A/N: Hey guys! (If anyone is still reading this) Sorry to take a month and more! Really did not mean to leave this hanging. I have been working on it, but school, work, and illness have cut into a lot of my free time. Hopefully the length will make up for the tardiness of this chapter. I am not really trying to make any one character mean or perfect or anything like that. I really do want to show that all the adults in this situation are human and grappling with a lot. So I hope that comes across. Also, I am beginning to feel that I have a fixation for holidays? Or maybe just because it is a handy way to get a lot of characters together. Who knows? I am getting close to winding down to the end with this, and the wedding is on the horizon. Some things with their careers and Izzie etc will feel a little unresolved which is okay because there is going to be another story. So stay tuned! Not planning on taking another month to update, I swear. Thank you very much for reading and please let me know what you think! I love all the diversity of comments this plot with Kyle has sparked. It's awesome and they really make my day. Thanks again.
"See, when the pilgrims first came to live in America, it was hard to farm because the climate and crops were different than what they were used to..."
April sighed, and shifted Adam's carrier as she approached Meredith's house. Alone, at least for the time being. Armed with a pie of all things. Adam sported his brand knew turkey sweater, knitted by Grandma, of course. Her son's first Thanksgiving was nothing like she'd imagined. When she and Alex decided that their big trip to Ohio this holiday season would occur at Christmas time, she'd pictured a quiet night in their own home, with Alex and Amber.
A lot like the previous year, only minus the cold feet, mentally ill mother in law, and steak knife.
But Meredith and Derek had invited them to the dream house for a Thanksgiving lunch. Alex had gotten roped into an emergency surgery early that morning, and planned to join April and Adam at the Shepherd's as soon as he could.
Amber on the other hand, had somewhat abruptly agreed to go to Hawaii with her long time friend and roommate, Quincy, for the holiday.
"I'm sorry, April," the girl had said apologetically. "But there's a beach, warm weather, guys in swim trunks, no weird family crap, and they are footing the bill. No way I'm saying no."
Alex was royally pissed, but had done nothing to stop it. April sensed that there was more tension in the relationship between the two than either of them wanted to admit. Because of the whole situation with Kyle. Since April had started to join in getting to know the little toddler (albeit when his mother wasn't around), Alex thought it was prime time that his little sister did as well. But Amber clearly wasn't ready to meet her nephew, and April thought it was fine. She could understand the girl's reluctance.
They were all still getting used to Kyle. April had to admit that in the few times she had met him had been awkward, and nerve wracking at first, but the sheer miracle of seeing her former patient, alive, reasonably well, and occasionally giggling was enough to overcome all of that. Remembering his time on her OR table, blood, heartbeat, and eyes, April discovered that she was a lot more comfortable with at least the Kyle factor of the equation. He called her 'Doc', and the fact that he was recovering made his identity an easier pill to swallow. It also helped that his mother wasn't exactly thrilled about April occasionally tagging along for Alex's visits.
For now, it was easy to think of him as a recovering patient. A cute, mini-version of Alex, whose life she'd had a hand in saving. April could handle that.
Carefully making her way up the house, April continued explaining the Thanksgiving holiday to her son. One thing about Meredith and Derek's new home was that there were a lot of steps between the driveway and the house, which always took April a long time to negotiate anyway. But today it had rained earlier, and she could tell that the moisture had frozen in the cold weather creating a thing layer of ice. So April went triply slow. Bum knee, ice, and carrying a baby carrier? Not worth any risk. Adam was too important to take a chance.
"And so Squanto was a Native American who helped them learn to grow corn, like Grandpa does."
Adam listened intently, chewing vigorously on his newest teething ring. April took another step.
"Then when all the harvest came the tribes shared their harvest with the pilgrims and they were very grateful, so they gave thanks together and started to get along as friends."
She blinked and added, "Granted, in the end, this story didn't really work out so well for the Native Americans at all because the pilgrims turned out not to be the best at being friends...but the main idea we go for today is to be grateful for what you have and to spend time with friends and-and family. And most importantly to eat. Turkey, and stuffing, and mashed potatoes, which I think I am gonna let you try. Yummy yummy food."
"Bum."
"Yum," April repeated. "Y-um."
"Bum."
Close enough.
"That's good, Adam! You're almost there. Yes, you are! Try one more time. Y-ummm."
They were finally at the top of the stairs, and the door flung open as April made her way across the path that lead to the front door. Lexie rushed outside, smiling broadly, followed by a breathless Zola and Sofia.
"April!" her friend said when she reached her side, giving her a warm hug. "It's so good to see you."
April opened her mouth and tried to speak, but she felt the sting of tears pricking at her eyes. She was so overwhelmed. Not only had it been a long time since they'd seen each other, but Lexie's help had thus far been so invaluable to her throughout this whole Kyle Stevens thing, and April was so incredibly grateful. She had no way of conveying just how much the other woman's words and willingness to support her had helped. Their friendship had deepened more than April had ever expected.
Sensing the onset of blubbering, Lexie shook her head, "Hey, now...none of that. You'll get me going."
"Sorry," April blubbered, unable to fully control her emotions. "It's just-You have no idea how much of a help you've been, with all of this and..."
"I know," Lexie said glancing forcefully behind her to signal the approach of the little girls.
"April! Hi!" Sofia shouted waving excitedly and slipping along on the icy path, a few steps ahead of Zola.
"Look! All my cousins are here!" Zola said eagerly, grabbing hold of April's hand and tugging her towards the house. "And now I can show them Adam! None of thems have a god brother!"
Lexie reached toward the bag on April's shoulder, "We'll talk about everything more inside, okay. How about I take this pie for you?"
