Chapter 4: Trying to Heal.

I'm shaking violently from my sobs when I hear someone at my door. I don't roll over as I hear the door open and close I just lay there sobbing. Then I feel him crawl in to my bed behind me placing his hand on my waist like he did so many times during our time as victors. I try to move away but he pulls me closer.

"Peeta…" I begin to say, but he cuts me off.

"Shhh Katniss. You got the chance to say what you needed to, now I need that same chance." He says quietly in to my ear. I shake my head signaling to him that I will listen.

"I don't blame you for what happened. I know I did when I first came back, but that was the venom playing with who I am. I know that I will never be the same, just as you won't. But one thing I know that won't change is how I have felt about you from the first day of school when the birds stopped chirping to hear you sing. I love you, and I am not going anywhere. I may have to fight off the tracker jacker episodes from time to time when I see you, but not seeing you or being with you only makes me feel empty and make the episodes harder. I will wait a thousand life times and more just to get the chance to spend my life with you. We can take it slow, and get to understand and know one another again. But I promise I will never leave you or hurt you again. I will spend the rest of this life with you in any way that I can, even if you won't let me in, I will be here with you every day for the rest of our lives."

We lay in my bed in silence for a few minute. Until finally with tears still streaming down my face, I roll over in his arms to face him. Even though the room is dark I know that his beautiful blue eyes are fixed on me. Then I feel one of his hands come to my face, and stroke my cheek, while wiping away my tears.

"How can you want to stay here with me after all the terrible things I have done to your life?" I say.

"You deserve better than me, and anything I could offer." I think about saying more but Peeta stops me.

"I stay here with you because you are the only person I will ever love, you are the only one I want to love. You shouldn't believe for one minute that I don't deserve you, because if you truly don't want to hurt me, and cause me pain you would know that when I hear you say stuff like that it hurts me. If you truly want to see me happy and safe then you will have to understand that there is no one else in this world for me, you are my sunrise and my sunset, and you are everything I want and deserve."

When Peeta has finished he lightly kisses my lips. As he pulls away, I realize I want more. But I don't force it. Instead I answer "I believe you." Then kiss his lips with as much passion and tenderness as I can muster.

I could stay in this bed with him forever, kissing his lips in the safety of his arms. After I remove my lips from his I place my forehead against his and listen to him breath. My eyes start to droop signaling to me that I am tired, when Peeta says, "Why don't you rest for a few minutes, and then shower while I start cooking dinner again."

I shake my head in agreement, as I feel him pull away from me. As he does this I feel cold and empty. I reach out and grab his hand gently, as he is preparing to stand. Peeta turns to me and leans down and plants a soft kiss on my lips.

"You are going to be hungry soon Katniss. You haven't had anything to eat all day."

He turns and leaves the room. His leaving makes the emptiness I felt before even greater. I decide to get up and shower hoping the empty feeling will leave. As I start the shower in my bathroom I can hear Peeta downstairs moving stuff around. I smile thinking to myself, my boy with the bread, the man I would do anything for wants to stay with me forever, and he is in my kitchen. Suddenly I feel embarrassed, I'm not the kind of girl to dote on feelings and be emotional. But I can feel that something has changed, at first I'm not sure it is for the better, but I think it must be if I can spend my life with Peeta.

As I'm undressing I look in the mirror, I look ugly. My skin is still patchy from all the work the capitol did on my skin after the bombing. My hair is still uneven in some spots but it is long enough for me to put in a short braid. I pull myself from the mirror and walk in to my warm shower. The water feels great, I decide to turn up the heat when I realize how matted my hair is from days of neglecting my hygiene. I take my time scrubbing at my hair and the rest of my body, trying to wash away everything bad so I can let the good come in.

When I'm done I step out of the shower, and a tantalizing smell hits my nose. I hurry and search for clothes while my stomach groans aloud for food. I decide to wear a simple pair of black yoga pants. At least I think that is what Cinna called them, and a loose fitting grey shirt. I pull my hair back in a braid, and then begin to descend the stairs. I get half way down when my stomach groans loudly causing me to hurry myself to the kitchen.

The table is set for two, and Peeta is putting what I am hoping are the final touches on dinner.

"It smells wonderful Peeta. Is it almost done?" I say looking over at him seeing his muscular back turned to me.

"It will be done in a few minutes. Sit down and relax. How was your shower?" he says as he turns around to look at me.

"My shower was great, I feel better about everything." I say to him, as I notice the smile on his face. I melt a little inside. I love his smile, every one of his beautiful white teeth can be seen when he smiles the way he is now. I smile back at him as he leans against the counter next to the stove.

We sit in silence for a while soaking in the way we both look, not knowing what to say. Then Peeta starts walking towards me. I stop breathing not knowing what will happen. When he reaches me he grabs my hand and pulls me up in to his embrace. I respond by burry my face in his strong neck, breathing in his scent. He smells of flour and freshly baked bread. I could stay here safe in his arms until the end of time if he would let me.

"I think dinner is almost done." He says as he gently pulls away from me. I let go of him, as he turns. I start to follow him to assist in getting dinner to the table. He turns to me as I do and says in a tender voice, "Its ok, I got it Katniss. Sit down, and relax."

I sit down at the table and wait. He places the pot of stew on the table in front of me and walks back to the oven and pulls out a small rack of cheese buns he had been warming up. As he sets down the buns I can't help but stare. The hunger in my stomach had momentarily disappeared while Peeta held me. But now it was back, causing my stomach to groan loudly, making Peeta turn to me with a silly grin on his face.

"Well I guess I don't have to ask how hungry you are!" He says laughing as he tosses me a bun.

I catch it and toss it from one hand to the next waiting for it to cool enough so I can hold it still. As I'm tossing it I start laughing with Peeta.

"It's not funny! It's hot!" I say, but we both keep laughing uncontrollably.

Even after the bun has cooled and I have stopped tossing it around we continue to laugh ourselves in to a state of bliss. Once the laughter has stopped Peeta sits next to me at the table, and begins dishing out the stew. As I take a bit of the stew I let out a small moan of pleasure at its taste.

"I see you like the stew. I used some meat I bought in town this afternoon. I think its beef. The Capitol sent it here." Peeta says with a small smile on his face.

"It's wonderful Peeta. Better than anything I could have ever made." I say taking a huge bite.

After we have finished dinner Peeta begins to pick everything up. As he reaches for my plate I place my hand over his, and look in to his eyes. As I stand up my hand still on his, I say "I got it. You sit for a while. I'll clean up."

As I stood up I grabbed my plate, keeping my eyes locked to his, I stole a kiss before I over thought what I was doing.