Chapter 2: Waking up

When I wake I'm still lying on the floor and the rose is gone. I can hear someone moving around in my kitchen. I'm guessing it's Greasy Sae. I decide I need to leave this room, and try to clear my head. When I walk in to the kitchen I see that it is not Sae who is in my house but instead Peeta.

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a hoarse voice.

Peeta turns from my stove startled. "I could hear you crying. But I didn't know how I could help. By the time I had built up the courage to come in to the house you had already fallen asleep."

Peeta turns back to the stove for a second before continuing on. "I found that rose by the fire place when I entered the living room." As he say's this he points to the middle of my dining table. My gaze following the direction his finger is pointing.

"oh." I say as I look down at my feet.

"I was trying to burn it when I cut my finger. I guess he wins another round." I'm still looking at my feet but I can feel Peeta's eyes on me. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes once more as I say this aloud. But I put a stop to them and look up and meet Peeta's beautiful blue eyes.

We stand staring at one another in silence for a while before Peeta says "Would you like help burning that nasty thing?"

I'm shocked by his words but for some reason his words make me feel safe, even though I know this stupid flower could trigger another episode in Peeta.

"Are you sure you can without breaking down?" I ask in a tone barely audible for anyone other than myself to hear.

"I think I can handle it." Peeta answers. "We both need to end his control, and I think the first step is to get rid of that awful flower." He continues.

We both stand in place for a few moments in silence, when Peeta walks over to the table and picks up the dried up rose in his left hand and begins to turn it slowly. I can see that he is struggling with himself as he does this.

"Are you ok Peeta?" I ask quietly, not wanting to trigger one of his episodes.

He stands in silence for a few seconds before he answers. "I'm fine, I just…" He stops which makes me worry.

"I need to know Katniss… Real or not real… Did I hurt you after being rescued from the capitol?" He looks at me as he says this.

"Yes… Real." I answer quietly, looking him in the eyes as I said it. "But it wasn't truly you Peeta. You thought I was a mutt, and that I was going to hurt you more than I already had."

As I say this he seems to come back to me. "Katniss…I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I will never hurt you again as long as I live. I would rather die than see you in pain." With that he walks over to me and grabs my left hand with his right and steers me in to the living room.

Holding on to Peeta's hand we both stare at the fire roaring in my fire place as he holds up the rose preparing to drop it in. I turn and look at his face for a moment. Then I turn back as he drops the rose in to the heart of the flames.

After the rose is nothing but ashes, I turn to look at Peeta only to see that he is looking at me. In this light I notice that he looks older. He is no longer my boy with the bread, but a man. I want to soak in every detail of his beautiful face, fearing that I may never see it again if I don't. As I am doing this, he seems to be doing the same.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Peeta." I say as I try to walk away only to find that he is holding me there in his gaze. "I want you to know…I will never forgive myself for what happened to you. I wanted to save you the entire time Snow held you captive. I wanted nothing more than to see you safe, but most of all alive."

I can feel the tears in my eyes making their way to the surface.

"I want nothing more than for you to live a happy life. I never wanted you to get hurt while trying to protect me. I want nothing more than for you to be safe."

My will breaks and the tears fall from my eyes in a steady stream. As I stand there still trapped in his gaze I see that tears have begun to fall from his eyes as well.

"Don't cry Peeta. I can't see you hurt anymore." I say I reach up with my right hand to wipe away his tears leaving my hand there to stroke his cheek.

"I know seeing me causes you pain, and it's a struggle for you every day." I say as more tears flood my eyes. "That's why I need you to go. I can't be selfish anymore and hold you here, where you will feel nothing but pain. I know that making you go will hurt us both, but I have to do it to keep you safe."

I remove my left hand from his right at the same time that I remove my right from his beautiful face. I walk past him and head for my stairs to go to my room and cry myself to sleep. I notice as I am halfway up the stairs that he has not left my living room. This only drives me up the stair faster. As I reach my door I can hardly see, my eyes clouded with tears. I close my door and throw myself on to my bed my back to the door, and sob in silence.