And with that, Lexie, Zola, and Sofia ushered April into the Grey-Shepherd thanksgiving. The mood inside the house was jovial, and the beautiful spacious interior of Meredith and Derek's home was filled with people she didn't know.
April knew what it was like to have big family gatherings, her own family's were kind of legendary in Cook, but that was her family. And even on the years she had spent holidays away from her family, she'd always had people she considered family around. But Reed and Charles were dead. Jackson was spending the holiday with the Avery's (plus Mara). Amber was in Hawaii. April had grown closer to both Mer and Lexie over the years, but she felt distinctly out of place among this group of people. She hoped Alex came along soon.
Giggling children, slightly older than Zola and Sofia were dashing around the house playing keep away with a kooshball. Judging by their hair, April assumed that they could only be some of Shepherd's nieces and nephews. All the adults she passed by greeted her and Adam cordially, but it was clear that they were unsure of this new person.
The little girls scampered off, as April and Lexie passed Meredith and Derek, apparently engaged in deep conversation with one of his brother's in law. Mer looked slightly uncomfortable, shooting them a look that could only be interpreted as 'Seriously?' as they passed. It was enough to ease some of April's nerves and she smiled as Lexie ushered them into the kitchen and put away the pie.
Food preparation was well underway, overseen by a surprising duo. The pair was huddled over the oven, and turned around when they heard April and Lexie entered. An apron clad Mark Sloan turned to face her, holding his arms open wide and pulling her into a hug.
"Kepner!" the plastic surgeon grinned. "Happy Thanksgiving!"
April was taken slightly aback by the older man's sudden affection. They were friendly and he was Jackson's mentor, but she didn't think she could remember another time where Sloan had actually hugged her. She figured it was probably pity, but she placed Adam's carrier on the ground and hugged him back. It made her feel better.
The other figure by the oven, a small dignified woman with short gray hair looked on happily, and when Mark finally released April from his embrace, he wrapped one arm around the older woman and gestured between them. She really didn't have to guess who this was.
"Carolyn Shepherd, meet April Kepner, she's a trauma surgeon. Engaged to Dr. Karev."
"Karev was the pediatric surgeon, yes? Meredith's friend? Seems like all you people know are other surgeons..." Carolyn laughed.
"April Kepner," Sloan continued, rolling his eyes, and ignoring the comment as Lexie giggled. "Meet Carolyn Shepherd, the best mother I never had. And more! Plus thanks to me, she ended up knowing what it was like to have a truly good looking son."
"Oh Mark!" The older woman shook her head fondly, as she shook April's hand, "It's nice to meet you, dear. The more the merrier. You hit a certain threshold with a big family and a few extra people don't make that much of a difference."
"She already knows that," Lexie teased, sharing a conspiratorial expression with her boyfriend. "She's got as many sisters as Derek does."
"Ah, then you do know," Carolyn grinned, with only a brief flicker of concern in her eyes. Thankfully, she did not ask the obvious question, of why April wasn't with any of these sisters, if she had so many, or why she and Alex had invaded the Shepherd's celebration.
Carolyn turned her attention to the baby carrier at April's side, leaning down to look at the fussy infant within. "And who is this handsome little boy?"
"Oh!" April stiffly leaned down and lifted her son from his seat, chuckling as he tried to hide his face against her shoulder. "This is my son Adam. Lately he's been a little shy of strangers..."
The older woman waved a dismissive hand, and returned to her cooking, stating firmly, "No matter. Caution is underrated these days. Hello Adam."
Mark quickly joined her in the cooking and Lexie took hold of April's elbow and pulled her out of the kitchen and into the quiet and empty space of Meredith and Derek's study.
"Couch space is a premium, and it's kind of loud out there," Lexie explained, settling herself in one of two leather arm chairs that sat next to a tall bookshelf. "And I wanted to talk. How are you, April? I mean, really, are things going better?"
Sinking into the other chair, and sliding Adam to her lap, April took a moment to really ponder the question. Right now, at this very moment, April felt like a lot of her life was upside down and inside out. Different from how she'd imagined it would be. And the thing of it was, sometimes it sucked, but there were moments, more and more of them, like when Kyle called her doc, or Adam said a new word (or came close), when things didn't suck so bad.
"I guess...I guess I am in a holding pattern of mostly okay with occasional detours into completely crazy, and mild excitement."
Lexie smiled sadly and let her friend continued to speak.
"I suppose I am getting used to it. I've seen Kyle a few times. I just never pictured myself being...being anyone's step mother. Well, not even that yet, really. Step mother-to-be? Is that a thing? I never pictured myself in a family that had...step anything..."
"No one does," Lexie said knowingly. "I didn't. But...well, it's like I said, just because you didn't picture it this way doesn't mean it has to be bad. When I found out about Sofia...I just...I already kind of felt like Mark wasn't...it just wasn't what I had planned for myself. But,I guess life isn't really what you plan it to be."
"Yeah," April agreed, as Adam cooed and glanced around the room curiously. The quiet and calm of the study seemed to have eased his fussiness. The baby's curiosity was also peaked. He was scrutinizing the room with his usual interest.
Lexie grinned and held out her arms, "May I? He's just so big now. Last time I saw him he was new and itty bitty."
Luckily Adam put up no resistance to being transferred over the Lexie. In fact he seemed quite taken with her necklace, reaching his uncoordinated hands out, and babbling happily. April smiled at her friend as she smiled and gently bounced Adam in her lap. She was good with kids, April knew. She'd seen it with Zola and Sofia before. The little girls treated Lexie like an ubercool idol of sorts and often clashed as they vied for the woman's attention.
