her anger and smiled, a bitter closed lipped expression that hurt her face, shrugging, "Honestly Alex, if you needed it that bad you certainly didn't have to keep leading me on! If you couldn't keep it in your pants until I was ready, you really should have just left me alone!"

April felt sick because she was mildly vindicated by the flash of guilt and pain that crossed her boyfriend's face. He looked genuinely pained and hurt. But the moment lasted only a second, she had only one small second of satisfaction in his guilt before his features closed off and the all too familiar Karev scowl was firmly in place.

"Jesus," Alex swore, slumping down on the couch, maintaining a careful arm length distance from April. He held his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. "That's not what this is at all, April! I didn't sleep with Iz when we were together! I didn't sleep with Iz since the divorce. You don't understand."

April scoffed. He must really think she was stupid, "Kyle is two, Alex. You got divorced 3 years ago. Doesn't make any sense-"

"That's not how Izzie and I made a baby!" Alex shouted. "He was freaking conceived in a goddamn petrie dish months before you even came to the hospital. Before I knew you. That's...it wasn't supposed to be like that. That isn't how I wanted to make a baby with her. It isn't how I wanted to have to make a baby with anyone. But she had cancer and the chemo was crap and she wanted kids and they were harvesting her eggs, and they freeze better when they are fertilized and whatever, so I just-I...it seemed like good idea at the time. I thought she was dying."

The garbled revelation left April blinking and slack jawed. Her inner anger evaporated in a flash. This was so unreal. But at least...Alex was still mostly the person she knew. He really hadn't betrayed her in so much as April had thought. He'd omitted a lot, but he hadn't polluted their early relationship in the way that April had feared. And that was immensely comforting. She was startled again when Alex let out a frustrated shout and rested his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling and shaking his head.

"I'm so stupid. I'm too freaking stupid to read the details of my own freaking divorce. And too stupid to see that Iz might do what she did. She got custody of all the embryos in the divorce. All of them. I should have...I should have expected it. I should have known better. But I didn't and he shows up in the ER and Izzie freakin tells me he is mine. Now I have this kid and the poor guy is laid up in bed with all that crap. It's just so stupid."

April was still stuck on the whole, petrie dish embryo created before the merger thing. You could have knocked her over with a feather. You could have poked her with a stick and she might have disintegrated into a pile of dust right there and then. It really wasn't what she'd thought at all. Alex hadn't waited for Izzie out of any clandestine loyalty to Izzie and their non-existent affair. He was there for Kyle. He stayed at the hospital because he was a good father. She'd been entirely wrong. And despite the small amount of comfort that brought, she felt a whole other rush of adrenaline and panic rushing over her.

When she didn't respond to him, Alex, looked at April pleadingly, "And I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I didn't know how. And...I really didn't think she'd use a freaking embryo with out so much as a 'Hey, I'm having your baby' call or whatever. It's wrong and I just didn't think she would do that. I didn't think."

Covering her mouth with both hands, April's eyes widened. This could have been bad. This could have gone so incredibly, spectacularly, bad. Not because of lies or betrayal either. This could have gone bad because of her. She could have screwed up. The guilt at what might have happened began to eat away at April's heart.

"Say something, April," Alex pleaded. "Come on. Please?"

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Oh God. Oh God," April repeated. "He...Kyle...If I made a mistake? If he doesn't-If he hadn't...If I had killed him, you'd never get to meet him and then you'd hate me. You'd hate me and oh God."

Now Alex looked at her like she was crazy, "Seriously? For crying out loud."

"I'm not the best," April shook her head, and tried to move away as Alex scooted closer and tentatively wrapped one arm around her shoulders. The touch was so refreshing comforting that April melted into it instantly, leaning her head down to rest on his shoulder and whipping the last stubborn tears from her eyes. "I'm not the best. He coded in the pit. He...I'm not the best."

"That not what Webber says," Alex murmured. "Kyle is alive because of you. Thank freakin' God. He's alive. For better or for worse..."

He shook his head bitterly, "Shit. I am a terrible person. For worse? What kind of Dad says crap like that?"

"It's a terrible situation. He can't hear you. It doesn't make you a bad Dad."

"Not being in his life does."

"You didn't know he existed," April lowered one hand, to Alex's knee, and gave it a gentle squeeze. She felt immense guilt for allowing herself to jump to conclusions. She had immediately thought the worst of Alex and that was wrong. For all she accused him of not having faith in her, or their relationship, April realized that maybe she was the one who was too quick to doubt.

"I'm so sorry for every thing I said Alex."

"Whatever, it's not like you could have guessed-"

"No," April agreed. "But I am still sorry."

Alex laced his fingers through hers and squeezed her hand, "We really got the bad deal in life, huh? If it's not one thing it's something else."

"Kind of par for the course at this hospital," April agreed.

She couldn't help but wonder what all of this meant now. Like for anything. Alex had another child. With his ex-wife. Another son. With his more beautiful, not crippled ex-wife. A woman who April felt certain Alex would still be married to, if only Izzie had never left. He was getting a glimpse of almost the same life he had with April, in a way. Only with Izzie and Kyle, instead of April and Adam. A taste of something else. And she didn't know how Alex would respond. Despite everything, maybe he'd look back and see his ex-wife and older son as the better choice.

Would he want to be a part of Kyle's life? April knew that answer was yes. So it meant she'd have to let Kyle into her life as well. And his mother. For Kyle, at least on some level, she knew she already had. She realized that the moment she'd stared into his scared little brown eyes in the pit, Kyle Stevens had gotten to her. But letting his mother into things was a whole other kettle of fish. And then there was the question of whether Izzie would let Alex into Kyle's life at all.

It was a fair one, considering she'd never told Alex in the first place that she used one of the embryos they made. That was a pretty clear indication of what kind of family she wanted, right? And which way was better? Certainly this life, without Alex was all that Kyle knew. April also couldn't help but consider what all this meant for her own little boy. Oh, how this changed things for Adam. He had an older brother. She did want him to have a sibling one day, but this was not in a million years one of the ways she'd dreamed it would happen. And she knew the relationship would never be anything like the ones she had with her sisters. Because it was different. They lived with different mothers.

Everything was just too much. A mess. The only comfort April felt was in knowing that she'd been wrong about Alex. It was a small comfort, but it made her feel less alone. And she hoped it made Alex feel less alone too. They'd been blindsided together.

April sighed deeply, "What are we gonna do, Alex?"

"I don't freaking know."

A long silence stretched between them then.

Finally, still stunned, April pressed closer to Alex, "I guess we'll really have something to talk about at our next session with Dr Wyatt."

Now it was his turn to laugh humorlessly, "I guess so."

They both chuckled. And April sniffed.

Alex shook his head, "God damn it."