April knew that Mark and Lexie had 'officially' been together for about a year, and were pretty serious. She realized it might not be long before Lexie had a child of her own. A child who would have a half sister called Sofia. Just like Adam and Kyle. And if Lexie could somehow be okay with that, April supposed she was getting there too.
"He calls me 'Doc'," April stated. "Kyle does."
"Doc?" Lexie smiled sadly. "That's-that is actually kind of cute."
"Yeah...I mean, I don't know why...I was his surgeon, but I don't think he could possibly remember..." April swallowed hard, unable to stop herself from remembering.
She could still see Kyle, when he first came into the ER; scared eyes looking up at her. She could remember how it felt to have him on her OR table. To have her hands be the only things standing between the little boy and death.
"I suppose in a way that actually makes it easier to keep in perspective," April mused. "Seeing him awake and getting better...it...it somehow makes everything else with Izzie lying and...whatever...it makes it everything else matter less. Because he is alive."
Lexie nodded, "I remember how small Sofia was when she was born. It makes a difference."
Both women nodded with wide eyes. They'd all seen tiny blue Sofia grow up into a lovable, creative, and active young girl. It didn't matter so much how or why she came to be, or what that did to Mark and Lexie's relationship in the end because the little girl they knew and loved had nothing to do with all of that. April thought she ought to apply the same perspective onto Kyle. She wanted to try, anyway. Because she'd seen him on deaths door.
Adam tentatively lifted a hand to Lexie's mouth, so she playfully pretended to gnaw on his fingers, complete with sound effects. April couldn't help but smile as her little boy's face went from startled to amused and the room was suddenly filled with his infectious giggles.
"Hey," Lexie warned, pointing one finger in April's direction. "Don't look at me like that!"
"Look at you like what?" April kept smiling. She knew Lexie was good with kids in general, bit something about seeing the younger Grey with a baby made it clear how easily she could slip into the role of mother, when the time came around.
"Like you've already finished planning my baby shower in your head."
"Well, it's a thought," April replied sheepishly. "Starting a family can't be that far off."
"Don't rush me," Lexie teased.
April laughed, "I'm just saying. You're almost done with your fellowship, and you and Mark are pretty serious now..."
Lexie smirked and ducked her head, "Oh yes. Very serious."
Something about her friend's tone made April suspicious. She could tell Lexie was holding something back, so she prodded, "What?"
Biting her lip, Lexie gushed, "Well, don't spread this around just yet...but Mark proposed to me, and I've said yes."
"Of course you said yes!"
"Well, yeah," Lexie chuckled.
"Oh my God," April beamed.
"I know. It's crazy. He asked me last week actually."
"That long ago?" April frowned. "Why didn't you say anything?"
It wasn't like she and Lexie hadn't been communicating frequently during the past several weeks. Granted, April knew that she was being overly needy and dominating the vast majority of their conversations. She swallowed guiltily. Lexie probably didn't have much time to share details about her own life.
Sure enough, Lexie confirmed April's fears, "Well...with everything going on right, it didn't really seem the best moment."
April hung her head and her shoulders slumped. She hadn't meant to dampen her friend's good moment with her own chaos. Lexie should be able to share her happiness as much as she wanted, without feeling the need to hide it out of pity for Alex and April's predicament.
"Plus we're not having the wedding for at least a year," Lexie continued. "You guys have the summer free and clear. We don't want to steal you and Alex's thunder."
April sighed, "At this rate you'll be married before me."
"Don't say that, April."
"Well, with everything that's happened, I've gotten behind on planning and it's just...hard. I feel kind of frozen. Like, I-I haven't told my family anything yet, and the idea of planning...I mean, would Kyle be at the wedding? I know Alex wants him to be but...would Izzie let us and..."
Watching the pity that crept into her friend's features, she felt like a total downer and shook herself, "I'm sorry."
Lexie just shook her head, and reached out one hand to squeeze April's, "Don't do that. Don't let this situation do that. Don't let this stall your future. Take if from me. If things had been different...If I had been different around Sofia at first...where would Mark and I be today? I'm not saying that I am not happy with the way things have turned out, but God, April; we wasted so much time. Don't do that. Kyle will be a part of your family, even if his mother won't let him be at the wedding, and your family is just going to have to accept that."
April blinked. Hearing it in terms like that made the whole thing seem more real. Kyle would be a part of her family. He was family. He was going to be a part of her family, as much as Amber or Aaron Karev or anyone else. Kyle was more than just Alex's son. More than Adam's brother. And a lot more than just a positive outcome with a patient too. The long and short of it, whether April liked it or not, was that this boy was going to be a part of her family, and not just some side part of her life. It wasn't like she hadn't understood this intellectually for a while, but in that moment, listening to Lexie the concept became something April suddenly felt viscerally.
She might not like it, and she could resist, but really April couldn't do anything to change the fact that Kyle was going to be around long term. And so, the energy expended on all the feelings seemed rather useless. After all, just because her formative experiences with family hadn't included something like this did not mean that it wasn't doable. Or even enjoyable.
Just because few people had step anythings in Moline didn't mean it was bad.
April realized that, in fact, she was right smack dab in the midst of some pretty awesome examples of different families at that very moment. Lexie and Mer. Lexie, Mark, Arizona, Callie and Sofia. Hell, her experience with Sloan and Carolyn Shepherd in the kitchen had demonstrated that a happy family with many different connections was entirely possible. And of course, she could think of her own little ragtag family of the hospital. She hadn't picked for any of them to become a part of her life anymore than she had control of things with Kyle.
Even her closest friend Jackson had become like a brother to her on a fluke. What if they'd been split into different intern groups? April had had no more control over that than she had control over the merger that had brought Alex, Meredith, and Cristina into her world. They all became people she loved though. Part of her family. And she'd embraced it. There was no reason she couldn't strive for the same thing with Kyle, regardless as to who his mother was. If Lexie could love Sofia, despite all the circumstances surrounding the child's existence, and April knew Lexie did, she could see no reason why she shouldn't try her best not only to tolerate and accept Kyle, but also to love him.
One thing April new was certain: More love, and having more people in your life to give that love couldn't be a bad thing.
Both Lexie and April looked up when the door unceremoniously opened with a thud, and Alex came into the room dramatically holding Sofia over one shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Zola stood on his right foot, clinging to his leg and being dragged along as he walked. Both girls were laughing and screeching with excitement.
"Here they are," he said grinning and stepping into the room.
"We told you so!" Zola said, shaking her head in exasperation.
Adam turned his head at the sound of his father's voice and beamed. April found that she was doubly happy to see him too. She might be an outsider at this Shepherd family, but at least she, Adam and Alex could be a nice little family unit of outsiders together.
"You finished your surgery?" April asked.
"Correction," Alex replied, striking a god awful pose, like he was a body builder, and making all the females in the room roar with laughter. "I kicked butt in my surgery! Kid's in post op, no complications so far. Big surprise? No freakin' way."
Zola agreed, "Cuz UncAlex is the best!"
He looked smug, "Couldn't have said it better myself."
"Gosh April," Lexie said with a twinkle in her eye. "How on earth does the man walk through doors with a head that big?"
"Careful maneuvering," April giggled. "It's a lot like tetris..."
"Whatever," Alex chuckled, as his gaze flicked over to hers with a glint, and then returned to Lexie. "Nice to see you too, Little Grey."
"I'm just calling it like I see it."
Alex rolled his eyes, walking over to April and giving her a peck on the cheek, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just wish you were as good as me."
He approached Lexie and lowered Sofia to his arms, nodding to Adam. "Trade you?"
Lexie pondered and pretended to scrutinize Sofia and glancing to Zola, "I dunno, is this a two for one deal?"
Zola eagerly climbed into her aunt's lap and began babbling on about some drama in preschool and Alex shrugged, "I guess so."
Transferring Adam over to Alex, Lexie settled down with one girl on each knee, listening intently as Sofia joined in the story telling too.
"There's my guy!" Alex grinned and made funny faces at the baby as he moved to April's chair and carefully smashed in next to her. The chair wasn't strictly speaking, big enough for two people, well three people, counting Adam, so their bodies were pressed against each other. But April didn't mind.
The doors burst open yet again, and Mark Sloan, still in full kitchen ware strolled through the doors with his arms held out, "Hey what gives? This the VIP room or something? Rest of the party is out here."
Alex smirked and nudged April, "Duh, we don't mix with unfamiliar Shepherd's. We're just here for the food."
She nodded and giggled.
Mark rolled his eyes and clapped his hands, grinning at his daughter and Zola, "Well, the food is ready and it is going fast. Andale, andale, hermosa niñas! Tiempo para...la munchinos."
The little girls practically shot out of the room, while Lexie, Alex, and April pulled to their feet and shuffled out of the study. Mark wrapped and arm around Lexie's shoulder and Adam grinned at his mother over his father's shoulder. April lagged behind taking in the scene before her, feeling a surge of emotion.
"Dude, you can't speak Spanish," Alex teased.
Mark rolled his eyes, "Neither can you."
"I took Spanish."
"So did I."
"Whatever. Let's just eat."
April laughed. This Thanksgiving wasn't the one she'd pictured to be Adam's first. But they were spending it together and with people they cared for. Maybe they weren't as much outsiders as she might have imagined.
Alex groaned, resisting the urge to beep at the cab in front of him. He hated driving through the airport arrivals lane. All the freaking taxis double parked as they tried to snag customers and made the rest of the lanes go agonizingly slow. And it pissed him off because Alex could freaking see Amber at the curb a few feet ahead of him, but he wasn't going to be able to get to her until the damned idiot in front of him pulled forward.
"Get a move on!" he muttered, working hard to control his emotions.
It was already a long proven truth that the little boy in the back seat didn't like to see when his father was upset. Alex glanced in the rear view mirror. Adam crooned along happily in his car seat, chewing on a teether and rocking his body to the soft music coming from the car's speakers. He wrinkled his nose. Freakin' ABBA. He was borrowing April's car since she had to work and his was in the shop. And all her freaking radio stations and cds and whatever were for some pretty crap music.
"You dancing to this crap, little dude?" he said smiling. "What am I gonna do with you?"
Alex loved his fiance, but as far as he was concerned, April's taste in music sucked. Musicals, and old stuff and whatever. And what was worse, Adam seemed to love it too. Though, he tended to rock and dance to any music he heard, trying to sing along in his baby way. He just liked the sounds. Alex felt pretty guilty because he knew lately his time with Adam had been impacted by finding out about Kyle and the older boy being in the hospital and everything. The six month old was spending a lot more time with his mother and her suspect taste in music than he had with Alex. It kind of felt like he was letting Adam down. But Kyle was going home soon, and then things would be better, and they'd figure out a new normal. Alex knew he'd start getting Adam more exposed to quality tunes. A little classic rock. There was probably still hope.
Finally the cab in front of him finally got a move on and Alex was able to pull up to the curb for Hawaiian Airlines and greet his younger sister. He threw the car into park, popped the trunk, and ran around the car to place Amber's suitcase in the back. She looked well enough. tanned and happy and whatever. As well she should, considering she'd freaking bailed on spending the holiday with her own family in favor of spending it in Hawaii with her friend's family instead.
Sure, her Amber's reasons for ditching out were understandable. Alex didn't like dealing with this crap anymore than she did. But just because you didn't want to deal with something didn't mean that it was just going to disappear. So he was still a little pissed. Especially since Thanksgiving had turned out to be completely drama free in the end. Fun even. As had the days following it before Amber's return. Eating at Mer and Derek's had actually been a good time, and it felt like April had turned over a leaf of sorts in her response to the situation. Iz and Kyle had done their own Thanksgiving thing at the hospital with her mother and Alex, Adam, and April visited the next day. Everyone seemed to be settling into the new groove of life.
Everyone except his sister.
Amber still refused to meet Kyle, even after nearly a month of her knowing about his existence. She didn't even really call him her nephew. April kept telling Alex that she needed time, but he viewed it all as wasted time. None of this was Kyle's fault and it bothered Alex that Amber seemed determined to keep the boy out of her life. He wanted to get his family stable again, and so he just wanted his sister to get on board. And today he was going to make her.
Once they were loaded up, Alex revved the engine and made his way back on to the interstate heading north for Seattle. The ride was largely silent. He knew he was kind of an ass for freezing her out, but he couldn't help it. Life had just been so out of his control lately. Alex didn't know what to do. Amber sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes, fully aware of her brother's silent treatment. After greeting Adam, she too joined in Alex's tense silence and the car ride continued in an intense sort of stalemate. The quiet was only interrupted by the occasional gurgle and snore from the baby in the back as Adam's head flopped to one side and he was lulled to sleep by the noises of the freeway.
It was somehow easier not to talk when the car was moving, but as the car got closer and closer to their destination, hitting downtown right in the middle of rush hour, things came to a head.
Rolling her eyes Amber finally moaned, "So this is how you're gonna play this? You're not even going to talk to me? I might as well have taken the bus. I would have had better conversations on the 586 than with you."
Alex only glared, flicking the on his turn signal and taking the exit marked Seattle Center.
"You're that mad?"
"Yes," he bit his lip as the car inched in traffic, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, and trying to hold back.
"Just because I missed one lousy holiday?" Amber retorted, clearly getting pissed herself. "I got the chance to go to freakin' Hawaii!"
"It wasn't just any holiday," Alex replied trying to keep his tone even. "It was Thanksgiving. That's all about families and whatever. And it was Adam's first one and-"
The laugh that escaped his little sister's lips was anything but amused, "That's a load of crock and you know it. He doesn't even know where his nose is, let alone what holidays I miss. And screw your family talk, Alex. Like our last Thanksgiving was so great. What happened? Oh yeah, Mom went crazy and you had her committed."
Alex winced and kept his eyes on the road in front of him. He didn't like to think about that night. It wasn't his proudest moment. Even though it had to be done, Alex hated the fact that he'd had to commit both his brother and his mother. He turned a corner and the Space Needle came into view.
"Where are we going?" Amber demanded, realizing that he was distinctly not headed to her University District dormitory.
"I have April's car. Mine's in the shop," Alex growled, pointing to the time on the car's radio. "I gotta pick her up too. I don't need to waste freaking gas by doubling back."
It was only partly a lie. He did need to pick up his fiancee and her shift was ending soon, but Alex's trip to the hospital was actually part of another plan. Mer advised that his sister was just as bad at dealing with change as he was. Cristina had warned him to just butt out and let Amber figure her own crap out. Surprisingly, it was Robbins who'd given Alex the advice he thought he'd needed and choose to follow. Then again, it made sense. She knew what it was like to have a kid show up in her life out of the blue.
She taken him aside after a surgery to see how he was doing, and Alex had been frank about his issues with his sister's response.
"She went all the way to freaking Honolulu, and she still won't see him. It just gonna get harder too," Alex complained. "Because he'll get released from here and Iz'll take him back to Tacoma and Amber hasn't even been willing to see him when he's 15 minutes away, let alone and hour..."
"Trust me Karev, I know that it's hard right now. And I know what your sister is trying to do. Shut it all out. Block the change. If she ignores it then she thinks it won't be real."
Alex sighed and scratched the back of his head, "That's what everybody says..."
"Well, I think it's true," the blonde peds surgeon agreed. "And I bet they're all telling you; give her time. And space. Time and space is all she needs."
"Right again."
Arizona held Alex's gaze for a long moment before she continued, "Avoidance is a natural human response, believe me, I know. And sometimes...it takes a push to get past it."
So Alex was going to push.
He was taking his sister to meet his first son. He pulled the car into the hospital parking lot, and parked near the entrance. Glancing back to Adam, Alex was relieved to see that the boy slumbered on, blissfully unaware of the tension and anger between his family members. Alex knew he shouldn't argue around his son. He'd hated that as a child. Having to her his dad yell and shout at his mom. Listening to the old man beating her. He knew it had messed him up, and he was secretly pretty afraid he'd mess up poor Adam too. Even with just a little anger. No matter what April and Mer said about how much he'd changed. No matter how many times Wyatt told him that he wasn't his father. It was still a risk Alex didn't like to take.
"April gets off in 20 minutes," Alex said evenly. "We're going to go in and visit Kyle until she's done. Me, you, and Adam. Just 20 minutes."
"No I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"No I am not!"
Slumped in her seat with crossed arms, Amber scowled and continued, "And what the hell gives you the right to be so pissed at me anyway? After you got into med school and came out here, we barely saw you. How many Thanksgivings did you miss, Alex? 9? 10? And you have the balls to treat me like I'm this horrible person? Your life hasn't been so fucking perfect either. Screw you Alex!"
"I know!" Alex snapped.
God, did he know. Alex knew he'd missed years of Amber's life because he'd been up here, unable to face the reality of his mother's deterioration. Yet, here he was, calling out his sister for missing one small thing. He knew he was being an ass, and it was a double standard, and he'd totally missed more milestones in Amber's life than she ever would with his son. Adam at least. And Alex was determined Amber didn't repeat his mistakes with Kyle.
Both brother and sister froze as Adam stirred, fussing slightly as he started to wake up. Alex reached back and hushed the baby, as he worked to calm himself down. He knew he needed to be more up front with Amber. As much as she might hate to admit it, Alex thought that they were a lot alike. They both didn't waste time with being overly worried about manners and crap. They spoke truthfully, and to the point. So he knew the one thing his sister would appreciate in this whole situation would be to have Alex be straight with her. She'd probably still be pissed at what he was doing, but at least she'd know why he was doing it.
"I freaking know," Alex repeated, in a calmer voice so that Adam didn't freak. "I wasn't there. I skipped out on you for way too long."
Amber frowned, but her expression softened. She uncrossed her arms, and toyed with a loose thread on her jeans.
"Look, I know that. I know that I screwed up with that, and I know that you think it sucks that I'm being all crazy about you missing a holiday when I missed so many. I get that it's crazy, and I know I am being a jerk about it," he continued, holding his hands out in surrender. "All I can say is I have my reasons for pushing you with this."
"Oh yeah?" Amber asked skeptically.
"We're used to things being messed up," Alex replied. "You and I? All we've ever really known about families and crap is about things being messed up."
Pursing her lips and no doubt thinking about childhood in the Karev house, Amber nodded silently. They dysfunction they'd grown up with had marked them indelibly. Which was why Alex was so determined to go forward.
"Amber," he sighed, glancing back to Adam in the back seat. "I...I don't want Adam, or Kyle to ever ever get used to things being messed up. Not the way our family was anyway. I...it freaking bothers me, you know? How much of your life I missed. I should have been there for you all along, and I let you down. It's one of my biggest regrets. And that's saying something cuz I have a lotta those."
Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking in the rear view at Adam. His son yawned and blinked awake, drowsily looking around. Alex hated dragging up old and emotional crap with his sister. Not because it didn't matter or because he wanted to sweep it under the rug, but because Alex knew that it probably hurt her to think about it all. He just wanted to protect her. But looking at the shocked expression that came across his sister's face, he realized that maybe he should air things out in the open more.
"Really?" Amber asked tentatively. "One of your biggest regrets?"
"Hell yeah. I...I love you. It was messed up. I don't want you to have the same regrets as me. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me. About Kyle."
Alex shrugged. It was all he could say. He loved his sister, and he probably didn't say it enough.
Amber stared out into the busy parking lot, swallowing nervously. She bit her lip, and glanced back to her brother. Adam twisted in his car seat growing restless now that the car was stationary.
"Just 20 minutes?" she asked finally.
"No more," Alex nodded eagerly. He was elated that Amber was willing to go through with his request to meet Kyle.
"Okay."
Unbuckling her seat belt, the college student got out of the car. Alex didn't need to hear another word. He quickly got out of the car grabbed Adam and caught up with his sister as she made her way through the hospital's main doors. He was mildly shocked that the whole ruse had kind of worked actually. He'd expected a bigger resistance from his sister. Adam grinned. He didn't seem to be surprised at all.
"Aunt Amber is going to meet your brother," Alex said cheerfully to the little boy, rocking him from side to side. "And I bet she's gonna think he's just as nice as we do."
As they boarded the elevator and headed toward Kyle's floor, Amber smirked, "Dude, you're such a freakin' sap now!"
"Whatever."
April scanned the chart in front of her as she leaned against a nurses station. She rested her weight on her good leg and flexed the muscles of her bad one. She'd just gotten our of a long, though successful, surgery on an injured adolescent skier that had been airlifted in from the Snoqualmie Pass. She'd watched one of her newest interns master a new technique and all and all was very satisfied with how the procedure had gone.
Her leg, however, was a stiff.
But a few aches and pains were not going to get in the way of April's good mood. Things had been going well personally and professionally ever since Thanksgiving. She felt as though Alex and Adam really were developing a very good bond with Kyle. And April felt like she too was on the road to some sort of familial bond with the boy as well. The nickname 'Doc' had stuck and so had Kyle's fascination with all things medical. He was always clamoring after Alex's stethoscope or April's scrub cap or whatever else happened to be within his reach. They'd managed to alternate schedules with the boy's family, and in general, April's encounters with Izzie were kept to a minimum too. And best of all, Alex had somehow managed to coax Amber into visiting her new nephew as well.
Not even the rapidly increasing cold of early December couldn't dampen April's spirits. The Christmas season was one of her favorites, and in only a matter of weeks, she would be back home in Cook with her family for Christmas. With Alex, Adam, and Amber. It was super exciting because there were many members of her extended family as well as old friends who had never met her son in person yet.
Granted, all the details weren't completely sorted out. April still hadn't quite figured out how to explain Kyle Stevens to her family yet, but the fear of it all was less. And maybe she was still being a coward, but she also kind of felt like the news was better delivered in person. Somewhat more worrying was the fact that Kyle was due to be released from the hospital any day now. Which meant he'd go back home with his mother to Tacoma. It was hardly a world away, but it would make the whole situation different.
April was nervous because Alex seemed reluctant to iron out any sort of arrangement or schedule with Izzie about how often and in what capacity he would be seeing his son from here on out. She knew that he was terrified of pushing or questioning his ex wife because he didn't want to spook her into keeping Kyle from him. It was why he continued to resist April's repeated suggestions of getting a lawyer too. Which was frustrating.
"Doc!" a now familiar little voice reached April's ears.
She looked up from her paperwork and smiled as Kyle and Robbie Stevens came into view. He was up and mobile, though still relying heavily on his tiny walker, and today wore street clothes. His grandmother had fared a lot better than him in the accident, but still sported healing lacerations. It was the first time April had seen the woman since she'd come into the ER actually, and it was nice to see that she was recovering too.
"Hi there!" April said brightly.
"Home!" Kyle grinned, looking for all the world like his father after he'd won a bet or just aced some awesome surgery for a kid in peds.
"You're going home today?"
Kyle was already distracted by the blue balloon that was tied to the handle of his walker. When it became clear that the child was not going to reply, his grandmother awkwardly offered the answer.
"Yes," she said quietly. " Dr. Webber and the man from PT have signed off on his discharge papers. They're finally setting him free, I suppose."
April smiled politely and commented, "And just in time for the holidays too."
"It will be one to remember, that's for sure."
"I'm glad."
They both nodded, sharing an uncomfortable silence that was only broken by Kyle when he took a moment to show April his balloon. It was a very strange thing. April didn't quite know where she stood with this woman now.
Finally she ventured, "You seem to be recovering very well."
Robbie shrugged, "So far. Knock wood."
Curling her fingers into a fist April dutifully tapped the nurses station, which made the other woman's expression soften as she let out a small laugh. She gestured back down the hallway and said, "Kyle and I are just waiting for Isobel. She's uh...talking to Alex. Trying to get everything figured out. For visits and things, I guess."
April swallowed, "Ah."
Judging from the raised voices that echoed down the hallway, negotiations were not going well.
"I don't understand why I can't freaking have him come visit me!" Alex snapped. "At least on the weekends."
"Because he's never spent the night away from home before-"
"What do you call a 7 week stint in the hospital, Iz? Because I am pretty sure this place isn't home. He'd be fine."
"This is different! He's hurt."
"Kyle could handle it!"
Izzie guffawed, "I think I know my own son, Alex. Besides, I can't let him stay with you every weekend."
"Why the hell not? It's not like I am even asking for custody or something. I just want to see him. If we had shared custody it would be 50/50. This is way less."
Robbie swallowed uncomfortable and tried to further distract her grandson as the argument became more heated. April winced and lowered her head back down to her paperwork. It was the kind of argument she knew Alex had been stalling to avoid. But it was also probably one that needed to happen. Though, a hallway in the pediatric recovery wing.
"You signed your custody rights away in the divorce! There is no joint custody."
Uh oh. April knew that Alex was extremely sensitive about how his own actions had inadvertently put them all in this position. He got angry about it a lot, and felt conflicted, because while on the one hand signing away his rights to their frozen embryos in the divorce had given Izzie all the cards today, without signing it, he knew that Kyle would never have come to be. If they;d shared custody Izzie would have had to ask him. And he'd never have said yes. In one long late night discussion with April in bed, Alex had revealed just how much guilt he felt when he internally wished that he had read his settlement better. It wasn't like he didn't love his son. He just hated how Kyle had come to be.
"You know what? Screw you Izzie!" Alex was full blown shouting by now, and no amount of well meaning diversion could distract Kyle. He looked anxiously down the hallway as his father continued to yell. "You created this whole situation. You should have at least considered the possibility that I might find out about him when you got the IVF! You know me well enough to know I'd want to be involved."
"Oh whatever Alex," Izzie snarled. "You obviously didn't start being Mr. Family until after I was gone."
"No, don't pin this on me. I've changed. I've learned to be better. You? You're still the same freaking person who thinks she knows best and does all this crap for yourself. It's selfish! You're being as selfish as you ever were! You think you have all these answers, but really in the end you always end up doing what is best for you!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Alex answered, "You cut a god damn LVAD wire! Maybe if Denny had managed to hang on and got the next heart instead of jumping the line, it wouldn't have stroked out on him!"
April's eyes widened. She'd heard stories about that. Hospital rumors and legends really. She knew that her friends had been involved, but none of them had ever fessed up and explained the whole story. Meredith always waved it off as being "a long time ago". No matter how long, it was clear that Alex's words deeply impacted Izzie. This was clearly a low blow because she was stone silent for a long time before she spoke a single phrase in an even tone.
"Fuck you, Alex!"
Suddenly the sound of footsteps thundered down the hall, startling April, Kyle, and Robbie. Alex was the first to round the corner and April's heart sank. Just by looking at him, it was clear that he was livid. She hadn't seen him this mad in a long, long time. His white lab coat flowed behind him, slowing Alex down like a bizarre parachute. His posture was tense, and his shoulders slumped, and a his scowl was etched so deep into his forehead that it almost looked painful.
Alex stormed past Robbie and Kyle and past the nurses station, ignoring all of April's attempts to stop him. He was around the corner and running down the stairs before April could even turn around to follow. A sense of foreboding gripped her chest, because she knew that he didn't get this angry at someone else without feeling as mad if not more at himself.
Izzie appeared only moments later, storming with about as much intensity. Tears were clearly visible on her cheeks, and she paused only briefly next to Robbie.
"I need a minute, I-" she took a dee shaky breath. "I need a minute."
Without so much as another word, Izzie also brushed past and grabbed an elevator.
"Angy," Kyle sad sadly watching his mother leave.
Robbie looked kind of stunned and April frowned sympathetically. The older woman shook her head and commented, "That did not go well."
"No it didn't," April agreed.
"Damn."
Pausing for a moment, she opted to hold off on following her fiance. She carefully finished the chart she had been working on, before she set about finding Alex. She figured in a moment where he was this angry, he'd need a few moments to clear his head. She didn't want to become a misguided target of Alex's rage, and she knew that when he was royally pissed, anyone and everyone who crossed his path would be at fault. She'd learned long ago that a little space was good for Alex. Cool off time.
So after about 10 minutes, April decided to go talk to Alex. She wasn't entirely certain where he'd gone, and as she checked all of the usual spots and found them empty April sighed. Maybe he'd gone out to get some air. Heading down the elevator and out the hospital's main doors, she was dismayed by the person she actually found outside taking a breather.
Izzie sat on a bench along the main sidewalk, staring out at the assorted cars in the parking lot. If April was unsure as to what to say to Alex when she fond him, she had absolutely no idea what to say to this woman. They'd barely talked and it was pretty clear that they didn't even like each other. April took one step backwards, hoping to slip back inside, unnoticed, but sure enough before April could make a clean getaway Izzie looked up.
"You here to spy on me?"
April shook her head, "No."
"Come to gloat then?"
"Nope. I-I was just looking for Alex."
Izzie shook her head, "Well, he hasn't come this way."
"O-kay," April tried to take a tentative step back toward the hospital.
But the voice of the woman on the bench stilled her movements.
Izzie stared at April with a set jaw, "I thought about it, you know? In the beginning. Just getting him transferred. We have PT at Tacoma Gen that's almost as good as here. And I know people there. People like me there. But almost as good isn't good enough for my son."
A strange sensation akin to panic gripped April's chest, surprising her with it's intensity. Kyle mattered to her. She shook her head, "You...you can't just take him."
"Legally," Izzie countered, looking pensive. "I can do whatever I want. Alex knowing about Kyle doesn't change the fact that he signed over custody in the divorce.
"No! You can't-you couldn't do that to him," April cringed at the shrill tone that slipped into her voice.
"I know," the other woman agreed. "Too much has happened. I know that now. I can't cut them off. I just don't understand why. Is it that I can't do it to Alex? Or that I can't do it to Kyle?"
The questions and the strangely calm demeanor Izzie displayed stumped April. She'd built up this image in her mind of what Alex's ex wife was like. What she had to be like in order to actually leave Alex. Honestly, most of what she'd imagined was based on hearsay. Rumors about this or that. LVAD wires, intern cabals. Cancer. And Reed's bitching. And of course, based on the fact that Izzie had kept Alex in the dark about his child. The woman she was talking to, however, seemed less sinister. Izzie Stevens just seemed tired.
Finally April shrugged and answered, "Both?"
"Exactly," Izzie sighed. "My son is quite taken with the idea of being an older brother. He already loves Adam. And he adores Alex. And I had convinced myself that Kyle and I were fine. Just the two of us. That we'd never need anyone else. So...it's hard to see him so...happy with his baby brother. And so happy to have a Dad. Add to that...he even likes you, and I just-It's hard. That's hard."
April only nodded, staring at her hands, "It's different than what you'd imagined when you gave birth, right?"
"So different," Izzie laughed. "I thought I'd never see Alex again."
The laughter took April off guard. It seemed out of place and she couldn't help but snap, "You're not the only person in the world to ever deal with different."
The outburst was met with a long silence. Izzie sighed and said, "I am not a horrible person, you know...I know it seems that way to you, but I'm not. I'm just someone who a lot of bad things have happened to."
April raised her eyebrows, "Bad things happen to everyone."
Izzie tilted her head to one side, "My best friend got hit by a bus."
April pursed her lips. Two could play this game. She'd seen her share of heart ache. She countered, "Mine got shot in the head."
"I got fired."
"So did I."
"I got cancer."
"I was crushed in an earthquake. I'm lucky to be walking."
"I am pretty sure the love of my life died alone, and it's at least partially my fault," Izzie's face crumpled. "Because I didn't think of blot clots."
April opened her mouth, but she knew that was one area that she did not have anything to say. And the woman beside her looked so distraught, she couldn't help but feel bad. She'd found the love of her life. And she and Alex had found each other, and all in all, they really had a good life. In good times and bad, they had each other.
Izzie started to sob heavily, and April was at a loss. Damned if she didn't feel kind of sorry for the woman in front of her. Against her internal protests, April found herself slowly making her way over the the bench. She sat down carefully next to her husband's ex-wife as she continued to break down. She didn't know why. April supposed that when you looked at this whole mess going forward, she'd have to acknowledge that they were all in this together. Her and Alex and Izzie. For the boys.
Kyle's mother came along with him, just as April and Adam were permanently connected to Alex. They would have to deal with Izzie and Izzie would have to deal with them. There was no way to just have one part.
Izzie's experience in all of this was certainly far from a cake walk, April knew. First, it was filled with stress and fear for her son. Even now that her son was healing nicely, April knew that her return to Seattle Grace was still met with a chilly reception. Meredith and Cristina had apparently eaten lunch with the other woman a few times, but it was obvious that the road to repairing her old friendships was not going to be something Izzie could fix in a day. Or even a few weeks. It must be a lonely place to be. April knew what it was like not to have many friends.
The other woman sniffed and whipped her eyes with the sleeves of her jacket, working to calm herself down.
"Bad things happen to everyone," she concluded, looking Izzie in the eye, and tentatively reaching over to give the woman's shoulder and awkward pat.
It wasn't really anything productive. Nothing had really changed. Alex and Izzie still had no ironed out plan for visitation schedules or anything like that. Hell, April still wasn't entirely sure where her fiance even was. She felt like she had very little to offer.
But, after a moment of sitting side by side with her ex husband's new fiancee, Izzie Stevens stopped crying. April quickly fumbled for the small packet of tissues she carried on her coat pocket and offered it to Izzie.
"Thank you," the other woman said gratefully.
"You're welcome."
They continued to sit. And April realized that she didn't feel jealous of Izzie anymore. Not like she had when Izzie had first arrived. It wasn't much. Only a small change.
But still, it was something.